Discussion
Presently I am separated from my wife and going through the process of divorce.
There are two children involved, 3 yrs and 6 yrs.
My ex has a boyfriend who she has been seeing off and on for circa 18 months, he has a partner who he lives with and has a 6 month old baby.
As the girls are young I wanted to still be a big part in the learning part of their life, riding bikes etc. When I went to collect them yesterday I found out that my ex and her partner had taken them swimming, one of the things I had planned to do with them. I was not very happy and said to my ex that it was something i wanted to do with them. I got laughed at and dismissed. I said to the ex, that it was upsetting and that if her boyfriends partner found out about them, he would then understand how missing some milestones in the child's growth felt.
Not my greatest moment, but I was not feeling very happy about it.
Moving to the evening, I receive a phone call from my ex telling me that if the boyfriends partner finds out, she would be likely to harm my ex and my children. She also said that she would get a restraining order on me to make sure it didn't happen. Call ended
This morning I sent her a message saying I was concerned for my children and that if she was going to continue to see the man they needed to tell the partner, or I would. Or to cease contact with him and avoid any potential risk to my children.
During the course of the text conversation, my ex has now denied the whole conversation took place and is accusing me of spreading lies.
What would you do now?
I don't want any harm to come to my children and am worried that the boyfriends partner may hurt them. If I say something to her, am i right in doing so?
Am I just setting myself up for a restraining order and making my actions seem paranoid?
There are two children involved, 3 yrs and 6 yrs.
My ex has a boyfriend who she has been seeing off and on for circa 18 months, he has a partner who he lives with and has a 6 month old baby.
As the girls are young I wanted to still be a big part in the learning part of their life, riding bikes etc. When I went to collect them yesterday I found out that my ex and her partner had taken them swimming, one of the things I had planned to do with them. I was not very happy and said to my ex that it was something i wanted to do with them. I got laughed at and dismissed. I said to the ex, that it was upsetting and that if her boyfriends partner found out about them, he would then understand how missing some milestones in the child's growth felt.
Not my greatest moment, but I was not feeling very happy about it.
Moving to the evening, I receive a phone call from my ex telling me that if the boyfriends partner finds out, she would be likely to harm my ex and my children. She also said that she would get a restraining order on me to make sure it didn't happen. Call ended
This morning I sent her a message saying I was concerned for my children and that if she was going to continue to see the man they needed to tell the partner, or I would. Or to cease contact with him and avoid any potential risk to my children.
During the course of the text conversation, my ex has now denied the whole conversation took place and is accusing me of spreading lies.
What would you do now?
I don't want any harm to come to my children and am worried that the boyfriends partner may hurt them. If I say something to her, am i right in doing so?
Am I just setting myself up for a restraining order and making my actions seem paranoid?
wargriff said:
As the girls are young I wanted to still be a big part in the learning part of their life, riding bikes etc. When I went to collect them yesterday I found out that my ex and her partner had taken them swimming, one of the things I had planned to do with them. I was not very happy and said to my ex that it was something i wanted to do with them. I got laughed at and dismissed.
On this point your wife is right. She's their mum, and she doesn't need you permission to take them swimming. With whoever she wants. When they are in your custody, you won't need her permission to take them somewhere, even if it's something she would have liked to do. You need to be less emotional and more pragmatic / realistic.
Sorry, take a step back. Whether her bf is cheating on his partner is not your argument.
Regarding your contact with your children, it's great if both parents can work together so as not to duplicate activities, but if not you are just going to have to accept she can do what she likes when they are in her care as can you when they are in your care.
Regarding your contact with your children, it's great if both parents can work together so as not to duplicate activities, but if not you are just going to have to accept she can do what she likes when they are in her care as can you when they are in your care.
wargriff said:
Agree, although begrudgingly, with previous reply's.
What should I do about the potential risk of harm from the boyfriends partner?
Ignore it or do something, and what?
Ignore it. You’ve started something based on an emotional reaction and it could easily blow up with you being the loser. It’s extrmemyl unlikely that the girlfriend will do what your ex is suggesting and more likely just your ex coming up with a stupid scare story to stop her affair coming out. What should I do about the potential risk of harm from the boyfriends partner?
Ignore it or do something, and what?
Let it go and as advised be more pragmatic with your approach.
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