Hypothetical Widower Question
Discussion
Purely hypothetical at this point, but forewarned is forearmed right...
I lost my wife earlier this year to a brain tumour. Life insurance paid out, safely secured in offset mortgage account, reducing the mortgage.
House is now solely mine etc (with mortgage obvs).
Should I get together with another lady at some point, how do I protect myself and my children to the best of my abilities should things go pear shaped?
I realise this is purely hypothetical right now, but just so as I know.
If I were to find a lady and she moved in, would I be risking anything? House or savings?
If we got married, presumably that risk increases?
Thanks, widowhood is already a tricky path without worrying about what ifs...
I lost my wife earlier this year to a brain tumour. Life insurance paid out, safely secured in offset mortgage account, reducing the mortgage.
House is now solely mine etc (with mortgage obvs).
Should I get together with another lady at some point, how do I protect myself and my children to the best of my abilities should things go pear shaped?
I realise this is purely hypothetical right now, but just so as I know.
If I were to find a lady and she moved in, would I be risking anything? House or savings?
If we got married, presumably that risk increases?
Thanks, widowhood is already a tricky path without worrying about what ifs...
OpulentBob said:
Nothing to add except my sympathies. Cancer is a f
ker. I hate it so much.
Thanks, I’m not angry or bitter though, we had a good marriage (15yrs), too short by far but now have two wonderful girls:ker. I hate it so much.https://www.itv.com/news/meridian/2019-03-14/twins...
Life’s to short to b
h and moan about the cards you get dealt, just play them to the best of your ability.OpulentBob said:
Wow. That's an emotional watch, I had tears as soon as I read the headline. 
Lovely Kylie response though!
Apologies for the slight thread derail.
Don’t be daft, it’s all part of the story.Lovely Kylie response though!
Apologies for the slight thread derail.
Hopefully Kylie will follow up, we’ve already got tickets later this summer (bought when Alex was alive).
Trying to set up some other experiences for the girls, they’ve lost their mummy I don’t want them missing out.
Oldandslow said:
I'd say the first step is to have a will. In the absence of a will "future wife" automatically inherits what your kids would be entitled to.
When my Dad died he never had a will, and it turned out he only ever told me where he wanted to be buried. So for the first day or so after he died we just argued about where to put him. For this point alone you should get a will together to at least take some burden off your children in terms of your wishes.As for marrying a gold digger in the future, I've made a will to say how my stuff should be distributed. If I left it all to my wife, my sister and mother wouldn't see a penny of it and I want them looked after. My wife wouldn't think like that.
Careful... If you remarry.
"Effect of marriage on your will. When you marry, any existing will is automatically revoked (cancelled) and becomes no longer valid. If you do not make a new one, then when you die the law of intestacy decides how your assets are divided. Usually, your entire estate would go to your wife, husband or civil partner."
"Effect of marriage on your will. When you marry, any existing will is automatically revoked (cancelled) and becomes no longer valid. If you do not make a new one, then when you die the law of intestacy decides how your assets are divided. Usually, your entire estate would go to your wife, husband or civil partner."
CocoPops said:
Wills are one thing.
I’m thinking more if something didn’t work...
If we split, before or after marriage...
How do I protect myself and the girls.
Sorry for your loss - That video :'(I’m thinking more if something didn’t work...
If we split, before or after marriage...
How do I protect myself and the girls.
But how to protect yourself financially I guess would be to ensure that it's clear what belongs to who and ensure that she sticks to it - The more difficult part is the emotional attachment of your girls to whoever you meet in the future, that's the hardest thing and the only way to protect yourself is to tread as carefully as you can and delay her meeting the girls until you're absolutely sure...
I was in your situation, albeit with no children.
I know this is PH and it's 90% bitter divorcees who think every woman is out to screw them, but my suggestion is to stop worrying about what can go wrong, and go forward in life with an open mind and a happy heart. And go out with women who already have their own money.
You may be lucky as I was and meet someone who is perfect for you and wouldn't dream of taking advantage. And who brings as much, both financially and emotionally, to the relationship as you do.
I know this is PH and it's 90% bitter divorcees who think every woman is out to screw them, but my suggestion is to stop worrying about what can go wrong, and go forward in life with an open mind and a happy heart. And go out with women who already have their own money.
You may be lucky as I was and meet someone who is perfect for you and wouldn't dream of taking advantage. And who brings as much, both financially and emotionally, to the relationship as you do.
Difficult as you don't yet own the house outright.
If the asset you want to protect from a potential split with a future partner isn't your asset, the job is jobbed. You could look at transferring ownership to a trust in the girls name. I think you need advice from a specialist solicitor. The mortgage company have an interest in the property and may not be happy about that.
There are tax implications if you don't subsequently pay rent at the market rate. Not sure if that applies whilst the girls are living at the property.
You're clearly in the South, try Ruth Elkins at Coles Miller in Broadstone. We've used her for conveyancing a couple of times in the last few years and she's really switched on.
Cancer sucks. Wish I could express myself more eloquently that just saying "really sorry for your loss."
If the asset you want to protect from a potential split with a future partner isn't your asset, the job is jobbed. You could look at transferring ownership to a trust in the girls name. I think you need advice from a specialist solicitor. The mortgage company have an interest in the property and may not be happy about that.
There are tax implications if you don't subsequently pay rent at the market rate. Not sure if that applies whilst the girls are living at the property.
You're clearly in the South, try Ruth Elkins at Coles Miller in Broadstone. We've used her for conveyancing a couple of times in the last few years and she's really switched on.
Cancer sucks. Wish I could express myself more eloquently that just saying "really sorry for your loss."
Very touching story and video OP.
I don’t have any specific advice but am in a situation where I have re-married with a potential cash windfall in the future (for damages) and an ex-wife who wants as much of that money as she can possibly get (no clean break yet).
In theory my ex wife could take me for everything and my new wife could clean up then take anything left. I have had to go into a new marriage mindful of a risk but obviously have a very high degree of trust in her as an individual.
I think there’s a balance to be found between being over cautious and holding yourself back from a potential future relationship for fear of being totally turned over, and going into something oblivious to the future risks.
Ultimately you have your children’s interests to safeguard as well as your own. I would look into the suggestion above about making a transfer to the girls earlier rather than later - it would be smart planning from an inheritance tax perspective too.
I don’t have any specific advice but am in a situation where I have re-married with a potential cash windfall in the future (for damages) and an ex-wife who wants as much of that money as she can possibly get (no clean break yet).
In theory my ex wife could take me for everything and my new wife could clean up then take anything left. I have had to go into a new marriage mindful of a risk but obviously have a very high degree of trust in her as an individual.
I think there’s a balance to be found between being over cautious and holding yourself back from a potential future relationship for fear of being totally turned over, and going into something oblivious to the future risks.
Ultimately you have your children’s interests to safeguard as well as your own. I would look into the suggestion above about making a transfer to the girls earlier rather than later - it would be smart planning from an inheritance tax perspective too.
Forewarned is forearmed – how very true…
Take legal advice from someone who has organised the affairs for a number of similar cases for others. There’s no point paying for someone else’s opportunity on learning what NOT to do. Like my sister did with her solicitor on her divorce…
When getting rid of my ex-partner who had lived in the house, but only for 18 months, I spoke to a family law solicitor a week prior with regards to cohabitation rules etc…, only for 40-45 minutes though… That was the best £148 I’ve ever spent. Being secure in the knowledge of what I was about to do was priceless.
My ex-partner was seriously pissed off when she found out I had taken legal advice prior to any discussions on a break up with her… C’est la vie….
Take legal advice from someone who has organised the affairs for a number of similar cases for others. There’s no point paying for someone else’s opportunity on learning what NOT to do. Like my sister did with her solicitor on her divorce…
When getting rid of my ex-partner who had lived in the house, but only for 18 months, I spoke to a family law solicitor a week prior with regards to cohabitation rules etc…, only for 40-45 minutes though… That was the best £148 I’ve ever spent. Being secure in the knowledge of what I was about to do was priceless.
My ex-partner was seriously pissed off when she found out I had taken legal advice prior to any discussions on a break up with her… C’est la vie….
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