Leaving the family house
Discussion
I live with gf and we have a child, the house is owned in my name she has a place she rents out, I pay everything on the house we live in. Anyway we want to split up, she says she will move back to her place but have to wait the notice she gives her tenants. I thought we could live under the same roof until her place was available but its clear now this cant happen she is in full psycho mode, I fear for my safety and the house just has a horrible vibe. I want to move out of the house we currently share until she has moved back into her place, is there anyway I can do this without putting myself in a bad position ? I've read if I leave its classed as abandonment and then she could get rights to stay on in the house, is the correct ? Its not abandonment in my view I would be moving out as honestly I fear for my safety and its the best thing for my son.
cheers
cheers
Leaving your own house and having someone else stay in it sounds like a real bad idea to me, surely to avoid the abandonment issue you would have to 'rent' it to her as a 'tenant' as such and sign contract, this would result in all kinds of associated issues if she wont leave.
If you own it and its in your name etc. then you're technically a 'live in landlord' and have the rights to just change the locks when she's out (after giving the 'lodger' 'reasonable notice' to leave, even with no contract in place), not a nice way to do things but its always a last resort if needed....
Edit IANAL get real legal advice on this
If you own it and its in your name etc. then you're technically a 'live in landlord' and have the rights to just change the locks when she's out (after giving the 'lodger' 'reasonable notice' to leave, even with no contract in place), not a nice way to do things but its always a last resort if needed....
Edit IANAL get real legal advice on this
S16KBW said:
If you own it and its in your name etc. then you're technically a 'live in landlord' and have the rights to just change the locks when she's out (after giving the 'lodger' 'reasonable notice' to leave, even with no contract in place)
Genuinely surprised you can do that - what is "reasonable notice"?Even if that's the case - when the lodger is the mother of your child, I suspect it's a tad more complicated.
davek_964 said:
S16KBW said:
If you own it and its in your name etc. then you're technically a 'live in landlord' and have the rights to just change the locks when she's out (after giving the 'lodger' 'reasonable notice' to leave, even with no contract in place)
Genuinely surprised you can do that - what is "reasonable notice"?Even if that's the case - when the lodger is the mother of your child, I suspect it's a tad more complicated.
And yes IANAL and I'm not sure whether she would officially be classified as a 'lodger' if she is the mother of his child but again proper legal advice is really needed
"If your lodger still won’t leave, you might have to refuse them entry. One way to do this is to change the locks when they’re out and refuse to let them in. If you think they may cause trouble, try to get an independent witness or the police to be present. Don’t use force as this can lead to arrest – it’s better to stay passive and just refuse to let them in, unless it’s to pack up their belongings in police presence.
If you find yourself in this situation, it's wise to get legal advice – but this procedure should only ever be used as a last resort." -https://www.spareroom.co.uk/content/info-landlords/getting-your-lodger-to-leave
Edited by S16KBW on Tuesday 16th July 14:05
S16KBW said:
So was I when I found out, essentially you can do it but its a really bad idea to do it and should only be a last resort, as yes IANAL and I'm not sure whether she would officially be classified as a 'lodger' if she is the mother of his child but again proper legal advice is really needed
"If your lodger still won’t leave, you might have to refuse them entry. One way to do this is to change the locks when they’re out and refuse to let them in. If you think they may cause trouble, try to get an independent witness or the police to be present. Don’t use force as this can lead to arrest – it’s better to stay passive and just refuse to let them in, unless it’s to pack up their belongings in police presence.
If you find yourself in this situation, it's wise to get legal advice – but this procedure should only ever be used as a last resort." -https://www.spareroom.co.uk/content/info-landlords/getting-your-lodger-to-leave
OP ignore this nonsense and go and get legal advice about your situation NOW"If your lodger still won’t leave, you might have to refuse them entry. One way to do this is to change the locks when they’re out and refuse to let them in. If you think they may cause trouble, try to get an independent witness or the police to be present. Don’t use force as this can lead to arrest – it’s better to stay passive and just refuse to let them in, unless it’s to pack up their belongings in police presence.
If you find yourself in this situation, it's wise to get legal advice – but this procedure should only ever be used as a last resort." -https://www.spareroom.co.uk/content/info-landlords/getting-your-lodger-to-leave
Can you reverse the positions, so she moves out?
Tell her i is clearly not working well, so you will find her a rental/hotel/room/house to live in until she can move back in to her property. If she refuses then at least you will have a bit of advanced notice that she was never going to move out.
Tell her i is clearly not working well, so you will find her a rental/hotel/room/house to live in until she can move back in to her property. If she refuses then at least you will have a bit of advanced notice that she was never going to move out.
Yeah seeing a solicitor tomorrow, tbh though my ex ignores everything she lives in cloud cuckoo land, getting a solicitor involved will just get her back up even more, she is very violent that's the issue, I don't retaliate - never have, but I fear I might retaliate soon as sick of being a punch bag, that's why I want out asap, I don't want to end up in prison.
For talking sake, if she was out one day and the OP had all the locks changed so she couldn't get back in and the OP makes sure he does this when his son is with him, what can she actually do?
Because i've heard of women doing exactly this before and when the guy turns up annoyed that he can't get in, he usually gets arrested if he refuses to move on.
Because i've heard of women doing exactly this before and when the guy turns up annoyed that he can't get in, he usually gets arrested if he refuses to move on.
Retroman said:
For talking sake, if she was out one day and the OP had all the locks changed so she couldn't get back in and the OP makes sure he does this when his son is with him, what can she actually do?
Because i've heard of women doing exactly this before and when the guy turns up annoyed that he can't get in, he usually gets arrested if he refuses to move on.
Unfortunately you've probably just answered your own question!Because i've heard of women doing exactly this before and when the guy turns up annoyed that he can't get in, he usually gets arrested if he refuses to move on.
PostHeads123 said:
Yeah seeing a solicitor tomorrow, tbh though my ex ignores everything she lives in cloud cuckoo land, getting a solicitor involved will just get her back up even more, she is very violent that's the issue, I don't retaliate - never have, but I fear I might retaliate soon as sick of being a punch bag, that's why I want out asap, I don't want to end up in prison.
If you snap, you're in a world of s
t.Even staying calm, it's likely that if any hostility escalates you'll be the one accused of violence and in all probability removed from your own home.
Any way you can gain evidence covertly of her violence / anger? I would be inclined to keep my phone recording audio or video if I was at risk of any violence.
theboss said:
If you snap, you're in a world of st.
Even staying calm, it's likely that if any hostility escalates you'll be the one accused of violence and in all probability removed from your own home.
Any way you can gain evidence covertly of her violence / anger? I would be inclined to keep my phone recording audio or video if I was at risk of any violence.
Yeap got recording (she usually p*ssed) so very vocal, got a lot of pictures of the bruises and marks she leaves me with as well, I got a black eye brewing from this mornings slapping. Yeap she keep saying she will accuse me of the even though it would be complete lies. t.Even staying calm, it's likely that if any hostility escalates you'll be the one accused of violence and in all probability removed from your own home.
Any way you can gain evidence covertly of her violence / anger? I would be inclined to keep my phone recording audio or video if I was at risk of any violence.
The house itself I accepted an offer on it today from a developer so at least that will put an end to it.
PostHeads123 said:
Yeap got recording (she usually p*ssed) so very vocal, got a lot of pictures of the bruises and marks she leaves me with as well, I got a black eye brewing from this mornings slapping. Yeap she keep saying she will accuse me of the even though it would be complete lies.
The house itself I accepted an offer on it today from a developer so at least that will put an end to it.
If you can get a recording of her saying she will accuse you, that will help enourmously.The house itself I accepted an offer on it today from a developer so at least that will put an end to it.
You shouldn't stand for any violence on her part, if you are bruised I would be escalating to the police in your shoes, I think. It might also be worth logging a call with a domestic violence helpline / charity if nothing other than to demonstrate your concerns at a later date.
PostHeads123 said:
Yeap got recording (she usually p*ssed) so very vocal, got a lot of pictures of the bruises and marks she leaves me with as well, I got a black eye brewing from this mornings slapping. Yeap she keep saying she will accuse me of the even though it would be complete lies.
The house itself I accepted an offer on it today from a developer so at least that will put an end to it.
I can’t offer any advice on the ‘matrimonial’ aspect of this but I’m afraid that from a property point of view, you’re still likely to have issues - the developer’s solicitor will require your ex to sign the contract as an adult occupier of the property (basically confirming she’s going to vacate at completion). They might also have concerns about whether she has acquired some sort of interest in the property. The house itself I accepted an offer on it today from a developer so at least that will put an end to it.
Make sure you appoint a good solicitor to deal with the sale for you (I.e. somebody from a reputable firm local to you) and make them aware of the situation early on.
If she's been violent and you have evidence, and she has threatened accusing you of the same... you need to report that to the police right now. and discuss it with a solicitor.
You also need to think about what you do with custody of your child. I don't know your situation, but it sounds like she might not be the greatest person to be raising a child.
My ex wife went full meltdown when we split. She was violent, aggressive, and completely illogical. About a year after I moved out she was sectioned. I ended up keeping the kids and the family home. Part of what helped is that there were numerous police reports of her violence. On one occasion she threatened to call the police after trying to brain me with a laptop power brick, and she ended up getting cautioned as she told them the truth about what she'd done.
You also need to think about what you do with custody of your child. I don't know your situation, but it sounds like she might not be the greatest person to be raising a child.
My ex wife went full meltdown when we split. She was violent, aggressive, and completely illogical. About a year after I moved out she was sectioned. I ended up keeping the kids and the family home. Part of what helped is that there were numerous police reports of her violence. On one occasion she threatened to call the police after trying to brain me with a laptop power brick, and she ended up getting cautioned as she told them the truth about what she'd done.
Forums | Speed, Plod & the Law | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff