Advice After CMS Maintenance
Discussion
So this month I was paying £700 a month maintenance after 6/7 months.
I have been having my kids 1 night a week and every other weekend, there had been threats to go to the CMS unless I agreed in writing to the £700 so I went to the CMS and did they did the calculation which was £545.16. I sent her this on monday and along with £600 and said I would reduce to this from the 1st Oct.
Her and her mum tell so many lies and get things so mixed up its not funny, I have had one solicitors letter after I sent a draft Parental Agreement which she said she did not agree with but would not say what.
Then only good thing in solicitors letter was she agreed the access arrangements.
basically she does crazy stuff and then makes out I am doing stuff to her like going in my kids ipad and changing my info and deleting my photos or harassing me at work.
Her mum immediately text my mum that £5 is not enough and they will be in poverty. She said would she like it if she told the church my mum agreed with this 545.16 a month as only 5-6 per day per child.
They went to spain in June and she bought a 6k car in July, after I offered her 2004 focus with 12 mth mot but she rejected it.
That doesn't factor in her income £800 per month and benefits etc which my mum pointed out.
Basically when dropping the kids back on Wednesday she said I couldn't see my two eldest next week as she was doing something with them at 6pm. I said I pick them up from school and have them until 6.30 i dont mind dropping them back at 6pm or just before.
She went crazy at this point started gettign really nasty pointing her finger right in my face and saying I am horrible person just a sperm donor over this money and my kids are crying in the back ground she was screaming at me but I remained calm back away from her advances.
She said the agreement was void.
I said this wasn't save or productive and I would get my daughters bag.
I got in the car and left, Then 5 minutes later my 10 year old calls me home alone crying saying mummy has gone nuts thrown the other 3 in the car and is flying over to my mums.
I get to my mums and wait with the bag, my ex drives up and down the road like a nutter and drops my 11 year off at the bottom to run and get the back from my mums 72 year old husband.
She races to top of the road and stops passed my mums husband and he out of fear shouts 'a&&hole'
She stops at the top the road and gets out screaming more abuse about me not being a man and leaving her with debt etc and wrong facts etc.
My mums husband says she is the liar and why is she behaving like this. She says she is calling the police. Note no-one is stopping her driving away.
I have contacted the police and waiting for them to attend.
I have asked my solicitor to meet next week and start a parental order.
She has sent me an incoherent email not via her solicitor but its not very clear. It says my kids can't stay nights with me anymore as that has been at my mums as she has been verbally abused by my mum and husband and I can't have the overnight until i have a suitable place.
It rambles on about not providing any clothes or overnight bags anymore etc but doesn't address the mid week access.
Social services aren't interested just speak to the school.
Any advice would be welcomed.
I have been having my kids 1 night a week and every other weekend, there had been threats to go to the CMS unless I agreed in writing to the £700 so I went to the CMS and did they did the calculation which was £545.16. I sent her this on monday and along with £600 and said I would reduce to this from the 1st Oct.
Her and her mum tell so many lies and get things so mixed up its not funny, I have had one solicitors letter after I sent a draft Parental Agreement which she said she did not agree with but would not say what.
Then only good thing in solicitors letter was she agreed the access arrangements.
basically she does crazy stuff and then makes out I am doing stuff to her like going in my kids ipad and changing my info and deleting my photos or harassing me at work.
Her mum immediately text my mum that £5 is not enough and they will be in poverty. She said would she like it if she told the church my mum agreed with this 545.16 a month as only 5-6 per day per child.
They went to spain in June and she bought a 6k car in July, after I offered her 2004 focus with 12 mth mot but she rejected it.
That doesn't factor in her income £800 per month and benefits etc which my mum pointed out.
Basically when dropping the kids back on Wednesday she said I couldn't see my two eldest next week as she was doing something with them at 6pm. I said I pick them up from school and have them until 6.30 i dont mind dropping them back at 6pm or just before.
She went crazy at this point started gettign really nasty pointing her finger right in my face and saying I am horrible person just a sperm donor over this money and my kids are crying in the back ground she was screaming at me but I remained calm back away from her advances.
She said the agreement was void.
I said this wasn't save or productive and I would get my daughters bag.
I got in the car and left, Then 5 minutes later my 10 year old calls me home alone crying saying mummy has gone nuts thrown the other 3 in the car and is flying over to my mums.
I get to my mums and wait with the bag, my ex drives up and down the road like a nutter and drops my 11 year off at the bottom to run and get the back from my mums 72 year old husband.
She races to top of the road and stops passed my mums husband and he out of fear shouts 'a&&hole'
She stops at the top the road and gets out screaming more abuse about me not being a man and leaving her with debt etc and wrong facts etc.
My mums husband says she is the liar and why is she behaving like this. She says she is calling the police. Note no-one is stopping her driving away.
I have contacted the police and waiting for them to attend.
I have asked my solicitor to meet next week and start a parental order.
She has sent me an incoherent email not via her solicitor but its not very clear. It says my kids can't stay nights with me anymore as that has been at my mums as she has been verbally abused by my mum and husband and I can't have the overnight until i have a suitable place.
It rambles on about not providing any clothes or overnight bags anymore etc but doesn't address the mid week access.
Social services aren't interested just speak to the school.
Any advice would be welcomed.
Think you’ve been round in circles here with this one.
Ignore anything her mum says in the future. Tell your parents to do the same. Block any contact that’s isn’t between yourself and the kids mother.
Set a case up with the CMS and pay exactly what they calculate, not a penny more (you’d be better off spending it on the kids directly) and ensure all payments are bank to bank for traceability.
Cut any other contact that doesn’t relate to the shared care or welfare of the kids.
If necessary initiate court proceedings for a children’s arrangements order, setting out exactly how you think the children’s living arrangements should be organised. Ideally stick to a shared routine which has been in place and worked well, which the kids would back if questioned independently - don’t let too much time elapse since she unilaterally curtails your contact or that will become their “established routine”.
That’s what I would do.
Ignore anything her mum says in the future. Tell your parents to do the same. Block any contact that’s isn’t between yourself and the kids mother.
Set a case up with the CMS and pay exactly what they calculate, not a penny more (you’d be better off spending it on the kids directly) and ensure all payments are bank to bank for traceability.
Cut any other contact that doesn’t relate to the shared care or welfare of the kids.
If necessary initiate court proceedings for a children’s arrangements order, setting out exactly how you think the children’s living arrangements should be organised. Ideally stick to a shared routine which has been in place and worked well, which the kids would back if questioned independently - don’t let too much time elapse since she unilaterally curtails your contact or that will become their “established routine”.
That’s what I would do.
Pretty much everything theboss has said, only I'd amend it slightly to suggest that it actually now is necessary to get a court order with regards to your children seeing their parents.
This way should she start (or in this case, continue) a pattern of being obstructive you can go straight back to court to have the order enforced.
This way should she start (or in this case, continue) a pattern of being obstructive you can go straight back to court to have the order enforced.
OP you have my utmost sympathy.
As for the e-mail, those who use children as weapons/bargaining chips are utterly despicable.
Luckily I never had that problem but a number of those I know have suffered from it.
Looks like you're going to need an audit trail going forward.
Document everything (contemporaneous notes) that happens with a timeline.
Record all phone calls .
As for the e-mail, those who use children as weapons/bargaining chips are utterly despicable.
Luckily I never had that problem but a number of those I know have suffered from it.
Looks like you're going to need an audit trail going forward.
Document everything (contemporaneous notes) that happens with a timeline.
Record all phone calls .
Sounds like your ex is a complete nutter. I'm sorry you and especially your kids are having to go through this. I know it sucks.
My ex was absolutely nuts after I moved out. Just over a year after we split she lost it so badly that she ended up sectioned, instigated by her friend who was an ex copper. At that point my kids were already living with me 4 days a week, so I just moved back into the family home and kept full custody of the kids and kept the house. She's a bit better now, some 8 years later. The kids agree to see her maybe every few weeks at most.
The problem you have is that you really need to play by the rules of the system. Keep a diary and notes of everything that happens. If you have it recorded then it's even better. If you ever have to call the police then make sure you get it properly reported and get a reference number. If you have any concern for the welfare of your children with their mother then you'll need to go through social services/children's services, and if you've documented everything then it helps.
I had children's services visit my kids while they were at school and talk to them about everything. They also had visits from CAFCASS in advance of a court case which my ex bought to try and have access to the kids. She walked away with me having complete control over whether the kids saw her at all, and a court order which said that the children could also choose not to see her.
As for child maintenance.... pay what you owe and not a penny more. You're not an ATM for your ex. I've never received a penny from my ex despite having full custody.
My ex was absolutely nuts after I moved out. Just over a year after we split she lost it so badly that she ended up sectioned, instigated by her friend who was an ex copper. At that point my kids were already living with me 4 days a week, so I just moved back into the family home and kept full custody of the kids and kept the house. She's a bit better now, some 8 years later. The kids agree to see her maybe every few weeks at most.
The problem you have is that you really need to play by the rules of the system. Keep a diary and notes of everything that happens. If you have it recorded then it's even better. If you ever have to call the police then make sure you get it properly reported and get a reference number. If you have any concern for the welfare of your children with their mother then you'll need to go through social services/children's services, and if you've documented everything then it helps.
I had children's services visit my kids while they were at school and talk to them about everything. They also had visits from CAFCASS in advance of a court case which my ex bought to try and have access to the kids. She walked away with me having complete control over whether the kids saw her at all, and a court order which said that the children could also choose not to see her.
As for child maintenance.... pay what you owe and not a penny more. You're not an ATM for your ex. I've never received a penny from my ex despite having full custody.
Cold said:
Pretty much everything theboss has said, only I'd amend it slightly to suggest that it actually now is necessary to get a court order with regards to your children seeing their parents.
This way should she start (or in this case, continue) a pattern of being obstructive you can go straight back to court to have the order enforced.
Got an appointment with a solicitor in family law for Tuesday.This way should she start (or in this case, continue) a pattern of being obstructive you can go straight back to court to have the order enforced.
I had a solicitors letter from her in July and i have never replied it confirmed we had agreed access.
Weekends and and weekly etc all set out as we agreed via msg and the parental agreement I sent.
Asked me to sign up to £x a month maintenance which i wouldn't.
Then it was total crap her debts she knew nothing about blah blah.
I am remotely accessing her phone blah and texting all the time.
if I don't stop harassing her she may seek a non-molestation order.
All lies and most of the stuff she has done to me not the other way around.
I have not responded as it was such a load of tosh also asked me to stop speaking to my children's schools and back off!
Lost all respect for solicitors as clearly these family law women will write any such crap if you pay them as there no basis in law in anything in the letter.
surveyor_101 said:
I have not responded as it was such a load of tosh also asked me to stop speaking to my children's schools and back off!
What a load of **** 
If you still have parental responsibility you have every right to do so.
surveyor_101 said:
Lost all respect for solicitors as clearly these family law women will write any such crap if you pay them as there no basis in law in anything in the letter.
John Knox is spinning in his grave... 
Rick101 said:
b
hes be crazy.
People wonder why I don't ever want to get married or seriously involved with one.
This is why.
Thats fine but having kids seems to be the lasting issue.hes be crazy.People wonder why I don't ever want to get married or seriously involved with one.
This is why.
The woman still seems to hold more power than the man and can use them to extort monies from you, removing the nights bumps her up £80-90 per month thats the driver here.
My eldest two will not stand for the being up @ 8am on Saturdays to take my younger two to swimming lessons.
Removal of overnight bags etc is just cruel and nasty!
She has failed despite having two buggies to let me have either for our youngest. Its all what. Things would be forgotten constantly and she would ignore the kids if they popped home to get things.
My ex came to my place (drove like a nutter with 3 kids )for a row and now claims due to being verbal abused by my mum (she told her to calm down and that she as the liar as she made a number of statements that were false).
Whilst leaving a 10 year old alone and upset as she refuse to get in the car due to her mothers behaviour.
The only saving grace is that she hasn't blamed me for any of the behaviour! Its all about my mum verbally abusing her.
surveyor_101 said:
The only saving grace is that she hasn't blamed me for any of the behaviour! Its all about my mum verbally abusing her.
My mum was very helpful in the separation aftermath - she supported me practically with the kids and was also able to manage handover.Cue the ex making a sexual abuse allegation to children’s services saying my mother had inappropriately touched her granddaughter.
Anything to undermine my support network...
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