Private school in cahoots with ex wife
Discussion
Mod - please move this if it's not in the right area
I've been trying to obtain the last two invoices for my child's school fees (Spring, Summer 2020), and after many emails and voice messages, i was finally able to speak to the bursar.
When questioned as to why I've not received anything, they informed me that they were instructed to not send anything, as i "do not pay".
I corrected them and told them that i was the fee payer (although it doesn't come out of my account directly into the schools, but in maintenance, through the ex-wife's account)
The bursar would investigate if i was allowed access to these invoices, and then come back to me.
I subsequently messages the ex-wife asking why she gave that instruction, to which she said she never gave (of course), but she would sort it in the morning.
This morning i sent email was sent to the bursar and cc'd in the head teacher to find out who gave that instruction, but I've only now received a reply with the invoices requested.
The bursar explained that the reason i didn't get them, is because they moved to a new invoicing system last summer, which in itself is odd as i did have an invoice for autumn last year (after the system migration) and so contradicts that statement.
I've also received a message from the ex-wife to say that she's now sorted it, and i'll get the invoices in an email.
Having enough of being f
ked about, I'm going to kick up a fuss and make a scene about this. Until someone has to confess that they lied.
I'm going to send an email back to thank the bursar for the invoices. But there is still the outstanding concern that if my ex-wife "didn't" give the instruction to not send invoices to me, so who did.
I'm not too familiar with the schooling structure, but who would the head teacher report into, and subsequently is there an external body that the school would need to report into?
Hypothetically, if she didn't actually give that instruction, would the school be in breech (of anything) of acting upon an instruction, that was not given by a parent? And with them in cahoots with the ex-wife, and they in breech of anything that, that i can raise to their attention?
I've been trying to obtain the last two invoices for my child's school fees (Spring, Summer 2020), and after many emails and voice messages, i was finally able to speak to the bursar.
When questioned as to why I've not received anything, they informed me that they were instructed to not send anything, as i "do not pay".
I corrected them and told them that i was the fee payer (although it doesn't come out of my account directly into the schools, but in maintenance, through the ex-wife's account)
The bursar would investigate if i was allowed access to these invoices, and then come back to me.
I subsequently messages the ex-wife asking why she gave that instruction, to which she said she never gave (of course), but she would sort it in the morning.
This morning i sent email was sent to the bursar and cc'd in the head teacher to find out who gave that instruction, but I've only now received a reply with the invoices requested.
The bursar explained that the reason i didn't get them, is because they moved to a new invoicing system last summer, which in itself is odd as i did have an invoice for autumn last year (after the system migration) and so contradicts that statement.
I've also received a message from the ex-wife to say that she's now sorted it, and i'll get the invoices in an email.
Having enough of being f
ked about, I'm going to kick up a fuss and make a scene about this. Until someone has to confess that they lied.I'm going to send an email back to thank the bursar for the invoices. But there is still the outstanding concern that if my ex-wife "didn't" give the instruction to not send invoices to me, so who did.
I'm not too familiar with the schooling structure, but who would the head teacher report into, and subsequently is there an external body that the school would need to report into?
Hypothetically, if she didn't actually give that instruction, would the school be in breech (of anything) of acting upon an instruction, that was not given by a parent? And with them in cahoots with the ex-wife, and they in breech of anything that, that i can raise to their attention?
surveyor said:
Sorry, but get a life?
They don't need dragging into domestics. You have the invoices, move on...
Thanks, but this is not the first time the school has acted in favor of the ex-wife, who subsequently lies about her involvement. They don't need dragging into domestics. You have the invoices, move on...
This is not so much about domestics, but more to do with the school working with her, rather than being neutral.
Jeez... calm down. You’re gonna kick up a fuss until somebody admits they lied?
The schools “system” sounds entirely reasonable from an administrative and legal/privacy point of view.
The ex wife is quite reasonably saying she will furnish you with a copy of invoices in the future.
If everything else is going well with your daughters progress, and the bills are getting paid on time as agreed, why make a massive great avoidable fuss out of nothing?
The schools “system” sounds entirely reasonable from an administrative and legal/privacy point of view.
The ex wife is quite reasonably saying she will furnish you with a copy of invoices in the future.
If everything else is going well with your daughters progress, and the bills are getting paid on time as agreed, why make a massive great avoidable fuss out of nothing?
theboss said:
Jeez... calm down. You’re gonna kick up a fuss until somebody admits they lied?
The schools “system” sounds entirely reasonable from an administrative and legal/privacy point of view.
The ex wife is quite reasonably saying she will furnish you with a copy of invoices in the future.
If everything else is going well with your daughters progress, and the bills are getting paid on time as agreed, why make a massive great avoidable fuss out of nothing?
Just had enough of being fThe schools “system” sounds entirely reasonable from an administrative and legal/privacy point of view.
The ex wife is quite reasonably saying she will furnish you with a copy of invoices in the future.
If everything else is going well with your daughters progress, and the bills are getting paid on time as agreed, why make a massive great avoidable fuss out of nothing?
ked about. She's a manipulating s
t and that's control hungry. Of course she being "reasonable" and will see what she can do. It was due to her telling them to not give me the invoices in the first place, that i'm in this situation. All she wants is a "thank you".
Yes, this could be a matter of cutting the nose of to spite the face. But when you have your child "message" you, that I'm the reason they want to be dead, then it does start to push nerves.
bunchofkeys said:
Thanks, but this is not the first time the school has acted in favor of the ex-wife, who subsequently lies about her involvement.
This is not so much about domestics, but more to do with the school working with her, rather than being neutral.
The school will have a policy concerning communications in a split-relationship. I would be surprised if they are not following it - then again it is a private school.This is not so much about domestics, but more to do with the school working with her, rather than being neutral.
bunchofkeys said:
Just had enough of being fked about.
She's a manipulating st and that's control hungry.
Of course she being "reasonable" and will see what she can do. It was due to her telling them to not give me the invoices in the first place, that i'm in this situation. All she wants is a "thank you".
Yes, this could be a matter of cutting the nose of to spite the face. But when you have your child "message" you, that I'm the reason they want to be dead, then it does start to push nerves.
With the greatest respect, whilst it may not be apparent to you, your own post here smacks of control-freakery. ked about. She's a manipulating s
t and that's control hungry. Of course she being "reasonable" and will see what she can do. It was due to her telling them to not give me the invoices in the first place, that i'm in this situation. All she wants is a "thank you".
Yes, this could be a matter of cutting the nose of to spite the face. But when you have your child "message" you, that I'm the reason they want to be dead, then it does start to push nerves.
I know how frustrating it is is to feel ostracised and disengaged as a separated / non-resident parent and if you're concerned the school aren't acting entirely impartially then you are well within your rights to take it up with them, but it really is best to do so calmly, courteously and professionally.
theboss said:
With the greatest respect, whilst it may not be apparent to you, your own post here smacks of control-freakery.
I know how frustrating it is is to feel ostracised and disengaged as a separated / non-resident parent and if you're concerned the school aren't acting entirely impartially then you are well within your rights to take it up with them, but it really is best to do so calmly, courteously and professionally.
I can agree that there is an element that i am wanting to hold on to some control. I know how frustrating it is is to feel ostracised and disengaged as a separated / non-resident parent and if you're concerned the school aren't acting entirely impartially then you are well within your rights to take it up with them, but it really is best to do so calmly, courteously and professionally.
As mentioned, this is an accumulation of many things, and this just adds to it.
I cannot trust anything that is sent from her, as she lies, and so i wanted the invoices directly from the school, as they wouldn't be altered in any way.
And this is why I've posted this thread here, before sending a heated email, which i wouldn't be able to retract.
So a thank you to all for allowing me to vent at the same time.
Sorry but what have the school done wrong? As far as they are concerned your ex wife pays the fees (it is her account that pays for it)
Turn this around if you paid the fees directly would you be happy if your ex rang up and got a copy of the invoice without you knowing about it?
Forgive me for saying this but from what you have posted,it is you who appear unreasonble.
Turn this around if you paid the fees directly would you be happy if your ex rang up and got a copy of the invoice without you knowing about it?
Forgive me for saying this but from what you have posted,it is you who appear unreasonble.
I know it must be frustrating, but I think I would side with the school here (on the information given)
You don't pay the fees, your ex-wife does, so why should the school provide you with paperwork regarding the payments? It isn't their problem that you are distrustful of your wife. Are you wanting the invoices to actually check that your child is still attending the school?
I had a similar-ish situation years ago regarding some building work taking place on the property of a couple who had split. The husband repeatedly contacted us demanding paperwork and information about the project and we had to state very firmly that our contract was with his ex-wife and that if he wanted to know what was going on he would need to contact her.
You don't pay the fees, your ex-wife does, so why should the school provide you with paperwork regarding the payments? It isn't their problem that you are distrustful of your wife. Are you wanting the invoices to actually check that your child is still attending the school?
I had a similar-ish situation years ago regarding some building work taking place on the property of a couple who had split. The husband repeatedly contacted us demanding paperwork and information about the project and we had to state very firmly that our contract was with his ex-wife and that if he wanted to know what was going on he would need to contact her.
Drumroll said:
Sorry but what have the school done wrong? As far as they are concerned your ex wife pays the fees (it is her account that pays for it)
Turn this around if you paid the fees directly would you be happy if your ex rang up and got a copy of the invoice without you knowing about it?
Forgive me for saying this but from what you have posted,it is you who appear unreasonble.
I think i need to add, that I've been receiving the invoices since day one, without any question, and this has all come about since i've not been able to get the last two invoices. So i have about 4 years worth of invoices from them. Turn this around if you paid the fees directly would you be happy if your ex rang up and got a copy of the invoice without you knowing about it?
Forgive me for saying this but from what you have posted,it is you who appear unreasonble.
boyse7en said:
I know it must be frustrating, but I think I would side with the school here (on the information given)
You don't pay the fees, your ex-wife does, so why should the school provide you with paperwork regarding the payments? It isn't their problem that you are distrustful of your wife. Are you wanting the invoices to actually check that your child is still attending the school?
I had a similar-ish situation years ago regarding some building work taking place on the property of a couple who had split. The husband repeatedly contacted us demanding paperwork and information about the project and we had to state very firmly that our contract was with his ex-wife and that if he wanted to know what was going on he would need to contact her.
The invoices are required, as i'm also being accused of not paying for the school fees from my ex-wife. You don't pay the fees, your ex-wife does, so why should the school provide you with paperwork regarding the payments? It isn't their problem that you are distrustful of your wife. Are you wanting the invoices to actually check that your child is still attending the school?
I had a similar-ish situation years ago regarding some building work taking place on the property of a couple who had split. The husband repeatedly contacted us demanding paperwork and information about the project and we had to state very firmly that our contract was with his ex-wife and that if he wanted to know what was going on he would need to contact her.
So when i go back to court, i can prove that this is not the case.
Also i want a copy of the actual invoice, not something that has the potential to be doctored by her, before being sent to me.
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