mum's dementia treatment. sister got next of kin status HELP
Discussion
Hi,
Not sure whether this is correct place to post(?), apologies to mods if not.
Situation:
Mum got diagnosed with dementia, currently still at home with dad, but being monitored by local specialists (Meadow Day Hospital @ Epsom).
First appointment back in January with GP, he referred mum to above, had nurse assessment at home around July.
Mum and dad both elderly and poorish health, but still active. My 2 sister and I help with appointments, routine blood tests, A&E visits, hospital visits (dad had 2 aneurysms past 2 years, mum broke wrist). Basically, it's normal for us to help / take them for their NHS needs.
Became concerned about lack of correspondence for mum's treatment i.e. confirmation letters aswell as contact details for the nurse who did home assessment. Verbally asked eldest sis who'd taken mum to majority of appointments, kept getting vague and evavsive answers:
"who have you spoken to"
"the doctor"
"who"
"the one who's treating mum"
"where"
"specialist"
"well, can we have some contact details?"
"I'll bring them round"
From Februaru through to last weekend we had zero copy correspondence and no contact details. In the end, last week, I sent email to both sisters saying enough is enough, can you give us contact details of mum's specialist. Got an image through fom phone of a letter from 12th Oct. No accompanying explanation as to who the people writing letter were.
So emailed sis back, got no reply. Waitied 48hrs, emailed her husband, got no reply. I've peviously spoke to her in person and on phone multiple times, always had the same vague, evasive conversation, so used email as there would be a record of conversation/ request.
I phoned contact on letter, got through to place who were overseeing mum. Had mum and dad next to me, they gave their details to confirm who there were, and we asked them why haven't we received any correspondence to our address, and can we change the point of contact to mum's home address instead of our sister.
No. We need our sisters permission.
WTF?
She has "next of kin" status?
We contacted mum's GP, he confirmed her GP records DON'T have sister as next of kin, but the place overseeing her treatment does.
How on earth can my dad and mum need my sisters permission to receive treatment letters, appointments, phone calls etc to mum and dad's home address?
At no point has anything like power of attorney or any kind of status, appointment, authorisation has been given or even discussed for my sister.
Does anyone have any idea what kind of status my sister has obtained?
She has gone quiet, not heard from her all week, normally she's around once or twice a week, and today, I found out she has arranged to take him to a meeting with dad's lawyer next week(!).
I was confused and a bit concerned, now my stress levels through the roof and we're all a bit bewildered and demoralised.
Apologies for the essay, we've contacted citizen's advice and registered query with them, but wondered if anyone could shed some light of what she could've done.
Many thanks in advance for anyone who can help / advise in any way.
Cheers
Not sure whether this is correct place to post(?), apologies to mods if not.
Situation:
Mum got diagnosed with dementia, currently still at home with dad, but being monitored by local specialists (Meadow Day Hospital @ Epsom).
First appointment back in January with GP, he referred mum to above, had nurse assessment at home around July.
Mum and dad both elderly and poorish health, but still active. My 2 sister and I help with appointments, routine blood tests, A&E visits, hospital visits (dad had 2 aneurysms past 2 years, mum broke wrist). Basically, it's normal for us to help / take them for their NHS needs.
Became concerned about lack of correspondence for mum's treatment i.e. confirmation letters aswell as contact details for the nurse who did home assessment. Verbally asked eldest sis who'd taken mum to majority of appointments, kept getting vague and evavsive answers:
"who have you spoken to"
"the doctor"
"who"
"the one who's treating mum"
"where"
"specialist"
"well, can we have some contact details?"
"I'll bring them round"
From Februaru through to last weekend we had zero copy correspondence and no contact details. In the end, last week, I sent email to both sisters saying enough is enough, can you give us contact details of mum's specialist. Got an image through fom phone of a letter from 12th Oct. No accompanying explanation as to who the people writing letter were.
So emailed sis back, got no reply. Waitied 48hrs, emailed her husband, got no reply. I've peviously spoke to her in person and on phone multiple times, always had the same vague, evasive conversation, so used email as there would be a record of conversation/ request.
I phoned contact on letter, got through to place who were overseeing mum. Had mum and dad next to me, they gave their details to confirm who there were, and we asked them why haven't we received any correspondence to our address, and can we change the point of contact to mum's home address instead of our sister.
No. We need our sisters permission.
WTF?
She has "next of kin" status?
We contacted mum's GP, he confirmed her GP records DON'T have sister as next of kin, but the place overseeing her treatment does.
How on earth can my dad and mum need my sisters permission to receive treatment letters, appointments, phone calls etc to mum and dad's home address?
At no point has anything like power of attorney or any kind of status, appointment, authorisation has been given or even discussed for my sister.
Does anyone have any idea what kind of status my sister has obtained?
She has gone quiet, not heard from her all week, normally she's around once or twice a week, and today, I found out she has arranged to take him to a meeting with dad's lawyer next week(!).
I was confused and a bit concerned, now my stress levels through the roof and we're all a bit bewildered and demoralised.
Apologies for the essay, we've contacted citizen's advice and registered query with them, but wondered if anyone could shed some light of what she could've done.
Many thanks in advance for anyone who can help / advise in any way.
Cheers
Just to be clear, this is the same Mum and Dad, and not in-laws and parents, jumbled up?
If so, a snarky letter signed by both your father and your mum, if she's lucid, string clearly that NoK is your father, at his address, and pretty please, can he have a copy of any and all correspondence to this address at their earliest convenience.
My hackles would be up, but I am cynical, and I am pretty sure your sister has the best intentions. I'd still be accompanying your Dad to the solicitor meeting
If so, a snarky letter signed by both your father and your mum, if she's lucid, string clearly that NoK is your father, at his address, and pretty please, can he have a copy of any and all correspondence to this address at their earliest convenience.
My hackles would be up, but I am cynical, and I am pretty sure your sister has the best intentions. I'd still be accompanying your Dad to the solicitor meeting
randlemarcus said:
Just to be clear, this is the same Mum and Dad, and not in-laws and parents, jumbled up?
If so, a snarky letter signed by both your father and your mum, if she's lucid, string clearly that NoK is your father, at his address, and pretty please, can he have a copy of any and all correspondence to this address at their earliest convenience.
My hackles would be up, but I am cynical, and I am pretty sure your sister has the best intentions. I'd still be accompanying your Dad to the solicitor meeting
Thank you for your reply.If so, a snarky letter signed by both your father and your mum, if she's lucid, string clearly that NoK is your father, at his address, and pretty please, can he have a copy of any and all correspondence to this address at their earliest convenience.
My hackles would be up, but I am cynical, and I am pretty sure your sister has the best intentions. I'd still be accompanying your Dad to the solicitor meeting
Yes, same biological mum and dad. I wasn't sure if I was being cynical or having one of my crazy conspiracy theory moments.
I've spoken to some of mum long term friends and a neighbour who's know mum and dad for over 30 years, they all expressed a bit of concern.
I'm a bit embarrassed that I didn't intervene earlier and just presumed eldest sis was doing the same as what we normally do for mum and dad's treatments.
NoK has no legal definition in the UK and confers no special rights (or responsibilities) on the person. In that respect, nomination of even someone outside the family shouldn't be a massive cause of concern unless you suspect a hitherto hidden motive.
Roles such as "Closest relative", however, are statutory instruments and defined quite rigidly with orders of precedence etc. in the relevant Acts - Mental Health Act for example.
the solicitor's appointment is the more concerning bit. Not necessarily because it's taking place but because of the covert nature.
Roles such as "Closest relative", however, are statutory instruments and defined quite rigidly with orders of precedence etc. in the relevant Acts - Mental Health Act for example.
the solicitor's appointment is the more concerning bit. Not necessarily because it's taking place but because of the covert nature.
Edited by paulmakin on Friday 27th November 19:39
Edited by paulmakin on Friday 27th November 19:45
paulmakin said:
NoK has no legal definition in the UK and confers no special rights (or responsibilities) on the person. In that respect, nomination of even someone outside the family shouldn't be a massive cause of concern unless you suspect a hitherto hidden motive.
Roles such as "Closest relative", however, are statutory instruments and defined quite rigidly with orders of precedence etc. in the relevant Acts - Mental Health Act for example.
the solicitor's appointment is the more concerning bit. Not necessarily because it's taking place but because of the covert nature.
Thank you for your reply, much appreciated.Roles such as "Closest relative", however, are statutory instruments and defined quite rigidly with orders of precedence etc. in the relevant Acts - Mental Health Act for example.
the solicitor's appointment is the more concerning bit. Not necessarily because it's taking place but because of the covert nature.
I'm really quite confused as to why the Hospital says Dad needs my sister's permission to change the address for contact (letters and phone calls) to mum and dad's home address. Currently, all contact is to my sister.
How / what could / has she done to achieve this 'authority' over Dad and mum and how can it be reversed (I'm awaiting another call back from the hospital, posed the same question(s) to them, they said they had to refer it as the nurse couldn't explain why.)
Many thanks for any help you could give.
Regards
The only way that I’m aware of would be via a Lasting Power of Attorney, pertaining to health matters and registered as such, or alternatively by going to the Court of Protection and getting a ruling (?) to that effect. There’s quite a backlog with the latter presently I’m led to believe, so would appear unlikely.
Is mum lucid enough for you to get a power of attorney for health and wealth in place? If Mum’s to lucid enough I’d certainly get your dads done.
You can have several people named so sister can’t say only you have taken over. I’d be suspicious she’s attempting to control finances as well. I’m a suspicious person. Act ASAP
You can have several people named so sister can’t say only you have taken over. I’d be suspicious she’s attempting to control finances as well. I’m a suspicious person. Act ASAP
ellroy said:
The only way that I’m aware of would be via a Lasting Power of Attorney, pertaining to health matters and registered as such, or alternatively by going to the Court of Protection and getting a ruling (?) to that effect. There’s quite a backlog with the latter presently I’m led to believe, so would appear unlikely.
solo2 said:
Is mum lucid enough for you to get a power of attorney for health and wealth in place? If Mum’s to lucid enough I’d certainly get your dads done.
You can have several people named so sister can’t say only you have taken over. I’d be suspicious she’s attempting to control finances as well. I’m a suspicious person. Act ASAP
Thank you both for replying, much appreciated.You can have several people named so sister can’t say only you have taken over. I’d be suspicious she’s attempting to control finances as well. I’m a suspicious person. Act ASAP
Would a Lasting Power of Attorney pertaining to health be something that mum's / dad's lawyer (they share the same) would be involved in any way? We've not heard anything about it from either the lawyer or my sis, although, saying that, it seems she apparantly hasn't been open about quite a few things.
The citizens advice gave me details about how to apply online to see if anyone has power of attorney for mum, so I've filled in hte online form for the opg100 - hopefully I filled it out right.
Mum condition is hard to explain, she knows where she is, has never got lost going to the shops or local towns, but her short term memory can be shot to pieces at times, she'll ask 4 or 5 times in the space of 2 minutes if we're going to the garden centre. Or she'll ask what dad wants for tea, he'll say, then 2 minutes later she'll come back asking what he wants for tea(!).
I'm starting to feel like I've let them down, the sister concerned isn't a family favourite, she tends to rub everyone up the wrong way, but it's never been anying criminal like theft, fraud or anything physical etc, just some nasty words that have upset mum and dad a bit. Because we've never had any complaints about helping mum and dad with their NHS matter I didn't think anythinng different.
As said previously, big thank you to everyone who has replied, really appreciate it
Old_Skool_Fool said:
Hi,
Not sure whether this is correct place to post(?), apologies to mods if not.
Situation:
Mum got diagnosed with dementia, currently still at home with dad, but being monitored by local specialists (Meadow Day Hospital @ Epsom).
First appointment back in January with GP, he referred mum to above, had nurse assessment at home around July.
Mum and dad both elderly and poorish health, but still active. My 2 sister and I help with appointments, routine blood tests, A&E visits, hospital visits (dad had 2 aneurysms past 2 years, mum broke wrist). Basically, it's normal for us to help / take them for their NHS needs.
Became concerned about lack of correspondence for mum's treatment i.e. confirmation letters aswell as contact details for the nurse who did home assessment. Verbally asked eldest sis who'd taken mum to majority of appointments, kept getting vague and evavsive answers:
"who have you spoken to"
"the doctor"
"who"
"the one who's treating mum"
"where"
"specialist"
"well, can we have some contact details?"
"I'll bring them round"
From Februaru through to last weekend we had zero copy correspondence and no contact details. In the end, last week, I sent email to both sisters saying enough is enough, can you give us contact details of mum's specialist. Got an image through fom phone of a letter from 12th Oct. No accompanying explanation as to who the people writing letter were.
So emailed sis back, got no reply. Waitied 48hrs, emailed her husband, got no reply. I've peviously spoke to her in person and on phone multiple times, always had the same vague, evasive conversation, so used email as there would be a record of conversation/ request.
I phoned contact on letter, got through to place who were overseeing mum. Had mum and dad next to me, they gave their details to confirm who there were, and we asked them why haven't we received any correspondence to our address, and can we change the point of contact to mum's home address instead of our sister.
No. We need our sisters permission.
WTF?
She has "next of kin" status?
We contacted mum's GP, he confirmed her GP records DON'T have sister as next of kin, but the place overseeing her treatment does.
How on earth can my dad and mum need my sisters permission to receive treatment letters, appointments, phone calls etc to mum and dad's home address?
At no point has anything like power of attorney or any kind of status, appointment, authorisation has been given or even discussed for my sister.
Does anyone have any idea what kind of status my sister has obtained?
She has gone quiet, not heard from her all week, normally she's around once or twice a week, and today, I found out she has arranged to take him to a meeting with dad's lawyer next week(!).
I was confused and a bit concerned, now my stress levels through the roof and we're all a bit bewildered and demoralised.
Apologies for the essay, we've contacted citizen's advice and registered query with them, but wondered if anyone could shed some light of what she could've done.
Many thanks in advance for anyone who can help / advise in any way.
Cheers
I share your pain , I'm in similar situation with my sister ..our mum has dementia , it went down hill very rapidly , Dad passed away 11 years ago , we both have POA and are both executors of her will ... Not sure whether this is correct place to post(?), apologies to mods if not.
Situation:
Mum got diagnosed with dementia, currently still at home with dad, but being monitored by local specialists (Meadow Day Hospital @ Epsom).
First appointment back in January with GP, he referred mum to above, had nurse assessment at home around July.
Mum and dad both elderly and poorish health, but still active. My 2 sister and I help with appointments, routine blood tests, A&E visits, hospital visits (dad had 2 aneurysms past 2 years, mum broke wrist). Basically, it's normal for us to help / take them for their NHS needs.
Became concerned about lack of correspondence for mum's treatment i.e. confirmation letters aswell as contact details for the nurse who did home assessment. Verbally asked eldest sis who'd taken mum to majority of appointments, kept getting vague and evavsive answers:
"who have you spoken to"
"the doctor"
"who"
"the one who's treating mum"
"where"
"specialist"
"well, can we have some contact details?"
"I'll bring them round"
From Februaru through to last weekend we had zero copy correspondence and no contact details. In the end, last week, I sent email to both sisters saying enough is enough, can you give us contact details of mum's specialist. Got an image through fom phone of a letter from 12th Oct. No accompanying explanation as to who the people writing letter were.
So emailed sis back, got no reply. Waitied 48hrs, emailed her husband, got no reply. I've peviously spoke to her in person and on phone multiple times, always had the same vague, evasive conversation, so used email as there would be a record of conversation/ request.
I phoned contact on letter, got through to place who were overseeing mum. Had mum and dad next to me, they gave their details to confirm who there were, and we asked them why haven't we received any correspondence to our address, and can we change the point of contact to mum's home address instead of our sister.
No. We need our sisters permission.
WTF?
She has "next of kin" status?
We contacted mum's GP, he confirmed her GP records DON'T have sister as next of kin, but the place overseeing her treatment does.
How on earth can my dad and mum need my sisters permission to receive treatment letters, appointments, phone calls etc to mum and dad's home address?
At no point has anything like power of attorney or any kind of status, appointment, authorisation has been given or even discussed for my sister.
Does anyone have any idea what kind of status my sister has obtained?
She has gone quiet, not heard from her all week, normally she's around once or twice a week, and today, I found out she has arranged to take him to a meeting with dad's lawyer next week(!).
I was confused and a bit concerned, now my stress levels through the roof and we're all a bit bewildered and demoralised.
Apologies for the essay, we've contacted citizen's advice and registered query with them, but wondered if anyone could shed some light of what she could've done.
Many thanks in advance for anyone who can help / advise in any way.
Cheers
The fun began , 3 years ago we downsized mums house and bought the bungalow next door to my sisters , at this stage we were getting on fine , i was away in Iraq the majority of the time , but as there was not enough equity to purchase the bungalow outright , both my sister and i invested 10% of the purchase price each and were named on the Land registry documents .
Then while i was in Iraq sister changed mums land line phone number so it wouldn't take in coming calls ..they knocked up a swing gate between the properties so they could walk from their house straight through mums back door ....on the face of it it seemed reasonable so they could get to mum in a hurry ...however we soon discovered it was done for a different reason
when the wife and kids went to visit ,My sister would hear the car ..then quickly rush over grab mum and take her to their house , so wife couldn't see mum ,
But it was going to get a hell of a lot worse , after 2 months i returned back to UK , went over to mums and discovered the whole house had been decorated , now sister had access to mums bank account , she would not talk and simply would not answer the phone, Mum was not at the house , so we presumed sister had been up to her tricks , we went for a weekend break and came back late , i went straight to mums .....and she was not there , so in case sister had seen the car i parked in the adjacent st ......and covertly opened the front door ....from inside i saw my sister scarper ,,,, she was in such a rush she slammed the back door and the glass broke ..
I went inside ,no mum ....and it was evident that mum hadn't been there for a while , By this stage I'd had enough , wife and kids arrived and went inside the house so i went over to discuss with Brother in law and sister ...........then i heard the spineless t
t on the phone with the police ... ... ?? Within 5 minutes there was 3 squad cars .. parked outside and a copper .. legging it across the lawn ..... but he stopped short when he saw me standing in the porch with my lad holding the front door key .....you don't look like a burglar !!! incredibly they had told the police we had broken in and there was an old lady in trouble !! when i explained i had a share in the house .... The police didn't take too kindly to my sister and brother in law wasting their time .. So i asked one of the police officers can you tell me is our mum alive and where is she , It turned out sister had put mum in a care home which was inappropriate for her needs , she had been restrained by a member of staff and received a black eye .....mum is 81 .. The police were investigating an assault charge , and I went through social services , Dorset county council , to get mum moved into a private care home dedicated to dementia care ... a great care home where she still is today
However to pay for her care the bungalow had to be sold ......and guess who wanted to buy it ...... my sisters son , at a low price !! . My sister was extraordinarily naïve . I informed the Estate agent and solicitors that as POA we both had a duty of care over mums finances and the bungalow must be sold at market value ..
Without going into detail , they tried to block the first sale , applied to Dorset county council for a loan to pay for the care home ,,,, but alas for them as i was a joint owner i was never going to accept that , so eventually i managed to force the sale , and now Mum can enjoy her care and I'm determined that what money she has left goes on what ever she needs or wants ,not a penny left for our money grabbing sister
As her original will is missing , i suspect sister has tried to get mum to change it ???...... which if you are diagnosed with dementia is going to be a very interesting court case .
good luck and hope it goes well for you , if you both don't have POA , your sister has no more rights than you do , get yourself to that meeting with Dads lawyer , and seek legal advice , you can find out if a POA has been submitted by applying to the Office of the public guardian
https://www.gov.uk/government/organisations/office...
I would suspect she is going to get an LPA drawn up, have you asked and asked to attend as well? .
IIRC however she will need a social worker or GP or similar to "sign off" on it.
I would however ask the treating center what legal basis they are relying upon and have they got a copy of a POA or LPA.
Are your parents compos mentis enough at this stage or do they flit in and out of lucidity?
IIRC however she will need a social worker or GP or similar to "sign off" on it.
I would however ask the treating center what legal basis they are relying upon and have they got a copy of a POA or LPA.
Are your parents compos mentis enough at this stage or do they flit in and out of lucidity?
DBSV8 said:
I share your pain , I'm in similar situation with my sister ..our mum has dementia , it went down hill very rapidly , Dad passed away 11 years ago , we both have POA and are both executors of her will ...
The fun began , 3 years ago we downsized mums house and bought the bungalow next door to my sisters , at this stage we were getting on fine , i was away in Iraq the majority of the time , but as there was not enough equity to purchase the bungalow outright , both my sister and i invested 10% of the purchase price each and were named on the Land registry documents .
Then while i was in Iraq sister changed mums land line phone number so it wouldn't take in coming calls ..they knocked up a swing gate between the properties so they could walk from their house straight through mums back door ....on the face of it it seemed reasonable so they could get to mum in a hurry ...however we soon discovered it was done for a different reason
when the wife and kids went to visit ,My sister would hear the car ..then quickly rush over grab mum and take her to their house , so wife couldn't see mum ,
But it was going to get a hell of a lot worse , after 2 months i returned back to UK , went over to mums and discovered the whole house had been decorated , now sister had access to mums bank account , she would not talk and simply would not answer the phone, Mum was not at the house , so we presumed sister had been up to her tricks , we went for a weekend break and came back late , i went straight to mums .....and she was not there , so in case sister had seen the car i parked in the adjacent st ......and covertly opened the front door ....from inside i saw my sister scarper ,,,, she was in such a rush she slammed the back door and the glass broke ..
I went inside ,no mum ....and it was evident that mum hadn't been there for a while , By this stage I'd had enough , wife and kids arrived and went inside the house so i went over to discuss with Brother in law and sister ...........then i heard the spineless tt on the phone with the police ... ... ?? Within 5 minutes there was 3 squad cars .. parked outside and a copper .. legging it across the lawn ..... but he stopped short when he saw me standing in the porch with my lad holding the front door key .....you don't look like a burglar !!! incredibly they had told the police we had broken in and there was an old lady in trouble !!
when i explained i had a share in the house .... The police didn't take too kindly to my sister and brother in law wasting their time .. So i asked one of the police officers can you tell me is our mum alive and where is she , It turned out sister had put mum in a care home which was inappropriate for her needs , she had been restrained by a member of staff and received a black eye .....mum is 81 .. The police were investigating an assault charge , and I went through social services , Dorset county council , to get mum moved into a private care home dedicated to dementia care ... a great care home where she still is today
However to pay for her care the bungalow had to be sold ......and guess who wanted to buy it ...... my sisters son , at a low price !! . My sister was extraordinarily naïve . I informed the Estate agent and solicitors that as POA we both had a duty of care over mums finances and the bungalow must be sold at market value ..
Without going into detail , they tried to block the first sale , applied to Dorset county council for a loan to pay for the care home ,,,, but alas for them as i was a joint owner i was never going to accept that , so eventually i managed to force the sale , and now Mum can enjoy her care and I'm determined that what money she has left goes on what ever she needs or wants ,not a penny left for our money grabbing sister
As her original will is missing , i suspect sister has tried to get mum to change it ???...... which if you are diagnosed with dementia is going to be a very interesting court case .
good luck and hope it goes well for you , if you both don't have POA , your sister has no more rights than you do , get yourself to that meeting with Dads lawyer , and seek legal advice , you can find out if a POA has been submitted by applying to the Office of the public guardian
https://www.gov.uk/government/organisations/office...
Family, who'd have em.The fun began , 3 years ago we downsized mums house and bought the bungalow next door to my sisters , at this stage we were getting on fine , i was away in Iraq the majority of the time , but as there was not enough equity to purchase the bungalow outright , both my sister and i invested 10% of the purchase price each and were named on the Land registry documents .
Then while i was in Iraq sister changed mums land line phone number so it wouldn't take in coming calls ..they knocked up a swing gate between the properties so they could walk from their house straight through mums back door ....on the face of it it seemed reasonable so they could get to mum in a hurry ...however we soon discovered it was done for a different reason
when the wife and kids went to visit ,My sister would hear the car ..then quickly rush over grab mum and take her to their house , so wife couldn't see mum ,
But it was going to get a hell of a lot worse , after 2 months i returned back to UK , went over to mums and discovered the whole house had been decorated , now sister had access to mums bank account , she would not talk and simply would not answer the phone, Mum was not at the house , so we presumed sister had been up to her tricks , we went for a weekend break and came back late , i went straight to mums .....and she was not there , so in case sister had seen the car i parked in the adjacent st ......and covertly opened the front door ....from inside i saw my sister scarper ,,,, she was in such a rush she slammed the back door and the glass broke ..
I went inside ,no mum ....and it was evident that mum hadn't been there for a while , By this stage I'd had enough , wife and kids arrived and went inside the house so i went over to discuss with Brother in law and sister ...........then i heard the spineless t
t on the phone with the police ... ... ?? Within 5 minutes there was 3 squad cars .. parked outside and a copper .. legging it across the lawn ..... but he stopped short when he saw me standing in the porch with my lad holding the front door key .....you don't look like a burglar !!! incredibly they had told the police we had broken in and there was an old lady in trouble !! when i explained i had a share in the house .... The police didn't take too kindly to my sister and brother in law wasting their time .. So i asked one of the police officers can you tell me is our mum alive and where is she , It turned out sister had put mum in a care home which was inappropriate for her needs , she had been restrained by a member of staff and received a black eye .....mum is 81 .. The police were investigating an assault charge , and I went through social services , Dorset county council , to get mum moved into a private care home dedicated to dementia care ... a great care home where she still is today
However to pay for her care the bungalow had to be sold ......and guess who wanted to buy it ...... my sisters son , at a low price !! . My sister was extraordinarily naïve . I informed the Estate agent and solicitors that as POA we both had a duty of care over mums finances and the bungalow must be sold at market value ..
Without going into detail , they tried to block the first sale , applied to Dorset county council for a loan to pay for the care home ,,,, but alas for them as i was a joint owner i was never going to accept that , so eventually i managed to force the sale , and now Mum can enjoy her care and I'm determined that what money she has left goes on what ever she needs or wants ,not a penny left for our money grabbing sister
As her original will is missing , i suspect sister has tried to get mum to change it ???...... which if you are diagnosed with dementia is going to be a very interesting court case .
good luck and hope it goes well for you , if you both don't have POA , your sister has no more rights than you do , get yourself to that meeting with Dads lawyer , and seek legal advice , you can find out if a POA has been submitted by applying to the Office of the public guardian
https://www.gov.uk/government/organisations/office...
Glad that you got the desired outcome, your sister doesn't sound too bright. That said you having a small stake in the bungalow turned out to be a godsend.
JPJPJP said:
Jasandjules said:
I would suspect she is going to get an LPA drawn up, have you asked and asked to attend as well? .
IIRC however she will need a social worker or GP or similar to "sign off" on it.
I would however ask the treating center what legal basis they are relying upon and have they got a copy of a POA or LPA.
Are your parents compos mentis enough at this stage or do they flit in and out of lucidity?
Thank you.IIRC however she will need a social worker or GP or similar to "sign off" on it.
I would however ask the treating center what legal basis they are relying upon and have they got a copy of a POA or LPA.
Are your parents compos mentis enough at this stage or do they flit in and out of lucidity?
Yes, I asked Dad that he must take me with him, but he's very stubborn. He thinks he can go there and protect mum and tell sister to eff off and do one.
I don't think he really understands what's gone on / going on. He thinks if he leaves everything to mum in his will she's safe, he says he understands sister can take ccontrol, but I'm not convinced he appreciates how sneaky she's been / can be.
As mum and dad share the same lawyer, I'm hoping that she'll request that I have to attend.
Yes, I will "ask the treating center what legal basis they are relying upon and have they got a copy of a POA or LPA.", thank you very much.
DBSV8 said:
I share your pain , I'm in similar situation with my sister ..our mum has dementia , it went down hill very rapidly , Dad passed away 11 years ago , we both have POA and are both executors of her will ...
I'm sorry to hear this, but it sounds as though your mam is in a good place now, cool, fair play to you, good job Apologies if I've missed everyone, can't believe how supportive you all been, I'm normally viewing the General Gassing section and it can be a bit harsh in there at times(!), really appreciate all the replies and support...
Brilliant
Thank you
Edited by Old_Skool_Fool on Friday 27th November 22:29
Should the Council be aware of potential elder abuse by one child keeping others out of the loop?
https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/health...
https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/health...
hutchst said:
vonhosen said:
You don't need to involve a lawyer for a power of attorney.
But in these circumstances it is something that you should seriously consider. I would in similar circumstances.Forums | Speed, Plod & the Law | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff