Divorce advice and solicitor recommendations please.
Discussion
Well, where can I start? I never thought I'd be asking for this sort of advice on here. I've seen many threads on it and read them with interest.
Now it looks like it's my turn.
I've been married for 10 years this year, together for 14, we have a mortgaged house together and one child.
Thankfully no issue's regards the child.
I thought everything was going to be sorted amicably, 50/50 split etc, it looks like I was wrong on that point and as you can imagine, i'm really annoyed by that.
So, wife has sought advice on divorce, I have managed to get her to delay actually filing for divorce until Autumn when the law is meant to change so that you can have a "fault free divorce" I wasn't willing to accept her reasons to be honest and didn't want to get divorced in the first place.
So as it stands, we're still all living under the same roof and sharing a bed, acting normally in front of our child, we don't argue and you wouldn't think there was actually a problem.
House to be put on the market soon.
Today, she has had a second phone consultation with her solicitor and has got to the point of talking about money and assets, and sorting out that side of the relationship, as usual this is where it gets messy and from being what I thought was a 50/50 split it would seem she wants more or at least the solicitor has put to her that she could be entitled to more.
So.... At the start my parents put 40k towards our first house, (we weren't married at the time) I stupidly didn't ring fence this when the solicitor asked and just thought we were in this forever. I'm hoping something can be done to protect this. This is where this is going to get messy, it was known at the time and has always been said, that the 40k was my parents money.
Solicitor wants to know what assets I have, earnings, outgoings pension etc so I'm expecting a letter in the post.
I'm a sole trader, earnings are not huge and business has been badly affected with covid. I'd say my only assets are the cash I have in my business which are also my savings. No private pension
Wife on the other hand is a teacher currently working part time, earns good money and has savings and a teachers pension (she knows this could be up for grabs) I really don't want to go down that route as that's just not how I am but if it works as leverage to help her decide the 40k was never ours then I'm all ears.
Appreciate any advice from people that have been through this, what to expect but most importantly recommendations on who to talk to, I'm in the Nottingham area so if anyone knows of a good divorce lawyer/solicitor or firm this would be very useful.
TIA for reading my no doubt jumbled post
Now it looks like it's my turn.
I've been married for 10 years this year, together for 14, we have a mortgaged house together and one child.
Thankfully no issue's regards the child.
I thought everything was going to be sorted amicably, 50/50 split etc, it looks like I was wrong on that point and as you can imagine, i'm really annoyed by that.
So, wife has sought advice on divorce, I have managed to get her to delay actually filing for divorce until Autumn when the law is meant to change so that you can have a "fault free divorce" I wasn't willing to accept her reasons to be honest and didn't want to get divorced in the first place.
So as it stands, we're still all living under the same roof and sharing a bed, acting normally in front of our child, we don't argue and you wouldn't think there was actually a problem.
House to be put on the market soon.
Today, she has had a second phone consultation with her solicitor and has got to the point of talking about money and assets, and sorting out that side of the relationship, as usual this is where it gets messy and from being what I thought was a 50/50 split it would seem she wants more or at least the solicitor has put to her that she could be entitled to more.
So.... At the start my parents put 40k towards our first house, (we weren't married at the time) I stupidly didn't ring fence this when the solicitor asked and just thought we were in this forever. I'm hoping something can be done to protect this. This is where this is going to get messy, it was known at the time and has always been said, that the 40k was my parents money.
Solicitor wants to know what assets I have, earnings, outgoings pension etc so I'm expecting a letter in the post.
I'm a sole trader, earnings are not huge and business has been badly affected with covid. I'd say my only assets are the cash I have in my business which are also my savings. No private pension
Wife on the other hand is a teacher currently working part time, earns good money and has savings and a teachers pension (she knows this could be up for grabs) I really don't want to go down that route as that's just not how I am but if it works as leverage to help her decide the 40k was never ours then I'm all ears.
Appreciate any advice from people that have been through this, what to expect but most importantly recommendations on who to talk to, I'm in the Nottingham area so if anyone knows of a good divorce lawyer/solicitor or firm this would be very useful.
TIA for reading my no doubt jumbled post
Edited by Jurassic pork on Thursday 27th May 17:24
This might help regarding the parental contribution
https://familylawpartners.co.uk/blog/bank-mum-dad-...
The general assumption is that everything goes into the pot and is divided up according to the respective needs of each of you.
https://familylawpartners.co.uk/blog/bank-mum-dad-...
The general assumption is that everything goes into the pot and is divided up according to the respective needs of each of you.
Your child will need to be provided for, if she is going to live with the mother and the mother hasn't been working then expect to support both of them. My advice having been in a similar situation is to provide her solicitors with all the information they ask for and see if they make an offer. You will have to reveal this info anyway if it goes to a full hearing. Talk to a solicitor and see if this is a reasonable figure. Otherwise you will be paying for barristers in court, as I had to.
lost in espace said:
Your child will need to be provided for, if she is going to live with the mother and the mother hasn't been working then expect to support both of them. My advice having been in a similar situation is to provide her solicitors with all the information they ask for and see if they make an offer. You will have to reveal this info anyway if it goes to a full hearing. Talk to a solicitor and see if this is a reasonable figure. Otherwise you will be paying for barristers in court, as I had to.
Mother only took maternity leave and then jumped straight back in but just part time. We will both be caring for our son so those needs will be met separately. As a side note, she earns more than I do so I'd like to see it go more in my favour however unlikely that may be.
If the money was just gifted to you without any formal arrangement it will likely be looked at as 'family' money albeit assetized in the house,
That means how it was obtained would be disregarded in any equity split resulting from a financial settlement.
Bear in mind her that if she's been teaching for a while, her pension will probably be the biggest asset in the pot and she may move a lot on other things in order to protect it.
That means how it was obtained would be disregarded in any equity split resulting from a financial settlement.
Bear in mind her that if she's been teaching for a while, her pension will probably be the biggest asset in the pot and she may move a lot on other things in order to protect it.
Jurassic pork said:
The money was lent to me but with no formal agreement that I remember.
I'll have to have a word with my brother as he was also lent money to help with a house purchase but being smarter made a note of it at the solicitors when he and his wife purchased.
I don't think what happened between your brother and your parents will be relevant.I'll have to have a word with my brother as he was also lent money to help with a house purchase but being smarter made a note of it at the solicitors when he and his wife purchased.
Are you parents still alive?
Parents thankfully still alive. I just thought with knowing what was agreed for my brother might give some weight to showing it was not a gift to both of us.
To answer the other question regarding her teaching, she must be in her 12th year now. Hopefully as suggested above this may be able to offer a negotiating point with regards to how things get split.
To answer the other question regarding her teaching, she must be in her 12th year now. Hopefully as suggested above this may be able to offer a negotiating point with regards to how things get split.
Jurassic pork said:
Parents thankfully still alive. I just thought with knowing what was agreed for my brother might give some weight to showing it was not a gift to both of us.
To answer the other question regarding her teaching, she must be in her 12th year now. Hopefully as suggested above this may be able to offer a negotiating point with regards to how things get split.
If your parents are still alive they may be able to find the loan agreement between you and ask for the money back now you are getting divorced.To answer the other question regarding her teaching, she must be in her 12th year now. Hopefully as suggested above this may be able to offer a negotiating point with regards to how things get split.
When you say you presumed 50/50 are you talking about a distribution of marital assets or childcare, or both?
If its possible to appeal to her rational side (I know...), sit her down and talk to her calmly about how things might pan out, I'd try to impress upon her the fact that (1) any adversarial behaviour is going to harm your child - you need to co-parent for the next umpteen years not declare war and hate each other and (2) if you start fighting bitterly over what marital capital you have, it will shrink dramatically due to legal costs, to the detriment of everyone (especially your child).
Try and sound her out, find out what she 'wants'. Accept the relationship is toast if she wants out - forget about legal grounds, it's better to just accept a petition on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour if you can't wait until this new law. It makes no difference to the outcome.
If she is hell bent on having a big squabble there isn't an awful lot you can do about it unfortunately, it costs money to defend yourself, but try to avoid needless 'tit for tat' style escalation at any cost.
When you say you have money in your business - this is your own pocket presumably as a sole trader, rather than an incorporated business. You'll want legal advice on this if she's going for it. I managed to have my limited co shielded during divorce as the judge seemed to accept that a business needed a certain amount of working capital and money set aside for downtime. I'm not sure where you'd stand as a sole trader without that legal separation.
On the childcare if you plan on playing an equal role in providing day to day care, 50/50, time spent equally with both parents this can nullify any obligation on either parent to pay the other maintenance. I expect if she's realised this she might try to ensure she has the greater balance of any childcare arrangement as the obligation is then on you to support your child and thus, by extension, herself. It takes two parents to want an equal shared care arrangement to work.
I would recommend the firm I used but they were pretty expensive (albeit worth it) and based in the NW, if you want details PM me.
I also wouldn't respond to any requests for information from her solicitor without taking qualified advice. You can be compelled to furnish a court with all this stuff but not just random forms to fill in for her solicitor on her whim, and financial disclosure should be a two-way process.
If its possible to appeal to her rational side (I know...), sit her down and talk to her calmly about how things might pan out, I'd try to impress upon her the fact that (1) any adversarial behaviour is going to harm your child - you need to co-parent for the next umpteen years not declare war and hate each other and (2) if you start fighting bitterly over what marital capital you have, it will shrink dramatically due to legal costs, to the detriment of everyone (especially your child).
Try and sound her out, find out what she 'wants'. Accept the relationship is toast if she wants out - forget about legal grounds, it's better to just accept a petition on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour if you can't wait until this new law. It makes no difference to the outcome.
If she is hell bent on having a big squabble there isn't an awful lot you can do about it unfortunately, it costs money to defend yourself, but try to avoid needless 'tit for tat' style escalation at any cost.
When you say you have money in your business - this is your own pocket presumably as a sole trader, rather than an incorporated business. You'll want legal advice on this if she's going for it. I managed to have my limited co shielded during divorce as the judge seemed to accept that a business needed a certain amount of working capital and money set aside for downtime. I'm not sure where you'd stand as a sole trader without that legal separation.
On the childcare if you plan on playing an equal role in providing day to day care, 50/50, time spent equally with both parents this can nullify any obligation on either parent to pay the other maintenance. I expect if she's realised this she might try to ensure she has the greater balance of any childcare arrangement as the obligation is then on you to support your child and thus, by extension, herself. It takes two parents to want an equal shared care arrangement to work.
I would recommend the firm I used but they were pretty expensive (albeit worth it) and based in the NW, if you want details PM me.
I also wouldn't respond to any requests for information from her solicitor without taking qualified advice. You can be compelled to furnish a court with all this stuff but not just random forms to fill in for her solicitor on her whim, and financial disclosure should be a two-way process.
Edited by theboss on Thursday 27th May 21:01
theboss said:
When you say you presumed 50/50 are you talking about a distribution of marital assets or childcare, or both?
Everything was meant to be 50/50, bar the 40k house deposit from my parents, she was well aware that this was to be given back.Basically we were going to end up with what we had when we first met, albeit having furnishings etc to sort out, none of which any of us are that bothered about. Child care will always be 50/50 with 3 days one week and 4 days the next alternating.
Things obviously changed today once she spoke to her solicitor regarding financials.
theboss said:
If its possible to appeal to her rational side (I know...), sit her down and talk to her calmly about how things might pan out, I'd try to impress upon her the fact that (1) any adversarial behaviour is going to harm your child - you need to co-parent for the next umpteen years not declare war and hate each other and (2) if you start fighting bitterly over what marital capital you have, it will shrink dramatically due to legal costs, to the detriment of everyone (especially your child).
I will definitely bring this up with her, we both already know things have got to stay amicable for his sake. theboss said:
When you say you have money in your business - this is your own pocket presumably as a sole trader, rather than an incorporated business. You'll want legal advice on this if she's going for it. I managed to have my limited co shielded during divorce as the judge seemed to accept that a business needed a certain amount of working capital and money set aside for downtime. I'm not sure where you'd stand as a sole trader without that legal separation.
Yes, money from my own pocket as a sole trader. I'm not incorporated but now giving it a lot of consideration. (I buy and sell vans so without the capital I can't survive) I'm not a big business, I aim to turn over just 2 vans a month so i'm not making big money but it's enough to pay the bills etctheboss said:
On the childcare if you plan on playing an equal role in providing day to day care, 50/50, time spent equally with both parents this can nullify any obligation on either parent to pay the other maintenance. I expect if she's realised this she might try to ensure she has the greater balance of any childcare arrangement as the obligation is then on you to support your child and thus, by extension, herself. It takes two parents to want an equal shared care arrangement to work.
Apparently she has told her solicitor we will sort this between ourselves and also confirmed with me today it will be a 50/50theboss said:
I also wouldn't respond to any requests for information from her solicitor without taking qualified advice. You can be compelled to furnish a court with all this stuff but not just random forms to fill in for her solicitor on her whim, and financial disclosure should be a two-way process.
l appreciate your input, very useful. If I don't get any good local recommendations I will be in touch.Jurassic pork said:
Everything was meant to be 50/50, bar the 40k house deposit from my parents, she was well aware that this was to be given back.
From what you've said I assume there's no documentary evidence that this was a loan and not a gift. For a loan of that sort of sum there would usually be such evidence, and the lack of it makes it look more like a gift. Consequently, if your wife claims that it was a gift you may need to obtain formal statements from your parents confirming the loan. Ultimately, they may even have to give sworn evidence to that effect.
It would therefore be sensible to speak to them sooner rather than later, just to make sure of your ground.
Jurassic pork said:
The money was lent to me but with no formal agreement that I remember.
I'll have to have a word with my brother as he was also lent money to help with a house purchase but being smarter made a note of it at the solicitors when he and his wife purchased.
Sounds like you want to do some tidying up and then just happen to come across that old letter detailing the ‘loan’ from your parents to YOU. I'll have to have a word with my brother as he was also lent money to help with a house purchase but being smarter made a note of it at the solicitors when he and his wife purchased.
gts.981 said:
Jurassic pork said:
The money was lent to me but with no formal agreement that I remember.
I'll have to have a word with my brother as he was also lent money to help with a house purchase but being smarter made a note of it at the solicitors when he and his wife purchased.
Sounds like you want to do some tidying up and then just happen to come across that old letter detailing the ‘loan’ from your parents to YOU. I'll have to have a word with my brother as he was also lent money to help with a house purchase but being smarter made a note of it at the solicitors when he and his wife purchased.
...and follow the money trail when you get her financial disclosures too. Mine was paying £3k a month off her credit cards, apparently. Actually, for close on two years, she was building up a debit balance.
Unsurprisingly she and her solicitor were reluctant to share the statements until I insisted.
Unsurprisingly she and her solicitor were reluctant to share the statements until I insisted.
MYOB said:
gts.981 said:
Jurassic pork said:
The money was lent to me but with no formal agreement that I remember.
I'll have to have a word with my brother as he was also lent money to help with a house purchase but being smarter made a note of it at the solicitors when he and his wife purchased.
Sounds like you want to do some tidying up and then just happen to come across that old letter detailing the ‘loan’ from your parents to YOU. I'll have to have a word with my brother as he was also lent money to help with a house purchase but being smarter made a note of it at the solicitors when he and his wife purchased.
Thanks everyone.
Obviously a lot are saying I should 'find' the letter regards the loan. Even if I was to do this, would a court not decide it was just a loan to myself so it was up to me pay it back from my own funds?
I'll be talking to my parents today, I know they will be not be happy at all. I'm pretty sure they would stand up and give evidence to the fact it was a loan and be repaid though.
I'll give the wife a couple of days before bringing the subject up with her again, she must know that her pension is going to be on the line and I really do hope she see's sense and agrees the 40k is to go back to my parents.
If I can get to that stage I'll be a happy man, currently the whole 40k drama and involving a solicitor is making me physically sick and I'm barely eating as it is.
Obviously a lot are saying I should 'find' the letter regards the loan. Even if I was to do this, would a court not decide it was just a loan to myself so it was up to me pay it back from my own funds?
I'll be talking to my parents today, I know they will be not be happy at all. I'm pretty sure they would stand up and give evidence to the fact it was a loan and be repaid though.
I'll give the wife a couple of days before bringing the subject up with her again, she must know that her pension is going to be on the line and I really do hope she see's sense and agrees the 40k is to go back to my parents.
If I can get to that stage I'll be a happy man, currently the whole 40k drama and involving a solicitor is making me physically sick and I'm barely eating as it is.
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