School bully issue

[Mattlan]

Anyone guide me... my son (8) is at prmiary school. In his class is another boy is completely off the rails behaviour wise. Last school year my son had two or three instances that were reported to headmistress who promised to keep an eye on this kid.
This school year my son has had two weeks of glowing reports ( school points, assembly congratulations etc)whilst funnily enough this kid was on two weeks holiday. he is now back and yesterday with no provocation pushed by son from behind into wooden playground equipment. My son now has a major bruise from his ear to his nose...question is what now..it appears that the school are unable to control this child..local education authority / school governers ??? anyone help?

[dougc]

Get your son and his mates to get together and deck the bully. That'll shut him up.

Or does it not work like that any more?

[spaximus]

Speak to the headmaster and the school goveners, they should take it seriously as he has now had an injury as a result of them not acting earlier.
As an aside maybe some form of self defence class, karate etc to give your son confidence to stand upto the bully. Most bullies do so because the victim is quiet or differant in some way to others and someone they know will not retaliate.
Do not ignore this issue now as it can go on for years in not stopped.

There may also be an issue if the kid who is the bully has problems at home etc, schools may try to use that to excuse his actions but don't be fobbed off with that.

Hope it all works out fine

[Chrispy Porker]

The school has to have a bullying policy.
hopefully one that works.
Make sure they use it.

[Don]

dougc said:

Get your son and his mates to get together and deck the bully. That'll shut him up.

When I was a lad a persistent offender was subjected to a fairly serious group kicking. That put a stop to it. A few lads simply formed a "union". One for all and all for one sort of thing. Hit one of us - we ALL come a beat the crap out of you. Once the idea was established in the minds of the bullying types it mostly went away.

dougc said:

Or does it not work like that any more?

Sadly I expect not. You'd probably just get into trouble.

[Don]

Enrole your boy in a martial arts class.

[TPS]

Keep a record of all incidents.Take pictures of yours sons injury.Speak to the school and tell them if it is not sorted out you will take legal action.Check link.

http://www.clsdirect.org.uk/index.jsp

This needs to be stopped as who knows what effect this will have on your son.

[tigger1]

TPS said:

Keep a record of all incidents.Take pictures of yours sons injury.Speak to the school and tell them if it is not sorted out you will take legal action.Check link.

The previous incidents were reported to them, they did nothing - and now your son has suffered physical injury as a result of their negligence/inaction??

I would be having strong words with the head and explaining that you hold THEM personally responsible for your sons injury and want to know what action they are taking.

[TpdNotts]

This sort of behaviour is NOT acceptable and the school have an obligation to do something about it. My daughter is 9 and if that were happening to her I'd be fuming. I'd also be angry if she were the bully.. I'd suggest asking for an appointment with the Headmaster/Headmistress, not just your son's class teacher. If this doesn't solve the problem then the school governors. Perhaps note everything down and take photos as someone as already suggested. When your child gets hurt emotionally or physically you feel it too and I can imagine how stressful this is. It's just not on is it?

[bigdods]

In my experience (boys age 7 and 9) some schools dont believe bullying exists. At every school there have been bullies but my oldest has been taught to take no crap. If they hot you hit them back harder. This applies to boys or girls. He's never had any trouble with bullies. Same thing for the younger one. Glad I taught them this as other kids have been bullied and the school are 'oh well never mind' about it.

Funny thing is I had to move both my kids to a new school as the oldest was being bullied by one of the teachers ! Funny that we found about 20 other kids from the same school moved shortly after, so it was great my kids knew lots of others at the new school!. Sometimes you just have to move on.

[HiRich]

One thing not mentioned so far - have a good man-to-man chat with your son.
Make sure evryone's out of the house, no distractions, just the two of you. Learn whether there's any reason for it, understand the history, and is anyone else involved on either side. Does your son want to deal with it in any particular way. Make notes if you want.
You will be better prepared for when you tackle the school. But most importantly you son will know that his old man really cares and is right behind him. That alone will pay huge dividends in both the short and long term.

[SplatSpeed]

get solicitors to write the school a leter explaining the issue and the possibility of criminal proceedings

take injunction out against kid problem solved

Edited by SplatSpeed on Thursday 27th September 14:54

[Cooperman]

When my grandson was about 9 there was some bullying and he was one of the victims of a particular individual. He talked to me about it as we're very close and I asked him what my daughter, his mum, had said. "Mum said to tell the teacher". I said that I knew that was not really an option and that what he should do was to get the bully on one side and to tell him that if he continued to behave like that then he (my grandson) would have to really hurt him. He asked what to do it the kid persisted. I said that you must hit him between eye and jaw level. How many times - just the once. How hard - as hard as you possibly can.
He told me the next week that he did as I suggested and 'told him the facts of life' and that after the warning the bully now wanted to be his friend. I asked what was his reaction to that. "I don't want him as a friend", he said, "he's a nasty bit of work".
Anyway, problem solved and grandson a bit of a hero with the class.
It's just so sad when it gets really out-of-hand and, sadly, meeting violence with violence is the only way to address the cowardice of the bullies. In my day a bully would get '6 of the best from the Headmaster' which stopped it all immediately.

[oldsoak]

SplatSpeed said:

get solicitors to write the school a leter explaining the issue and the possibility of criminal proceedings

take injunction out against kid problem solved

Edited by SplatSpeed on Thursday 27th September 14:54

Can you actually get an injunction against an 8 year old bully(I am assuming the bully is of same age as the victim here)? I thought the age of criminal responsibility was 10 years of age???

Whilst I admire the pacifistic way of dealing with this sort of thing...a good lambasting from the abused and a few of his mates, is, I believe, the way to 'make it go away'.
A bully will not stop because you wave an official piece of paper at him/her.

[djohnson]

When I was a lad my dad taught me to use my fists.

Sadly in today's politically correct world it's probably not acceptable.

[Flintstone]

"The school....the school.....the school...........". What about the bully's parents?

The school can warn the kid off but ultimate responsibility lies with his parents. Go for them. I did when it happened to my daughter, worked wonders.

[greenBo**ox]

i remember, back when i was a wee lad there was a big oaf at my primary school. Who used to pick on all the small kids( me being one) so one day we all ganged up and gave it to him. lets say he never did it again!

but i guess we have to go through all the political steps these days

[Kinky]

The school will have a Bullying Policy, which is publicly available at any time.

So, tomorrow, go to the school secretarys office and ask for a copy of the Schools Bullying Policy.

That will clearly mark out the schools stance on bullying, expectations and how it will handle these situations. This will be your opportunity to ensure that:

1 - you follow the 'process' by the book
2 - you know what the school should be doing - and you can confirm if they are, or not.

If you go to the LEA I suspect they will tell you the very same.

So do that tomorrow - it will only take a minute or 2 at most (assuming they are that organised).

K

[Mad Moggie2]

oldsoak said:

SplatSpeed said:

get solicitors to write the school a leter explaining the issue and the possibility of criminal proceedings

take injunction out against kid problem solved

Edited by SplatSpeed on Thursday 27th September 14:54

Can you actually get an injunction against an 8 year old bully(I am assuming the bully is of same age as the victim here)? I thought the age of criminal responsibility was 10 years of age???

Whilst I admire the pacifistic way of dealing with this sort of thing...a good lambasting from the abused and a few of his mates, is, I believe, the way to 'make it go away'.
A bully will not stop because you wave an official piece of paper at him/her.

No to the injunction comment .. he's too young. In any case - an injunction might be difficult given that kids have to go to a school/be shown to be receiving an education (if taught at home for example) up to age 16 per current Statute Law.

True re the last bit of the post quoted.

The school should have some strategy in place to deal with this all the same.

OP -


First port of call - visit the headmistress of this school. Point out the incidents of the previous year. State you would be willing to discuss this with the class teacher, the headteacher and the other child's parents/guardians with a view to preventing further incidents of this nature - whilst at the same time making it very plain that any future assault on you son will result in your seeking legal advice as the school will be in breach of their duty of care in loco parentis


You need to know the following. You must, as already suggested, sit down and have a "father-son mates together" chat.

Does this young tyke back chat to his teacher?

Act "hard" in class - treating discipline/sanction as some kind of trophy or make a big deal out of being disciplined - (which does not bode well for when he reaches driving age )

Does this kid show off? Want his own way all the time and throw a major strop if he does not get this?
Does this kid swear at/abuse the teacher and the rest of the class?

Does he mess around in class?

If the answer to most of this is "yes" - then we have the classic bullying "hard man" whose parents may not care as much as you do for your own son about his academic or even vocational development. You need to establish this for discussion over how to ensure your son remains safe whilst in the school's care


Sadly - parental influence and family history of decent education are often cited in student questionnaires on school behaviour. My source? I have sisters who teach and they have quoted me a reference book by Sue Cowley, interestingly entitled - "Teaching The Buggers To Behave!" However, I have been informed that this "must read" for all in education does include some very useful information for you as to a school's legal and legally enforceable policy on dealing with bullies. I read your post and phoned them before I made this reply. I suggest you head to book shoppe to browse this and other hand books like this written for teachers. Most useful as regards rights and the law relating


Per this book written by an acclaimed teacher trainer as I understand from my two sisters and Wildy's teacher cousin - peer pressure does have more impact though on schoolground incidents. If your son and his pals can ostracise him - he becomes the "outsider" and thus has a choice - either "fit in with the crowd" or "feel or perceive himself bullied" - which would be rather "satisfying"


Hope this helps.

[Seesure]

You need to document things against a time line.

Write to the head outlining what has happened to date and that although you have spoken to the head nothing appears to have changed.

Copy the letter to the Chair of Governors and also the Local Authority.

You need to highlight that you feel no action has been taken since you were last in contact with them. Ask to see an action plan as to how they are going to ensure it doesn't happen again.

It may be that this other boy has issues outside of school, you could suggest that the EWO (education welfare officer) is contacted to review the situation.