Do You Get Nervous In A Kebab Shop?

[as400]

I don't go in drunk that would only make things worse, though I do strangely feel drunk and stupid upon entering so I try to speak clearly so they understand what I'm ordering and can see that I'm sober.

I always get shish and donner and the turny thing and the fresh meat on skewer things mixed up and suddenly I feel like I'm in a bad dream and I'm trying to explain what I want and it's like there are a lot of swarthy looking Turkish or Iranian men all who have just come out of prison looking at me and its like they all hate me. They think I'm taking the piss and its always the roughest looking one who starts shouting suggestions to me as to what I want and all the others stop work and are looking at me and I can see them talking to each other about me and then I'm aware of all the knives they are holding. Before you know what I am just agreeing to what they are suggesting because clearly they think I'm another drunk English idiot or maybe on drugs and I'm getting a burger (which I think they are undercooking on purpose because they hate me) when I actually wanted a simple shish lamb donner kebab but freshly made and not on that big turny-around thing and I wanted crispy chips like just cook them longer till they float on top but Ahmed didn't understand and looked at me like I was a tt when I tried to explain so I gave up and just had the undercooked burger with soggy chips.

When I thanked them all profusely for serving me with food I didn't want because I didn't want them to think bad of me I just know that as I walked to wards the exit they were all talking about me and bad mouthing me and I can never return.

I've run out of kebab shops and am having to travel further to find one.

Anyone else?

[CAPP0]

Did somebody say..... just order online?

[cossy400]

No my go to Kebab shop knows my order as soon as i walk in.

I walk in hes shouts "usual" i nod and then stand outside these days until its ready.

i normally have at least 1 maybe 2 a week.

[Kwackersaki]

No, but I did get paranoid and wouldn’t go into a Chinese takeaway if any other customers were inside many years ago. I visited about 4 before I found an empty one.

It could have been down to the bag of speed I had the night before though!

[Bathroom_Security]

as400 said:

I don't go in drunk that would only make things worse, though I do strangely feel drunk and stupid upon entering so I try to speak clearly so they understand what I'm ordering and can see that I'm sober.

I always get shish and donner and the turny thing and the fresh meat on skewer things mixed up and suddenly I feel like I'm in a bad dream and I'm trying to explain what I want and it's like there are a lot of swarthy looking Turkish or Iranian men all who have just come out of prison looking at me and its like they all hate me. They think I'm taking the piss and its always the roughest looking one who starts shouting suggestions to me as to what I want and all the others stop work and are looking at me and I can see them talking to each other about me and then I'm aware of all the knives they are holding. Before you know what I am just agreeing to what they are suggesting because clearly they think I'm another drunk English idiot or maybe on drugs and I'm getting a burger (which I think they are undercooking on purpose because they hate me) when I actually wanted a simple shish lamb donner kebab but freshly made and not on that big turny-around thing and I wanted crispy chips like just cook them longer till they float on top but Ahmed didn't understand and looked at me like I was a tt when I tried to explain so I gave up and just had the undercooked burger with soggy chips.

When I thanked them all profusely for serving me with food I didn't want because I didn't want them to think bad of me I just know that as I walked to wards the exit they were all talking about me and bad mouthing me and I can never return.

I've run out of kebab shops and am having to travel further to find one.

Anyone else?

This is a very upper class problem

[valiant]

Just go on an order a lamb doner. It’s not difficult.

You’re being picky in a kebab shop. It’s hardly haute cuisine by a Michelin starred chef. Just order it, pay for it and fk off. It really is not that difficult.

[matrignano]

This has got to be a troll!

Also the nasty Turkish men might not try to kill if you bothered googling the dishes you want and learning their names, rather than calling them turny skewer things etc.

[croyde]

I was walking my daughter down the local High St years ago.

She was wondering why the guy at the kebab shop and the people at all the other takeaways waved at me or called out a greeting when we walked past.

[cml24]

matrignano said:

This has got to be a troll!

Also the nasty Turkish men might not try to kill if you bothered googling the dishes you want and learning their names, rather than calling them turny skewer things etc.

Surely a troll, who gets scared ordering fast food?

[alorotom]

cml24 said:

matrignano said:

This has got to be a troll!

Also the nasty Turkish men might not try to kill if you bothered googling the dishes you want and learning their names, rather than calling them turny skewer things etc.

Surely a troll, who gets scared ordering fast food?

My thinking exactly.

I HATE the term but if no troll this is extreme snowflake-ery

[KingofKong]

Always a trail of spew and blood outside a good kebab shop, usually a broken window as an Hors d’oeuvre.

My local used to be called Bunnies, one night I got a good thumping, but still managed to keep hold of my kebab but was unable to eat the pitta bread as I think my front teeth were wobbly and my jaw was a little sore.

Kebab shop phobia does exist, I’ve avoided them at kicking out time ever since.

[SmoothCriminal]

as400 said:

I don't go in drunk that would only make things worse, though I do strangely feel drunk and stupid upon entering so I try to speak clearly so they understand what I'm ordering and can see that I'm sober.

I always get shish and donner and the turny thing and the fresh meat on skewer things mixed up and suddenly I feel like I'm in a bad dream and I'm trying to explain what I want and it's like there are a lot of swarthy looking Turkish or Iranian men all who have just come out of prison looking at me and its like they all hate me. They think I'm taking the piss and its always the roughest looking one who starts shouting suggestions to me as to what I want and all the others stop work and are looking at me and I can see them talking to each other about me and then I'm aware of all the knives they are holding. Before you know what I am just agreeing to what they are suggesting because clearly they think I'm another drunk English idiot or maybe on drugs and I'm getting a burger (which I think they are undercooking on purpose because they hate me) when I actually wanted a simple shish lamb donner kebab but freshly made and not on that big turny-around thing and I wanted crispy chips like just cook them longer till they float on top but Ahmed didn't understand and looked at me like I was a tt when I tried to explain so I gave up and just had the undercooked burger with soggy chips.

When I thanked them all profusely for serving me with food I didn't want because I didn't want them to think bad of me I just know that as I walked to wards the exit they were all talking about me and bad mouthing me and I can never return.

I've run out of kebab shops and am having to travel further to find one.

Anyone else?

Maybe they're looking at you like a retard because you are acting like one

Wtf is a shish lamb donor.

There is a lamb shish which is lamb chunks on a skewer cooked over coals.
There is lamb doner which is formed meat on a massive skewer that turns around as it is cooked.

Now you can have both of them at the same time but if you ask for donor fresh but don't want it off the skewer then you ain't getting it fresh

[FredericRobinson]

I'm confused by the idea of going into a kebab shop sober

[bobbysmithy]

SmoothCriminal said:

Maybe they're looking at you like a retard because you are acting like one

woooooooooo, we got a bad-ass over here.

[2 sMoKiN bArReLs]

FredericRobinson said:

I'm confused by the idea of going into a kebab shop sober

It's actually illegal in Nottinghamshire. Sober kebabs have to be purchased over the river in Derbyshire. (Nowhere east)

[Gary C]

How odd.

The only time I have felt remotely concerned in a Kebab shop was when the proprietor jumped over the counter with a machete

[mike80]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

Me too!

[Vocht]

Ever thought to write it down on paper and passing it him?

There was a cafe local to my work which employed a young lad with learning difficulties who would often take customer orders when they were busy despite his struggles. I was always patient with, and encouraged him, but eventually it was clear that it was much easier and less stressful for him just to be passed an order on paper as it didn’t rush or overwhelm him.

Now I’m not trying to compare your kebab shop staff to someone with special needs, my point is that if you write it down it can help both you communicate what you want without worry, and for them to be clear and unoffended.

[Sy1441]

cossy400 said:

No my go to Kebab shop knows my order as soon as i walk in.

I walk in hes shouts "usual" i nod and then stand outside these days until its ready.

i normally have at least 1 maybe 2 a week.

Same haha!

[CrunkleFloop]

ROFL!!!

This is the most pathetic thing I have read in ages.

"I am too scared to buy a kebab without having a panic attack so I'll post it on a blokey car forum"

I'm going to call it as... troll!