Musical jokes

[singlecoil]

I read this the other day, can't remember where I saw it

"We've got an hour of recording time left, we just need a nice simple bass line to finish it off"

Paul: "Hold my tea"

I tried to explain it to my wife, I don't think she got it.

[TheDrownedApe]

I don't get it, 51 yo. Assume something Beatles related?

Why does Morrissey have trouble sleeping?

Because there's a light that never goes out.

Edited by TheDrownedApe on Sunday 20th September 19:53

[tribbles]

[Old ones]

Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?

A:You only need to punch it into drum machine once.


Q: If a 4-piece jazz band takes 2 minutes to play a tune, how long does it take an 8-piece jazz band?

A: 4 minutes, because they all need to do their solo.

[thebraketester]

How do you make a musician moan? Give them a gig....

[CHLEMCBC]

How do you know a drummer's at the door?

The knocking gets faster...then slower...then faster

[Michael_B]

Rock: Three chords in front of five hundred people.
Jazz: Five hundred chords in front of three people.

[elise2000]

How do you stop someone stealing your violin? Put it in a viola case

What’s the difference between a viola and an onion? You cry when you chop up onions

And many more equally awful ones regarding violas

[njw1]

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers.

[Hoofy]

What do you get if you push a piano down a mineshaft? The sound of A-Flat Minor.

[Doofus]

The drummer of a band got so upset with people telling him was crap that he threw himself behind a train.

[Wacky Racer]

Doofus said:

The drummer of a band got so upset with people telling him was crap that he threw himself behind a train.

Took me a while......

[Halmyre]

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Philip Glass

[Ozone]

A guy on Safari, who when travelling through the jungle hears some incredible drumming coming from a distance. The following conversation ensues with his local guide:

Guy: Wow! That's amazing -- let's see if we find it!
Guide: No! We must go now -- when drums stop, big trouble!
Guy: But the drumming sounds amazing, I really want to check it out
Guide: No -- we must go, when drums stop, big trouble!
Guy: But this is the kind of thing I came here to experience! I really want to hear it!
Guide: No! We must go before drums stop!
Guy: But why? What happens when the drums stop?
Guide: Bass solo!!

[TwigtheWonderkid]

The Homeopathy Society booked The Cure to play at their Xmas party. But The Cure couldn't make it so Placebo filled in on their behalf. They figured, correctly, that no one would notice.

[Halmyre]

TheDrownedApe said:

I don't get it, 51 yo. Assume something Beatles related?

Why does Morrissey have trouble sleeping?

Because there's a light that never goes out.

Edited by TheDrownedApe on Sunday 20th September 19:53

I was going to the pub one day and noticed Morrisey standing outside.
"Coming in for a drink?", I asked.
He replied: "Not just yet, I'm waiting for happy hour to finish."

[Super Sonic]

Halmyre said:

I was going to the pub one day and noticed Morrisey standing outside.
"Coming in for a drink?", I asked.
He replied: "Not just yet, I'm waiting for happy hour to finish."

Were the house Martin's his support act?

[Simes205]

What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians??


A viola player.

[GetCarter]

Did you hear about the string quartet that went to D.C.and came straight back again.

[TwigtheWonderkid]

I played triangle on Althea & Donna's Uptown Top Ranking. Easiest job I ever had, I just had to stand at the back and ting.

[gmaz]

CHLEMCBC said:

How do you know a drummer's at the door?

The knocking gets faster...then slower...then faster

And when you open the door, he doesn't know when to come in.