Classic One Liners / Conversation Killers.

[Freds]

Had a pint with an old Pal this lunchtime and we were reminiscing about an old family friend now longer with us. He was a Copper and worked his way up the ladder to Superintendent, he was old school, blunt and often crude but respected among his own. Two of his classics which I will never forget :

Young Copper. "Congratulations on your promotion Sir, has it made any difference to your home life"
Reply. " Eyy Lad", I take the washing-up out of the sink now before I piss in it "

Colleague of similar ranking : " Hell fire lad your putting some bloody weight on" (As he prodded his substantial stomach")
Reply. "They don't put bay windows in public st-holes'

[vonuber]

"Consider that a divorce".

[SVX]

Freds said:

Young Copper. "Congratulations on your promotion Sir, has it made any difference to your home life"
Reply. " Eyy Lad", I take the washing-up out of the sink now before I piss in it "

Genuine guffaw at that

[PoleDriver]

"Does this rag smell of chloroform?"

[PoleDriver]

swerni said:

Mentioning the chloroform is a schoo boy error

They tend to sniff deeper if you give them a specific smell to look for!

Don't ask me how I know

[227bhp]

One I read on here; on seeing your Ex with new bloke: "Just remember whenever you kiss her, my cock's been there".

[Freds]

227bhp said:

One I read on here; on seeing your Ex with new bloke: "Just remember whenever you kiss her, my cock's been there".

Nasty !

[tuffer]

I was attending a business meeting when two of the attendees started chatting about schools and how their kids happened to be in the same class. Organiser of the meeting chimes in with "what are they, special needs?" Both of his colleagues just turned and looked at him ......"yes". I was the only external attendee and I could have crawled under the desk.

[vonuber]

"Dead or alive you are coming with me".

[037]

Heard you were going out with my ex! How does the used pussy feel?
What can I say, like brand new after the first 2 inches.

[vournikas]

vonuber said:

"Dead or alive you are coming with me".

I prefer a more..........gentle approach

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have a knife
Get in the van

[slipstream 1985]

vournikas said:

vonuber said:

"Dead or alive you are coming with me".

I prefer a more..........gentle approach

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have a knife
Get in the van

Are you needing a whoosh?

[All that jazz]

037 said:

Heard you were going out with my ex! How does the used pussy feel?
What can I say, like brand new after the first 2 inches.

[duckwhistle]

'How's your Brother'
'He's still dead'

[Trevatanus]

vournikas said:

vonuber said:

"Dead or alive you are coming with me".

I prefer a more..........gentle approach

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have a knife
Get in the van

[littlebasher]

vonuber said:

"Consider that a divorce".

I even read that with his accent!

[awooga]

"Yeah, I've been on TV a few times. Last time was on TFI Friday"

"What, as Freak or Unique?"

[grumpy52]

Whatever you do to my daughter I will do to you .

[tleefox]

I was party to a heated conversation at work once with one of my guys discussing a particular construction detail with a young upstart from one of our subcontractors.

The guy who works for me has about 30 years experience & is right 99% of the time. Guy he was arguing with looked about 12, had brand new site gear and did not have a clue but would not listen to any suggestion other than his own.

At one point my guy loses his rag and comes out with "you know fk all about everything and everything about fk all."

[Spydaman]

If I was female from a failed relationship I'd love to say to the new squeeze 'just remember the next time sucking his dick it's been up my arse'.