Arrogance - stressing me out, advice needed!
Discussion
Anyone,
I am currently having to work on a project with a chap who is the most arrogant person that I have met in a long time. He is also one of those done it bigger, better, larger, wider etc etc people. I really couldnt give a rats ass if he has (which he hasnt) but all I am interested is getting this project finished and the customer happy.
However, every time that I speak or email him I just get stressed out! I can feel the stress levels rising and it takes pretty much all of my control to not say / do something. I have weeks of this left and I am getting worried now...
So what I am looking for is anyone that can offer advice or guidance on how to deal with this type of situation. Anything is welcome as I really dont know how to deal with this person....
Cheers and thanks in advance.
Paul
I am currently having to work on a project with a chap who is the most arrogant person that I have met in a long time. He is also one of those done it bigger, better, larger, wider etc etc people. I really couldnt give a rats ass if he has (which he hasnt) but all I am interested is getting this project finished and the customer happy.
However, every time that I speak or email him I just get stressed out! I can feel the stress levels rising and it takes pretty much all of my control to not say / do something. I have weeks of this left and I am getting worried now...
So what I am looking for is anyone that can offer advice or guidance on how to deal with this type of situation. Anything is welcome as I really dont know how to deal with this person....
Cheers and thanks in advance.
Paul
Paul.....are you both working for the customer, or is HE the customer? Makes a big difference.
Also, will you get any kind of a kicking if you offend him? Do you need him on side for the project?
All these things matter.
We've all come across boneheads like that.
Anyone who deals with him will feel the same as you.
Don't let him get to you...........remember, he's just an inadequate tee-wat.
Keep reminding yourself.
Also, will you get any kind of a kicking if you offend him? Do you need him on side for the project?
All these things matter.
We've all come across boneheads like that.
Anyone who deals with him will feel the same as you.
Don't let him get to you...........remember, he's just an inadequate tee-wat.
Keep reminding yourself.
First of all can I commiserate with you; working with a 'Two Shits' (you know the kind, you've done one shit so he's automatically done two...) is one of the worst types of situations to be in.
There is no easy way to deal with this situation. All I can suggest is that you do everything in your powers to get your side of the project done as quickly and as efficiently as possible. If possible try and put him into the position where he needs to come and speak to you and/or try whereever possible to place the onus on him to approach you. In this way you control the conversation/relationship.
If he isn't the customer and is your partner on the project then I'd start to get as close to the customer as possible too. Build up a rapport with the C - it might work to your advantage for a number of reasons; 1. two shits might realise that he's got to work with you, 2 you might find there are opportunities with the customer to work on a different aspect of the project that doesn't involve Two Shits and 3 you can appear as professional as possible in the eyes of the customer to the detriment of the petty w*nker that is Two Shits.
Above all (and I know you realise this) do not stoop to his behaviour - he might not realise he's acting like a w*nker for one thing and typically your boorish behaviour back will go unnoticed anyway. And as you know if you lose your temper or swear at him you've lost which makes the whole situation even more infuriating. Rise above it, act in a well mannered way with him and above all say as little as possible to him at all times. You can't put your foot in your mouth when it's closed!
Good Luck Pbrettle I hope things work out for you.
Oh, before I go - don't forget that it's during these testing times that you really find out who you are and how you handle things - use it to your advantage - you'll come out of this shitty experience stronger and once you've been through it once every other time it happens again you can say to yourself 'been there and done that'....
There is no easy way to deal with this situation. All I can suggest is that you do everything in your powers to get your side of the project done as quickly and as efficiently as possible. If possible try and put him into the position where he needs to come and speak to you and/or try whereever possible to place the onus on him to approach you. In this way you control the conversation/relationship.
If he isn't the customer and is your partner on the project then I'd start to get as close to the customer as possible too. Build up a rapport with the C - it might work to your advantage for a number of reasons; 1. two shits might realise that he's got to work with you, 2 you might find there are opportunities with the customer to work on a different aspect of the project that doesn't involve Two Shits and 3 you can appear as professional as possible in the eyes of the customer to the detriment of the petty w*nker that is Two Shits.
Above all (and I know you realise this) do not stoop to his behaviour - he might not realise he's acting like a w*nker for one thing and typically your boorish behaviour back will go unnoticed anyway. And as you know if you lose your temper or swear at him you've lost which makes the whole situation even more infuriating. Rise above it, act in a well mannered way with him and above all say as little as possible to him at all times. You can't put your foot in your mouth when it's closed!
Good Luck Pbrettle I hope things work out for you.
Oh, before I go - don't forget that it's during these testing times that you really find out who you are and how you handle things - use it to your advantage - you'll come out of this shitty experience stronger and once you've been through it once every other time it happens again you can say to yourself 'been there and done that'....
I've met a few people like this
Strangely, when they find out what I do for a living, they struggle to go one better
Mrs Fish's idea is spot on - I used this with screaming Sergeant Majors at Sandhurst - I'd imagine them in drag/wearing a nappy/school uniform/etc... odd but effective
Strangely, when they find out what I do for a living, they struggle to go one better Mrs Fish's idea is spot on - I used this with screaming Sergeant Majors at Sandhurst - I'd imagine them in drag/wearing a nappy/school uniform/etc... odd but effective
try a sarcastic approach - I always find it makes me laugh.
Using the previous vernacular, when two shits says he has done two, ask how big they were, what did they look/smell like, could he do a third and was his Mum proud. (sorry, this metaphor isn't very pleasant).
This goes over the heads of most two shits but causes general hilarity for all observors.
Using the previous vernacular, when two shits says he has done two, ask how big they were, what did they look/smell like, could he do a third and was his Mum proud. (sorry, this metaphor isn't very pleasant).
This goes over the heads of most two shits but causes general hilarity for all observors.
Whenever you speak to him on a subject, e.g. your garden shed; when you've said your bit, immediately turn to him and say, "I presume that your shed is much bigger than that, Andy/Dave/tosspot/whatever?" That way, he knows you own the conversation, and you have invited him to join in. Use a line like that whenever your conversations might invite a comparison, and he will get the message that you know he's a pathetic ****wit.He is a small man, with small man syndrome, and his exageration is compensation for a gross sense of inferiority. Perhaps, mention you are worried about going bald, and ask him how long he has been going bald. If he mentions a previous girlfiend, tell him you went out with her, but you were put off by the lice. Don't mention anything about your life or cicumstances, unless it's depressing, boring etc - he won't try to outdo you on the fact that your grandmother is terminally ill!
You could always turn his 'knowledge' 
to your advantage and get him to do the lions share of the work. Suggest something to him that is below the standard required and allow him to 'do it better' suggest something slightly better than his attempt and allow him to 'do it better' When tweaked to the maximum, you can take the credit as well without doing too much of the work if he knows his stuff.
If he does not know his stuff, it will be easy to show him up for what he is. We call these people 'nine mile snipers' who 'talk a good job' They are around to criticise what everyone else does from a distance in case something goes wrong and tarnishes them but never have the guts or motivation to get stuck in and lead from the front.
to your advantage and get him to do the lions share of the work. Suggest something to him that is below the standard required and allow him to 'do it better' suggest something slightly better than his attempt and allow him to 'do it better' When tweaked to the maximum, you can take the credit as well without doing too much of the work if he knows his stuff. If he does not know his stuff, it will be easy to show him up for what he is. We call these people 'nine mile snipers' who 'talk a good job' They are around to criticise what everyone else does from a distance in case something goes wrong and tarnishes them but never have the guts or motivation to get stuck in and lead from the front.
Yeah but what if he actually IS an international man of mystery that has been there, done that, got the T-shirt and shat in the toilet.....twice.
I used to work at a large firm of engineers and the photocopy guy, who was a right old duffer, used to be exactly the same. You could talk to him about anything and he'd always done it before either in a bigger/better way or his mate owned the company.
Before being in charge of the photocopy machine this guy was a director at Tetleys brewery, a rally driver, HGV driver, Taxi driver (I beleived that one) and he did my job for a bit (Computer Aided Design), even though he couldn't switch on a PC. His list of previouse employment/experience was endless. Sad old man but bloomin hilarious all at the same time.
RE your man....if you don't need to be nice to him then don't, just ignore the fuker.
I used to work at a large firm of engineers and the photocopy guy, who was a right old duffer, used to be exactly the same. You could talk to him about anything and he'd always done it before either in a bigger/better way or his mate owned the company.
Before being in charge of the photocopy machine this guy was a director at Tetleys brewery, a rally driver, HGV driver, Taxi driver (I beleived that one) and he did my job for a bit (Computer Aided Design), even though he couldn't switch on a PC. His list of previouse employment/experience was endless. Sad old man but bloomin hilarious all at the same time.
RE your man....if you don't need to be nice to him then don't, just ignore the fuker.
dave_s13 said:I used to work at a large firm of engineers and the photocopy guy, who was a right old duffer, used to be exactly the same. You could talk to him about anything and he'd always done it before either in a bigger/better way or his mate owned the company.
Before being in charge of the photocopy machine this guy was a director at Tetleys brewery, a rally driver, HGV driver, Taxi driver (I beleived that one) and he did my job for a bit (Computer Aided Design), even though he couldn't switch on a PC. His list of previouse employment/experience was endless. Sad old man but bloomin hilarious all at the same time.
adoptsfastshowaccent:
'Eh? hardest job in the world that. I did it 30 years man and boy... terrible back injury... etc
dave_s13 said: Yeah but what if he actually IS an international man of mystery that has been there, done that, got the T-shirt and shat in the toilet.....twice.
In one job I enjoyed a few years back the planet had been divided into two zones, one man covered one zone, Tim (been there done that) covered the other.
One day in the pub one of our colleagues mentioned that he was going on a dream adventure holiday where he would eventually travel by canoe into the Amazonian rain forest, his dream not mine, he would stop at a named village deep into 'hang onto your head land' before treking into the primeval unknown . Up piped Tim, 'I've been there, give the Village headman my regards', as you would anticipate the usually physically demanding suggestions were made to Tim by all present.
Many weeks and a deep deep suntan and a much shallower wallet later chappie returns to UK and pub, head still intact, clutching a small package for Tim, a present from the head honcho to thank Tim for his kindness on his last visit.......just makes you puke doesn't it.
Just to sound like the bloke in question I know what you are going through..
A few years ago I had to sort out an email system for a large network supplier, basically they were running MS Mail (yes it was that long ago) and I was doing mail system for a living that week so I got the job.
It had to be done at a weekend, start 5:30pm Friday complete and working 9:00am monday. All (many 100's of mailboxes on servers migrated to new system etc etc). There were also lots of remote bits playing up.
Anyway I turn up on the Friday, work with the customer IT bod who was areally nice chap, into cars etc, etc. Work late and then crash out for a few hours, when I gfet in at about 8:00am the next day the 'Head of IT' is there. I get my head down get on with the job, this manager is blatantly hanging about poking his nose in.
'Why are you doing that?'
'What is that like that for?'
'Those settings look wrong'
Sort of thing, anyway because I'm the sort of person who likes to LEARN I ask his opinion which of course he gives, in the process of which he manages to tell me he is ex-microsoft and was chief designer and senior developer of MSmail. (chinney reckon..).
A few hours later he is really getting on my tit end, he is questioning everything I was doing which is fine, customer being always right and all that but asking some really, really stupid questions and wasting a lot of my time.
So I asked him if as chief designer and senior developer he knew the product well (he of course replied 'inside out, probably better than anyone in the UK') then why on earth did he get me in to do the install?
He said he did not have the time, rubbish I pointed out as he had spent 8 hours there that day getting in my face, if he was such and expert he'd have done it in half the time.
I then said that I thought the reason he got me in was either because he knew far more than me and therefore thought it would never work and did not want egg on his face or...he had no idea about the product at all. As at that point it was all in and working and all I had to do was complete the testing and make it live I told him it was the latter and thanked him for adding at least 5 hours to my bill.
Needless to say he went home.
Moral of the tale, judge people on what they actually deliver. Doubt everyone until they prove otherwise (unless they are a PH'er of course).
Good luck.
D.
I know what you are going through.. A few years ago I had to sort out an email system for a large network supplier, basically they were running MS Mail (yes it was that long ago) and I was doing mail system for a living that week so I got the job.
It had to be done at a weekend, start 5:30pm Friday complete and working 9:00am monday. All (many 100's of mailboxes on servers migrated to new system etc etc). There were also lots of remote bits playing up.
Anyway I turn up on the Friday, work with the customer IT bod who was areally nice chap, into cars etc, etc. Work late and then crash out for a few hours, when I gfet in at about 8:00am the next day the 'Head of IT' is there. I get my head down get on with the job, this manager is blatantly hanging about poking his nose in.
'Why are you doing that?'
'What is that like that for?'
'Those settings look wrong'
Sort of thing, anyway because I'm the sort of person who likes to LEARN I ask his opinion which of course he gives, in the process of which he manages to tell me he is ex-microsoft and was chief designer and senior developer of MSmail. (chinney reckon..).
A few hours later he is really getting on my tit end, he is questioning everything I was doing which is fine, customer being always right and all that but asking some really, really stupid questions and wasting a lot of my time.
So I asked him if as chief designer and senior developer he knew the product well (he of course replied 'inside out, probably better than anyone in the UK') then why on earth did he get me in to do the install?
He said he did not have the time, rubbish I pointed out as he had spent 8 hours there that day getting in my face, if he was such and expert he'd have done it in half the time.
I then said that I thought the reason he got me in was either because he knew far more than me and therefore thought it would never work and did not want egg on his face or...he had no idea about the product at all. As at that point it was all in and working and all I had to do was complete the testing and make it live I told him it was the latter and thanked him for adding at least 5 hours to my bill.
Needless to say he went home.
Moral of the tale, judge people on what they actually deliver. Doubt everyone until they prove otherwise (unless they are a PH'er of course).
Good luck.
D.
I've worked with one of these guys - made my life hell for the best part of a year before I suckered him in to proving he was shite. Turned up at work with a couple of bent bike wheels, and this parasite comes over and starts telling me all about how you build a bike wheel, why they fail like that, best replacement spokes and all that. Then I told him that I've been building the damn things for years and am being paid to fix these, including details of wheel jigs, etc. He walked off and never bullshitted me again.
Find something that you are good at - get him to impress you with his "knowledge" and then sink him.
Find something that you are good at - get him to impress you with his "knowledge" and then sink him.
Forums | General Gassing [Archive] | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff