Harmless/not so harmless car "pranks"

[donkmeister]

I returned to my car this morning to find some douche had parked so far over the line that I couldn't physically get in. "Excuse me... I don't think I can get in, you've parked too close" didn't garner a response of "oh, sorry, I didn't realise, I'll move it" but rather some sort of "am I bovvered?!" tirade that left me with the ruddy cheeks of burning indignation that afflict any reasonable person when confronted by someone who is actively and knowingly that much of an unreasonable dick.

After sending in the (thankfully diminutive) Mrs D to retrieve the car I went about my business with thoughts like "pah, if only I had let her tyres down after she left" before reminding myself that I'm simply not that sort of person.

However, it might help de-ruddy my cheeks to hear some tales of minor vengeance from the PH massive.

So come on, what have you (or your "friend") done when confronted with car-based injustice and decided that today is not the day to turn the other cheek?

[rsnissan]

Hammer some Frozen sausages into the windscreen

[Evercross]

donkmeister said:

So come on, what have you (or your "friend") done when confronted with car-based injustice and decided that today is not the day to turn the other cheek?

My folk's old place in Italy was in a seaside resort which was always mobbed at the weekend, with parking space at a premium. One particular Sunday afternoon we spotted from the balcony that someone had parked their FIAT Panda in front of our driveway.

Me, my brother and my two burly cousins picked the Panda up and dumped it in the middle of the road, then called the Polizia Municipale to tell them a car had been abandoned in a busy thoroughfare, which they promptly sent a vehicle lift round to take away...

[Heaveho]

When I lived in Southampton, I bought a city centre flat in my home town of Newcastle upon Tyne. It came with a single parking space. Which, upon arrival one Saturday afternoon I found occupied after a 5 and a half hour drive from the south. I blocked the car in ( signwritten van at the time ) and waited for the inevitable phone call.

The call duly came in, a polite voice asking me if I'd care to let him out. I did my now perfected routine of going outside and asking belligerently " Do I know you ", to which the only answer is no. Turned out he was at the football that afternoon and regularly used one space or another in our car park without permission. I told him he could have the space for the night, get the bus home and the van would be moved by tomorrow.

[ka90]

At school we had good banter with one of the teachers. We snuck out about midnight with a cargo net and a jack.
We jacked the car up and draped the net over the car and under all the wheels and dropped it.
Luckily he saw the funny side and gave us a pat on the back at breakfast.

[James_33]

I remember some years ago in my youth, I was very proud of my car, looked after it well, then this one day i was sat in a Tesco's car park eating my lunch when some big fella parks right next to me, and all of a sudden i hears metal against metal "thud" he'd opened his door without a single care in the world and straight into my passenger door leaving a dent in it.

When i got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side to see the damage this guy couldn't care less and continues walking into Tesco's, I was so pissed off not only at what he had done but also the fact he didn't care, that rather than either report it/walk away etc, i remembered i had a cheap bottle of some old car polish a mate gave me a while back that i never used, and decided to pour the entire contents of it all the way over his car and sharply drove off.

Immature of me? Probably but didn't care at the time.

[Jazoli]

rsnissan said:

Hammer some Frozen sausages into the windscreen

That's original

[Zetec-S]

James_33 said:

I remember some years ago in my youth, I was very proud of my car, looked after it well, then this one day i was sat in a Tesco's car park eating my lunch when some big fella parks right next to me, and all of a sudden i hears metal against metal "thud" he'd opened his door without a single care in the world and straight into my passenger door leaving a dent in it.

When i got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side to see the damage this guy couldn't care less and continues walking into Tesco's, I was so pissed off not only at what he had done but also the fact he didn't care, that rather than either report it/walk away etc, i remembered i had a cheap bottle of some old car polish a mate gave me a while back that i never used, and decided to pour the entire contents of it all the way over his car and sharply drove off.

Immature of me? Probably but didn't care at the time.

Years ago this happened to a friend, he removed the wiper blades from the offender's car and chucked them in the nearby hedge.

[brillomaster]

inconspicuous: dog poop smeared under the door handles.

conspicuous: dog poop smeared across the windscreen. and then wipers removed and thrown in a hedge.

if the car is parked regularly by reversing in to a space, sneak behind the car and write 'I'm a tt' with your finger on the bootlid. might be days or even weeks before they notice, if you're lucky.

[RazerSauber]

A nice easy one if you're going anywhere when your friends have given you a lift is to get out of the car slower than them and hit the hazards button. Surprising how many will walk away without noticing.

If you're ever doing work underneath a car, cable ties on the drive shaft is a harmless one, too.

[Jordie Barretts sock]

Cut the tip off a balloon and stretch it over the exhaust pipe.

Very childish farty noises ensue on start up.

Empty the contents of the hole punch into the air vents, turn fan on to full. Watch with hilarity as the driver starts the car in a paper snow storm. Impossible to get them all cleaned up as well.

[lancer778544]

I put some 3D printed glow in the dark dick tyre valve caps on a friend's car, I think it took him a few weeks to notice before he said anything.

[gazza285]

Local scroat kids used to put a bit of fine gravel in the valve caps of cars parked in the local train station car park. The slow loss would not usually be noticed on the return drive, but the car would be sat on four flats by morning.

[littleredrooster]

Not me (honest!), but I'm aware that an acquaintance once put a small amount of vaseline along each wiper blade one wet night just before the arrogant troublemaker was about to drive home.

[littleredrooster]

...and another one...but not an act of vengance!

When my cousin got married back in the 70s, the usual array of tin cans were tied to his bumper for the send-off, but someone had also popped the hub-caps off and put some small stones inside before replacing them. Lots of noise ensued as he drove away, but he didn't know about the stones until it was too late.

The constant tumbling had reduced the stones to dust which had then found its way into both rear wheel bearings and destroyed them, as he found to his cost the following day.

[Honourable Dead Snark]

Never seen it happen or attempted it myself but heard cable tieing a trolley to the door handle is a good one for supermarket parking

[Jordie Barretts sock]

Honourable Dead Snark said:

Never seen it happen or attempted it myself but heard cable tieing a trolley to the door handle is a good one for supermarket parking

You're going to need to expand on that a bit.

As in, cable tie a trolley to an inconsiderate Parker?

Or ensure nobody parks next to you by cable tying a trolley to your own car?

[ConnectionError]

At school we put the housemasters car on bricks

Careful planning a shred the wheels were just off the ground and only the front ones.

It was very amusing him trying to drive off. That was until the cane came out and each got 6 across the arse!

[Golfgtimk28v]

Using your own excretion wipe you hands with it, then wipe his door handles. That will teach them not to mess with you.

[Jordie Barretts sock]

Golfgtimk28v said:

Using your own excretion wipe you hands with it, then wipe his door handles. That will teach them not to mess with you.

Eeeuuuww.

No ta.