Rover 800 Sterling Coupe | Spotted
More than the sum of its parts...
There are times when you look at an old car and just know. You know it won’t be that good to drive because, in all honesty, it wasn’t that great even when it was new, and time will have done it no favours. But even knowing all that, old cars can be like any addictive substance. They’re just another drug, drawing you in. You know it’s wrong, you know you should ‘Just say no,’ like Zammo told you, but you just have to try it... Here’s an example of that addictive compulsion for me: the Rover 800 Sterling Coupe.
This all started when I was about 11 years of age. My friend’s dad worked for an Austin Rover dealer and whenever he and his family would come over to visit, they'd always arrive in a new Austin Rover. And while the adults sat in my parents’ living room, discussing boring stuff like Perestroika, my mate, my brother and I would grab the keys and sit in the car. This was always exciting for me. At the time, our family wheels was a Hillman Hunter estate, which was so basic it had a pump-action windscreen washer. So sitting in a new car, with luxuries like electric windows, a sunroof and even back-lit dials, was just marvellous.
Two cars stand out from those experiences. One was a Montego Mayfair, which I remember specifically for its sumptuous velour upholstery, but the most special of all was the Rover 800 Sterling. Oh my God, sitting in that thing at night, with the ignition on, bathed in the orange glow of its dials – all six of them, including a voltmeter and oil pressure gauge – was something from a different world.
Either side of the instruments was a bank of switches. The left ones were dedicated to automatic climate control – yes, automatic climate control. The Hunter, by comparison, had a two-speed fan and an optional heated rear window. In the centre console were more wonders. A Phillips digital stereo with pre-set buttons and an auto reverse cassette deck. My Genesis Invisible Touch album had never sounded so good as it did played through that, let me tell you. I can even recall the large volume control, which had lots of illuminated dots around its circumference. They served no real purpose, of course, but boy did they look good.
Below the stereo was something even more amazing. It was like something out of Knight Rider: the 'system control centre'. This gave you a top-view diagram of the car and told you about the state of the lights and whether a door was ajar, and next to that was the multi-function trip computer – a flipping computer in a car that monitored the engine’s performance; it just blew my mind. I haven’t even mentioned the luxuriousness of it, because that was almost secondary. It was still a dramatic uplift over the Hunter’s cold, stiff vinyl seats, mind. The Rover 800 had soft leather with all the burr walnut trimmings.
I can describe all this to you now because it left such an impression on me at the time. It’s chiefly why I'm ensorcelled by this 800 Coupe - but there’s another reason. I still think it looks great. Obviously, this is the face-lifted version, with the chrome grille and revised dashboard – I liked the new grille but I always thought the analogue clock and those two buttons, which replaced the ‘system control centre,' was a bit ordinary. I still wouldn’t say no, though. The piped leather and acres of wood still do it for me.
Of course, I know it will be crap. I drove an 820i Fastback automatic when it was just a few years old and that was terrible. Horrible steering, useless gearbox, gruff four-pot and a lumpy ride. Maybe this car’s V6 would sort the engine noise out, but I cannot see it being a panacea for all the 800's ills. And yet, as I stare at this car knowing all that, I still want it, because it reminds me of my youth. Of happy days when electric windows and back-lit dials would be all that was needed to wow me. That’s why I love old cars, even the crap ones, because like a piece of music, they bring all the happy memories instantly flooding back.
Specification | Rover 800 Coupe
Engine: 2,494cc, V6, naturally aspirated
Transmission: four-speed automatic, front-wheel drive
Power (hp): 173 @ 6,000rpm
Torque (lb ft): 160 @ 5,000rpm
CO2: N/A
MPG: 30-ish (NEDC)
Recorded mileage: 48,000
Year registered: 1999
Price new: N/A
Yours for: £6,999
My memories are mostly "...quick, pass your wee sister the sick bowl...!..."
Nevertheless, as kids they were awesome, loads of space, and the latter models had advanced rear seat in car entertainment features such as electric windows that kept us entertained for 500 miles!
Never had a coupe thought... Dad just wasn't that cool.
With regards it being a 'letdown' when you drive it - the thing that really ages and lets down these kind of vehicle, modern classics, 80s, 90s cars etc, is the transmission.
With some decent/refreshed dampers and some nice modern touring tyres it will be perfectly decent to drive, the engine might not be a rocketship but it will be smooth and pull, and be buttons to maintain,... the only thing that will undoubtedly, be utter s
t, is the ancient 4 speed slushbox. Just as with so many old Jags, interesting Hondas pre 5G-tronic Mercs, etc etc.. Its the transmission that shows just how far we've come.
My Father had a couple of Hunters and the dreadful vinyl in the later model came back as a Proustian rush. And the HRW switch tacked on the end of the oddments tray. The early model was far less de-contented by Chrysler.
The 800 Coupe demonstrated what Roy Axe & the team were capable of, given a freer hand.
I remember it having comedy build kwality - lots of bad trim and switchgear. In the end the head gasket went and that condemned it.
This in terms of spec and colour isnt the best looking example, the Vitesse version looked better being a bit lower and having less staid looking wheels that look like they are off a funeral car/hearse.
I had an 800 for a bit in I think Caribbean blue, bought it mainly as it had some fantastic black part leather Recaro seats. I always think that if you consider the 800 a Big Montego rather than a BMW 5 series/Merc E class competitor you wouldnt go far wrong. A fully loaded 827 by the time discounts were applied was sort on a par with a miserable spec 518i or E200, possibly cheaper, cant remember but back then you got nothing on a German car unless it was an option. I would take a well specced V6 Rover over a "Club Sport" spec 518i with cloth sets and windey windows.
Mine was only a 2.0, not fast but it went well enough for what it was, 9 ish sec to sixty and seemed reasonably torquey.
Doesnt seem that long ago the 800 was a regular sight on our roads, but must be 15 years ago, suspect the scrappage scheme killed a few off, glad a few survive.
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