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Welcome to the political tools to scare the public handicap stakes on this sunny afternoon at Epsom
The runners in today’s race are:
Global Warming, owned by Mr. L Left and trained by O M Trolley at the Greenpeace stables. Clearly the recent dope test proved inconclusive and Global Warming is 2nd favorite at 4:1. Ridden by Mike Meacher
Next is Saddam Hussein , the favorite here this afternoon, a gelding, owned by the Russian Mafia and trained by O Bin Laden ridden by a relatively new jockey George W Bush. Odds on at 11:7
Further along is Share Prices, showing excellent form of late. Share prices owned by the New York Jews and ridden by Sir Howard Davies, trained by Worldcom. Starting price for this is 12:1
Next is Education Standards, a bit of a poor showing recently as trainer QCA has a major dispute with the owners E Morris and Industrial decline. Ridden today by Mike Tongue an independent Jockey sponsored by the civil service. Recently gone out from 20:1 to 35:1
Street Crime next, half brother of Education Standards ridden by Tony Blair Owned by Nokia and trained by the South East development agency. Not much chance in this company but capable of an explosive finish 50: 1
Jeffrey Archer, owned by Mary Archer and not sure of the rider today, could be anyone of half a dozen. Trained by Jonathan Aitkin. Probably not going to show well today, as yesterday he bolted during his morning outing and was found with his head in a champagne bucket., 100:1 outsider. No, hang on, he's a nun runner I have just been informed his trainer has locked him up.
Prince Charles Owned by the queen and ridden by Daley Mail, trained by Rhoda Dendran, not expected to give a good performance today, a bit moody this one, never seems to meet expectations 40:1
Finally Cars are Bad, much overworked horse this, Owned by the BBC trained by Transport 2000 using lottery money. Ridden today by John Humphries. Usually runs in less exotic company I expect he may do quite well today due to the publicity 6:1
100:1 bar
The runners in today’s race are:
Global Warming, owned by Mr. L Left and trained by O M Trolley at the Greenpeace stables. Clearly the recent dope test proved inconclusive and Global Warming is 2nd favorite at 4:1. Ridden by Mike Meacher
Next is Saddam Hussein , the favorite here this afternoon, a gelding, owned by the Russian Mafia and trained by O Bin Laden ridden by a relatively new jockey George W Bush. Odds on at 11:7
Further along is Share Prices, showing excellent form of late. Share prices owned by the New York Jews and ridden by Sir Howard Davies, trained by Worldcom. Starting price for this is 12:1
Next is Education Standards, a bit of a poor showing recently as trainer QCA has a major dispute with the owners E Morris and Industrial decline. Ridden today by Mike Tongue an independent Jockey sponsored by the civil service. Recently gone out from 20:1 to 35:1
Street Crime next, half brother of Education Standards ridden by Tony Blair Owned by Nokia and trained by the South East development agency. Not much chance in this company but capable of an explosive finish 50: 1
Jeffrey Archer, owned by Mary Archer and not sure of the rider today, could be anyone of half a dozen. Trained by Jonathan Aitkin. Probably not going to show well today, as yesterday he bolted during his morning outing and was found with his head in a champagne bucket., 100:1 outsider. No, hang on, he's a nun runner I have just been informed his trainer has locked him up.
Prince Charles Owned by the queen and ridden by Daley Mail, trained by Rhoda Dendran, not expected to give a good performance today, a bit moody this one, never seems to meet expectations 40:1
Finally Cars are Bad, much overworked horse this, Owned by the BBC trained by Transport 2000 using lottery money. Ridden today by John Humphries. Usually runs in less exotic company I expect he may do quite well today due to the publicity 6:1
100:1 bar
quote:
Jeffrey Archer, owned by Mary Archer and not sure of the rider today, could be anyone of half a dozen. Trained by Jonathan Aitkin. Probably not going to show well today, as yesterday he bolted during his morning outing and was found with his head in a champagne bucket., 100:1 outsider. No, hang on, he's a nun runner I have just been informed his trainer has locked him up.
nice one 
quote:
As a bit of a Wind in the Willows fan, I quite like Jeffrey Archer. I know he's done wrong but he's hardly dangerous. His big sin was getting caught getting caught. A classic villain in Terry Thomas mould.
I reccomend 'Stranger Than Fiction' the unofficial biography of Archer by Jonathan Crick (IIRC). The title says it all.....
BTW Nonegreen -
>> Edited by Mark Benson on Friday 27th September 17:11
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