Monday morning joke

[V8HSV]

A Welsh ventriloquist visiting Australia walks into a small town and
Sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have
Some fun, so he says to the Auzzie "Can I talk to your dog?"

Auzzie: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Pom"

Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?

Dog: "Doin' all right"

Auzzie: (Look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing at the Auzzie)

Dog: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes
Me to the lake once a week to play"

Auzzie: (Look of disbelief)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Auzzie: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either. I think"

Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool"

Auzzie: (Absolutely dumfounded)

Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the
Auzzie)

Horse: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes
Me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements"

Auzzie: (Total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Auzzie: (In a panic) "The sheep's a f*@kin liar"

[Twin Turbo]

That's a baaaad joke. Eew should be ashamed of yourself

[mose]

Very good

Here's another!

An Aussy guy on holiday in the heart of Wales. He's walking along a country farm and is approaching a farmer with a sheep under each arm.

Aussy : "G'day mate, you gonna sheer them sheep??"

Farmer : "No mate, am gonna sh*g them both meself"

[BigNige]

Man goes to his doctor and says "Doctor, I think I'm going deaf"

Doctor says "What are the symptoms?"

Man says "A cartoon series, why?"

[maverick964_uk]

how about this one.....

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone.

She approached him.

"My name is Carmen," she told him.

"That's a beautiful name," he said. "Is it a family name?"

"No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most
- cars and men."

"What's your name?" she asked.

"Beertits."

[Paul.H.]

95-year-old man is given a jar & asked to provide a sperm sample for analysis by the hospital. Turns up 2 days later with the jar still empty.

Nurse: Why no sample?
Man: Well, I tried with my left hand, then I tried with my right. Then wife tried with both hands. No luck. Wife then tried with her mouth with teeth in, then teeth out! Still no luck, so we got Mable in from next door & she couldn't do it either!

It's no good - just can't get the bloomin' lid off!!!!!