On Friday 23 September, a bunch of vehicles will set off from the UK, heading for Naples, in aid of charity. The catch is that they'll have to do it in a vehicle costing £100 or less.
PHers Paul Borge and Adam Barber decided to take up the challenge. In their own words, they explain:
“Just don’t tell me about it, I’ll only worry.” was all both of our mothers had to say when we let them in on the details of our latest motoring adventure.
Four days, and a 1,500 miles trip from London to Naples, then back again in 48 hours. Sounds easy, but we’re not doing it quickly and effortlessly in a Porsche 911 Turbo or in the rapid, capacious dual-zone climate controlled confines of an Audi RS6. No, like the rest of the competitors in this years Staples2Naples rally, we went for the only thing the rules allow – a £100 heap of junk. And in our case this means a J-plate, 1991, 2.0 petrol Ford Transit minibus (sans seats). Gumball 3000 this ain’t!
Staples2Naples was created by organiser Justin Clements as a ‘banger rally for wage slaves’; ie a motoring event for which you don’t need blue blood or a pair of red braces in order to afford the entry fee. This year around 125 vehicles will take part in the jaunt, leaving Calais in the early hours of Friday 23 September with a view to getting as many of us to Naples by the Monday afternoon as possible. Competition based on speed to destination would be pointless as, let’s be honest, half of us probably won’t make it anyway. Instead points are gained for competing random and bizarre tasks each day, including the final day’s Clint Eastwood and watergun shoot out!
So, £100 doesn’t really buy an awful lot does it? The line-up this year includes the Who’s Who of crap cars – a Volvo 740 GLE, Vauxhall Senator 3, Nissan Bluebird (stop laughing) and a battered VW Golf mk 2. If only everything in life was as reliable as a Volkswagen.
We’ve christened ourselves team ‘Van on the Run’ in honour of every mother’s favourite -- Paul McCartney and Wings -- and we’ll be providing a full fly-on-the-wall update on these year's Staples2Naples post-event. Even better, we’re taking a camcorder with us so with any luck the DVD will be out in time for Christmas…ahem.
Meanwhile, feast your eyes and motoring dreams on our chariot and join the queue if you think we’d consider swapping your nearly new Enzo or Zonda for it.
Not quite in the same financial league as the 2005 season Ferrari F1 campaign, team Van on The Run opted for a 1991 long wheelbase Ford Transit minibus for the 2005 Staples2Naples rally. Devoid of seats, a stereo system, air conditioning and even a working cigarette lighter, it was necessary to make a number of improvements and modifications over the standard vehicle.
One of the only original features in the vehicle is the pre-Duratec, 2.0 petrol steel lump, providing an un-known power output. The engine features an aftermarket ignition system - aimed squarely at getting the van to start in the first place - and precedes modern engine technology by utilising a carburettor in place of fuel injection. Despite the addictive sound of the TVR-like exhaust, an unwillingness by the team to inhale exhaust fumes for the duration of the rally meant that the hole had to be patched.
Again bucking current motor racing trends, the team opted for a 5 speed manual transmission in lieu of a semi-automatic sequential or actuated clutch-based gearbox. Further adding to the challenge, the syncromesh on second gear was thoroughly destroyed, meaning the team can only use third and first during deceleration.
Chassis, suspension and steering
Perhaps the finest example of Transit engineering to date, this 1991 model features a fantastically out-of-date steel beam construction, around which the highly flexible and somewhat shaky bodywork is fixed. Up-front, independent single wishbone suspension just about holds the wheels on, while the rear axle is held in place by the granddad of all suspension designs – a single beam and leaf springs.
For reasons of safety the team was forced to revise the steering design of the vehicle, moving away from the original off-centre setup. As a result both front wheels now point in the same direction.
Despite a desire for ghetto-tastic 20-inch chrome spinners running on low profile tyres, a limited budget meant retaining the standard 5-bolt Transit wheel set.
Completely oblivious to the fact that dark paintwork attracts heat during the day and decreases visibility at night, the team opted for a matt black finish to the bodywork. Despite it's drawbacks, this does actually make the vehicle invisible to ground and air-based radar, ensuring stray Russian MiG-29 fighter jets will not interfere with progress.
About the inside, the less said the better. Described as a “warehouse on wheels”, the interior is cavernous and tatty. That said, the vehicle features a 240-volt power system, twin refrigerators, iPod and Bose sound system, wireless mobile internet and Mac PowerBook computing.
Safety is paramount to the team, despite the willies our mothers are having regarding the overall condition of the vehicle. As a gesture towards safety the van will carry a fire extinguisher, first aid kit and – should we break down – a Gilera motor scooter with which we will reach the nearest point of civilisation for help.
The last bit, to be honest, is a bit of a lie as we're only taking it to dick about on in the evenings….
If you’d like to sponsor team ‘Van on the Run’ (all monies go to the Christina Noble Children’s Foundation), then please visit the link below.
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