While there are plenty of SUV advocates on PH there will, no doubt, be a certain amount of vitriol and schadenfreude being aimed at drivers of the XXXL 4x4s singled out today in a press release about the cars too big to fit in British parking spaces.
As is the way of these things it comes in the form of a clickbait-friendly bit of 'research' by Accident Exchange suggesting a 35 per cent increase in car park prangs since 2014. The blame for this is placed on the combination of oversized SUVs and undersized British parking places, if not directly on the spatial awareness of the drivers of said machines. But we wouldn't want to spoil your fun in that regard.
However the numbers were crunched to end up with the headline grabbing figure of £1.4bn in repair costs it's obvious the cars singled out - the Audi Q7, Mercedes GL and BMW X5 - are among a number too big to fit comfortably within the official guidelines of 4.8m by 2.4m.
With this in mind, PH has compiled a handy guide to the best 4x4s for negotiating terrain even variable ride height, diff locks and off-road modes can't handle - that being your average multi-storey car park. Let us know what you think of our selection, and feel free to contribute your own solutions to this so first world of problems below!
The Panda 4x4 has lived in the shadow of its 100HP sibling on PH for quite some time now. But at just 3.7m by 1.7m it has the ability to negotiate even the tightest of multi-storeys with ease and the all-weather traction without which, as any Golf R owner worth his salt will tell you, no vehicle can hope to remain on the road. The 2016 model is rather more handsome, but looking back just a couple of years, decent petrol versions can be found for a not unreasonable sum in the classifieds. Just don't expect to get anywhere that fast.
With relatively new, very low mileage examples to be found in the classifieds for under £10K, the Jimny is a no brainer for the rural dweller who on occasion finds need to negotiate the claustrophobic car parks of their local market town. At just 3.6m by 1.6m it's the smallest road legal car on the list, but despite a power output to match its diminutive stature, it can still deliver excellent smiles/miles value. Check out this recent Reader's Car of the Week to see just how enjoyable life with the Jimny can be.
"Absolutely, yes." was the conclusion when our John Mahoney went quite far out of his way to determine whether he could be swayed into joining the growing Yeti fanclub on PH. By the standards of the Jimny or Yeti its gargantuan 4.2m by 1.8m sounds chunky but it's still tiny compared with the Q7 et al. And, putting our sensible hats on for a second, if you're looking for a genuinely practical daily driver then the Yeti ticks almost every box. For practicality we'll go with a diesel, with this reasonably well-equipped one catching our eye in the classifieds.
Pocket Classics Army
What if even the smallest off-roader is still simply too big for you to handle? A half scale model is the only way to go, even if it only has two-wheel drive! Dan has been absolutely loving his PocketClassics Armysince he assembled it earlier in the year so much so that none of the rest of us have had a go yet. We can't find any for sale in the classifieds, the fact that they're not strictly road legal perhaps having something to do with that. It'll fit under ticket barriers and between bollards though, so they'll never catch you!
Daimler Ferret
Should all of the above fail to pique your interest, there is one 4x4 which will get even the most powerfully built of company directors wherever he needs to be, whenever he needs to be there. At just 3.7m by 1.9m, the Daimler Ferret is only marginally bigger than the aforementioned Panda and with a roof hatch for entry and exit, even the tightest parking space won't confound it. This one for sale in the classifieds will do nicely, the armour plating should stand up to the most aggressive of car park collisions and its optional machine gun ought to deter anyone from opening their door into it too. BJ Baldwincertainly looked to have a lot of fun taking his for a spin earlier in the year...
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