I
called up Ford the other day. Apparently, they're still keen on putting Volvo,
Land Rover, Jaguar and Aston Martin under one roof. Talk about weird. Passion
dead people who want to stay alive buy Volvos. People who really do honestly
intend to take their off-roader off-road someday (or at least drive it when it's
snowing) buy Landies. Aspiring plutocrats buy Jags. People with more Mercedes
than sense (i.e. people who don't mind when bits of their second car fall off)
buy Astons. It's about as logical a mix as muesli, venison, Pimms and cocaine.
Apparently, it's not the forecourt from Hell. It's Ford Motor Company's
Premium Automotive Group! Discriminating buyers who want the best, um, status
safety off-road sports car can find it- or them-under one roof. PAG plans for
each super dealership to feature a "Motor land" test-driving facility.
Customers will have the opportunity to try out the car of their choice on an
oval track or an off-road course. God forbid someone should take a wrong turn
and drive an XKR-R off-road, or a Defender around a proper corner. If it sounds
confusing, that's because it is.
PAG Supremo Wolfgang Reitzle disagrees. He says the plan reflects "brand
synergy". Like all auto executives, he's paid to say things like that. In
fact, throwing all these cars together makes about as much sense as an off-road
Aston (or Porsche, but don't get me started). The only reason these venerable
brands are facing the retail equivalent of a shotgun wedding is that Ford owns
them all, and Wolfie works for Ford, and Wolfie can't run Ford because he's a
German and his last name isn't Ford, so he runs what companies he can, and wants
them all neat and tidy, in one place, in order. Ya?
As bizarre as it sounds, Mr. Reitzle may be on to something. Brussels seems
determined to let franchised dealers divorce their retail and service
departments. Unencumbered by the need to keep so many different types of cars
roadworthy, the uber dealership could represent a shift away from selling
transportation, towards showbiz. Think multiplex. We shall see. Ford opened its
first PAG dealership two weeks ago in Saarbrücken. But even if a retail
smorgasbord is The Way Forward in The Internet Age (2pm, The Burberry Suite,
pens and ProPlus supplied), someone's going to get hurt.
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It won't be the Swedes. Volvo owners are a loyal bunch that will not -
can not - be distracted from their mission: to buy the same car they
bought ten years ago. It won't be Land Rover. Given Land Rover's
infamous build-quality, their buyers have already proven that they'll
put up with just about anything. It won't be Jag. Rubbing shoulders with
Purdey-loving Land Rover and Glam Rock Aston can only increase the
brand's already insufferable (if effective) snob appeal. It will be
Aston. |
If any car brand depends on exclusivity, it's Aston Martin. People don't buy
their cars because they're practical like a Porsche, or reliable like a
Mercedes, or easy to drive like a BMW, or good around corners like a Ferrari, or
mind-bendingly fast like a Lamborghini, or… wait a minute, why do people buy
Astons? Oh yes, exclusivity. Character. That sort of thing. So, do Aston's
"discerning" customers want to mix with people who boast about the
miles per gallon achieved when they towed their caravan to Conway? No, they do
not. Nor do they wish to associate with customers who wear Wellington boots
while they drive. Jag owners may be the right sort, but then again, probably
not.
Throwing all these brands together raises some interesting questions. Like
who sells what to whom, how, when and where? To which Wolfie has an interesting
answer: "Each salesman will be an expert in his own brand," he
explained to an overly credulous Times. "We are not dumbing down."
It's worrying that Aston is in the hands of a man who knows the expression
"dumbing down". More importantly, Mr. Rietzle's answer tells us
nothing about how salesman will deal with brand overlap. Volvo will soon make an
SUV that will compete with the Freelander for the irrational affections of the
School Run set. The Swedes also make a top down sports cruiser- an interesting
if white bread alternative to the venerable Jaguar XK. When should a XJ customer
be encouraged to trade-up to an Aston? Can an Aston customer ask for his change
in X-Types? And, lest we forget, salesman will be salesman. There's bound to be
poaching on a scale not seen since the Irish potato famine.
Oh OK, I admit it: no one in England actually "sells" anything.
Customers are used to qualifying themselves- to the point where I've seen them
reminding the salesman which options are available for their new car. But
turning car dealerships into Selfridges surely tempts the Gods of Brand
Identity. Can Ford resist the temptation to "rationalise" the hundreds
of overpaid graphic designers, copywriters and photographers who knock out those
brand-specific glossy brochures that provide a polite excuse for customers
seeking a way to leave the showroom without buying a car? Will they settle on a
PAG theme that unites Swedish utilitarian minimalism with traditional British,
um, anything? Like a Jaguar S-Type, the idea may work, but it sure won't look
pretty.
The
PAG Group's "stack 'em high and sell 'em expensive" master plan does
have a silver lining. At least it means they're leaving Ford alone. Ford
currently makes some of the best handling cars on the road. By sticking all
their sub-brands in quarantine, Billy Ford's Mob can keep the Blue Oval focused.
As for Aston, well, if she can survive an oil embargo, safety regulations,
emissions legislation, the stock market crash and a paddle shift system that
fries the clutch in under an hour, she should be able to withstand contamination
from Volvo et al. At least one hopes so, doesn't one?
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