As a callow youth Shed was asked to carry out a reporting job at a Knockhill round of the British Touring Car Championship. It was 1994, the time of the infamous TWR Rickard Rydell Volvo 850 T5 estate 'bakers' vans'. Lying comfortably on the grassy Knockhill Mound on an unexpectedly warm Scottish day, Shed watched attentively as the cars droned distantly around the hairpin. The warm sun, the summery buzz of bumble bees and the gentle popping of Buckfast bottles made it a day to remember.
One of eight left in Panama Yellow apparently
Or at least, it should have done, because then Shed could have written and filed his story as he was meant to. Instead, he woke up to find himself alone on the Mound, the new owner of a one-sided lobster tan with two sweet wrappers and a used condom stuck to the side of his face. All the fans had left. The meeting had finished an hour earlier. Shed had done the motorsports equivalent of missing his stop on the train and waking up in the sidings.
To this day, Shed blames the dull, drama-free handling of the mid-'90s BTCC cars for this shocking dereliction of duty. The racing was boring. Non-Volvo BTCC drivers hated the T5, complaining they couldn't see anything past its vast backside. Even Rickard's team mate Jan Lammers hated it, saying there wasn't enough difference between the race car and the company T5-R he drove on the road. He reckoned his golf handicap was coming down faster than his lap times.
Interior a little more restrained
Things are different now of course. Alan Gow, a clever and charming chap, has successfully stirred up the formula's ingredients over the years, and it's now as exciting as it ever was. Or rather more so, to be accurate. Which is why PH is involved. Hurrah!
If you're a BTCC fan who likes to turn up to race meetings in appropriately retro transport, you could do a lot worse than rumble through the gates in this T4. After the estates, Rydell drove an S40 in the '98 BTCC series. It was a decent car, good enough to win the championship in fact, so there's plenty of street cred in an S40 T4.
And performance, as a quick gange at the numbers in the PH ad will reveal. Is the vendor really right about it leaving a Civic Type R for dead, though? Well, maybe if the Civic was actually dead, you may be saying, but in fact he's not as wrong as you might think. They both have the same output, 200hp, the same 146mph top end, and perhaps most surprising of all, the T4 is not that much heavier than the 1,200kg Honda.
This makes torque steer. Lots of it
That weight difference (which is more than 50kg but less than 100kg, depending on who you believe), plus a somewhat less recalcitrant manual 'box, is enough to give the Honda the nod in the 0-60 sprint, which it will knock off in six and a bit seconds. The Volvo won't be far behind though. The power delivery is very laggy, which some people quite like. Once you're surfing the boost there won't be much coming past you. Midrange thrust is more than generous.
Like the Onda, the Ovlov is front-wheel drive, so expect plenty of tyre scrabbling and torque steer when the right boot is in full entrample mode. If you're a back pain sufferer, invest in rubber rings, as the ride was never much cop in the standard car and this one has been dropped.
In this car's favour is the fact that it's a post-2000 model: pre that, the handling on these Dutch-built S40s was about as inspiring as pensioners' bingo night. The T4 was somewhat superior to the boggo S40 in that respect, but its engine was pernickety about diet: insufficient detergent in the petrol would soot up the valves. The PH answer of course is to bat around at full chat everywhere, quoting this valve issue as your valid reason for doing so, should any BiB take a personal interest in your driving style.
Fast family express, Shed style
These can be expensive Sheds to run, and not just on fuel. Bottom ball joints are weak, and Shed isn't absolutely sure about this but he suspects the dreaded dual mass flywheel makes an unwelcome and expensive appearance here. The not so clever routing of the wiring loom by the rad can lead to electrical carnage too. Even more streaky is the alarm system which (a) can go off constantly and (b) is very expensive to fix. The digital fuel gauge sender conks out. Check for warping discs and/or leaking calipers, and look closely for any evidence of a front-ender, as this type of prang may well have folded up the inner wings, something you wouldn't discover on a cursory inspection. You'll be wanting a cursing inspection for that.
Here for sale is my 2001 Volvo S40 T4 Sport 2.0 Turbo in the extremely rare Panama Yellow.
Sadly, the car came with no history. So I immediately had the cambelt/water pump/tensioner replaced, along with the oscillation damper pulley (crank pulley) as there was a slight wobble under load. I didn't want to risk driving 3 hours each way with the worn belt.
Here is a quick run-down of the spec:
2001 Volvo S40 T4 2.0 Turbo - with VVT (Variable Valve Timing) / 200bhp from factory
116,000 miles
1 of 8 Panama Yellow S40s left on UK roads
Aircon
Full Black leather
Cruise control
Headlamp washers
Tax till June 2014
MOT till October 15th 2014
New cam belt
New water pump
New tensioner
New oscillation damper (crank pulley) cost me £120 direct from Volvo (the only place I could get it)
Induction kit
Bailey dump valve (not overly loud)
Centre exhaust box removed (gives a bit more of a sporty note)
Lowered
Factory fitted Xenons
De-badged grill
18" Lenso RS5 imitation split rims in Black
Brand new low profile tyres on the front
5-6mm tyres on the rear
Performance drilled/grooved front discs
Smoked side markers
Smoked side indicators
Air bags up the ying yang.. drivers, passengers, side curtains, door bags.
Despite being a Volvo, it only weighs 1280kg and will leave a Civic Type R for dead =]
Aircon works but is weak, would require a recharge for the summer months (if they ever come)
Dent on the o/s rear quarter, this is the only defect to the bodywork.
If like me you are nearing middle age, the lowered suspension isn't too kind on the lower back.
Minute tear to side of drivers seat.
Passenger side headlamp wiper missing.
Cigarette lighter doesn't appear to work.