Another week, another whinge. I thought I'd got most of my bug bears off my chest over the last couple of years. 2003 was going to be the year that
PetrolTed Rants became PetrolTed's top tips for sweet smelling motoring or basket weaving for stressed motorists. Sadly my positive outlook didn't
last long.
You may well speculate as to what dismal state of affairs has come up on the rant radar this week. It's not the fact that stock markets are having
less success than a Blue Peter bring and buy sale. It's not the fact that Tony Blair has been on a advanced gesticulation course. It is of course the
Police Reform Act 2002.
We're huge fans of legislation here as you know.
We know that the only way for modern society to enforce a moral code is to outlaw anything that offends anyone
owning a tartan rug.
Britain is no longer run from Westminster. Devolution saw to that. It's now run in secret by retired bank managers from a back room of the Women's
Institute in Derby. Where else would legislation that outlaws 'things that are a bit annoying' originate?
Government - like life - is all about priorities. The big issues on the agenda currently include Iraq, the Euro, asylum and immigration and of
course things that are a bit annoying.
Luckily, Ernest Flackwell a former branch manager from Norwich, tabled legislation in Britain's secret Government to stamp out the behaviour. The
Police Reform Act now includes powers to confiscate cars. Not the cars of terrorists intent on destroying life. Not the cars of illegal immigrants crashing into traffic lights before calling Claims Direct. Not even the cars of those without tax, insurance or a clue how to drive. No, police can now confiscate the cars of people who are being a bit annoying.
There are fourteen or so gripes I have with this. Firstly, what defines annoying? Annoying to me is a numpty in a Maestro not understanding that
flashing lights, enough horn for a porn mag and rapid coffee-bean-shaking gesticulations might mean that I'd like to get past before I retire.
Annoying to me is someone flashing their lights at me because I've had the temerity to overtake a car. Annoying to me is someone who has their children bouncing around inside their car like it's a space station.
I had a quick scan of the Act over my sausage, eggs, bacon, black pudding, haggis, beans, mushrooms, tomatoes, fried bread and fried potatoes this
morning. It left a nasty taste in my mouth. Not only will the police have the power to confiscate the cars of annoying people, but also of those who
cause alarm or distress.
Define alarm or distress? It causes me alarm every time I go out on the main road and see old men who can't walk without the aid of a dozen sticks,
falling into their cars and driving off. It causes me alarm when I see people driving along the motorway with flat tyres, beds falling off roof
racks or enough fog lights to find a spy plane. It alarms me that people buy Bristol
Blenheims.
A law such as this places the power of judge and jury in the hands of the
police - breaking a fundmental principle of our constitution. Oh yeah... what
consitution...
A car can be
now confiscated if it "
is causing, or is likely to cause, alarm, distress or annoyance to members of the
public
". How is a policeman supposed to know what the general understanding of 'annoyance', 'alarm' or 'distress' is
defined as? How many members of the public need to be upset? If you upset one tartan clad biddy behind net curtains, does that justify the confiscation of a car with a loud exhaust?
If my neighbours go to work early in the morning and the slamming of car doors causes me continual distress can I ask plod to confiscate their
motor?
Why is this law needed? Does existing legislation not give sufficient powers
to deal with motoring offences? They say the law is an ass. It's not. It's
become an arse.
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