The G-Wagen has always been the black sheep of the Mercedes line-up. The off-roader was a dinosaur that somehow found cover during the extinction-triggering meteorite several million years ago, where it’d spend most of its life in hibernation before emerging as Germany’s favourite off-roader in 1979. For the best part of four decades, it lived among its hi-tech Mercedes siblings with only occasional updates that brought better engines and snazzier interiors, with off-road ability remaining the G-Wag’s top priority. A complete overhaul came about in 2018, with only a handful of parts being shared between Gs old and new, though its charmingly utilitarian looks were retained despite its heavily updated underpinnings. If only Land Rover had done the same with the new Defender. Hey-ho.
Even more remarkable than its longevity is how Mercedes turned the G-Wagon from a rugged, no-frills 4x4 to a staple of wealthy neighbourhoods across the globe. Once the company began filling the cabin with its solid, luxurious trim and introduced ever more powerful engines into the range, the world’s elite were queuing round the corner to get their hands on a wide-arched, massive-rimmed G. This eventually resulted in some especially barmy specials. Many of them came from AMG, from six-wheeled pickups to limited-run V12s, while Mercedes brought us the outlandish G500 4x4 Squared, similar to the one you see here.
Admittedly, we were totally blindsided by the 4x4 Squared when it arrived in 2015. For Mercedes to continue producing a near-40-year-old car was out of character in itself, but to stretch the arches and jack the suspension up to towering heights revealed a delightfully zany side of the company not seen in a very long time. Each corner received dual-spring and adjustable dampers developed by KW, with portal axles sending the twin-turbo V8’s 422hp to the ginormous 22-inch wheels. It was, quite possibly, the most ridiculous (in a good way) thing to come out of Stuttgart, well, ever.
It really is a loopy thing, but all Brabus saw in the 4x4 Squared was a blank canvas on which to chuck much carbon fibre. Mainly in the cabin on this one, which gets the glossy black stuff on all over the dash, centre console and steering wheel, along with quilted Alcantara on the seats and doors. Look up and you’ll see Brabus’ star-lined roof, much like the Starlight Headliner in a Rolls-Royce, and of course all the Mercedes badges have been ejected for the tuning firm’s own. Understated it is not, but when you’re starting point is one step removed from a monster truck, you may as well go big or go home.
Now, the seller doesn’t say whether this particular car received all the Brabus engine mods, but judging by the ‘powered by Brabus’ badges down the wings - and six (count ‘em!) exhaust outlets, it probably did. That should mean a jump to 500hp and 516hp, which isn’t far off what AMG could get out of the G63 6x6, and this has two fewer axles to drive. And with all that suspension travel, you bet it’ll feel alarmingly fast most, if not all, of the time.
It’s big, brash, ostentatious and uncouth, everything a Brabus-tuned G-Wagen should be. Guilty pleasures don’t come much bigger (or alluring) as this. Or as pricey, as the Brabus 4x4 Squared will set you back a £219,990, which is a considerable chunk of change but, remarkably, isn’t the most expensive G currently for sale. This G500 Cabriolet commands £250k, while this G63 6x6 is over double that at just shy of £550k. So of all the ridiculous G-Wagens currently available, this 4x4 Squared might just be the most sensible option.
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