So how was your holiday?
Discussion
What an enchanting snapshot of a sojourn in a foreign land, it reminded me in some ways of the musings of Bill Bryson but with piss. The way you wrote tenderly of your GF stood on the balcony havin' a fag at one in the morning, well, I could almost have been there. I'm guessing the French people below were lucky it was only a piss your GF wanted
JCollins said:
Here's how mine went - It's long but worth it.
So my missus and I have just come back from our holiday at an all inclusive holiday hotel type place in Morocco, I won't spare you the name or location for obvious reasons.
One day after spending a whole week consuming calories and becoming more orange, I went out and down the coast to get us both a takeaway because the missus was hungry and I thought it would be a good opportunity to see what the local town was all about. I say goodbye to my girlfriend and she goes out towards the balcony. But I realise just after I close the front door behind me that I forgot to grab some cash, so I go back in, grab some dirhams and see her out on the balcony lighting up a fag. I give a another kiss and then shut the balcony door behind me and head down four flights of stairs so I can leave the hotel and bugger off to get us some s
t.
I leave the hotel gates and wonder down the coastal path - as our hotel looks out onto the beach (also keep in mind it's near 1am) and head to a local takeaway we spotted while out for a stroll a couple of days before.
I'm also still wearing my shirt and trousers etc from the night out, not to mention I'm the whitest person in public at the time and am braded with the hotels wristband, so I'm sticking out like a sore thumb at this point.
As I'm walking down the pathway along side the beach I can see a small police station to my right facing the beach which is on my left. Behind it is the town with its nightclubs and what not. About 50 yards past the police station the pathway opens up to a large open concrete space filled with teenagers skating and people playing music by the beach etc... and amongst these people was a guy, still not far from the policeman and ladypolicemans of Morroco.
Matey comes up to me as I'm walking and says hello. He looks like a rough guy turned clean. He's wearing ripped Jean's and a scruffy Dad style jumper and trainers. All his clothes are near enough in tatters but speaky clean. 1/3rd of his right ear is missing but is very cleanly covered by a small bandage. He's got smokers teeth, yellow eyes, greasy hair, the whole thing.
He slows me down, asks me how my night is going, shakes my hand etc.. and then just starts rattling off the usual class A's and B's right by the Police station like we're at breakfast. I laugh and say no, thinking he's working for the police or something. He then double checks, I say no again and we both chuckle. He then asks me if I smoke, and I say no. He then replies sarcastically "dass gud mahn. U end up liek me, eh?(!)" We laugh and I carry on my merry way and he turns around and heads back towards a wall to lean on while texting on a 9000 year old Nokia.
A short while later I arrive at.........you guessed it, McDonald's. We're in north Africa and the missus wants fking McDonald's at 1am. She wasn't even drunk.
So I go inside and it's fairly busy given that's it's gone 1am. And as I go up to order I get a text message from my girlfriend saying, and I quote;
"You tt you have locked me on the balcony!! Have had to piss over the side rail, get back and let me in!!"
I then turn around and WALK back giggling my arse off in very slight disbelief and I struck up an insightful conversation with a local dude on the way back.
Once I finally arrived back at our room I see the missus outside on the balcony looking through the window not best pleased. She points down at the door handle and it turns out that I'd locked it when I said goodbye - false of habit I suppose. This meant that while I was gone and she was locked out desperate for the toilet, she had to climb over the railings of the balcony (4 floors up mind) lift up her dress, pull down her undergarments shall we say, and piss down the side of the hotel while hanging over the edge from the railings.
When I then went BACK out to go and actually get food I turned around as I left the hotel and could see piss marks down the side of the building. Oh, and the people in the room below us - a French family of 5 - were sat on their balcony at the time. There were back inside when I got back and the lights were off. Never saw them again.
So I go, get the McDonald's and bump into Pablo Escobar on the way back. He waves, says hello and then goes "u change ur mind?
". I smile and say nothing.
I eventually get back to the hotel and find the missus asleep, wake her up and we tuck into our beloved stty fast food.
Yes this really did happen. And yes she really does know that this is on the internet.
Last time I checked, Skegness Butlins wasn't in Morocco.So my missus and I have just come back from our holiday at an all inclusive holiday hotel type place in Morocco, I won't spare you the name or location for obvious reasons.
One day after spending a whole week consuming calories and becoming more orange, I went out and down the coast to get us both a takeaway because the missus was hungry and I thought it would be a good opportunity to see what the local town was all about. I say goodbye to my girlfriend and she goes out towards the balcony. But I realise just after I close the front door behind me that I forgot to grab some cash, so I go back in, grab some dirhams and see her out on the balcony lighting up a fag. I give a another kiss and then shut the balcony door behind me and head down four flights of stairs so I can leave the hotel and bugger off to get us some s
t.I leave the hotel gates and wonder down the coastal path - as our hotel looks out onto the beach (also keep in mind it's near 1am) and head to a local takeaway we spotted while out for a stroll a couple of days before.
I'm also still wearing my shirt and trousers etc from the night out, not to mention I'm the whitest person in public at the time and am braded with the hotels wristband, so I'm sticking out like a sore thumb at this point.
As I'm walking down the pathway along side the beach I can see a small police station to my right facing the beach which is on my left. Behind it is the town with its nightclubs and what not. About 50 yards past the police station the pathway opens up to a large open concrete space filled with teenagers skating and people playing music by the beach etc... and amongst these people was a guy, still not far from the policeman and ladypolicemans of Morroco.
Matey comes up to me as I'm walking and says hello. He looks like a rough guy turned clean. He's wearing ripped Jean's and a scruffy Dad style jumper and trainers. All his clothes are near enough in tatters but speaky clean. 1/3rd of his right ear is missing but is very cleanly covered by a small bandage. He's got smokers teeth, yellow eyes, greasy hair, the whole thing.
He slows me down, asks me how my night is going, shakes my hand etc.. and then just starts rattling off the usual class A's and B's right by the Police station like we're at breakfast. I laugh and say no, thinking he's working for the police or something. He then double checks, I say no again and we both chuckle. He then asks me if I smoke, and I say no. He then replies sarcastically "dass gud mahn. U end up liek me, eh?(!)" We laugh and I carry on my merry way and he turns around and heads back towards a wall to lean on while texting on a 9000 year old Nokia.
A short while later I arrive at.........you guessed it, McDonald's. We're in north Africa and the missus wants f
king McDonald's at 1am. She wasn't even drunk.So I go inside and it's fairly busy given that's it's gone 1am. And as I go up to order I get a text message from my girlfriend saying, and I quote;
"You t
t you have locked me on the balcony!! Have had to piss over the side rail, get back and let me in!!"I then turn around and WALK back giggling my arse off in very slight disbelief and I struck up an insightful conversation with a local dude on the way back.
Once I finally arrived back at our room I see the missus outside on the balcony looking through the window not best pleased. She points down at the door handle and it turns out that I'd locked it when I said goodbye - false of habit I suppose. This meant that while I was gone and she was locked out desperate for the toilet, she had to climb over the railings of the balcony (4 floors up mind) lift up her dress, pull down her undergarments shall we say, and piss down the side of the hotel while hanging over the edge from the railings.
When I then went BACK out to go and actually get food I turned around as I left the hotel and could see piss marks down the side of the building. Oh, and the people in the room below us - a French family of 5 - were sat on their balcony at the time. There were back inside when I got back and the lights were off. Never saw them again.
So I go, get the McDonald's and bump into Pablo Escobar on the way back. He waves, says hello and then goes "u change ur mind?
". I smile and say nothing.I eventually get back to the hotel and find the missus asleep, wake her up and we tuck into our beloved s
tty fast food.Yes this really did happen. And yes she really does know that this is on the internet.
JCollins said:
Here's how mine went - It's long but worth it.
So my missus and I have just come back from our holiday at an all inclusive holiday hotel type place in Morocco, I won't spare you the name or location for obvious reasons.
One day after spending a whole week consuming calories and becoming more orange, I went out and down the coast to get us both a takeaway because the missus was hungry and I thought it would be a good opportunity to see what the local town was all about. I say goodbye to my girlfriend and she goes out towards the balcony. But I realise just after I close the front door behind me that I forgot to grab some cash, so I go back in, grab some dirhams and see her out on the balcony lighting up a fag. I give a another kiss and then shut the balcony door behind me and head down four flights of stairs so I can leave the hotel and bugger off to get us some st.
I leave the hotel gates and wonder down the coastal path - as our hotel looks out onto the beach (also keep in mind it's near 1am) and head to a local takeaway we spotted while out for a stroll a couple of days before.
I'm also still wearing my shirt and trousers etc from the night out, not to mention I'm the whitest person in public at the time and am braded with the hotels wristband, so I'm sticking out like a sore thumb at this point.
As I'm walking down the pathway along side the beach I can see a small police station to my right facing the beach which is on my left. Behind it is the town with its nightclubs and what not. About 50 yards past the police station the pathway opens up to a large open concrete space filled with teenagers skating and people playing music by the beach etc... and amongst these people was a guy, still not far from the policeman and ladypolicemans of Morroco.
Matey comes up to me as I'm walking and says hello. He looks like a rough guy turned clean. He's wearing ripped Jean's and a scruffy Dad style jumper and trainers. All his clothes are near enough in tatters but speaky clean. 1/3rd of his right ear is missing but is very cleanly covered by a small bandage. He's got smokers teeth, yellow eyes, greasy hair, the whole thing.
He slows me down, asks me how my night is going, shakes my hand etc.. and then just starts rattling off the usual class A's and B's right by the Police station like we're at breakfast. I laugh and say no, thinking he's working for the police or something. He then double checks, I say no again and we both chuckle. He then asks me if I smoke, and I say no. He then replies sarcastically "dass gud mahn. U end up liek me, eh?(!)" We laugh and I carry on my merry way and he turns around and heads back towards a wall to lean on while texting on a 9000 year old Nokia.
A short while later I arrive at.........you guessed it, McDonald's. We're in north Africa and the missus wants fking McDonald's at 1am. She wasn't even drunk.
So I go inside and it's fairly busy given that's it's gone 1am. And as I go up to order I get a text message from my girlfriend saying, and I quote;
"You tt you have locked me on the balcony!! Have had to piss over the side rail, get back and let me in!!"
I then turn around and WALK back giggling my arse off in very slight disbelief and I struck up an insightful conversation with a local dude on the way back.
Once I finally arrived back at our room I see the missus outside on the balcony looking through the window not best pleased. She points down at the door handle and it turns out that I'd locked it when I said goodbye - false of habit I suppose. This meant that while I was gone and she was locked out desperate for the toilet, she had to climb over the railings of the balcony (4 floors up mind) lift up her dress, pull down her undergarments shall we say, and piss down the side of the hotel while hanging over the edge from the railings.
When I then went BACK out to go and actually get food I turned around as I left the hotel and could see piss marks down the side of the building. Oh, and the people in the room below us - a French family of 5 - were sat on their balcony at the time. There were back inside when I got back and the lights were off. Never saw them again.
So I go, get the McDonald's and bump into Pablo Escobar on the way back. He waves, says hello and then goes "u change ur mind?". I smile and say nothing.
I eventually get back to the hotel and find the missus asleep, wake her up and we tuck into our beloved stty fast food.
Yes this really did happen. And yes she really does know that this is on the internet.
Jesus fSo my missus and I have just come back from our holiday at an all inclusive holiday hotel type place in Morocco, I won't spare you the name or location for obvious reasons.
One day after spending a whole week consuming calories and becoming more orange, I went out and down the coast to get us both a takeaway because the missus was hungry and I thought it would be a good opportunity to see what the local town was all about. I say goodbye to my girlfriend and she goes out towards the balcony. But I realise just after I close the front door behind me that I forgot to grab some cash, so I go back in, grab some dirhams and see her out on the balcony lighting up a fag. I give a another kiss and then shut the balcony door behind me and head down four flights of stairs so I can leave the hotel and bugger off to get us some s
t.I leave the hotel gates and wonder down the coastal path - as our hotel looks out onto the beach (also keep in mind it's near 1am) and head to a local takeaway we spotted while out for a stroll a couple of days before.
I'm also still wearing my shirt and trousers etc from the night out, not to mention I'm the whitest person in public at the time and am braded with the hotels wristband, so I'm sticking out like a sore thumb at this point.
As I'm walking down the pathway along side the beach I can see a small police station to my right facing the beach which is on my left. Behind it is the town with its nightclubs and what not. About 50 yards past the police station the pathway opens up to a large open concrete space filled with teenagers skating and people playing music by the beach etc... and amongst these people was a guy, still not far from the policeman and ladypolicemans of Morroco.
Matey comes up to me as I'm walking and says hello. He looks like a rough guy turned clean. He's wearing ripped Jean's and a scruffy Dad style jumper and trainers. All his clothes are near enough in tatters but speaky clean. 1/3rd of his right ear is missing but is very cleanly covered by a small bandage. He's got smokers teeth, yellow eyes, greasy hair, the whole thing.
He slows me down, asks me how my night is going, shakes my hand etc.. and then just starts rattling off the usual class A's and B's right by the Police station like we're at breakfast. I laugh and say no, thinking he's working for the police or something. He then double checks, I say no again and we both chuckle. He then asks me if I smoke, and I say no. He then replies sarcastically "dass gud mahn. U end up liek me, eh?(!)" We laugh and I carry on my merry way and he turns around and heads back towards a wall to lean on while texting on a 9000 year old Nokia.
A short while later I arrive at.........you guessed it, McDonald's. We're in north Africa and the missus wants f
king McDonald's at 1am. She wasn't even drunk.So I go inside and it's fairly busy given that's it's gone 1am. And as I go up to order I get a text message from my girlfriend saying, and I quote;
"You t
t you have locked me on the balcony!! Have had to piss over the side rail, get back and let me in!!"I then turn around and WALK back giggling my arse off in very slight disbelief and I struck up an insightful conversation with a local dude on the way back.
Once I finally arrived back at our room I see the missus outside on the balcony looking through the window not best pleased. She points down at the door handle and it turns out that I'd locked it when I said goodbye - false of habit I suppose. This meant that while I was gone and she was locked out desperate for the toilet, she had to climb over the railings of the balcony (4 floors up mind) lift up her dress, pull down her undergarments shall we say, and piss down the side of the hotel while hanging over the edge from the railings.
When I then went BACK out to go and actually get food I turned around as I left the hotel and could see piss marks down the side of the building. Oh, and the people in the room below us - a French family of 5 - were sat on their balcony at the time. There were back inside when I got back and the lights were off. Never saw them again.
So I go, get the McDonald's and bump into Pablo Escobar on the way back. He waves, says hello and then goes "u change ur mind?
". I smile and say nothing.I eventually get back to the hotel and find the missus asleep, wake her up and we tuck into our beloved s
tty fast food.Yes this really did happen. And yes she really does know that this is on the internet.
king Christ.And no, this probably didn't really happen.
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