Match.com (Vol. 7)

[Blown2CV]

trackdemon said:

g3org3y said:

I'm not sure that all sounds especially healthy from your POV.

To me it seems she's having her cake and eating it, meanwhile you're in some kind of weird friendzone situation because "she just wants to be on her own" and you're waiting for her to click her fingers.

I don't see how you could move on given your feelings for her, the time you spend together and you essentially pining for her love.

Thanks for telling me what I'm doing. When am I having my next st? Just checking so I know.

If she has a change of heart I'm all ears, but in the meantime I'm getting on with my life and rebuilding myself because there's no other option. But if my best friend (who also happens to be my ex) wants to hang out, then if I'm free I will.

The last sentence is a bit red pill. Obviously I should just man the fk up and switch off or ignore any feelings I have. Because that has a proven track record of working really well for mens mental health. Oh

i've not read all this convo but do you think you might be getting your back up as you secretly know it's not a healthy situation?

[Emeye]

PurplePenguin said:

If you love someone, set them free

Or kill them and bury them on Saddleworth moor?

Edited by Emeye on Thursday 16th April 13:49

[mondayo]

trackdemon said:

Thanks for telling me what I'm doing. When am I having my next st? Just checking so I know.

If she has a change of heart I'm all ears, but in the meantime I'm getting on with my life and rebuilding myself because there's no other option. But if my best friend (who also happens to be my ex) wants to hang out, then if I'm free I will.

The last sentence is a bit red pill. Obviously I should just man the fk up and switch off or ignore any feelings I have. Because that has a proven track record of working really well for mens mental health. Oh

You can only do what feels right for you.

But from an outsiders perspective it seems like she's been pretty clear it's over, as a relationship. As long as your being her best friend and seeing her on a regular basis, you're not really moving on...at best it seems like you're in the friendzone and some sort of holding pattern.

You don't have to be mean/rude or delete all her numbers etc.

Just give you both some space.

[trackdemon]

moanthebairns said:

trackdemon said:

moanthebairns said:

Id run a fking mile if I knew the above and I was your date on Friday. Unless you were taking me to the speedway or something...

And?

The very fact you seem to have had a humour bypass with the above, which is posted in a light hearted way does not bode well for the lucky woman this weekend.

Secondly, it's very much ok to still have feelings for an ex, I'm no going to into whether or not you should be in contact or tender hooks in case she knocks your door down wanting her hole in the middle of the night. That is a case by case basis, which man has not been there. But by the very fact you're pinning this to an internet forum, I'd say you haven't really mastered the fact of not giving a fk about where that goes. It's got more red flags going on than the last 125 race I was in.

You seem to have mistaken me for someone who gives a st. Opinions are like aholes, and I'm not interested in that either

[trackdemon]

Blown2CV said:

trackdemon said:

g3org3y said:

I'm not sure that all sounds especially healthy from your POV.

To me it seems she's having her cake and eating it, meanwhile you're in some kind of weird friendzone situation because "she just wants to be on her own" and you're waiting for her to click her fingers.

I don't see how you could move on given your feelings for her, the time you spend together and you essentially pining for her love.

Thanks for telling me what I'm doing. When am I having my next st? Just checking so I know.

If she has a change of heart I'm all ears, but in the meantime I'm getting on with my life and rebuilding myself because there's no other option. But if my best friend (who also happens to be my ex) wants to hang out, then if I'm free I will.

The last sentence is a bit red pill. Obviously I should just man the fk up and switch off or ignore any feelings I have. Because that has a proven track record of working really well for mens mental health. Oh

i've not read all this convo but do you think you might be getting your back up as you secretly know it's not a healthy situation?

I'm perfectly aware it's not entirely healthy, but I'm trying to balance what *might* be good vs what is. What does get my back up is some internet smart arse telling me what my own thoughts are

[trackdemon]

mondayo said:

You can only do what feels right for you.

Quite

mondayo said:

Just give you both some space.

We did that... she reconnected after 5 weeks...

Anyway, given this is the match.com thread I think it's about time y'all moved on from my ex situation, it's getting a bit boring now and I wish I hadn't even mentioned it

[throt]

trackdemon said:

We did that... she reconnected after 5 weeks...

Anyway, given this is the match.com thread I think it's about time y'all moved on from my ex situation, it's getting a bit boring now and I wish I hadn't even mentioned it

Too late, bud, we now have your Pistonhead Persona

[milesgiles]

trackdemon said:

g3org3y said:

I'm not sure that all sounds especially healthy from your POV.

To me it seems she's having her cake and eating it, meanwhile you're in some kind of weird friendzone situation because "she just wants to be on her own" and you're waiting for her to click her fingers.

I don't see how you could move on given your feelings for her, the time you spend together and you essentially pining for her love.

Thanks for telling me what I'm doing. When am I having my next st? Just checking so I know.

If she has a change of heart I'm all ears, but in the meantime I'm getting on with my life and rebuilding myself because there's no other option. But if my best friend (who also happens to be my ex) wants to hang out, then if I'm free I will.

The last sentence is a bit red pill. Obviously I should just man the fk up and switch off or ignore any feelings I have. Because that has a proven track record of working really well for mens mental health. Oh

Women are genetically programmed to trade up. Just the way they are. Right now you aren’t her best option. It sucks but just move on for goodness sakes.

[dai1983]

Is her name Sarah?

[happytobealive]

BunkMoreland said:

But sadly nothing we say will change his opinion because "you dont know her like I do man, she's not like that, she's my soul mate" A tale said a million times by a million obsessed guys


I do often wonder if guys who act like this dont have a very long list of previous partners. You think Brad Pitt would ever say or act like that? If you haven't had at least 10 sexual partners (not at the same time you players!) it does tend to sway how you view relationships. They have a scarcity mindset

Guys need to stop putting any girl on a pedestal regardless of how st-ily they treat you! If she wants to be with you, she'll be explicit. The friendzone is worse than being single! And for guys to willingly put themselves in it is bizarre!

Pah. It's nothing to do with the number of sexual partners. It's about emotions and how the other person makes you feel. That makes people sometimes act irrationally. Let him work it through himself to find the answer he is satisfied with, as I doubt scornful comments will be helpful.

[trackdemon]

happytobealive said:

Pah. It's nothing to do with the number of sexual partners. It's about emotions and how the other person makes you feel. That makes people sometimes act irrationally. Let him work it through himself to find the answer he is satisfied with, as I doubt scornful comments will be helpful.

^^ good point

Anyway..... this is why we should never talk about some stuff. It's PH, so obviously some folks just decide that being nasty s is the order of the day (like the thankfully banned bellwhiff). Jibes about trading up, jibes that I must be a borderline incel, jibes like "you dont know her like I do man, she's not like that, she's my soul mate". The irony being the whole reason I know what we had was special, is precisely because I've had plenty of partners. And I don't struggle to find more, if you actually read any of my posts from the last few months. I wonder if the shyte folks posts here you'd actually say to my face, because I very much doubt it. Which makes you a keyboard warrior. The fact someone went for the not many partners jibe probably reflects more on their way of thinking and life experience than anything else...

[MDUBZ]

trackdemon said:

happytobealive said:

Pah. It's nothing to do with the number of sexual partners. It's about emotions and how the other person makes you feel. That makes people sometimes act irrationally. Let him work it through himself to find the answer he is satisfied with, as I doubt scornful comments will be helpful.

^^ good point

Anyway..... this is why we should never talk about some stuff. It's PH, so obviously some folks just decide that being nasty s is the order of the day (like the thankfully banned bellwhiff). Jibes about trading up, jibes that I must be a borderline incel, jibes like "you dont know her like I do man, she's not like that, she's my soul mate". The irony being the whole reason I know what we had was special, is precisely because I've had plenty of partners. And I don't struggle to find more, if you actually read any of my posts from the last few months. I wonder if the shyte folks posts here you'd actually say to my face, because I very much doubt it. Which makes you a keyboard warrior. The fact someone went for the not many partners jibe probably reflects more on their way of thinking and life experience than anything else...

You are in a tough spot, it would be much easier if she had cheated, been abusive, boiled your rabbit etc as it would be easier to turn your back and move on. It might take you a long time to come to terms with it, you might never.. it is a cruelly crushing feeling and you will struggle to move on while you are still in contact.

Fwiw I think you have the balance about right for your current situation, it's fairly recent, you haven't shut the door on the ex, you both still get value out of spending time together and you are open to exploring and moving on and seem to have accepted that she isn't in a space to let you back in and might never. The menopause does change people, and the hormone change will naturally impact feelings and behaviour; its fairly common for relationships to break down even when nothing major has occurred.

Take comments on here with a pinch of salt, there will be bias based on peoples own experiences and they might even be trying to support with a bit of tough love..

[trackdemon]

MDUBZ said:

You are in a tough spot, it would be much easier if she had cheated, been abusive, boiled your rabbit etc as it would be easier to turn your back and move on. It might take you a long time to come to terms with it, you might never.. it is a cruelly crushing feeling and you will struggle to move on while you are still in contact.

Fwiw I think you have the balance about right for your current situation, it's fairly recent, you haven't shut the door on the ex, you both still get value out of spending time together and you are open to exploring and moving on and seem to have accepted that she isn't in a space to let you back in and might never. The menopause does change people, and the hormone change will naturally impact feelings and behaviour; its fairly common for relationships to break down even when nothing major has occurred.

Take comments on here with a pinch of salt, there will be bias based on peoples own experiences and they might even be trying to support with a bit of tough love..

And this is why I don't give up on PH. Because there's plenty of folks able to offer a sensible, balanced view without the need to try and put down a stranger from the internet

You're right. I'd find this easier to deal with if one or the other of us had done something awful. And yes it will be hard to move on whilst we're seeing each other... but if we're not, then there's absolutely no chance of reconciliation. It's worth the risk.

My own emotions about it all are evolving fast, so having low key contact and the occasional hang out with someone I still care deeply about seems the right thing to do. But equally I'm looking forward to tomorrows date, we've had brilliant banter all week, have lots in common, she's very keen and we've shared enough pictures to know that we fancy each other. What will be will be. Ex and I will probably never get back together, but there's no reason to set fire to a great friendship. It's gutting that the menopause (and going a bit woo woo with tarot & psychic readings) seems to have become a big thing and is controlling her thoughts.... but that's out of my hands so apart from feeling sad about what could have been, what else can you do, but get on with rebuilding your life whilst having the door open to things changing down the line. Who knows, I might meet someone who just takes my breathe away.

As to folks posting wky comments... it says a lot more about them than it does me, so beyond a rebuttal who gives AS

[Unreal]

trackdemon said:

MDUBZ said:

You are in a tough spot, it would be much easier if she had cheated, been abusive, boiled your rabbit etc as it would be easier to turn your back and move on. It might take you a long time to come to terms with it, you might never.. it is a cruelly crushing feeling and you will struggle to move on while you are still in contact.

Fwiw I think you have the balance about right for your current situation, it's fairly recent, you haven't shut the door on the ex, you both still get value out of spending time together and you are open to exploring and moving on and seem to have accepted that she isn't in a space to let you back in and might never. The menopause does change people, and the hormone change will naturally impact feelings and behaviour; its fairly common for relationships to break down even when nothing major has occurred.

Take comments on here with a pinch of salt, there will be bias based on peoples own experiences and they might even be trying to support with a bit of tough love..

And this is why I don't give up on PH. Because there's plenty of folks able to offer a sensible, balanced view without the need to try and put down a stranger from the internet

You're right. I'd find this easier to deal with if one or the other of us had done something awful. And yes it will be hard to move on whilst we're seeing each other... but if we're not, then there's absolutely no chance of reconciliation. It's worth the risk.

My own emotions about it all are evolving fast, so having low key contact and the occasional hang out with someone I still care deeply about seems the right thing to do. But equally I'm looking forward to tomorrows date, we've had brilliant banter all week, have lots in common, she's very keen and we've shared enough pictures to know that we fancy each other. What will be will be. Ex and I will probably never get back together, but there's no reason to set fire to a great friendship. It's gutting that the menopause (and going a bit woo woo with tarot & psychic readings) seems to have become a big thing and is controlling her thoughts.... but that's out of my hands so apart from feeling sad about what could have been, what else can you do, but get on with rebuilding your life whilst having the door open to things changing down the line. Who knows, I might meet someone who just takes my breathe away.

As to folks posting wky comments... it says a lot more about them than it does me, so beyond a rebuttal who gives AS

You may find things change quite dramatically if either you finds out that the other is having sex elsewhere. It may be one of those situations where it's best to let things drift if you aren't particularly unhappy with the situation but I'd be surprised if the existing arrangement would survive the arrival of a third party. Even if the two of you want to be besties, it's unlikely the third party would tolerate it.

[trackdemon]

Unreal said:

You may find things change quite dramatically if either you finds out that the other is having sex elsewhere. It may be one of those situations where it's best to let things drift if you aren't particularly unhappy with the situation but I'd be surprised if the existing arrangement would survive the arrival of a third party. Even if the two of you want to be besties, it's unlikely the third party would tolerate it.

She'd already told me 5 weeks ago she was seeing someone so I assumed that was already happening; she subsequently told me she finished it and that that hadn't happened. I believe her because I know how blunt she is, she wouldn't sugar coat if she had. And it still wouldn't be any of my business anyway.

And yep, totally get the latter part. By the same token, any 'besties' setup probably wouldn't sit well with someone I meet either. Time will tell. It'll work it's own way out. I'm just not going to close the door on the possibility because some folks who know nothing about us say I should.

[trackdemon]

BunkMoreland said:

Best way to get over any woman is to get under 5 more

The rest of your post: 'whatever'

That bit, I'm seeing someone tomorrow who I've had great banter with for a couple of weeks, so yeah that's part of the plan to not sit around pining for something that might never happen. What will be will be but it looks better than every chat I've had so far (including pics that validate the profile). It won't be *her* but there's no reason it can't be great fun. Beach date. We're planning to watch sunset, listen to music, drink wine, have a laugh.... and when we get hungry my flat is 1 min away and just eat can sort it out if we're that cool with each other or there's a plethora of local restaurants within minutes.

[moanthebairns]

trackdemon said:

BunkMoreland said:

Best way to get over any woman is to get under 5 more

The rest of your post: 'whatever'

That bit, I'm seeing someone tomorrow who I've had great banter with for a couple of weeks, so yeah that's part of the plan to not sit around pining for something that might never happen. What will be will be but it looks better than every chat I've had so far (including pics that validate the profile). It won't be *her* but there's no reason it can't be great fun. Beach date. We're planning to watch sunset, listen to music, drink wine, have a laugh.... and when we get hungry my flat is 1 min away and just eat can sort it out if we're that cool with each other or there's a plethora of local restaurants within minutes.

So no spoons and the speedway then...

P.s. I most definitely would happily say what I did to your face.

[mondayo]

trackdemon said:

The rest of your post: 'whatever'

That bit, I'm seeing someone tomorrow who I've had great banter with for a couple of weeks, so yeah that's part of the plan to not sit around pining for something that might never happen. What will be will be but it looks better than every chat I've had so far (including pics that validate the profile). It won't be *her* but there's no reason it can't be great fun. Beach date. We're planning to watch sunset, listen to music, drink wine, have a laugh.... and when we get hungry my flat is 1 min away and just eat can sort it out if we're that cool with each other or there's a plethora of local restaurants within minutes.

So how did Friday go?
Did you have a good time? (That's in a general sense, not looking for intimate details!)

[interstellar]

This thread has died a death unfortunately. No stories to tell Tim or Petrus?

Some of you have to be going on dates.

[Greenmantle]

interstellar said:

This thread has died a death unfortunately. No stories to tell Tim or Petrus?

Some of you have to be going on dates.

Haven't you heard!
AI has taken over OLD.
No more stories to tell now.