My insane neighbour
Author
Discussion

[k]ar|

Original Poster:

963 posts

276 months

Monday 31st May 2004
quotequote all
My neighbour's cat very unfortunately went to cat heaven last week. It was found dead at the bottom of his drive, run over by a car.

"Well", I hear you say, "I'm all in favour of an introspective moment of silence for poor old Felix, but what's this doing on PH?".

This neighbour has now begun a Brunstrom-like campaign following the demise of his moggy. Despite not having seen the incident or having any indication of the actual cause, he has unilaterally decided that the car involved was speeding, and that the 40 limit on the long, wide, straight B-road is too high.

Consequently, he has erected a "30 - Speed Kills" sign at the bottom of his drive. Whilst this is merely annoying, I now notice he has a completely ludicrous "plan b", namely a man-shaped piece of wood, wearing a flourescent plod-style jacket and hat.

I'm at my wit's end! Not only is this busybodyish, but also potentially dangerous. Also, it's just begging to be pranked.

So, fellow PH'ers, I'm open to suggestions - what to do?!

[k]

[edit]
I'll try to get some pics soon
[/edit]

>>> Edited by [k]ar| on Monday 31st May 22:06

deltaf

6,806 posts

283 months

Monday 31st May 2004
quotequote all
Tyre, unleaded...2 am start ok by you?

Wacky Racer

41,351 posts

277 months

Monday 31st May 2004
quotequote all
Perform a citizen's arrest on the cutout for "impersonating a police officer".....

TimW

3,848 posts

277 months

Monday 31st May 2004
quotequote all
HAHA you'll try get pics soon thats just sick

BrianTheYank

7,585 posts

280 months

Monday 31st May 2004
quotequote all
Just put the cut out into the middle of the street in the night

docevi1

10,430 posts

278 months

Monday 31st May 2004
quotequote all
BrianTheYank said:
Just put the cut out into the middle of the street in the night


why and cause further accidents by people trying to avoid the person?

pwig

12,003 posts

300 months

Monday 31st May 2004
quotequote all
Change it to an NSL sign?

BrianTheYank

7,585 posts

280 months

Monday 31st May 2004
quotequote all
docevi1 said:

BrianTheYank said:
Just put the cut out into the middle of the street in the night



why and cause further accidents by people trying to avoid the person?


At least it would get rid of the copper.

towman

14,938 posts

269 months

Monday 31st May 2004
quotequote all
Make a cutout of a chav holding a sign which says "its not a real copper"

towman

14,938 posts

269 months

Monday 31st May 2004
quotequote all
Lets see how sick you PHers are - uses for the dead cat?

Pigeon

18,535 posts

276 months

Monday 31st May 2004
quotequote all
karl said:
he has erected a "30 - Speed Kills" sign at the bottom of his drive.

Turn the 3 into an 8?
karl said:
Whilst this is merely annoying, I now notice he has a completely ludicrous "plan b", namely a man-shaped piece of wood, wearing a flourescent plod-style jacket and hat.

Put a *huge* fake spliff in its mouth?

Edited to make quotes work... How do you escape []| in a reply?

>> Edited by Pigeon on Tuesday 1st June 01:45

tootler

89 posts

270 months

Tuesday 1st June 2004
quotequote all
I really think your attitude is quite insensitive. This poor fellow's cat has become road-kill and he is obviously seriously traumatised by the incident.

It has affected his mental stability and I think rather than criticising him you should think seriously about what you could do to help him.

Has the cat cadaver been disposed of? If not, you might think of having it stuffed and mounted in a glass case for him, so his loss is not total. This will allow him to slowly come to terms with his loss.

If his intention is to get another Moggy, you might offer to teach it the Highway Code, including look left right left, or is it right left right? Never can remember, anyway you get the idea.

Offer him counselling and words of consolation whenever possible, and support him in his campaign. This should be private support of course, don't want all the other neighbours thinking you're a nutter as well.

All in all in this his time of acute emotional distress, he requires your help and support, not criticism.

Empathy is what it's all about.

D-Angle

4,468 posts

272 months

Tuesday 1st June 2004
quotequote all
Just stick some lingerie, false boobs and a big rubber willy on his bloody mannequin, get him done for public indecency and move on...

[k]ar|

Original Poster:

963 posts

276 months

Tuesday 1st June 2004
quotequote all
TimW said:
HAHA you'll try get pics soon thats just sick



I meant pics of the stupid sign & fake plod, not the cat!!

BTW, my vote for 'uses for the dead cat' is send it to Hells Kitchen and see what Gordon Ramsay can do with it .

Nice ideas so far, guys re: the sign and dummy! I'll get some batteries for my digicam tomorow and post pics.



[k]




>> Edited by [k]ar| on Tuesday 1st June 01:31

kevinday

13,834 posts

310 months

Tuesday 1st June 2004
quotequote all
I would suggest a quick letter to your local council about misleading, illegal street furniture may be in order.

130tdi

1,163 posts

277 months

Tuesday 1st June 2004
quotequote all
towman said:
Lets see how sick you PHers are - uses for the dead cat?


You called

www.ray.hutchings.dial.pipex.com/catsa.htm

I seem to remember Private Eye running a series along these lines.

Plotloss

67,280 posts

300 months

Tuesday 1st June 2004
quotequote all
Get said cutout police officer and drive your car over it.

That should get the message accross...

gh0st

4,693 posts

288 months

Tuesday 1st June 2004
quotequote all
Plotloss said:
Get said cutout police officer and drive your car over it.

That should get the message accross...


Wouldnt that be some form of treason

stooz

3,005 posts

314 months

Tuesday 1st June 2004
quotequote all
Plotloss said:
Get said cutout police officer and drive your car over it.

That should get the message accross...

below the speed limit of course