New Police Contracts.
Discussion
Yes, apparently Streetcop, Gone and Dibble are no longer going to be called "Policemen".
In a new, exciting move, they will become Customer Openness Negative Relations Empowerment Protectors. (CONREPS)
This new title reflects their advanced role as the front line of the modal synergetic appraisal system which is going to replace the old fashion idea of "catching criminals".
In an exciting new change, the old fashioned and boring "Uniform" will be replaced by an "Mobile Body-Protecting Empowerment Enhancer" which all CONREPS will wear.
For convenience, this is exactly the same as the old uniform, except the helmets will all be spray painted orange, and have a plastic "CONREPS" badge glued where the old badge was (the logo, involving a CONREP officer kissing a daisy replaces the old star design).
To protect and empower the customers, CONREPS will now have a standard CONREP dialogue which will be used in place of the old fashioned "talking".
For example, "evenin' all" will be replaced by "Positive Opportunity to you, Empowered Customer, how can I enlighten your lifestyle".
To enable judicial consistency, variation from this standardised dialog will invalidate all evidence collected.
To remove the negativity associated with cars with flashing lamps on tops, all CONREPS will be issued with scooters decorated with floral print. Except for the Female CONREPS, who will all get pedal cars.
Customer relations has shown that positive empowerment is negativised by the "dee dah dee dah" sound made by CONREPmobiles, so this will be replaced by an audio recording of Barry Manilow singing "In an English Country Garden".
Tests have established this is a far more effective way of persuading motorists to move to the edge of the road.
We must not forget that alleged lawbreakers are our honoured customers too. So, when a friendly CONREP comes across a potential negative legal framework incident, to ensure continuity and consistency his Walkie Talkie will be automatically connected to a Call Centre in India where he will be able to instantly tell someone who will have really good English skills all the details of the crime.
Running after the criminal once he has finished is optional.
.... still at least you poor sods will know what the rest of us have to put up with.... and bad news, this won't be the end of it either
>>> Edited by autismuk on Tuesday 14th September 16:30
In a new, exciting move, they will become Customer Openness Negative Relations Empowerment Protectors. (CONREPS)
This new title reflects their advanced role as the front line of the modal synergetic appraisal system which is going to replace the old fashion idea of "catching criminals".
In an exciting new change, the old fashioned and boring "Uniform" will be replaced by an "Mobile Body-Protecting Empowerment Enhancer" which all CONREPS will wear.
For convenience, this is exactly the same as the old uniform, except the helmets will all be spray painted orange, and have a plastic "CONREPS" badge glued where the old badge was (the logo, involving a CONREP officer kissing a daisy replaces the old star design).
To protect and empower the customers, CONREPS will now have a standard CONREP dialogue which will be used in place of the old fashioned "talking".
For example, "evenin' all" will be replaced by "Positive Opportunity to you, Empowered Customer, how can I enlighten your lifestyle".
To enable judicial consistency, variation from this standardised dialog will invalidate all evidence collected.
To remove the negativity associated with cars with flashing lamps on tops, all CONREPS will be issued with scooters decorated with floral print. Except for the Female CONREPS, who will all get pedal cars.
Customer relations has shown that positive empowerment is negativised by the "dee dah dee dah" sound made by CONREPmobiles, so this will be replaced by an audio recording of Barry Manilow singing "In an English Country Garden".
Tests have established this is a far more effective way of persuading motorists to move to the edge of the road.
We must not forget that alleged lawbreakers are our honoured customers too. So, when a friendly CONREP comes across a potential negative legal framework incident, to ensure continuity and consistency his Walkie Talkie will be automatically connected to a Call Centre in India where he will be able to instantly tell someone who will have really good English skills all the details of the crime.
Running after the criminal once he has finished is optional.
.... still at least you poor sods will know what the rest of us have to put up with.... and bad news, this won't be the end of it either
>>> Edited by autismuk on Tuesday 14th September 16:30
X 99
autismuk said:
Yes it is, but you think it's bad *now* in the Force, with paperwork and targets, you haven't seen the half of it yet.
I don't think it's bad. I love the job...enjoy every minute of every day, I really do...
You spend so much of your life doing your job, if you love your job...you're very lucky..IMHO...
The fact that I get paid at the end of the month...is just the icing on the cake...
Street
Streetcop said:
Yes it is, but you think it's bad *now* in the Force, with paperwork and targets, you haven't seen the half of it yet.
I don't think it's bad. I love the job...enjoy every minute of every day, I really do...
You spend so much of your life doing your job, if you love your job...you're very lucky..IMHO...
The fact that I get paid at the end of the month...is just the icing on the cake...
Street
When NuLabor get hold of it, you'll spend all your time chasing witless targets, and standards, and zero time policing. Because no-one will care about policing as long as you meet your targets and standards.
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