Problems with a foster kid
Discussion
I'm sure the child was an arsonist before it moved into the care of its current foster carers; as such, saying they are "not fit" is a harsh allegation indeed... 
Bearing in mind that any matches and lighters will be kept under lock and key, as will all the foster carers' sharps except a minimum number of kitchen knives (which are kept at the back of a kitchen drawer and not accessible without making noise so that the foster child can't silently stab their foster carer in the back without audible warning, plus a minimal number kept out so it is clear if one goes missing wrt to reducing "knife crime"); ditto all meds (prescription and over-the-counter) are kept locked away (so the foster child can't take an overdose/try to commit suicide), and alcohol also lives in the locked cupboard (so the foster child can't get intoxicated/kill themselves).
Such are just some of the preparations for fostering nowadays (kids like this one are rare, but they occasionally come along)...
I'd contact the local authority's "childrens' services" dept in social services in the first instance, as mentioned upthread. As also mentioned upthread, there will be partnership working ("child protection" is near/at the top of the political agenda nowadays
) between les flics and the local authority social services dept (among other local child welfare agencies) so - assuming the local police have done their job properly - the LA will be fully aware of Arsonist Child From Hell's alleged exploits hassling the couple in their 80s and the foster carers will be being supported and advised in dealing with and looking after one of the more difficult foster children who sometimes come into the care system.
Bearing in mind that any matches and lighters will be kept under lock and key, as will all the foster carers' sharps except a minimum number of kitchen knives (which are kept at the back of a kitchen drawer and not accessible without making noise so that the foster child can't silently stab their foster carer in the back without audible warning, plus a minimal number kept out so it is clear if one goes missing wrt to reducing "knife crime"); ditto all meds (prescription and over-the-counter) are kept locked away (so the foster child can't take an overdose/try to commit suicide), and alcohol also lives in the locked cupboard (so the foster child can't get intoxicated/kill themselves).
Such are just some of the preparations for fostering nowadays (kids like this one are rare, but they occasionally come along)...
I'd contact the local authority's "childrens' services" dept in social services in the first instance, as mentioned upthread. As also mentioned upthread, there will be partnership working ("child protection" is near/at the top of the political agenda nowadays
) between les flics and the local authority social services dept (among other local child welfare agencies) so - assuming the local police have done their job properly - the LA will be fully aware of Arsonist Child From Hell's alleged exploits hassling the couple in their 80s and the foster carers will be being supported and advised in dealing with and looking after one of the more difficult foster children who sometimes come into the care system.It's a tricky position from the foster carers' point of view.
Default position appears to be that the child should have his freedom regardless of any concerns expressed elsewhere. If he's not subject to a court order then the foster parents may be powerless to restrict his movements. The local authority will take a position of least expenditure, and foster care is cheaper than secure (and thus possibly more suitable) accomodation.
If the child's living arrangements are inappropriate then this needs to be brought to the attention of the authority by any means possible. They have very effective earplugs, so it can be a battle.
Default position appears to be that the child should have his freedom regardless of any concerns expressed elsewhere. If he's not subject to a court order then the foster parents may be powerless to restrict his movements. The local authority will take a position of least expenditure, and foster care is cheaper than secure (and thus possibly more suitable) accomodation.
If the child's living arrangements are inappropriate then this needs to be brought to the attention of the authority by any means possible. They have very effective earplugs, so it can be a battle.
aw51 121565 said:
I'm sure the child was an arsonist before it moved into the care of its current foster carers; as such, saying they are "not fit" is a harsh allegation indeed...
Bearing in mind that any matches and lighters will be kept under lock and key, as will all the foster carers' sharps except a minimum number of kitchen knives (which are kept at the back of a kitchen drawer and not accessible without making noise so that the foster child can't silently stab their foster carer in the back without audible warning, plus a minimal number kept out so it is clear if one goes missing wrt to reducing "knife crime"); ditto all meds (prescription and over-the-counter) are kept locked away (so the foster child can't take an overdose/try to commit suicide), and alcohol also lives in the locked cupboard (so the foster child can't get intoxicated/kill themselves).
Such are just some of the preparations for fostering nowadays (kids like this one are rare, but they occasionally come along)...
I'd contact the local authority's "childrens' services" dept in social services in the first instance, as mentioned upthread. As also mentioned upthread, there will be partnership working ("child protection" is near/at the top of the political agenda nowadays ) between les flics and the local authority social services dept (among other local child welfare agencies) so - assuming the local police have done their job properly - the LA will be fully aware of Arsonist Child From Hell's alleged exploits hassling the couple in their 80s and the foster carers will be being supported and advised in dealing with and looking after one of the more difficult foster children who sometimes come into the care system.
When he burnt out their garage they seemed to think it was youthful expression, similar to the time the fence was set fire to, it was the police said the fosterers are far too lenient on him, he'd made allegations of assault after he was caught this time, at 15 he's going to have a lot more encounters with the police soon.Bearing in mind that any matches and lighters will be kept under lock and key, as will all the foster carers' sharps except a minimum number of kitchen knives (which are kept at the back of a kitchen drawer and not accessible without making noise so that the foster child can't silently stab their foster carer in the back without audible warning, plus a minimal number kept out so it is clear if one goes missing wrt to reducing "knife crime"); ditto all meds (prescription and over-the-counter) are kept locked away (so the foster child can't take an overdose/try to commit suicide), and alcohol also lives in the locked cupboard (so the foster child can't get intoxicated/kill themselves).
Such are just some of the preparations for fostering nowadays (kids like this one are rare, but they occasionally come along)...
I'd contact the local authority's "childrens' services" dept in social services in the first instance, as mentioned upthread. As also mentioned upthread, there will be partnership working ("child protection" is near/at the top of the political agenda nowadays
) between les flics and the local authority social services dept (among other local child welfare agencies) so - assuming the local police have done their job properly - the LA will be fully aware of Arsonist Child From Hell's alleged exploits hassling the couple in their 80s and the foster carers will be being supported and advised in dealing with and looking after one of the more difficult foster children who sometimes come into the care system.Show him love and compassion, Build up some rapour an educate him. Don't put him into a care home, its a bad cycle.
You could be the one guy who changes his life because you give him the genuine time of day.
He burns the fence, get him to help rebuild it?
I dont know, just dont give up on people as daft as it sounds.
You could be the one guy who changes his life because you give him the genuine time of day.
He burns the fence, get him to help rebuild it?
I dont know, just dont give up on people as daft as it sounds.
Timbergiant said:
When he burnt out their garage they seemed to think it was youthful expression, similar to the time the fence was set fire to, it was the police said the fosterers are far too lenient on him, he'd made allegations of assault after he was caught this time, at 15 he's going to have a lot more encounters with the police soon.
Force him to watch the 1973 version on The Wicker Man, and tell him that's what's going to happen to him if he doesn't buck his ideas up.ShireRoller said:
Show him love and compassion, Build up some rapour an educate him. Don't put him into a care home, its a bad cycle.
You could be the one guy who changes his life because you give him the genuine time of day.
He burns the fence, get him to help rebuild it?
I dont know, just dont give up on people as daft as it sounds.
+1000You could be the one guy who changes his life because you give him the genuine time of day.
He burns the fence, get him to help rebuild it?
I dont know, just dont give up on people as daft as it sounds.
He has had a horrific life since he was tiny and has never felt loved. Imagine yourself or your child never having fallen asleep feeling safe.
Anything you can do to make the world a less awful place to him would be a good start. Playing tough with youngsters is fun and easy but completely pointless - he thinks he is worthless (whatever he might say), and reinforcing that is the last thing anyone should do. The foster parents will know this and will have been advised to try to coax him gently into normality.
Are the fosters carers working for a private agency or are the local authority carers?
If they are a private agency carers the young man could be from anywhere and it's his placing authority you want to be in touch with. He will have his own social worker the foster carers will have their own social worker too.
Foster carers are generally nice people doing a difficult job. Have you tried talking with them, they will be trying to keep a close eye on this young man and might welcome the help.
If they are a private agency carers the young man could be from anywhere and it's his placing authority you want to be in touch with. He will have his own social worker the foster carers will have their own social worker too.
Foster carers are generally nice people doing a difficult job. Have you tried talking with them, they will be trying to keep a close eye on this young man and might welcome the help.
I used to feel a bit "right wing" about kids like this but since experience recently on the periphery of social services I realised that many disruptive children are the result of problems, not the cause.
Now, I feel sympathy for them and admiration for their carers, especially as some children are very difficult and might never be "normal".
I am a person who likes to take broken things and repair them and it is upsetting to see children unable to be fixed, thank goodness there are fosterers who give children a chance and keep them out of institutions.
Now, I feel sympathy for them and admiration for their carers, especially as some children are very difficult and might never be "normal".
I am a person who likes to take broken things and repair them and it is upsetting to see children unable to be fixed, thank goodness there are fosterers who give children a chance and keep them out of institutions.
ORD said:
ShireRoller said:
Show him love and compassion, Build up some rapour an educate him. Don't put him into a care home, its a bad cycle.
You could be the one guy who changes his life because you give him the genuine time of day.
He burns the fence, get him to help rebuild it?
I dont know, just dont give up on people as daft as it sounds.
+1000You could be the one guy who changes his life because you give him the genuine time of day.
He burns the fence, get him to help rebuild it?
I dont know, just dont give up on people as daft as it sounds.
He has had a horrific life since he was tiny and has never felt loved. Imagine yourself or your child never having fallen asleep feeling safe.
Anything you can do to make the world a less awful place to him would be a good start. Playing tough with youngsters is fun and easy but completely pointless - he thinks he is worthless (whatever he might say), and reinforcing that is the last thing anyone should do. The foster parents will know this and will have been advised to try to coax him gently into normality.
t out of him.stuart313 said:
ORD said:
ShireRoller said:
Show him love and compassion, Build up some rapour an educate him. Don't put him into a care home, its a bad cycle.
You could be the one guy who changes his life because you give him the genuine time of day.
He burns the fence, get him to help rebuild it?
I dont know, just dont give up on people as daft as it sounds.
+1000You could be the one guy who changes his life because you give him the genuine time of day.
He burns the fence, get him to help rebuild it?
I dont know, just dont give up on people as daft as it sounds.
He has had a horrific life since he was tiny and has never felt loved. Imagine yourself or your child never having fallen asleep feeling safe.
Anything you can do to make the world a less awful place to him would be a good start. Playing tough with youngsters is fun and easy but completely pointless - he thinks he is worthless (whatever he might say), and reinforcing that is the last thing anyone should do. The foster parents will know this and will have been advised to try to coax him gently into normality.
He wasn't born a tearaway it has been trained into him by previous neglectful carers, it is far better he is 'retrained' to conform than locking him up and chucking away the key at 15.
Just to add a bit of sensible balance, I vote to kick the s
t out of him.Gassing Station | Speed, Plod & the Law | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff