Streetcop's tips for driving in 2005 britain...
Discussion
1 Don't drive too close to anyone who's using a mobile, Especially on a motorway or a roundabout, as they have only 30% of their regular spatial perception and are much more likely to crash into you
2 A "baby on board" sign means- " I'm stupid, please drive a little closer to read my toss sign"
3 Keep well clear of vans and trucks, especially when in a very slow convoy.
4a Test your emergency breaking regularly when some tosser is driving right up your arse.
It's hilarious watching in your rear view mirror as they break heavily and veer to the left.
4b Test your emergency breaking regularly When a stupid spotty pencil moustache teenager, is behind with a booming bass stereo, to indicate that he's a total wa**er, and shouldn't be driving anyway until he's at least 21 when he's grown up.
5 If someone is right behind you on a motorway or driving erratically, though it's tempting to hinder them, let them past, they are going to have a smash soon, and you don't want to be taken out too.
6 Always lock your doors and hide any valuables, especially when driving in a strange town.
7 Never drive on a motorway with your doors locked, If you're in a crash, no one can get you out. And you can't break a car window with a shoe, from the outside. And you will most probably die there.
8 If it is raining, Always put your lights on main beam, on the motorway. Because trucks can't see unlit cars through their spray.
9 Never use rear fog lights, unless it's a pea souper, 100 meters visibility is the law and it's very, very dense.
10 When driving behind a car with German plates, beware that they slow down to 20 mph as they pass parked busses at home, or they receive a very heavy fine and a penalty.
11 If you are driving in Europe, then don't think that you're exempt from the law, you're not. The fines are the same and licence points are too!
2 A "baby on board" sign means- " I'm stupid, please drive a little closer to read my toss sign"
3 Keep well clear of vans and trucks, especially when in a very slow convoy.
4a Test your emergency breaking regularly when some tosser is driving right up your arse.
It's hilarious watching in your rear view mirror as they break heavily and veer to the left.
4b Test your emergency breaking regularly When a stupid spotty pencil moustache teenager, is behind with a booming bass stereo, to indicate that he's a total wa**er, and shouldn't be driving anyway until he's at least 21 when he's grown up.
5 If someone is right behind you on a motorway or driving erratically, though it's tempting to hinder them, let them past, they are going to have a smash soon, and you don't want to be taken out too.
6 Always lock your doors and hide any valuables, especially when driving in a strange town.
7 Never drive on a motorway with your doors locked, If you're in a crash, no one can get you out. And you can't break a car window with a shoe, from the outside. And you will most probably die there.
8 If it is raining, Always put your lights on main beam, on the motorway. Because trucks can't see unlit cars through their spray.
9 Never use rear fog lights, unless it's a pea souper, 100 meters visibility is the law and it's very, very dense.
10 When driving behind a car with German plates, beware that they slow down to 20 mph as they pass parked busses at home, or they receive a very heavy fine and a penalty.
11 If you are driving in Europe, then don't think that you're exempt from the law, you're not. The fines are the same and licence points are too!
Streetcop said:
4a Test your emergency breaking regularly when some tosser is driving right up your arse.
It's hilarious watching in your rear view mirror as they break heavily and veer to the left.
......
5 If someone is right behind you on a motorway or driving erratically, though it's tempting to hinder them, let them past, they are going to have a smash soon, and you don't want to be taken out too.
contradicting yourself?
seriously, don't the police in the UK take unneccessary emergency braking to antagonise another driver/cause a rear end shunt and claim insurance as being a bit naughty if not an offence?
you can get nicked for it in Germany
Streetcop said:
2 A "baby on board" sign means- " I'm stupid, please drive a little closer to read my toss sign"
I know it's tongue in cheek but no no no! I regularly exhibit a baby on board sign. "It means keep away and give me plenty of room because my concentration is being severely tested by two screaming sprogs". If anybody doubts this then I will happily lend you my four year old and eighteen month old. I challenge you to maintain your concentration whilst they are at full volume and throwing jelly tots!
Streetcop said:
2 A "baby on board" sign means- " I'm stupid, please drive a little closer to read my toss sign"
How very true Street.
This always makes me think "Why do we need to be told. Our driving shouldnt alter because of these feckin signs. We should drive at a safe distance anyway. Do they really think thats going to make any difference
blademan said:
2 A "baby on board" sign means- " I'm stupid, please drive a little closer to read my toss sign"
How very true Street.
This always makes me think "Why do we need to be told. Our driving shouldnt alter because of these feckin signs. We should drive at a safe distance anyway. Do they really think thats going to make any difference
...and of course if you happen to be following a vehicle bearing the sign 'SHOW DOGS IN TRANSIT' extreme care must be taken at all times.
Best wishes all,
Dave.
Streetcop said:
11 If you are driving in Europe, then don't think that you're exempt from the law, you're not. The fines are the same and licence points are too!
12. Don't believe everything streetcop tells you.
Firstly, the topic was: "tips for driving in 2005 BRITAIN!!!"
Secondly, at the moment you can't get points from abroad.
Thirdly, driving at 100mph on a motorway in Italy won't get you banned, in fact if you're in something exotic, but not German, it's encouraged.
blademan said:
2 A "baby on board" sign means- " I'm stupid, please drive a little closer to read my toss sign"
How very true Street.
This always makes me think "Why do we need to be told. Our driving shouldnt alter because of these feckin signs. We should drive at a safe distance anyway. Do they really think thats going to make any difference
Misses the point.
The signs are really to warn you to keep away - preferably take an alternative route.
2 reasons.
1. They will be driving especially cautiously to the detriment of making progress (but only if the said infant is truly installed.)
2. If the infant IS installed then all sorts of random distractions are likely and erratic conduct may well be observed.
JoolzB said:
Streetcop said:
2 A "baby on board" sign means- " I'm stupid, please drive a little closer to read my toss sign"
I know it's tongue in cheek but no no no! I regularly exhibit a baby on board sign. "It means keep away and give me plenty of room because my concentration is being severely tested by two screaming sprogs". If anybody doubts this then I will happily lend you my four year old and eighteen month old. I challenge you to maintain your concentration whilst they are at full volume and throwing jelly tots!
I thought the purpose was to alert emergency services of sprog on board in an accident, probably to avoid getting hit on the bonce by a jelly tot by the sounds of it
Yes you are correct but this has been hi-jacked by the 'proud to be fertile brigade'
These people believe everything they are told by everyone. They are large mamals that look like humans but they have less intelligence than Amoeba. All of what they say and do is pure conditionned reflex. Their main activities are listed as follows. They watch television and talk about it. They believe its important.
They are convinced voting is important and they vote Lib Dem Labour or Conservative.
They are very worried about global warming and they call it climate change in the winter when the weathers bad.
They are often employed in the public sector
They can invariably see the other persons point of view even if the other person wants to make glue out of their children.
They think competitive sport is a threat to world peace.
They believe the BBC is utterly incorruptable.
What about steering clear of the over 70 driver who has shrunk so much, only their eyes and flat cap are visible above the steering wheel, and that they may have an over 70 woman next to them who has to sit so close to the windscreen (because of random back problems) that driver can't see pass them to look left. Whoops just described both my grandads! Don't accept lifts any more, one grandad has an automatic and likes to demonstrate 'kick down'
Streetcop said:
7 Never drive on a motorway with your doors locked, If you're in a crash, no one can get you out. And you can't break a car window with a shoe, from the outside. And you will most probably die there.
I've been trying to persuade the Mrs on this one for years. Given up now...
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