Child Costs for separated parents
Discussion
Ok, long story short me and my ex separated a fair while back but have a daughter. My ex chose to move back to where she came from which is 130 miles from where we/I live.
We get on well enough and make sure things are the best they can be for our little girl so no problems in that respect. We've sorted out what I should be paying and there's no problems there either, I have my daughter every other weekend (would be more given the choice!).
Anyway my question is that I pay for all of the fuel in picking up my little girl not only for my car but for her mothers journey to pick her up from me. Now I don't have a massive issue with this and I'd rather things were kept as easy as possible so our daughter doesn't pick up on any bad vibes. The thing is my ex acts like it's her entitlement and I kind of see it as a favour to make things easier for her.
Question is that if I'm paying a proper and decent amount of child support and obviously I pick up my little girl, in a court of law would it fall in the mothers favour legally for me to pay her fuel costs for collecting as well?
I also appreciate the fact that I don't have to do a 260 mile round trip twice in a weekend and again, I don't know what would be the legal expectation regarding this.
We get on well enough and make sure things are the best they can be for our little girl so no problems in that respect. We've sorted out what I should be paying and there's no problems there either, I have my daughter every other weekend (would be more given the choice!).
Anyway my question is that I pay for all of the fuel in picking up my little girl not only for my car but for her mothers journey to pick her up from me. Now I don't have a massive issue with this and I'd rather things were kept as easy as possible so our daughter doesn't pick up on any bad vibes. The thing is my ex acts like it's her entitlement and I kind of see it as a favour to make things easier for her.
Question is that if I'm paying a proper and decent amount of child support and obviously I pick up my little girl, in a court of law would it fall in the mothers favour legally for me to pay her fuel costs for collecting as well?
I also appreciate the fact that I don't have to do a 260 mile round trip twice in a weekend and again, I don't know what would be the legal expectation regarding this.
Nope.
Well, I say that, as that was true for me under the CSA. The costs of travel etc are apparently taken care of under the sevenths reduction for nights spent with you.
Might be different under the CMS, but how much would you be prepared to bet that's not true?
Eleven years now, and she has brought them to me once in that time. Ho hum, I'd rather have their company than the cash
Well, I say that, as that was true for me under the CSA. The costs of travel etc are apparently taken care of under the sevenths reduction for nights spent with you.
Might be different under the CMS, but how much would you be prepared to bet that's not true?
Eleven years now, and she has brought them to me once in that time. Ho hum, I'd rather have their company than the cash
Never had the experience of dealing with the CSA or any government agencies but I wouldn't seek to upset the applecart over this (especially as they have a habit of making a mess and now take their cut as well I believe)
Have been separated from my ex for 11 years now and see my daughter every weekend (thankfully distance is not as far). The ex doesn't drive so collecting and dropping off is down to me. I'll often drop the ex off somewhere if she needs to go when I am over that way.
Keeps everybody happy and my stress levels down.
As said above, the relationship with your kids is worth more than a few pennies (as long as you have the money to have your own life separately)
Have been separated from my ex for 11 years now and see my daughter every weekend (thankfully distance is not as far). The ex doesn't drive so collecting and dropping off is down to me. I'll often drop the ex off somewhere if she needs to go when I am over that way.
Keeps everybody happy and my stress levels down.
As said above, the relationship with your kids is worth more than a few pennies (as long as you have the money to have your own life separately)
I do believe the CSA take a fee from the amount you pay and I think it comes out of your wages before you even see it.
Fortunately we've always had an agreement so any money goes by direct debit and is all good. I certainly wouldn't cause a fuss about it now, things work well enough especially for the distance.
One other question, again if there was ever a legal argument on it. Would the ex be obliged to pick up my daughter? I think the point from her side is you would have to pick up and drop off but she does me a favour by picking her up from me. I always wondered if it went to court would we both be obliged to do our share of driving.
Fortunately we've always had an agreement so any money goes by direct debit and is all good. I certainly wouldn't cause a fuss about it now, things work well enough especially for the distance.
One other question, again if there was ever a legal argument on it. Would the ex be obliged to pick up my daughter? I think the point from her side is you would have to pick up and drop off but she does me a favour by picking her up from me. I always wondered if it went to court would we both be obliged to do our share of driving.
Amateurish said:
Keep it amicable if you can (I speak from experience). If you can swallow the current arrangement then just keep with it. Forget about what a court would or would not order.
This,every time. I also have a daughter with an ex wife, now grown up (the daughter that is). we also had shared custody- an arrangement we agreed mutually Avoiding conflict with the ex has made all our lives so much easier. Unless you really really cannot find the money, don't let it affect you. And keep as far as possible from lawyers and courts. They just generate conflict and resentment.
Amateurish said:
Keep it amicable if you can (I speak from experience). If you can swallow the current arrangement then just keep with it. Forget about what a court would or would not order.
Definately this!I give my ex a reasonable mount, thankfully (apart from a few arguments in the beginning), we've always got on WRT my now 9 year old daughter, but when I have her for the weekend, it's me that has to drive for 6 hours on a Friday (320+ miles round trip) and again on the Sunday, and suck up the fuel costs.
Keep it out of the courts/CSA, if the agreement is working, keep it that way - any deviation could cause visitation issues and/or cost increases...
All the best!
The CSA is dead, the father hating devil scum, it's now the CMS. Visit their website for info, also look at http://www.cmoptions.org for extra help. I'd avoid any agency and try to get a written agreement with a paper trail to cover your arse
I worked for the CMS, which is the current 'version' of it. So a few responses to some of the points regarding them...
There are some fee's now, £20 for person to make a claim, and %'s of the weekly calculation if they have to collect the money from you, but both parties have this charge. But as there are charges, they give the Paying Parent chances to pay directly to avoid these. If you use them to just work the assessment/schedule out, and you pay the other party directly then there are no fee's. If you do that, pay by bank, make it clear that is for maintenance, and if they call and/or send letters, always try and respond as that's when it would be considered whether to take money out of your wages.
Petrol costs can be taken into account, but only YOUR journeys. The cost of petrol needs to be more than (equivalent) £10 per week (have a look at the HMRC mileage rates for approx amount that would be accepted as reasonable), then the amount worked out as your cost will be deducted off your income and a new calculation will be worked out. As its not a £4£ deduction off calculation, it wont always make as much difference as people think.
It is also possible to have that alongside the potential adjustment for having your child overnight for more than 52 nights per year. (which is 1/7 for 52-103, 2/7s 104-155, 3/7s 156+)
There are some fee's now, £20 for person to make a claim, and %'s of the weekly calculation if they have to collect the money from you, but both parties have this charge. But as there are charges, they give the Paying Parent chances to pay directly to avoid these. If you use them to just work the assessment/schedule out, and you pay the other party directly then there are no fee's. If you do that, pay by bank, make it clear that is for maintenance, and if they call and/or send letters, always try and respond as that's when it would be considered whether to take money out of your wages.
Petrol costs can be taken into account, but only YOUR journeys. The cost of petrol needs to be more than (equivalent) £10 per week (have a look at the HMRC mileage rates for approx amount that would be accepted as reasonable), then the amount worked out as your cost will be deducted off your income and a new calculation will be worked out. As its not a £4£ deduction off calculation, it wont always make as much difference as people think.
It is also possible to have that alongside the potential adjustment for having your child overnight for more than 52 nights per year. (which is 1/7 for 52-103, 2/7s 104-155, 3/7s 156+)
Edited by Fletchie on Thursday 3rd November 22:19
Edited by Fletchie on Thursday 3rd November 22:21
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