Amicable ex and slight problem

[ChevronB19]

Ok, I split up with the mother of my daughter when our little girl was just 10 months old (my decision, and it was sad all round, tears on both sides etc).

After a year or two of extreme awkwardness, we now get on fantastically well. We both have new partners, she’s now my sisters best friend (wasn’t while we were together) etc., and generally we have a great ‘relationship’ where we look out for each other etc.

When we split up, we went on the government website to work out child maintenance, as we didn’t want lawyers etc involved (we weren’t married anyway). Website popped out a figure, and I agreed to pay it. Couple of years later, I changed jobs (with an associated pay rise), so I went back on, and it said to increase the payments from £416 pcm to £480 pcm, which I did.

I’ve just received another pay rise of c. 2k pa, and went back on the website, and now it says I should pay £416 pcm? I either got it wrong at the time of the original pay rise, or the way of working it out has changed. I really don’t want to rock the boat, but due to a number of recent bills I could really do with the additional £64 a month (sad I know, but needs must). I have no objection to paying for my little one whatsoever.

Any tips on how I broach this, given that my ex may well suspect this is down to my new partner (she has past form on this - she made my previous girlfriend’s life hell, but I put that down as it was within a year of us splitting up so things were still raw - we’re 4 years on now).

Not a very Christmassy subject I know!

[Happy Jim]

Sit down and read what you just posted again.

Do you really want to cock up a good relationship with the mother of your daughter for the sake of £60?

If you were “OK” with £480, and you’ve just got a pay rise, dropping it now would seem very odd timing

Enjoy the harmony;-)

Jim

[ChevronB19]

Happy Jim said:

Sit down and read what you just posted again.

Do you really want to cock up a good relationship with the mother of your daughter for the sake of £60?

If you were “OK” with £480, and you’ve just got a pay rise, dropping it now would seem very odd timing

Enjoy the harmony;-)

Jim

Understood, and a very sensible reply. Must’ve had a brain fart!

[Durzel]

There would I imagine be many people on here that would pay £64 a month and then some to have an amicable relationship with an ex, particularly where a child is involved.

[AB]

Durzel said:

There would I imagine be many people on here that would pay £64 a month and then some to have an amicable relationship with an ex, particularly where a child is involved.

That was exactly what I thought when I read the post.

[ChevronB19]

Thank you all for your advice, which I completely agree with - I’m incredibly lucky we have such a good relationship, and I’m not going to spoil it for a few quid

[Stu08]

Surely the right thing to do here is find the root cause of why the money amount has changed? Then decide what to do from there. Has the Government changed how it calculates the maintenance? Did you miscalculate the monthly payment based on your salary? Or has something else happened?

[HotJambalaya]

I have no form on this sort of thing whatsoever, but to my mind, you've admirably gone on to the website expecting your contribution to go up, and presumably were going to pay the extra. Consider this a bonus and keep it as it is. However you do have two options that arise from this:

1) Try and get extra relationship credit in the bank by pointing out that you had a pay rise and that its suggesting a lesser amount, but that you're keeping it the same.

2) Keep quiet and not say anything, because if you let slip you have a pay rise she might demand more regardless what the site says.


It would be interesting to re-enter your pre-pay rise salary again, to double check the figures as either you made a mistake with your initial inputs previously, or the current calculation is more favourable to you (in which case you again go for the emotional credit)

[PurpleMoonlight]

The basis of how CM is calculated changed in 2012. Does this fit with your time frame?

[voyds9]

You have effectively had a reduction with your pay rise. (fag packet calculation of about £27 per week).

[andy_s]

ChevronB19 said:

Happy Jim said:

Sit down and read what you just posted again.

Do you really want to cock up a good relationship with the mother of your daughter for the sake of £60?

If you were “OK” with £480, and you’ve just got a pay rise, dropping it now would seem very odd timing

Enjoy the harmony;-)

Jim

Understood, and a very sensible reply. Must’ve had a brain fart!

Been drinking OP? Good advise - you've still got a 2k rise anyway chap, the rest I would chalk up to 'continued good relations' which is priceless!

[98elise]

ChevronB19 said:

Thank you all for your advice, which I completely agree with - I’m incredibly lucky we have such a good relationship, and I’m not going to spoil it for a few quid

A decent relationship with the mother of your child is worth way more than a few quid

[jonobigblind]

I’m in a similar position to you OP (minus the pay rise). I’d say that a good relationship with your ex helps so much when you want that odd weekend off to go away with your current partner or just some flexibility.

Also a good relationship continues to keep a steady and stable platform for your young one, which is worth a left bk in my book.

[MorganP104]

HotJambalaya said:

2) Keep quiet and not say anything, because if you let slip you have a pay rise she might demand more regardless what the site says.

Option 2, every single time.

Any other option is either financial, personal, or social suicide.

[BertBert]

So what's going on here OP? Was that a joke? Two hours before this you were asking to find a way to stiff your ex for the sake of 60 quid. Then the first person said don't, that's stupid and you said righty ho.

It must be a joke post right?

Bert

ChevronB19 said:

Thank you all for your advice, which I completely agree with - I’m incredibly lucky we have such a good relationship, and I’m not going to spoil it for a few quid

[ChevronB19]

BertBert said:

No, it wasn’t a joke. I’m extremely skint at the moment, and I momentarily, and very foolishly, considered this as an option, one that after some consideration and the helpful replies here I have now discounted!

Thanks all for the replies, we met up today and exchanged some lovely presents, and as others have said (including yourself, rightly), a good relationship is priceless and I’d be an idiot to rock the boat.

Cheers all!

[creampuff]

Merry Christmas

[Last Visit]

If only all the advice threads were this simple. Just to echo the above OP, you've made the right decision. In fact you've made the only decision. Hopefully you'll have a great 2018 with a happy relationship with your ex and lots of quality time with your child.