Disgusting topics. Don't look if offended easily.
Discussion
Whilst on nights last night a few of us were recounting a few jobs from over the years....
One I remember is when we were conducting observations at a well known dogging spot...and cottaging spot. (Not explaining it on here, google will give good results....
) This was due to a couple of reports of sexual assaults.
Every evening a chap would come into the gents toilets, stay a while, and potter off again.
However.....whilst the toilets were under surveillance, it was noted what he was doing.
I kid you not, and if you are of unsound belly do not read further.
Into each WC he would go, out would come a loaf of sliced bread, he would wipe the toilet seat, lift it, then wipe the top and rear of the bowl.......then eat the bread.
Then move onto the next Toilet.
Now I am of broad mind, but couldn't for the life of me work this one out when informed of it....
Another one, not directly dealt with by me....
Chap under the influence of a mind bending drug decides to take his contact lenses out.
However, he does it with a pair of scissors, and doesn't have any contacts in.....so he rips the cornea off. (if thats the front see through bit) He gets half way through the first and passes out.
They are both true folks, weird weird old world.
Morning folks, I am off to bed.
One I remember is when we were conducting observations at a well known dogging spot...and cottaging spot. (Not explaining it on here, google will give good results....
) This was due to a couple of reports of sexual assaults. Every evening a chap would come into the gents toilets, stay a while, and potter off again.
However.....whilst the toilets were under surveillance, it was noted what he was doing.
I kid you not, and if you are of unsound belly do not read further.
Into each WC he would go, out would come a loaf of sliced bread, he would wipe the toilet seat, lift it, then wipe the top and rear of the bowl.......then eat the bread.
Then move onto the next Toilet.
Now I am of broad mind, but couldn't for the life of me work this one out when informed of it....
Another one, not directly dealt with by me....
Chap under the influence of a mind bending drug decides to take his contact lenses out.
However, he does it with a pair of scissors, and doesn't have any contacts in.....so he rips the cornea off. (if thats the front see through bit) He gets half way through the first and passes out.
They are both true folks, weird weird old world.
Morning folks, I am off to bed.
would someone want to take them out with SCISSORS?! Nowt as queer as folk......
Not quite the same, but along a similar vein: At a place I worked at while at uni there was a guy how would go in the staff fridge and steal peoples lunches
To exact revenge on the thief a work mate of mine went for a dump and dipped the ham and cheese filling of his sandwich into the toilet bowl (containing the grinning remains of last nights Balti). He then put his sandwich back together and returned it to the fridge. Sure enough when lunch time arrived the blighted sandwiches had gone. It was only then my workmate announced to everyone in the canteen what he had done The phantom sandwich theif was never caught, then again there were no more lunch thefts either! 
Not quite the same, but along a similar vein: At a place I worked at while at uni there was a guy how would go in the staff fridge and steal peoples lunches
To exact revenge on the thief a work mate of mine went for a dump and dipped the ham and cheese filling of his sandwich into the toilet bowl (containing the grinning remains of last nights Balti). He then put his sandwich back together and returned it to the fridge. Sure enough when lunch time arrived the blighted sandwiches had gone. It was only then my workmate announced to everyone in the canteen what he had done
The phantom sandwich theif was never caught, then again there were no more lunch thefts either! One regular in Sheffield used to get great pleasure in shoving the inside of a Bic pen, ball point end first, up his todger. Of course due to the shape of the end (I'm talking about the pen Streaky!) then it got stuck and he had to be sent off to the urology clinic.
Weird is not the word.
Weird is not the word.
Flat in Fifth said:
One regular in Sheffield used to get great pleasure in shoving the inside of a Bic pen, ball point end first, up his todger. Of course due to the shape of the end (I'm talking about the pen Streaky!) then it got stuck and he had to be sent off to the urology clinic.
Weird is not the word.
How did he explain that?! "Erm, I tripped with my flies open and fell on a pen..."
gh0st said:
Flat in Fifth said:
One regular in Sheffield used to get great pleasure in shoving the inside of a Bic pen, ball point end first, up his todger. Of course due to the shape of the end (I'm talking about the pen Streaky!) then it got stuck and he had to be sent off to the urology clinic.
Weird is not the word.
How did he explain that?! "Erm, I tripped with my flies open and fell on a pen..."
You mean like the chap who claimed :arf arf: he'd accidentally slipped when getting out of the shower and sat down on a beer bottle which then broke after it had ... errr.. penetrated...... enough of that I think
Now that IS
>> Edited by Flat in Fifth on Friday 22 April 09:46
Flat in Fifth said:
One regular in Sheffield used to get great pleasure in shoving the inside of a Bic pen, ball point end first, up his todger. Of course due to the shape of the end (I'm talking about the pen Streaky!) then it got stuck and he had to be sent off to the urology clinic.
Weird is not the word.
Wasn't there a guy who did the same with a geranium stem? The barbs allowed him to put it up but not get it out.....
Flat in Fifth said:
You mean like the chap who claimed :arf arf: he'd accidentally slipped when getting out of the shower and sat down on a beer bottle which then broke after it had ... errr.. penetrated...... enough of that I think
I've seen the xrays of a bust of Beethoven. Fortunately it stopped at the shoulders
. Naked dusting is apparently quite dangerous...bga said:
when my mum was a nurse they had one guy in who had apparently "sat" on a bottle of Sarsons Vinegar.
He was a tall guy and the robe they dressed him in couldn't hide the bottle sticking out of his arse & had much of Derriford A&E in stitches (no pun intended) as he waddled past.
Anal vingegar
My Mum did her SRN training in her fities some time ago. Apparently they often saw people who inserted objects into their back passages and could not get them out without help. But several of the nurses turned up to see an embarrassed guy in casualty who had forced a prize carrot up his @rse. The thing that tickled them....and the guy could not explain....why he had inserted in blunt end first
Richard C said:One of my mates is a bum doctor. His stories when he has had a few pints have caused other people to complain to the landlord in pubs in the past.
My Mum did her SRN training in her fities some time ago. Apparently they often saw people who inserted objects into their back passages and could not get them out without help. But several of the nurses turned up to see an embarrassed guy in casualty who had forced a prize carrot up his @rse. The thing that tickled them....and the guy could not explain....why he had inserted in blunt end first
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