Divorce 50/50 asset split?
Discussion
Quick over view:
I bought a house in 1989 with a 25 year mortgage. I then met a girl in 1994 who moved in with me. I paid all the mortgage, and all the household bills, plus providing her with a car and most of its running costs. She was working, and kept her salary but she would buy some food, odd bits for the house and the occasional day out, but she could do with the rest as she liked- mostly wine. I did not trust her enough to share any accounts, as she had a bad credit card history- (of which I paid off £9 ks worth) and more importantly I though it would protect my house if we split. I paid the mortgage off in 2010 but I did also end up marrying her in 2010 as I had a 4 year old child with her to do the right thing. She then had an affair with a family "friend"and left me in 2016 to live with him so I divorced her.
In terms for financial completion - I went to 3 different solicitors and they all told me she has a right to half of my house and pension fund even though I had paid my mortgage off the same year as I married her and she had no input to it at all. I was told no judge would deviate from around 50 / 50 in court even if my ex wife wanted nothing! She was happy with her new man and life and simply wanted to walk away without ripping my home away from under my feet- Fair do to her. I have never completed the financial l order accordingly considering I would loose out so badly.
I'm now being told I have been given bad advice, and she would not have been entitled to half my house considering she was never part of the mortgage or significant contributor to the household. The sting in the tail is she never saved a penny ( or pension) when she was with me so had nothing at all when we completed our financial statements I was the one who was going to pay for her negligence and adultery by passing over half of everything I'd worked so hard for if I ended up in court. I did end up paying for 1/4 of the new home she set up with her new man that she was very happy with, as this was far less than loosing half my house, so a gamble worth taking with the advice I was given.
I believe she will get married again shortly, and I gather this will prevent any claims in the future so I'm not beating myself up over this, but has anyone had any similar experience and the outcome if they went to court?
I bought a house in 1989 with a 25 year mortgage. I then met a girl in 1994 who moved in with me. I paid all the mortgage, and all the household bills, plus providing her with a car and most of its running costs. She was working, and kept her salary but she would buy some food, odd bits for the house and the occasional day out, but she could do with the rest as she liked- mostly wine. I did not trust her enough to share any accounts, as she had a bad credit card history- (of which I paid off £9 ks worth) and more importantly I though it would protect my house if we split. I paid the mortgage off in 2010 but I did also end up marrying her in 2010 as I had a 4 year old child with her to do the right thing. She then had an affair with a family "friend"and left me in 2016 to live with him so I divorced her.
In terms for financial completion - I went to 3 different solicitors and they all told me she has a right to half of my house and pension fund even though I had paid my mortgage off the same year as I married her and she had no input to it at all. I was told no judge would deviate from around 50 / 50 in court even if my ex wife wanted nothing! She was happy with her new man and life and simply wanted to walk away without ripping my home away from under my feet- Fair do to her. I have never completed the financial l order accordingly considering I would loose out so badly.
I'm now being told I have been given bad advice, and she would not have been entitled to half my house considering she was never part of the mortgage or significant contributor to the household. The sting in the tail is she never saved a penny ( or pension) when she was with me so had nothing at all when we completed our financial statements I was the one who was going to pay for her negligence and adultery by passing over half of everything I'd worked so hard for if I ended up in court. I did end up paying for 1/4 of the new home she set up with her new man that she was very happy with, as this was far less than loosing half my house, so a gamble worth taking with the advice I was given.
I believe she will get married again shortly, and I gather this will prevent any claims in the future so I'm not beating myself up over this, but has anyone had any similar experience and the outcome if they went to court?
You don’t have to have a financial order unless you want to prevent future claims.
I pushed for it and ended off worse as the judge said she wasn’t getting enough so I had to up it.
She wasn’t fussed about it anyway but I wanted protection.
If she is unlikely to come back to you for anything else I would leave well alone as it will end up I think with her getting a substantial amount in my opinion.
I pushed for it and ended off worse as the judge said she wasn’t getting enough so I had to up it.
She wasn’t fussed about it anyway but I wanted protection.
If she is unlikely to come back to you for anything else I would leave well alone as it will end up I think with her getting a substantial amount in my opinion.
blitzracing said:
Quick over view:
I bought a house in 1989 with a 25 year mortgage. I then met a girl in 1994 who moved in with me. I paid all the mortgage, and all the household bills, plus providing her with a car and most of its running costs. She was working, and kept her salary but she would buy some food, odd bits for the house and the occasional day out, but she could do with the rest as she liked- mostly wine. I did not trust her enough to share any accounts, as she had a bad credit card history- (of which I paid off £9 ks worth) and more importantly I though it would protect my house if we split. I paid the mortgage off in 2010 but I did also end up marrying her in 2010 as I had a 4 year old child with her to do the right thing. She then had an affair with a family "friend"and left me in 2016 to live with him so I divorced her.
In terms for financial completion - I went to 3 different solicitors and they all told me she has a right to half of my house and pension fund even though I had paid my mortgage off the same year as I married her and she had no input to it at all. I was told no judge would deviate from around 50 / 50 in court even if my ex wife wanted nothing! She was happy with her new man and life and simply wanted to walk away without ripping my home away from under my feet- Fair do to her. I have never completed the financial l order accordingly considering I would loose out so badly.
I'm now being told I have been given bad advice, and she would not have been entitled to half my house considering she was never part of the mortgage or significant contributor to the household. The sting in the tail is she never saved a penny ( or pension) when she was with me so had nothing at all when we completed our financial statements I was the one who was going to pay for her negligence and adultery by passing over half of everything I'd worked so hard for if I ended up in court. I did end up paying for 1/4 of the new home she set up with her new man that she was very happy with, as this was far less than loosing half my house, so a gamble worth taking with the advice I was given.
I believe she will get married again shortly, and I gather this will prevent any claims in the future so I'm not beating myself up over this, but has anyone had any similar experience and the outcome if they went to court?
I’d suggest you’ve had a right result there.I bought a house in 1989 with a 25 year mortgage. I then met a girl in 1994 who moved in with me. I paid all the mortgage, and all the household bills, plus providing her with a car and most of its running costs. She was working, and kept her salary but she would buy some food, odd bits for the house and the occasional day out, but she could do with the rest as she liked- mostly wine. I did not trust her enough to share any accounts, as she had a bad credit card history- (of which I paid off £9 ks worth) and more importantly I though it would protect my house if we split. I paid the mortgage off in 2010 but I did also end up marrying her in 2010 as I had a 4 year old child with her to do the right thing. She then had an affair with a family "friend"and left me in 2016 to live with him so I divorced her.
In terms for financial completion - I went to 3 different solicitors and they all told me she has a right to half of my house and pension fund even though I had paid my mortgage off the same year as I married her and she had no input to it at all. I was told no judge would deviate from around 50 / 50 in court even if my ex wife wanted nothing! She was happy with her new man and life and simply wanted to walk away without ripping my home away from under my feet- Fair do to her. I have never completed the financial l order accordingly considering I would loose out so badly.
I'm now being told I have been given bad advice, and she would not have been entitled to half my house considering she was never part of the mortgage or significant contributor to the household. The sting in the tail is she never saved a penny ( or pension) when she was with me so had nothing at all when we completed our financial statements I was the one who was going to pay for her negligence and adultery by passing over half of everything I'd worked so hard for if I ended up in court. I did end up paying for 1/4 of the new home she set up with her new man that she was very happy with, as this was far less than loosing half my house, so a gamble worth taking with the advice I was given.
I believe she will get married again shortly, and I gather this will prevent any claims in the future so I'm not beating myself up over this, but has anyone had any similar experience and the outcome if they went to court?
All seems mad to me. I'm a year into owning a family home with my partner, no children yet, not married yet. Deposit and fees was my savings, and I have paperwork that secures 15% of the house as mine. We have made equal contributes including overpayments.
I would like to get married, for various reasons, and expect our contributions to be fairly even over the years in part as her salary is greater than mine. But equally these stories are scary.
Her uncal has just been told that following his divorce he will loose basically everything he has. She's worked bugger all for their entire marriage apparently and is by all accounts a right cow who has always thought they where sitting on a mint. The family home is attached to his veterinary practice, which has been his life's work, 10hr days, on calls, weekends, managing all the staff/books/it, you name it. Business has huge mortgage but is also profitable and 10-20 peoples place of work. He is devistated and as much for them as himself. Where do you go from there? What a fuc ker.
Daniel
I would like to get married, for various reasons, and expect our contributions to be fairly even over the years in part as her salary is greater than mine. But equally these stories are scary.
Her uncal has just been told that following his divorce he will loose basically everything he has. She's worked bugger all for their entire marriage apparently and is by all accounts a right cow who has always thought they where sitting on a mint. The family home is attached to his veterinary practice, which has been his life's work, 10hr days, on calls, weekends, managing all the staff/books/it, you name it. Business has huge mortgage but is also profitable and 10-20 peoples place of work. He is devistated and as much for them as himself. Where do you go from there? What a fuc ker.
Daniel
Lindun said:
Your child should be your main priority not arguing over money, which would probably all go into a solicitor’s bank account on one side or the other anyway.
Of course, he should just think of the poor child and hand over his lifetime’s accumulation of assets to its mother without question...OP if you think she’s will get married that’s the best outcome for you - give it your blessing, encourage and tell her how happy you will be for her. If she ties the knot she can’t ever come after you.
theboss said:
Of course, he should just think of the poor child and hand over his lifetime’s accumulation of assets to its mother without question...
OP if you think she’s will get married that’s the best outcome for you - give it your blessing, encourage and tell her how happy you will be for her. If she ties the knot she can’t ever come after you.
Oh I’m sorry. I must have misread the title of the thread as it must say “Divorce 100/0 asset split”OP if you think she’s will get married that’s the best outcome for you - give it your blessing, encourage and tell her how happy you will be for her. If she ties the knot she can’t ever come after you.
Lindun said:
Oh I’m sorry. I must have misread the title of the thread as it must say “Divorce 100/0 asset split”
It happens...Sorry but it’s a bit condescending to say “don’t argue about money” in theses situations when in many cases one party is being totally unreasonable.
Luckily for the OP it sounds like his ex is reasonable minded - but this might be temporary whilst she’s in the euphoric stage of an exciting new relationship and/or influenced by a sense of guilt. Things could rapidly change.
theboss said:
Lindun said:
Oh I’m sorry. I must have misread the title of the thread as it must say “Divorce 100/0 asset split”
It happens...Sorry but it’s a bit condescending to say “don’t argue about money” in theses situations when in many cases one party is being totally unreasonable.
Luckily for the OP it sounds like his ex is reasonable minded - but this might be temporary whilst she’s in the euphoric stage of an exciting new relationship and/or influenced by a sense of guilt. Things could rapidly change.
Roman Rhodes said:
“The euphoric stage of an exciting new relationship”? It’s 3 years old! I don’t think the OP is looking for agony aunt stuff.
Okay.I’m just pointing out that it’s definitely in the OP’s interest for her to remarry whilst she is effectively waiving any claim to matrimonial assets.
Right now she might be blissfully happy in the relationship she left the marriage for 3 years ago. Things can change. If she doesn’t remarry and he doesn’t seek a consent order in fear of the court “correcting” the currently favourable (to him) division of assets then there is an open-ended risk that she just changes her mind at some point.
acealfa said:
It's things like this that have completely put me off getting married.
How much real protection do you have if you are living with someone long term sharing assets etc ? I suspect little.
Money doesn’t make you happy - sure it can make life easier but happiness no it has zero bearing on it IMHO.
OP bad luck and what a shocking out come by that “friend”.
GT03ROB said:
Welshbeef said:
How much real protection do you have if you are living with someone long term sharing assets etc ?
I suspect little.
Rather depends if you are into this impregnation malarky1I suspect little.
No such thing as ‘common law’ wife.
OP, you did the right thing and seem to have come out of it moderately intact.
You will of course be paying maintenance for your child, unless you have agreed otherwise.
That's a whole new minefield if whatever the CSA is called this week gets involved.
My best piece of advice to you is keep it friendly if at all possible. From what you say she seems to have accepted responsibility for some of her part in all this, and seems to have accepted what you have done so far as being "fair". Hold your breath and hope she gets married pdq, from a financial perspective. But there is another aspect to this too.
I got separated in 2001 and then divorced in 2007, my "fault", not hers. We had grown apart, but I was the one who left. Six years between the two events, and the divorce was at my request because i wanted to get married again. Despite that, my ex-wife of over 25 years saw immediately that going to lawyers would only end up with a ruling neither of us wanted being forced on us, and at a major cost in solicitors' fees, so we sorted it out ourselves, and I supported her financially and with health issues until she died in 2012, living in what had been our joint home. We managed to stay amicable, and my new wife understood and felt sorry for her, and put up with us never having much spare cash. In all the upkeep and the mortgage payments must have been around £300,000 and put me well into debt, but when she died I got the house back, which also got me back a good proportion of that money. I don't regret any of it, think of her from time to time still, and look back on my life with her with a mixture of pleasure and regret.
My point is that your ex has been a part of your life, and will continue to be one for many years to come while you share your child's upbringing, so in my experience you will find life happier if you can keep it amicable and continue to act in a way that fits with your beliefs and character. After all, you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life.
You will of course be paying maintenance for your child, unless you have agreed otherwise.
That's a whole new minefield if whatever the CSA is called this week gets involved.
My best piece of advice to you is keep it friendly if at all possible. From what you say she seems to have accepted responsibility for some of her part in all this, and seems to have accepted what you have done so far as being "fair". Hold your breath and hope she gets married pdq, from a financial perspective. But there is another aspect to this too.
I got separated in 2001 and then divorced in 2007, my "fault", not hers. We had grown apart, but I was the one who left. Six years between the two events, and the divorce was at my request because i wanted to get married again. Despite that, my ex-wife of over 25 years saw immediately that going to lawyers would only end up with a ruling neither of us wanted being forced on us, and at a major cost in solicitors' fees, so we sorted it out ourselves, and I supported her financially and with health issues until she died in 2012, living in what had been our joint home. We managed to stay amicable, and my new wife understood and felt sorry for her, and put up with us never having much spare cash. In all the upkeep and the mortgage payments must have been around £300,000 and put me well into debt, but when she died I got the house back, which also got me back a good proportion of that money. I don't regret any of it, think of her from time to time still, and look back on my life with her with a mixture of pleasure and regret.
My point is that your ex has been a part of your life, and will continue to be one for many years to come while you share your child's upbringing, so in my experience you will find life happier if you can keep it amicable and continue to act in a way that fits with your beliefs and character. After all, you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life.
RogerDodger said:
acealfa said:
It's things like this that have completely put me off getting married.
It's having kids that legally and financially wraps you up, not so much the marriage.Gassing Station | Speed, Plod & the Law | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff