Child smelling of fags when I pick her up
Discussion
I was wondering if anyone has been in he same situation, my ex has a new boyfriend who seems to be smoking in her house, normally I couldn't care less but she has my 7 year old, when I pick her up she absolutely stinks of cigarettes to the point I have to get her changed, washing the clothes doesn't remove the smell. I used to smoke so I'm not exaggerating when I say it's like she's been in a smoky boozer all night.
I've tried to approach her mother but initially she starts her normal gasligthing saying she doesn't smell, I must be imagining it then she moves on to say I'm making it up and finally she starts with the old "you can't see your daughter this week because she's ill" which is her usual response to things not going her way.
I'm understandably a bit miffed at her letting someone smoke all over my child but her usual MO is screaming murder if she feels I get anything on her.
I've reported her in the past for other stuff but no one ever seems interested.
Thanks.
I've tried to approach her mother but initially she starts her normal gasligthing saying she doesn't smell, I must be imagining it then she moves on to say I'm making it up and finally she starts with the old "you can't see your daughter this week because she's ill" which is her usual response to things not going her way.
I'm understandably a bit miffed at her letting someone smoke all over my child but her usual MO is screaming murder if she feels I get anything on her.
I've reported her in the past for other stuff but no one ever seems interested.
Thanks.
I wash her coat and other stuff, I pick her up the following friday and she stinks again, they also live in a flat so I doubt the lazy tosspot is going downstairs to smoke.
I was rather hoping as she won't listen to me if social services would be better placed to have a word.
I guess I'll have to ask her again. I already know what she'll tell me though.
I was rather hoping as she won't listen to me if social services would be better placed to have a word.
I guess I'll have to ask her again. I already know what she'll tell me though.
Give the child some autonomy; tell her about it, why you think "mummy's new best friend" shouldn't smoke around her indoors as it will give her cancer/stunt her growth and she can make the decision to ask the git to f
k off outside when he needs a coffin nail. Or not. Children are fickle.
k off outside when he needs a coffin nail. Or not. Children are fickle.Any chance of raising it with the boyfriend?
Sounds like your ex is a bit mad, doesn't necessarily mean the boyfriend is though. Years ago I was in a longterm relationship with someone who had a kid from a former relationship. There was no animosity or competition between me and the dad, all quite friendly and cordial from my point of view. Don't get me wrong, neither of us would have thought of the other as a mate or vowed to spend more time together outside of child-exchange duties but I certainly wouldn't have taken umbrage if he'd raised something like that with me.
Sounds like your ex is a bit mad, doesn't necessarily mean the boyfriend is though. Years ago I was in a longterm relationship with someone who had a kid from a former relationship. There was no animosity or competition between me and the dad, all quite friendly and cordial from my point of view. Don't get me wrong, neither of us would have thought of the other as a mate or vowed to spend more time together outside of child-exchange duties but I certainly wouldn't have taken umbrage if he'd raised something like that with me.
I wouldn't waste your time with Social Services, both my child's Headteacher and GP contacted Social Services about my ex's ability to care for my son and they ignored them both, so aggrieved dad complaining about something perfectly legal isn't going to go anywhere.
As someone who lost access to their child for nearly a year purely on the whim of the mother, I would stress doing your best to keep a harmonious relationship with the ex until you have amassed all the evidence you need to secure majority custody, a great lawyer and £20k set aside to pay all the fee's.
As someone who lost access to their child for nearly a year purely on the whim of the mother, I would stress doing your best to keep a harmonious relationship with the ex until you have amassed all the evidence you need to secure majority custody, a great lawyer and £20k set aside to pay all the fee's.
Just to update you, I tried to have a word in a calm and adult manner but I got the door slammed in my face.
To be clear I spoke to her like an adult and did not raise my voice or abuse her because she has a habit of calling the police as a weapon and has done many times. It is difficult having a conversation with someone when they call the police afterwards making outlandish and unwarranted claims.
Yesterday she started asking for money, I refused saying she had her child support, she then called with threats of withholding contact and being able to"ruin" me, then begged for just £20 for gas which I gave her. I try not to give her money because in the words of my child when I give mummy money she drives to her friends house and gives it to him through the car window.
I've reported her on numerous occasions and no one is in the least bit interested.
Yesterday I dropped my child off and did not speak to her mother, why would I? she accuses me of abuse if I do, I hugged my child and left. I woke up to a text message saying she does not like my attitude and is now withholding contact. I have not reacted to the text.
I have private lessons and clubs booked as well as visits out every weekend which her mother knows about so she will just be spiting our child.
Does anyone know of a fantastic lawyer?
To be clear I spoke to her like an adult and did not raise my voice or abuse her because she has a habit of calling the police as a weapon and has done many times. It is difficult having a conversation with someone when they call the police afterwards making outlandish and unwarranted claims.
Yesterday she started asking for money, I refused saying she had her child support, she then called with threats of withholding contact and being able to"ruin" me, then begged for just £20 for gas which I gave her. I try not to give her money because in the words of my child when I give mummy money she drives to her friends house and gives it to him through the car window.
I've reported her on numerous occasions and no one is in the least bit interested.
Yesterday I dropped my child off and did not speak to her mother, why would I? she accuses me of abuse if I do, I hugged my child and left. I woke up to a text message saying she does not like my attitude and is now withholding contact. I have not reacted to the text.
I have private lessons and clubs booked as well as visits out every weekend which her mother knows about so she will just be spiting our child.
Does anyone know of a fantastic lawyer?
Wacky Racer said:
Anyone (Male or female) who uses a child as a bargaining tool is the lowest of the low, you are well rid.
Think twice before engaging a lawyer, they can be extremely expensive as you will know.
Think clearly, don't jump into anything and play the long ball game...
My ex did exactly this. She is a senior children and families social worker in the adjacent city. Think twice before engaging a lawyer, they can be extremely expensive as you will know.
Think clearly, don't jump into anything and play the long ball game...
An update on this, I've again complained about my daughter smelling of fags and she's now said she should send her boyfriend around to my house where I can have it out with him myself.
He's not long got out of prison for drug offences, He's more than welcome to come.
I know this all seems very Jeremy Kyle but I cannot believe I am in this situation, when I got with her I honestly believed she was an honest trustworthy person, after all I'd known her since I was a kid. I had no idea she was a coke head, yeah that seems incredible but I didn't.
My daughter sobs when I take her home begging me not to take her, she tells me she's not eaten when I pick her up at night, I'm at my wits end, social services are not interested, I have a go at her mother and she calls the police claiming I've held her up at knife point. guess who they believe?
I live in a lovely village, I just want my baby girl here, to have a nice life.
If I take her to court I'll lose, I'm opening up here more than I'd like, really don't want this personal stuff on here but my baby girl is more important.
WTF am I going to do? what can I do, she's 7 when does her wishes hold weight?
This is more of a rant than anything.
He's not long got out of prison for drug offences, He's more than welcome to come.
I know this all seems very Jeremy Kyle but I cannot believe I am in this situation, when I got with her I honestly believed she was an honest trustworthy person, after all I'd known her since I was a kid. I had no idea she was a coke head, yeah that seems incredible but I didn't.
My daughter sobs when I take her home begging me not to take her, she tells me she's not eaten when I pick her up at night, I'm at my wits end, social services are not interested, I have a go at her mother and she calls the police claiming I've held her up at knife point. guess who they believe?
I live in a lovely village, I just want my baby girl here, to have a nice life.
If I take her to court I'll lose, I'm opening up here more than I'd like, really don't want this personal stuff on here but my baby girl is more important.
WTF am I going to do? what can I do, she's 7 when does her wishes hold weight?
This is more of a rant than anything.
So sorry to hear what you’re going through (and what you daughter’s going through too).
I’m not sure you would lose a custody case in court if you spent some time amassing and documenting the evidence and worked with a good family lawyer.
Get a page per day diary and start making entries when anything untoward happens.
For example, when you bring her home smelling of smoke, before you remove her clothes or wash her, make sure an independent witness can see the state she is in and writes a short statement on the relevant date page and signs it. This in itself would of course not be anywhere near sufficient, even if it happens every day, but you will need to build up the whole picture for a family court to consider, and that is one part of the jigsaw.
Keep records of texts, phone calls etc. If you have evidence that your ex is taking drugs get it documented.
Make sure that you are squeaky clean and that your home and lifestyle would accommodate you having custody of your daughter. A seven year old child is of an age when a court will pay some weight to her views too.
The system is definitely biased against fathers but they do occasionally succeed in gaining custody if on balance a court feels it would be in the child’s interest. It would definitely not be easy though.
In the meantime I’m sure you already know never to bad-mouth her mother to your daughter. That never ends well for many reasons.
Best of luck!
I’m not sure you would lose a custody case in court if you spent some time amassing and documenting the evidence and worked with a good family lawyer.
Get a page per day diary and start making entries when anything untoward happens.
For example, when you bring her home smelling of smoke, before you remove her clothes or wash her, make sure an independent witness can see the state she is in and writes a short statement on the relevant date page and signs it. This in itself would of course not be anywhere near sufficient, even if it happens every day, but you will need to build up the whole picture for a family court to consider, and that is one part of the jigsaw.
Keep records of texts, phone calls etc. If you have evidence that your ex is taking drugs get it documented.
Make sure that you are squeaky clean and that your home and lifestyle would accommodate you having custody of your daughter. A seven year old child is of an age when a court will pay some weight to her views too.
The system is definitely biased against fathers but they do occasionally succeed in gaining custody if on balance a court feels it would be in the child’s interest. It would definitely not be easy though.
In the meantime I’m sure you already know never to bad-mouth her mother to your daughter. That never ends well for many reasons.
Best of luck!
Sheets Tabuer said:
I'm at my wits end, social services are not interested, I have a go at her mother and she calls the police claiming I've held her up at knife point. guess who they believe?
Sorry to hear of your situation but YET AGAIN why are the social services and police so inept and useless ?Gassing Station | Speed, Plod & the Law | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff