Wild accusations about my son
Discussion
My 14 year old son has had some damaging rumours of a sexual nature spread about him by a girl at school, who he previously had a strictly plutonic relationship with.
The girl repeated them to the school authorities and they appear to be treating her as a victim, even though the rumours don’t relate to her or any of her friends or indeed any of her follow pupils in any way.
I’m concerned the school aren’t questioning any of her accusations about my son’s conduct, even though they are far fetched and in some cases demonstratively impossible.
I have a meeting with the school and wish to have some ammunition under my coat in case they seek not to protect my son’s reputation.
My son is seeking for the girl to acknowledge her accusations are untrue and undertake not to repeat them.
My question is what legal avenues may be open to us if we need to up the ante with the school or the girl? I am not looking for legal advice, just pointers in possible courses of action.
I would add we don’t seek vengeance or even punishment, just for my son to enjoy the rest of his time at school with his reputation intact.
Thank you.
The girl repeated them to the school authorities and they appear to be treating her as a victim, even though the rumours don’t relate to her or any of her friends or indeed any of her follow pupils in any way.
I’m concerned the school aren’t questioning any of her accusations about my son’s conduct, even though they are far fetched and in some cases demonstratively impossible.
I have a meeting with the school and wish to have some ammunition under my coat in case they seek not to protect my son’s reputation.
My son is seeking for the girl to acknowledge her accusations are untrue and undertake not to repeat them.
My question is what legal avenues may be open to us if we need to up the ante with the school or the girl? I am not looking for legal advice, just pointers in possible courses of action.
I would add we don’t seek vengeance or even punishment, just for my son to enjoy the rest of his time at school with his reputation intact.
Thank you.
Edited by BOH on Sunday 6th February 14:48
This link explains things quite well- Note I have no connection with the solicitors firm at all.
https://brittontime.com/2021/07/02/what-is-slander...
If you really did want to pursue something that would be the course to go down because my own experience of schools dealing with issues of bullying or anything similar is they are basically useless.
https://brittontime.com/2021/07/02/what-is-slander...
If you really did want to pursue something that would be the course to go down because my own experience of schools dealing with issues of bullying or anything similar is they are basically useless.
BOH said:
My question is what legal avenues may be open to us if we need to up the ante with the school or the girl? I am not looking for legal advice, just pointers in possible courses of action.
1. The school. If the school in any way defames (libel/slander) your son I believe he, through you, has a right of action against them for damages and/or an injunction to prevent any further publication.2. The girl. So far as I'm aware you can't sue a child for damages for defamation (libel/slander) and there will only be an action against the child's parents if they have participated or at least been negligent in letting it happen - which seems unlikely.
Note: Libel is written, slander is spoken, but otherwise they are broadly the same thing - spreading damaging lies about another person.
Thank you for all of the replies.
It’s been suggested my son has been sending pictures of himself to an unspecified boy at another, unspecified school. The pictures were apparently shared using Snapchat, although the girl took a screenshot before the message disappeared.
The story itself has changed a number of times and the screenshot is clearly not my son.
The girl can’t explain how the images got into her possession, nor offer any further details about what happened.
The girl was very upset when called into the office to discuss what she’d been circulating. She claims as it was “such a weight off her shoulders” as images of that nature are illegal for persons of that age to create or view. She was a victim of revenge porn herself. For those reasons, they’re treating her with kid gloves.
My wife was asked to pick my son up and had a discussion with someone from Pastural whilst doing so, and subsequently had a couple of telephone discussions with the school. My son had a further discussion with the school and we feel the school seems to want the problem to go away; our worry is some of the mud appears to be sticking and my son is worried to show his face wherever fellow pupils might be. We therefore requested a meeting. I intend to tackle the claims directly and require her to admit she fabricated them.
I’m sorry for the girl’s previous experience but can’t simply forget about her unfounded accusations without an admission she invented them.
It’s been suggested my son has been sending pictures of himself to an unspecified boy at another, unspecified school. The pictures were apparently shared using Snapchat, although the girl took a screenshot before the message disappeared.
The story itself has changed a number of times and the screenshot is clearly not my son.
The girl can’t explain how the images got into her possession, nor offer any further details about what happened.
The girl was very upset when called into the office to discuss what she’d been circulating. She claims as it was “such a weight off her shoulders” as images of that nature are illegal for persons of that age to create or view. She was a victim of revenge porn herself. For those reasons, they’re treating her with kid gloves.
My wife was asked to pick my son up and had a discussion with someone from Pastural whilst doing so, and subsequently had a couple of telephone discussions with the school. My son had a further discussion with the school and we feel the school seems to want the problem to go away; our worry is some of the mud appears to be sticking and my son is worried to show his face wherever fellow pupils might be. We therefore requested a meeting. I intend to tackle the claims directly and require her to admit she fabricated them.
I’m sorry for the girl’s previous experience but can’t simply forget about her unfounded accusations without an admission she invented them.
Edited by BOH on Sunday 6th February 15:30
To be honest, I think extracting any sort of "admission" from a child will be a tough call. And I can't see it takes you anywhere unless the admission is widely published, which the school will surely be reluctant to do.
The best hope is probably a lecture to the school from the head teacher about false allegations without any specific names being mentioned.
The best hope is probably a lecture to the school from the head teacher about false allegations without any specific names being mentioned.
Panamax said:
To be honest, I think extracting any sort of "admission" from a child will be a tough call. And I can't see it takes you anywhere unless the admission is widely published, which the school will surely be reluctant to do.
The best hope is probably a lecture to the school from the head teacher about false allegations without any specific names being mentioned.
I suspect you are right.The best hope is probably a lecture to the school from the head teacher about false allegations without any specific names being mentioned.
However I think it reasonable she admits she lied and my son can then tell anyone who raises the subject, truthfully, that she admitted as such.
I don’t wish to take a hard line, however my son is extremely distressed and he and his mates have been cooking up some lurid allegations about the girl. I have persuaded him not to play her game and to see if we can resolve matters in an adult fashion.
Edited by BOH on Sunday 6th February 15:51
I would take a firmly constructive approach rather than go in all guns blazing. Give the school a chance to explain what approach they intend to take and why. Then and only then set out your expectations.
If I've read your description of the events correctly go very carefully to avoid presenting your perspective as in any way homophobic; that would be the easy way for the school, if they were so minded, to close engagement with you on this down.
We know nothing of the school in question but, be aware that many schools will not be effective on this sort of thing. They are apt to tie themselves up in safeguarding knots, to be worried about adverse PR and - sadly - sometimes to simply want to dump a difficult issue in the 'too hard' box. Familiarise yourself with the schools complaints procedure (there has to be one published by law) and be ready to use it to escalate to Governors if necessary
If I've read your description of the events correctly go very carefully to avoid presenting your perspective as in any way homophobic; that would be the easy way for the school, if they were so minded, to close engagement with you on this down.
We know nothing of the school in question but, be aware that many schools will not be effective on this sort of thing. They are apt to tie themselves up in safeguarding knots, to be worried about adverse PR and - sadly - sometimes to simply want to dump a difficult issue in the 'too hard' box. Familiarise yourself with the schools complaints procedure (there has to be one published by law) and be ready to use it to escalate to Governors if necessary
ClaphamGT3 said:
I would take a firmly constructive approach rather than go in all guns blazing. Give the school a chance to explain what approach they intend to take and why. Then and only then set out your expectations.
If I've read your description of the events correctly go very carefully to avoid presenting your perspective as in any way homophobic; that would be the easy way for the school, if they were so minded, to close engagement with you on this down.
We know nothing of the school in question but, be aware that many schools will not be effective on this sort of thing. They are apt to tie themselves up in safeguarding knots, to be worried about adverse PR and - sadly - sometimes to simply want to dump a difficult issue in the 'too hard' box. Familiarise yourself with the schools complaints procedure (there has to be one published by law) and be ready to use it to escalate to Governors if necessary
Thank you for the very helpful reply.If I've read your description of the events correctly go very carefully to avoid presenting your perspective as in any way homophobic; that would be the easy way for the school, if they were so minded, to close engagement with you on this down.
We know nothing of the school in question but, be aware that many schools will not be effective on this sort of thing. They are apt to tie themselves up in safeguarding knots, to be worried about adverse PR and - sadly - sometimes to simply want to dump a difficult issue in the 'too hard' box. Familiarise yourself with the schools complaints procedure (there has to be one published by law) and be ready to use it to escalate to Governors if necessary
Neither myself, my wife nor my son are homophobic in any way, however many of his fellow pupils clearly are and it’s due to the abuse he’s suffered, we’re leaning on the school to deal with it.
It’s affecting my son’s self esteem and the way he is perceived by his peer group.
BOH said:
It’s been suggested my son has been sending pictures of himself to an unspecified boy at another, unspecified school. The pictures were apparently shared using Snapchat, although the girl took a screenshot before the message disappeared.
The story itself has changed a number of times and the screenshot is clearly not my son.
Have a nose and record your sons snapchat history - content will disappear but often last read notifications etc will still exist. Likewise snapchat has its own gallery, and check in recently deleted images in your sons phone - deleting pics does not mean they are removed instantly (iphone) they get put in a bin.
To be honest, my feelings on the matter are to push as hard as possible on the basis of your sons innocence. Any admission of a mistake, error, lie, etc by the girl needs to be very public as unfortunately these things don't seem to disappear irrespective of the truth.
It's not like a rumour so and so was snogging someone round the back of the bike sheds is it.
I'm sure the school will want to hush it up but your son has to live with it as do you.
It's not like a rumour so and so was snogging someone round the back of the bike sheds is it.
I'm sure the school will want to hush it up but your son has to live with it as do you.
I would go in heavy at the start and stop this in its tracks now.
Before meeting school have a cease and desist letter drawn up, or whatever the U.K. equivalent is and when you turn up read out a prepared statement and then demand they sign the letter.
Even better would be if your lawyer could be there with you.
School will s
t their pants and girls parents will force the answers you want. If not the threat is legal action.
Don’t be led, lead.
Before meeting school have a cease and desist letter drawn up, or whatever the U.K. equivalent is and when you turn up read out a prepared statement and then demand they sign the letter.
Even better would be if your lawyer could be there with you.
School will s
t their pants and girls parents will force the answers you want. If not the threat is legal action. Don’t be led, lead.
Kids have lied about other kids for ever. How was it handled before people were demanding lawyers present, ‘cease and desist’ letters, schools crapping themselves about safeguarding, etc etc?
I appreciate that’s not an answer, it’s barely an opinion, but I don’t get it. It’s also not a rose-tinted view of the past, kids were aholes when I was one too.
I appreciate that’s not an answer, it’s barely an opinion, but I don’t get it. It’s also not a rose-tinted view of the past, kids were a
holes when I was one too.Gassing Station | Speed, Plod & the Law | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff