Counter Divorce UK

[toddygti]

Hi all

So in brief: my wife (separated since sept 2020) filed for divorce on adultery grounds in Nov 2021.

I denied the adultery as it didn't happen and there is no evidence. We are now nearly a year down the line and her solicitors have not moved this on; they filed online the grounds but the court have advised they can't apply for a Nisi as there is no evidence and her solicitors can't work out how to load an affidavit on her behalf to try and proceed on these grounds. They are useless and have taken all this time to do nothing but argue with the courts they can etc but theyre not proactive.

I'm told I can file a new petition but have to obtain HMCTS permission as there is already a case open. Other than filing a new one, do I need to supply or request anything else? A D11 was mentioned but it's not clear due to the lack of guidance.

Anyone been here before or knows definitely that could assist at all? I just want it to be done with so I can move on but appear to have little control.

Thanks in advance.

[mcflurry]

Does the adultery grounds make any difference to the settlement or any other record?

[toddygti]

No but as it's unfounded I won't accept the reasoning

[theboss]

You could fulfil the grounds and make it technically correct and morally reconcilable by going and shagging something now?

It sounds ridiculous but the way I see it, if the marriage has broken down, you accept that and really want to move things on then accepting the petition is probably the fastest way out of the current limbo, otherwise the onus is surely on her as the petitioner to get it amended (at further cost and delay).

IANAL but hopefully somebody qualified might come along and tell me to shutup.

[bristolracer]

toddygti said:

No but as it's unfounded I won't accept the reasoning

My ex wife filed using the same grounds.
My solicitor told me "She wants a divorce, it doesn't matter on what grounds. Just accept it and we can all move on, nobody will care in the future. "
Holding the moral high ground will not repair the marriage. She is divorcing you, be it adultery, unreasonable behaviour or abandonment.
Sorry
Move on, the sooner you sort it the better it will be for your long term health and wealth.

[sociopath]

Can't you just apply for a divorce based in the 2 year separation?

That's what my ex did, even though we'd only been apart 12 months - I just didn't argue and got the result we wanted

[sjc]

bristolracer said:

toddygti said:

No but as it's unfounded I won't accept the reasoning

My ex wife filed using the same grounds.
My solicitor told me "She wants a divorce, it doesn't matter on what grounds. Just accept it and we can all move on, nobody will care in the future. "
Holding the moral high ground will not repair the marriage. She is divorcing you, be it adultery, unreasonable behaviour or abandonment.
Sorry
Move on, the sooner you sort it the better it will be for your long term health and wealth.

The best advice you’ll ever read on a divorce thread.

[theboss]

sociopath said:

Can't you just apply for a divorce based in the 2 year separation?

That's what my ex did, even though we'd only been apart 12 months - I just didn't argue and got the result we wanted

That's the problem, he can't because she's already put her petition in. As I understand it (again, as a layperson) she would now have to ask the court's permission to change or withdraw the existing petition, or he could just accept it. Extra admin, money, delays etc.

Agree with what bristolracer said above.

This has got to highlight the pitfall of a petitioner acting emotively and ticking the adultery box, in doing so she will have gone against any legal advice she was receiving at the time.

Edited by theboss on Sunday 9th October 13:23

[toddygti]

Unfortunately the petition is in and made so I can't change it even if I wanted to;

I know I can counter file but just need to know if they're is any additional forms other than the standard petition to complete as guidance is muddy at best

[Cyberprog]

Use it to your advantage, she wants the divorce, you don't accept the grounds. Make her accept something she won't be happy about (leave pension intact etc.) and then sign off. Simples.

[Marcellus]

When I got divorced I was advised not to argue about the grounds as it’ll cost me time, money and emotion… You want the divorce so accept whatever the petitioner puts other than getting you the divorce the grounds are irrelevant.

Alternatively take the moral high ground, spend your time, effort, emotion arguing the point and delay getting on with the rest of your life.

I went with option a) got my absolute within nine months of the separation and laugh about the 8 grounds for my divorce now, my brother went option b) and unfortunately died before he resolved his divorce 5 years after his separation… his ex inherited everything and to rub salt into the wounds had the final say over his funeral because legally she was his next of kin even though his parents paid for the funeral.

If you want the divorce go with it and move on with your life….. the sooner the better!

[Wacky Racer]

Just curious as to why she would do this?, unless it was for spite.

Why not just put down unreasonable behaviour or something?

[Biker 1]

My ex tried similar a few years back. I saw the writing on the wall so suggested an amicable divorce & employed Co Op divorce service. I think it was £500 + the court fee of another £500 (I can't recall if it was +/- VAT...)
I basically agreed that I was verging on alcoholism & various other 'standard' valid reasons at the time.
As far as I understand, the reasons for divorce are logged, but this information is not in the public domain.

OP: life is too short. It probably bugs the crap out of you about the accusations, but who will 'win' if you don't move on?? My guess is the divorce lawyers.....

[carl_w]

Wacky Racer said:

Just curious as to why she would do this?, unless it was for spite.

Why not just put down unreasonable behaviour or something?

Presumably because unreasonable behaviour is more difficult to argue, as what is reasonable to one person may be unreasonable to another.

[theboss]

Wacky Racer said:

Just curious as to why she would do this?, unless it was for spite.

Why not just put down unreasonable behaviour or something?

People do it out of some misguided sense of principal.

The bitter betrayed spouse wants "the truth" to be put out there on official documents and perhaps assumes the whole court process will go more favourably if everyone knows what the other did!

Conversely the 'guilty' party might feel unfairly stigmatised and aggrieved about the 'shaming'. In my situation even when my ex-wife shamelessly moved from the marital home to live with another bloke, she told me very clearly "don't you dare put adultery on the form, if you do, I will dispute it".

You're then in a situation whereas the petitioner you have to prove that the adultery happened. Quite how this works is beyond me, does the court expect high resolution footage stills of the event?

Quite simply it's just antagonistic and unnecessary, it makes no different to outcome and nobody will ever go over those documents in the future and give a st.

[N111BJG]

For a variety of reasons about the worst advice I was ever given was not to contest an untruthful adultery petition.
It was about avoiding costs, but as I was left with the the square root of FA, it would have made no difference.

[SiH]

N111BJG said:

For a variety of reasons about the worst advice I was ever given was not to contest an untruthful adultery petition.
It was about avoiding costs, but as I was left with the the square root of FA, it would have made no difference.

Sorry if I'm being a bit thick but, given the outcome, how would that be the worst advice you've received? Surely if you had contested the untruthful adultery position then the divorce would have taken longer and potentially cost more. What benefit would you have had from contesting it?

[N111BJG]

SiH said:

N111BJG said:

For a variety of reasons about the worst advice I was ever given was not to contest an untruthful adultery petition.
It was about avoiding costs, but as I was left with the the square root of FA, it would have made no difference.

Sorry if I'm being a bit thick but, given the outcome, how would that be the worst advice you've received? Surely if you had contested the untruthful adultery position then the divorce would have taken longer and potentially cost more. What benefit would you have had from contesting it?

It would have prevented lies that ought to have been challenged from coming back to haunt me. Don’t focus upon the immediate outcome, it’s about the longer game played by some. Especially when family oblivious to the facts at the time are deceived & manipulated a long way down the line.

[SiH]

N111BJG said:

SiH said:

N111BJG said:

For a variety of reasons about the worst advice I was ever given was not to contest an untruthful adultery petition.
It was about avoiding costs, but as I was left with the the square root of FA, it would have made no difference.

Sorry if I'm being a bit thick but, given the outcome, how would that be the worst advice you've received? Surely if you had contested the untruthful adultery position then the divorce would have taken longer and potentially cost more. What benefit would you have had from contesting it?

It would have prevented lies that ought to have been challenged from coming back to haunt me. Don’t focus upon the immediate outcome, it’s about the longer game played by some. Especially when family oblivious to the facts at the time are deceived & manipulated a long way down the line.

Thanks for that, it certainly does make sense. I think your comment about the 'immediate outcome' is important as the rule of unforseen outcomes can certainly come and bite one in the arse if untruths are just blindly accepted to speed up the process.

[LF5335]

toddygti said:

Hi all

So in brief: my wife (separated since sept 2020) filed for divorce on adultery grounds in Nov 2021.

I denied the adultery as it didn't happen and there is no evidence. We are now nearly a year down the line and her solicitors have not moved this on; they filed online the grounds but the court have advised they can't apply for a Nisi as there is no evidence and her solicitors can't work out how to load an affidavit on her behalf to try and proceed on these grounds. They are useless and have taken all this time to do nothing but argue with the courts they can etc but theyre not proactive.

I'm told I can file a new petition but have to obtain HMCTS permission as there is already a case open. Other than filing a new one, do I need to supply or request anything else? A D11 was mentioned but it's not clear due to the lack of guidance.

Anyone been here before or knows definitely that could assist at all? I just want it to be done with so I can move on but appear to have little control.

Thanks in advance.

You’re just wasting time and costing yourself money. Agree to the adultery, or accept unreasonable behaviour, or whatever. It makes no difference to the financial settlement. Arguably adultery is the lesser of the options, but neither of them mean anything in reality anyway. You don’t need control, you don’t get closure, you don’t get a day in court and a nice Perry Mason moment. Just sign the forms and move on with your life. It’s a lot better and easier and will give you a chance at being a reasonable human being again, not like some of the bitter and twisted types you see frequenting these shores.

As an aside are you saying that in the last 2 years, you’ve been celibate? If not then you’ve committed adultery as you’re still married, despite being separated. Just thought I’d mention that.