Chatup Lines To Get Off With Speeding

[punto1986]

do any of you know any good lines to get you off speeding, such as the one sir alex fergusson used
"i needed the toilet"

[IVANHOE]

I'm the Home Secretary. now piss off and catch some real criminals.

[punto1986]

IVANHOE said:

I'm the Home Secretary. now piss off and catch some real criminals.

you would get done for verbially abusing a police officer

[dcb]

punto1986 said:

do any of you know any good lines to get you off speeding, such as the one sir alex fergusson used "i needed the toilet"

How about

1. Sorry officer, but I'm not familiar with driving so slowly on the motorway.

2. The limit is 70 mph, but in view of the number of folks doing over 90 mph, I thought it was reasonable to assume an Italian speed limit i.e. not enforced.

3. I've just driven x hundred miles on the motorway, and not seen any speed limit signs. I thought it was reasonable to assume that there was no speed limit.

My favourite is #1. Usually gets the officer to wake up a bit.

[Pigeon]

Sid the Sexist said:

How pet, how does a policewoman part 'er hair? (sags at knees) "Evenin' all".

[edc]

I got cramp in my right leg and needed to stretch it lol. I know some ppl who just flatter their eye lahes and they get off!

[DBSV8]

Quote Withnail ( & I )

"I'M Making Time "

"you can shove your speeding ticket up your harris for free and F*** off While your doing it "

works for me in Russia .......ha ha

[silverback mike]

punto1986 said:

do any of you know any good lines to get you off speeding, such as the one sir alex fergusson used "i needed the toilet"

I reckon with this and the other thread, you would be better off not speeding.

Sounds like you are expecting the worst anyway.

[punto1986]

silverback mike said:

punto1986 said: do any of you know any good lines to get you off speeding, such as the one sir alex fergusson used "i needed the toilet" I reckon with this and the other thread, you would be better off not speeding. Sounds like you are expecting the worst anyway.

just preparing myself for the worst

[Jasandjules]

I got followed at in excess of 100mph many years ago (before Speeding was the number one crime in the country, above paedophilia and rape/murder) and I did in fact need the loo.. Whilst the guy got me out of the car, I was standing, cross legged, looking quite pained.. He nearly laughed at me, then just said to get on my way..... Oh, it wasn't the 100mph or so he pulled me for, it was taking the roundabouts at 70+..

[Davel]

I wanted to get home before I ran out of petrol!

[punto1986]

Jasandjules said:

I got followed at in excess of 100mph many years ago (before Speeding was the number one crime in the country, above paedophilia and rape/murder) and I did in fact need the loo.. Whilst the guy got me out of the car, I was standing, cross legged, looking quite pained.. He nearly laughed at me, then just said to get on my way..... Oh, it wasn't the 100mph or so he pulled me for, it was taking the roundabouts at 70+..

-}

[punto1986]

Davel said:

I wanted to get home before I ran out of petrol!

good one

[philthy]

How about the classic

"these are not the droids you're looking for"

Phil

[wiggy001]

"If we take into account the rotation of the earth, aren't we all speeding excessively?"

Or

"I'm currently unfamiliar with the vehicle and was merely testing it..."

Or

"I was merely trying to keep up with the flow of traffic"

"But the motorway is empty"

"Exactly... see how quick it's flowing!"

or a simple

"Fk off and catch some real criminals" (for the brave/stupid

[deva link]

After a high speed chase, that only ended when his engine failed, it was reported in our local paper that a driver told Bib that he was 'rushing to get from one pub to another before closing time'!

[punto1986]

wiggy001 said:

"If we take into account the rotation of the earth, aren't we all speeding excessively?" Or "I'm currently unfamiliar with the vehicle and was merely testing it..." Or "I was merely trying to keep up with the flow of traffic" "But the motorway is empty" "Exactly... see how quick it's flowing!" or a simple "Fk off and catch some real criminals" (for the brave/stupid

nice ones

keep them coming

i am enjoying them

[nonegreen]

"I have been spending the day on the look out for Brazilians with warm clothing today. I havn't found any but in all the confusion I can't remember if it holds 6 bullets or 7, but seeing as this is a .45 Magnum the most powerful handgun in the world and at this range will blow your head clean off. Tell me cop, what speed was I doing?"

I am only joking and do not advocate the use of firearms except to deal with road protestors in trees.

[JoolzB]

"I was taking a quick nap"

"Haven't you heard it's national 'no speed limit day'"

"I saw you behind and accelerated to get out your way as I presumed you were being called to a proper crime"

"We're filming 'Speed 3' and you've just made us drop below the allowable limit, Take 2"

[Hollywood Wheels]

Slightly different.......pulled over a Jag for driving in bus lane a few years back. Decided on a 'Formal Warning' form. Started filling the form out.....

Hollywood: "What's your occupation Sir?"

Driver: "Lord Chief Justice of Appeal"

Hollywood : "Goodbye Sir, have a nice day...."