Difficult executry
Discussion
Hi
I would be grateful for any thoughts or advice on the following difficult situation.
My mum sadly died on the 1st February after a long battle with dementia. I now find myself in a nightmare situation with reference to the will. I will try and summarise the situation as succinctly as I can.
My brother and me (joint beneficiaries) have always had a difficult relationship since childhood. He leads a chaotic lifestyle, which ultimately led him to “borrow” £15k from my mum around 10 years ago to pay off debts he had incurred to his then current partner. I very much fell out with him at the time as this represented half my mums assets (notwithstanding her house); my mum was extremely careful with money and felt pressured into giving him the money despite the advice from my uncle who helped her with her financial affairs. I also suspect my mum was suffering from early stage dementia at this time as her judgment was getting increasingly poor.
When it became obvious my mum was suffering from dementia I pushed for her to get a diagnosis, which she pushed back against as she understandably didn’t want to admit there was a problem. After this point, my mum appointment my brother and my uncle as joint power of attorneys. Given my brother’s track record this was an insane decision.
My brother’s relationship ended with his then partner and he moved into my mum’s house as he was effectively homeless, but this was done under the excuse that he was going to look after my mum. After around a year, and at the start of covid, I turned up at my mum’s to take her out (which I did 2/3 times a week) to find her stuff packed up; my brother had decided to move my mum into a care home without any consultation. This was terrible timing as nobody could visit her for months.
My uncle (a retired tax professional) later resigned as power of attorney as he couldn’t cope with my brother’s behaviour. He contacted the Office of Public Guardian but they weren’t helpful, so the only course of action was to step down. This was a nightmare because it left my brother in sole charge of my mum’s financial affairs. He would not share any information with me, and I also contacted the Office of Public Guardian, but without any evidence they would not investigate. My mum’s home (worth around £225k, was disregarded in terms of care home fees as my brother lived there). I strongly suspect that my brother has been misappropriating whatever my mum had left as he doesn’t, and never has had any money, yet he was spending beyond his means. He also sold my mum’s car, and I suspect he has spent the proceeds.
My mum died and we met to discuss the funeral. He is estranged from his own adult children as a result of his behaviour, and the wider family, and the common consensus is he is a malignant narcissist (lying/never admitting to being wrong etc). We kept it civil but he was meant to consult me on things like choice of the coffin/flowers etc but lied about contacting me before choosing the cheapest of everything and I suspect this was because he has spent all my mum’s money. I asked if he needed help to pay the deposit on the funeral, but he told me he had paid this out of my mum’s bank account (I subsequently had to contact the bank two weeks later to freeze the account as he hadn’t told them my mum had died and had continued to use the account). When we met to discuss the funeral, he told me he had my mum’s will and it stated that we were joint beneficiaries and an independent executor was appointed in the will.
When I asked for a copy of the will he refused to share it with me then blocked me on whatsapp. I did a bit of my own research and the solicitor who drew up the will has since retired; she was also meant to be the executor. The Law Society provided me with the details of the successor firm; I contact them but they don’t have the will and neither does the original solicitor. My brother is now claiming to only have a copy of the latest will, and the original of the earlier will which appointed my brother and I as executors. Thankfully my mum appointed an independent executor in the last will. My brother had already told me he accompanied my mum to pick the latest will up in 2010, and given he has lived in my mum’s house for the last 6 years, I do not believe he no longer has the original and I suspect he trying to frustrate and delay the appointment of an executor as it will uncover the mismanagement of my mum’s financial affairs. From his perspective, he doesn’t want to leave my mum’s house as he will effectively be homeless.
I contacted a local solicitor and they were really poor in terms of communication and only work part time so I wasted a month getting nowhere. I met with a solicitor last week who specialises in this area, but is extremely expensive. I’ve got to the point now where I just want to move things forward. She is going to write to my brother and request a copy of the will, but if he refuses things are going to get very expensive if we have to go to court. It is a nightmare situation, on top of grieving for my mum.
I really just wanted to get this off my chest and hopefully get some helpful advice.
Thanks in advance.
I would be grateful for any thoughts or advice on the following difficult situation.
My mum sadly died on the 1st February after a long battle with dementia. I now find myself in a nightmare situation with reference to the will. I will try and summarise the situation as succinctly as I can.
My brother and me (joint beneficiaries) have always had a difficult relationship since childhood. He leads a chaotic lifestyle, which ultimately led him to “borrow” £15k from my mum around 10 years ago to pay off debts he had incurred to his then current partner. I very much fell out with him at the time as this represented half my mums assets (notwithstanding her house); my mum was extremely careful with money and felt pressured into giving him the money despite the advice from my uncle who helped her with her financial affairs. I also suspect my mum was suffering from early stage dementia at this time as her judgment was getting increasingly poor.
When it became obvious my mum was suffering from dementia I pushed for her to get a diagnosis, which she pushed back against as she understandably didn’t want to admit there was a problem. After this point, my mum appointment my brother and my uncle as joint power of attorneys. Given my brother’s track record this was an insane decision.
My brother’s relationship ended with his then partner and he moved into my mum’s house as he was effectively homeless, but this was done under the excuse that he was going to look after my mum. After around a year, and at the start of covid, I turned up at my mum’s to take her out (which I did 2/3 times a week) to find her stuff packed up; my brother had decided to move my mum into a care home without any consultation. This was terrible timing as nobody could visit her for months.
My uncle (a retired tax professional) later resigned as power of attorney as he couldn’t cope with my brother’s behaviour. He contacted the Office of Public Guardian but they weren’t helpful, so the only course of action was to step down. This was a nightmare because it left my brother in sole charge of my mum’s financial affairs. He would not share any information with me, and I also contacted the Office of Public Guardian, but without any evidence they would not investigate. My mum’s home (worth around £225k, was disregarded in terms of care home fees as my brother lived there). I strongly suspect that my brother has been misappropriating whatever my mum had left as he doesn’t, and never has had any money, yet he was spending beyond his means. He also sold my mum’s car, and I suspect he has spent the proceeds.
My mum died and we met to discuss the funeral. He is estranged from his own adult children as a result of his behaviour, and the wider family, and the common consensus is he is a malignant narcissist (lying/never admitting to being wrong etc). We kept it civil but he was meant to consult me on things like choice of the coffin/flowers etc but lied about contacting me before choosing the cheapest of everything and I suspect this was because he has spent all my mum’s money. I asked if he needed help to pay the deposit on the funeral, but he told me he had paid this out of my mum’s bank account (I subsequently had to contact the bank two weeks later to freeze the account as he hadn’t told them my mum had died and had continued to use the account). When we met to discuss the funeral, he told me he had my mum’s will and it stated that we were joint beneficiaries and an independent executor was appointed in the will.
When I asked for a copy of the will he refused to share it with me then blocked me on whatsapp. I did a bit of my own research and the solicitor who drew up the will has since retired; she was also meant to be the executor. The Law Society provided me with the details of the successor firm; I contact them but they don’t have the will and neither does the original solicitor. My brother is now claiming to only have a copy of the latest will, and the original of the earlier will which appointed my brother and I as executors. Thankfully my mum appointed an independent executor in the last will. My brother had already told me he accompanied my mum to pick the latest will up in 2010, and given he has lived in my mum’s house for the last 6 years, I do not believe he no longer has the original and I suspect he trying to frustrate and delay the appointment of an executor as it will uncover the mismanagement of my mum’s financial affairs. From his perspective, he doesn’t want to leave my mum’s house as he will effectively be homeless.
I contacted a local solicitor and they were really poor in terms of communication and only work part time so I wasted a month getting nowhere. I met with a solicitor last week who specialises in this area, but is extremely expensive. I’ve got to the point now where I just want to move things forward. She is going to write to my brother and request a copy of the will, but if he refuses things are going to get very expensive if we have to go to court. It is a nightmare situation, on top of grieving for my mum.
I really just wanted to get this off my chest and hopefully get some helpful advice.
Thanks in advance.
That’s a lot to unpick and pull out the pertinent applicable to your issues.
Firstly sympathies for the circumstances you have found yourself in.
I have experienced first hand the issues when someone puts a stop on a will for no good reason and also have dealt with family and indeed friend issues where siblings have caused prior issues with LPA’s and then further issues as Joint but not sadly “several “Executorship.
I’m happy to try and reply further tomorrow with initial thoughts ( which as a layman may not be perfect ) as just on the way out now.
Firstly sympathies for the circumstances you have found yourself in.
I have experienced first hand the issues when someone puts a stop on a will for no good reason and also have dealt with family and indeed friend issues where siblings have caused prior issues with LPA’s and then further issues as Joint but not sadly “several “Executorship.
I’m happy to try and reply further tomorrow with initial thoughts ( which as a layman may not be perfect ) as just on the way out now.
Doesn't cost much to place a 'caveat on the Will' and very easy to do yourself and costs about £3.
https://www.gov.uk/stop-probate-application/apply-...
https://www.gov.uk/stop-probate-application/apply-...
What a dreadful situation to find yourself in 
My area of expertise is not wills and executors, but in th police/criminal side of things. From your brief account, I d suggest at the very least that your brother has committed multiple counts of theft (in the spending of your mother s money in a variety of situations, selling her car and spending the proceeds is a clear cut case in itself), probably some fraud by abuse of position (being the person caring for your mother, and being expected not to act against her financial interests), and possibly fraud by false representation also if he s been using her details and cards to buy stuff online.
There s probably a myriad of stuff to unpick there, but your brother s behaviour is most definitely criminal if it is as you describe. I d suggest It s up to you whether to make a report to your local police force.
My area of expertise is not wills and executors, but in th police/criminal side of things. From your brief account, I d suggest at the very least that your brother has committed multiple counts of theft (in the spending of your mother s money in a variety of situations, selling her car and spending the proceeds is a clear cut case in itself), probably some fraud by abuse of position (being the person caring for your mother, and being expected not to act against her financial interests), and possibly fraud by false representation also if he s been using her details and cards to buy stuff online.
There s probably a myriad of stuff to unpick there, but your brother s behaviour is most definitely criminal if it is as you describe. I d suggest It s up to you whether to make a report to your local police force.
I’m not sure what you’re asking advice about. As much as I sympathise with the situation that you’ve outlined, all that is just background emotional information about your (lack of a ) relationship with your brother and mistrust of him. Your mistrust is probably well founded, but it doesn’t affect the situation.
The most basic info / help I can offer and taking everything at face value, is to say that firstly, this will get very expensive very quickly if you go fully down the solicitor route. Your brother is unlikely to play ball with anyone, so you’re probably just going to be paying for lots of letters that he’ll ignore. Secondly, are you expecting a share of your mother’s estate? Do you know what the last Will stipulated? This is going to sound a bit off, but please take it as a genuine comment. Are you going to use this as a way of getting back at your brother by enjoying seeing him homeless? If you’re looking for revenge via the estate, then it’s going to get even messier and expensive.
If at all possible, you need to take the emotion out of this and try to find someone independent who can mediate for you. Ideally, this should be someone you both know and trust and who won’t charge for their time. Just someone who can get the pair of you to sit down and talk and stop either of you erupting at the other.
I know that’s easy to say and much harder to do, but you need to be the calming influence amd the reasonable one as much as you can and bury any and all resentment towards your brother.
The most basic info / help I can offer and taking everything at face value, is to say that firstly, this will get very expensive very quickly if you go fully down the solicitor route. Your brother is unlikely to play ball with anyone, so you’re probably just going to be paying for lots of letters that he’ll ignore. Secondly, are you expecting a share of your mother’s estate? Do you know what the last Will stipulated? This is going to sound a bit off, but please take it as a genuine comment. Are you going to use this as a way of getting back at your brother by enjoying seeing him homeless? If you’re looking for revenge via the estate, then it’s going to get even messier and expensive.
If at all possible, you need to take the emotion out of this and try to find someone independent who can mediate for you. Ideally, this should be someone you both know and trust and who won’t charge for their time. Just someone who can get the pair of you to sit down and talk and stop either of you erupting at the other.
I know that’s easy to say and much harder to do, but you need to be the calming influence amd the reasonable one as much as you can and bury any and all resentment towards your brother.
Sorry to hear about the situation that you are in and I know how difficult it can be when a parent dies so you have my sympathy.
I can’t work out whether the solicitor who drew up the last will (in 2010?) actually held onto the original for safe keeping or gave it back to your mum. I know that our wills are held by the solicitor as were my MILs ( firm HD changed hands) and that of a friend of my wife who died recently.
If the original solicitor had kept the original then I would have expected that it would have gone across to the firm who took over their business and there would have been a record of it. So I am thinking that the original may indeed either be with your brother or genuinely lost.
Using the more expensive solicitor would appear to be your best course of action to attempt to force your brother to either produce the will or confirm it really is lost so that the next stage of probate can be followed.
IANAL so I am not sure that if the last will cannot be found and no copy exists then does the last will that cn be found (even a copy) apply? I know that a copy will can be used for probate.
Sadly, I suspect that this could become quite expensive in legals fees although I presume that the estate will have to cover these so that the beneficiaries will receive less. Maybe point this out to your brother.
On the subject of the loan. - was there any documentation on this? If not, then I suspect that it will be treated as a gift.
I can’t work out whether the solicitor who drew up the last will (in 2010?) actually held onto the original for safe keeping or gave it back to your mum. I know that our wills are held by the solicitor as were my MILs ( firm HD changed hands) and that of a friend of my wife who died recently.
If the original solicitor had kept the original then I would have expected that it would have gone across to the firm who took over their business and there would have been a record of it. So I am thinking that the original may indeed either be with your brother or genuinely lost.
Using the more expensive solicitor would appear to be your best course of action to attempt to force your brother to either produce the will or confirm it really is lost so that the next stage of probate can be followed.
IANAL so I am not sure that if the last will cannot be found and no copy exists then does the last will that cn be found (even a copy) apply? I know that a copy will can be used for probate.
Sadly, I suspect that this could become quite expensive in legals fees although I presume that the estate will have to cover these so that the beneficiaries will receive less. Maybe point this out to your brother.
On the subject of the loan. - was there any documentation on this? If not, then I suspect that it will be treated as a gift.
Opapayer said:
I m not sure what you re asking advice about. As much as I sympathise with the situation that you ve outlined, all that is just background emotional information about your (lack of a ) relationship with your brother and mistrust of him. Your mistrust is probably well founded, but it doesn t affect the situation.
The most basic info / help I can offer and taking everything at face value, is to say that firstly, this will get very expensive very quickly if you go fully down the solicitor route. Your brother is unlikely to play ball with anyone, so you re probably just going to be paying for lots of letters that he ll ignore. Secondly, are you expecting a share of your mother s estate? Do you know what the last Will stipulated? This is going to sound a bit off, but please take it as a genuine comment. Are you going to use this as a way of getting back at your brother by enjoying seeing him homeless? If you re looking for revenge via the estate, then it s going to get even messier and expensive.
If at all possible, you need to take the emotion out of this and try to find someone independent who can mediate for you. Ideally, this should be someone you both know and trust and who won t charge for their time. Just someone who can get the pair of you to sit down and talk and stop either of you erupting at the other.
I know that s easy to say and much harder to do, but you need to be the calming influence amd the reasonable one as much as you can and bury any and all resentment towards your brother.
Thanks, I really appreciate your comments. My brother and I are joint beneficiaries in terms of both the earlier and later will; this was verified by the solicitor from the successor firm who saw the copy of the will my brother provided when he met her. Unfortunately as the successor firm doesn’t have the will and are not acting for either of us, she has not responded to my request for a copy of the will. I suspect my brother is no longer in touch with her.The most basic info / help I can offer and taking everything at face value, is to say that firstly, this will get very expensive very quickly if you go fully down the solicitor route. Your brother is unlikely to play ball with anyone, so you re probably just going to be paying for lots of letters that he ll ignore. Secondly, are you expecting a share of your mother s estate? Do you know what the last Will stipulated? This is going to sound a bit off, but please take it as a genuine comment. Are you going to use this as a way of getting back at your brother by enjoying seeing him homeless? If you re looking for revenge via the estate, then it s going to get even messier and expensive.
If at all possible, you need to take the emotion out of this and try to find someone independent who can mediate for you. Ideally, this should be someone you both know and trust and who won t charge for their time. Just someone who can get the pair of you to sit down and talk and stop either of you erupting at the other.
I know that s easy to say and much harder to do, but you need to be the calming influence amd the reasonable one as much as you can and bury any and all resentment towards your brother.
As far as getting back at my brother or enjoying seeing him homeless, nothing could be further from the truth. I feel intensely sad that he has managed to alienate me, his own children and wider family, but ultimately all I want is for my mum’s wishes to be met. When I say he will be homeless, I am perhaps over dramatising it; he will half the share of the house and will probably move in with whoever his current partner is. He could always buy my share of the house from me. I really just want to draw a line under it and never have to deal with him again as he is toxic. Unfortunately I doubt that he will respond or engage with any form of mediation.
He might not engage with mediation, but you have to play the game to an extent. Be the reasonable, be overly reasonable. Get everyone and anyone inside by your calmness and pragmatic approach. Avoid attacking him verbally with others. All this won’t be easy, but document everything you’re doing and trying. Then if you do have to go down the legal route, you’ll have documented evidence of what you’ve tried. That will help limit the initial costs, as the solicitor can then start going for the jugular, rather than writing “please / thank you” letters that will just get ignored.
I’m not going into the legal process for the Will, as these topics usually descend into personal attacks from someone who claims to be an expert but offers little other than sniping from the sidelines.
I’m not going into the legal process for the Will, as these topics usually descend into personal attacks from someone who claims to be an expert but offers little other than sniping from the sidelines.
timbob said:
What a dreadful situation to find yourself in
My area of expertise is not wills and executors, but in th police/criminal side of things. From your brief account, I d suggest at the very least that your brother has committed multiple counts of theft (in the spending of your mother s money in a variety of situations, selling her car and spending the proceeds is a clear cut case in itself), probably some fraud by abuse of position (being the person caring for your mother, and being expected not to act against her financial interests), and possibly fraud by false representation also if he s been using her details and cards to buy stuff online.
There s probably a myriad of stuff to unpick there, but your brother s behaviour is most definitely criminal if it is as you describe. I d suggest It s up to you whether to make a report to your local police force.
A cousin of mine had a similar experience with a crooked sister and nephew filling their boots.My area of expertise is not wills and executors, but in th police/criminal side of things. From your brief account, I d suggest at the very least that your brother has committed multiple counts of theft (in the spending of your mother s money in a variety of situations, selling her car and spending the proceeds is a clear cut case in itself), probably some fraud by abuse of position (being the person caring for your mother, and being expected not to act against her financial interests), and possibly fraud by false representation also if he s been using her details and cards to buy stuff online.
There s probably a myriad of stuff to unpick there, but your brother s behaviour is most definitely criminal if it is as you describe. I d suggest It s up to you whether to make a report to your local police force.
How about 'Give me a copy of the Will or I pass your theft/fraud to the police and they can sort it out'?
Practically, when working out the money you could deduct what he's already taken from his share.
It's going to be long and miserable fight I fear but don't give up. Good luck.
Simpo Two said:
A cousin of mine had a similar experience with a crooked sister and nephew filling their boots.
How about 'Give me a copy of the Will or I pass your theft/fraud to the police and they can sort it out'?
Given the complete breakdown in the relationship there doesn't seem much to lose by doing this. This stuff is miserable and bereavement is miserable enough as it is.How about 'Give me a copy of the Will or I pass your theft/fraud to the police and they can sort it out'?
My missus had pretty much exactly the same issue with her sister, after a court case the sister was replaced as the executor, and evicted from the house, so the sale could go ahead. Once the house was sold, the money was shared equally, then all the legal costs were taken from the sister's share. It cost her just over £30K.
Sorry to hear about the loss of your mum.
If I was in your situation I would simply arrange with your brother to appoint a legal services firm to get started on the execution of your mum's estate, and then the various hurdles will be tackled as you encounter them, but it won't be you battling with your brother. It will be a probate trained representative explaining the rules of probate to your brother when he inevitably raises selfish objections.
The legal firm will execute the will according to the law of probate, not according to what your brother wants.
My sister and I used a high street legal services company when mum died in October 2024. They did a will search and found the will. They got the retired solicitor to relinquish their responsibility and enable them to execute the will.
Once the will was viewed, they were happy to put the house on the market before probate was granted and they used a firm of conveyancers specialising in probate sales. The house was finally sold last week, after various hurdles had been overcome.
Regarding your brother's spending of your mum's money, I would let that go and focus on the house which I understand is the largest part of her estate. I appreciate what he did was wrong, but realistically it will be difficult and expensive to recoup this money.
Get a legal services firm to deal with the estate and your mum's wishes will be carried out.
If I was in your situation I would simply arrange with your brother to appoint a legal services firm to get started on the execution of your mum's estate, and then the various hurdles will be tackled as you encounter them, but it won't be you battling with your brother. It will be a probate trained representative explaining the rules of probate to your brother when he inevitably raises selfish objections.
The legal firm will execute the will according to the law of probate, not according to what your brother wants.
My sister and I used a high street legal services company when mum died in October 2024. They did a will search and found the will. They got the retired solicitor to relinquish their responsibility and enable them to execute the will.
Once the will was viewed, they were happy to put the house on the market before probate was granted and they used a firm of conveyancers specialising in probate sales. The house was finally sold last week, after various hurdles had been overcome.
Regarding your brother's spending of your mum's money, I would let that go and focus on the house which I understand is the largest part of her estate. I appreciate what he did was wrong, but realistically it will be difficult and expensive to recoup this money.
Get a legal services firm to deal with the estate and your mum's wishes will be carried out.
timbob said:
What a dreadful situation to find yourself in
My area of expertise is not wills and executors, but in th police/criminal side of things. From your brief account, I d suggest at the very least that your brother has committed multiple counts of theft (in the spending of your mother s money in a variety of situations, selling her car and spending the proceeds is a clear cut case in itself), probably some fraud by abuse of position (being the person caring for your mother, and being expected not to act against her financial interests), and possibly fraud by false representation also if he s been using her details and cards to buy stuff online.
There s probably a myriad of stuff to unpick there, but your brother s behaviour is most definitely criminal if it is as you describe. I d suggest It s up to you whether to make a report to your local police force.
This. I knew someone whose not so close relative used the POA for his own devices and put his half-sister in a care home, she also had dementia. It came to light when she died that he had liberally helped himself to her money. it took years to sort but well worth it because he spent a nice chunk of time in prison for his efforts. My area of expertise is not wills and executors, but in th police/criminal side of things. From your brief account, I d suggest at the very least that your brother has committed multiple counts of theft (in the spending of your mother s money in a variety of situations, selling her car and spending the proceeds is a clear cut case in itself), probably some fraud by abuse of position (being the person caring for your mother, and being expected not to act against her financial interests), and possibly fraud by false representation also if he s been using her details and cards to buy stuff online.
There s probably a myriad of stuff to unpick there, but your brother s behaviour is most definitely criminal if it is as you describe. I d suggest It s up to you whether to make a report to your local police force.
Having read and reread your original post plus the additional post my sympathies are enlarged for you but there are 2 issues.
Firstly I'm sure you are right in that until your Mum died your brother was able to abuse his LPA powers but unfortunately I think now is too late to be able to practically do anything about that.
If at the time the OPG chose to do nothing without proof ,the Police would certainly have been in the same position so unless you can retrospectively get proof I would suggest you drop this issue and concentrate on protecting your half share of the house that remains.
Whomever is named Executor of the will has a legal duty to perform that act so you are well within your rights to at least formally or informally ask your brother for either sight of the last will or at the minimum the name and address of the Executor.
If he refuses and you cannot find said will from the National Will Registry then at the very least you can put a stop on said will.
This won't cost much and you can extend said stop indefinitely or at least until it gets challenged by in this case your Brother.
However if he is told that you have no choice but to put a stop on it that may make him at least give you the will and Executor.
This can all be done without recourse to Solicitor's but should he then try and turn legal ( quite possibly using using Mum's money ) at that point you will have little choice but to do the same except it will be at your cost.
Anything legal then causes wheels to turn really slowly and more importantly really expensively.
My Aunt for whom I was LPA inherited some money from a friend who then had a stop placed on their will.
Simplifying what happened is that 8 years later , one court case and 1 Barrister later plus the Executors additional charges ( they are themselves Solicitor's ) has seen about 20% of said inheritance disappear.
During this process my aunt died and I inherited 50% which by then included the incoming inheritance so I continued with the battle as was always my intention to do a DOV for my children's house purchase funds.
Frankly if the incoming inheritance hadn't itself almost doubled her estate I would have dropped the whole thing.
A friend is going through something very similar to you currently except her Mum is still in a home but the Brother has sold the Mum's house and she cannot trace the money !
She has LPA Powers too but has had to get Solicitor's involved.
In short ( and you have also received some good advice from others ) try and concentrate on what you can do not what you were unable to do previously although I sense that without Legal assistance you might have struggles so you need to be really sure that you want to do this.
Grieving is not a quick or straightforward process so you need to absolutely think of yourself in all of this.
Firstly I'm sure you are right in that until your Mum died your brother was able to abuse his LPA powers but unfortunately I think now is too late to be able to practically do anything about that.
If at the time the OPG chose to do nothing without proof ,the Police would certainly have been in the same position so unless you can retrospectively get proof I would suggest you drop this issue and concentrate on protecting your half share of the house that remains.
Whomever is named Executor of the will has a legal duty to perform that act so you are well within your rights to at least formally or informally ask your brother for either sight of the last will or at the minimum the name and address of the Executor.
If he refuses and you cannot find said will from the National Will Registry then at the very least you can put a stop on said will.
This won't cost much and you can extend said stop indefinitely or at least until it gets challenged by in this case your Brother.
However if he is told that you have no choice but to put a stop on it that may make him at least give you the will and Executor.
This can all be done without recourse to Solicitor's but should he then try and turn legal ( quite possibly using using Mum's money ) at that point you will have little choice but to do the same except it will be at your cost.
Anything legal then causes wheels to turn really slowly and more importantly really expensively.
My Aunt for whom I was LPA inherited some money from a friend who then had a stop placed on their will.
Simplifying what happened is that 8 years later , one court case and 1 Barrister later plus the Executors additional charges ( they are themselves Solicitor's ) has seen about 20% of said inheritance disappear.
During this process my aunt died and I inherited 50% which by then included the incoming inheritance so I continued with the battle as was always my intention to do a DOV for my children's house purchase funds.
Frankly if the incoming inheritance hadn't itself almost doubled her estate I would have dropped the whole thing.
A friend is going through something very similar to you currently except her Mum is still in a home but the Brother has sold the Mum's house and she cannot trace the money !
She has LPA Powers too but has had to get Solicitor's involved.
In short ( and you have also received some good advice from others ) try and concentrate on what you can do not what you were unable to do previously although I sense that without Legal assistance you might have struggles so you need to be really sure that you want to do this.
Grieving is not a quick or straightforward process so you need to absolutely think of yourself in all of this.
I really do think it would be worthwhile, and cheap, to file a caveat..................once the Executor applies for probate they will have to contact you (file a warning) to get it removed. IIRC the OP stated a legal firm had been appointed as Executors.
At which point you make your concerns known (put in an appearance) and something will have to be done to satisfy your concerns or you agree to remove the caveat......otherwise probate can't go ahead and then Courts will have to decide.
1st & foremost the Executors' duty is to 'protect the estate' on behalf of the beneficiaries and can be held personally liable if losses incur due to their actions or inaction.......good luck OP I'm about 9 years ahead of you in a very similar situation.
At which point you make your concerns known (put in an appearance) and something will have to be done to satisfy your concerns or you agree to remove the caveat......otherwise probate can't go ahead and then Courts will have to decide.
1st & foremost the Executors' duty is to 'protect the estate' on behalf of the beneficiaries and can be held personally liable if losses incur due to their actions or inaction.......good luck OP I'm about 9 years ahead of you in a very similar situation.
OP, firstly very sorry for your loss.
Secondly, you sound very sensible and I can't recommend strongly enough maintaining that approach here if you can.
To the issues:
- If you don't want to see your brother locked up and don't want to waste a lot of time, money and heartache... forget all the POA mismanagement - the money has gone now.
- All you appear to want is half the value of the house. Fair enough.
- I strongly recommend getting keeping that expensive specialist legal advice and being totally dispassionate about the whole affair.
IT WILL TAKE TIME.
Your brother will hate you.
IT WILL TAKE MONEY.
The solicitor should be your ONLY avenue of communication with your brother.
But... what? £25K on legal fees to see your mother's wishes respected and to net £100K seems like a solid investment to me.
Best of luck.
Secondly, you sound very sensible and I can't recommend strongly enough maintaining that approach here if you can.
To the issues:
- If you don't want to see your brother locked up and don't want to waste a lot of time, money and heartache... forget all the POA mismanagement - the money has gone now.
- All you appear to want is half the value of the house. Fair enough.
- I strongly recommend getting keeping that expensive specialist legal advice and being totally dispassionate about the whole affair.
IT WILL TAKE TIME.
Your brother will hate you.
IT WILL TAKE MONEY.
The solicitor should be your ONLY avenue of communication with your brother.
But... what? £25K on legal fees to see your mother's wishes respected and to net £100K seems like a solid investment to me.
Best of luck.
This follows a familiar theme found on other threads on PH and other platforms.
Elderly parent living alone.
Grown up child moves in, usually the least succesful and most feckless.
Helps themseves to parent's savings and benefits, whilst living rent-free.
Parent dies.
Incumbent child views house as theirs, at least for their lifetime.
After realising that's not how things work, they set out to stymie, obfuscate and drag out the settling of the will on the basis that every day it drags on is a day they dont have to pay rent.
Having said that, if your brother hadnt moved in the council would have sold the house to pay carehome fees, and youd be left with about £20,000, so he did do a good thing there, probably for his own selfish reasons.
Congratulations, you are now the owner of half a house, tell your brother you need £400 a month for him to rent your half, that'll cheer him up.
Be careful and be prepared for a fight, your brother sounds like a slippery customer. Good luck.
Elderly parent living alone.
Grown up child moves in, usually the least succesful and most feckless.
Helps themseves to parent's savings and benefits, whilst living rent-free.
Parent dies.
Incumbent child views house as theirs, at least for their lifetime.
After realising that's not how things work, they set out to stymie, obfuscate and drag out the settling of the will on the basis that every day it drags on is a day they dont have to pay rent.
Having said that, if your brother hadnt moved in the council would have sold the house to pay carehome fees, and youd be left with about £20,000, so he did do a good thing there, probably for his own selfish reasons.
Congratulations, you are now the owner of half a house, tell your brother you need £400 a month for him to rent your half, that'll cheer him up.
Be careful and be prepared for a fight, your brother sounds like a slippery customer. Good luck.
walm said:
OP, firstly very sorry for your loss.
Secondly, you sound very sensible and I can't recommend strongly enough maintaining that approach here if you can.
To the issues:
- If you don't want to see your brother locked up and don't want to waste a lot of time, money and heartache... forget all the POA mismanagement - the money has gone now.
- All you appear to want is half the value of the house. Fair enough.
- I strongly recommend getting keeping that expensive specialist legal advice and being totally dispassionate about the whole affair.
IT WILL TAKE TIME.
Your brother will hate you.
IT WILL TAKE MONEY.
The solicitor should be your ONLY avenue of communication with your brother.
But... what? £25K on legal fees to see your mother's wishes respected and to net £100K seems like a solid investment to me.
Best of luck.
You make a really good point about being dispassionate about it, otherwise it would really eat me up inside. My solicitor sent a very measured but firm letter to my brother on Friday asking for the will otherwise we will need to pursue court action to “prove the tenor” of the copy will. Crucially, the cost of this are ordinarily met by the estate, so if he is hiding the original will it is going to reduce his share as well, and so hopefully common sense prevails.Secondly, you sound very sensible and I can't recommend strongly enough maintaining that approach here if you can.
To the issues:
- If you don't want to see your brother locked up and don't want to waste a lot of time, money and heartache... forget all the POA mismanagement - the money has gone now.
- All you appear to want is half the value of the house. Fair enough.
- I strongly recommend getting keeping that expensive specialist legal advice and being totally dispassionate about the whole affair.
IT WILL TAKE TIME.
Your brother will hate you.
IT WILL TAKE MONEY.
The solicitor should be your ONLY avenue of communication with your brother.
But... what? £25K on legal fees to see your mother's wishes respected and to net £100K seems like a solid investment to me.
Best of luck.
Thanks again for all the replies. It’s quite therapeutic to be able to discuss it on here and know others have been though this.
Gassing Station | Speed, Plod & the Law | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff