Water Joke
Now boaters are being told to slow down
Now that the roads are gridlocked, scameras keep us at a constant crawl and only the rich can afford to drive in central London the few that have resorted to boats to commute are now being told to slow down.
It seems those who have found a new way to actually get somewhere in Britain have not gone unnoticed and the powers that be have decided to clamp down, presumably to get them back on the hyper-expensive trains.
The speed limit for boats on the Thames has reportedly been halved because of an increasing number of fast passenger craft.
It is understood that all vessels have been told by the Port of London Authority to keep to just 12 knots between Greenwich and Central London, down from 24 knots.
This has upset commuters exasperated with other ways to get to and from work.
The Port has apparently said the lower limit is essential as quicker boats are taking to the water.
Perhaps it is a result of people copying Jeremy Clarkson’s antics on a recent Top Gear episode where he used a speedboat to get across the Capital.
We will be interested to see how they will put the white markings in the water if they decide to line the Thames with speed cameras.
Perhaps planes will be told to stick to 30mph next.
I shall be mowing my lawn this year at more than 10 paces per min. I may even hack a few worms to death with the flymo, thus infringing their animal rights. Please lock me up now for being a dangerous b*stard.

Google tells me 12 knots is (extremely roughly) about 12mph. That's... ridiculous. Sprinters run at 15mph. What's the point? I fail to see how it's even possible to crash in a bloody boat except for really rough water conditions.
I like how they had to reduce the maximum limit not because of an increase in accidents or any concrete and empirical evidence of greater danger, but simply because there are more fast boats now.
I was most agreived to see that hooligan Clarkson's antics on the Thames in your recent television program. I have never stepped foot in a boat personally, but nonetheless demand his immediate execution and a river speed limit on behalf of those who do.
It reminds of the people who have the cheek to try and overtake me whilst I'm doing a safe, steady and completely fixed 40mph in my Honda Legend. Very dangerous!
I urge the government to ban this selfish behavior immediately as well as driving fast, drinking, smoking and anything else that myself and the rest of labour-voting middle england doesn't do.
Yours,
Annoyed
Woking"
Or something...

I do suspect there's more than a hint of 'Ban This Filth!' going on after Top Gears aquatic blast through London.
You need no qualifications to drive a fast boat, and they have no brakes. There is a lot of scope for people to run out of talent and crash into some one or something. Most harbours have a speed limit of some sort. Chichester harbour has (I think) an 8 knot limit and the harbour master has enforced this with a radar gun for some years. Ammusingly this is applied to power boats but a sailing dinghy can race quite happily there and some of these can hit 20 knots or more in a blow!
I am by no means in favour of the nanny state, but conversely I have seen some very incompetent people in command of boats who are clearly a danger to themselves and others. I was chatting the the Cox of the Fishguard lifeboat a couple of years ago, one May. Asking if they were busy, he said "No, but we soon will be... When the Birmingham Navy put to sea!" Bottom line is... it may have a steering wheel and throttle, but there is a LOT more to operating a boat safely than just steering it like a car! It is sadly inevitable that regulation will be put in place to deal with the lowest common denominator.
jon
You need no qualifications to drive a fast boat, and they have no brakes. There is a lot of scope for people to run out of talent and crash into some one or something. Most harbours have a speed limit of some sort. Chichester harbour has (I think) an 8 knot limit and the harbour master has enforced this with a radar gun for some years. Ammusingly this is applied to power boats but a sailing dinghy can race quite happily there and some of these can hit 20 knots or more in a blow!
I am by no means in favour of the nanny state, but conversely I have seen some very incompetent people in command of boats who are clearly a danger to themselves and others. I was chatting the the Cox of the Fishguard lifeboat a couple of years ago, one May. Asking if they were busy, he said "No, but we soon will be... When the Birmingham Navy put to sea!" Bottom line is... it may have a steering wheel and throttle, but there is a LOT more to operating a boat safely than just steering it like a car! It is sadly inevitable that regulation will be put in place to deal with the lowest common denominator.
jon
But no, one person in one million is a bit foolish, so we ALL get tarred with the same brush. Only a government with their thumb up their arse could be so useless.
Dave
You need no qualifications to drive a fast boat, and they have no brakes. There is a lot of scope for people to run out of talent and crash into some one or something. Most harbours have a speed limit of some sort. Chichester harbour has (I think) an 8 knot limit and the harbour master has enforced this with a radar gun for some years. Ammusingly this is applied to power boats but a sailing dinghy can race quite happily there and some of these can hit 20 knots or more in a blow!
I am by no means in favour of the nanny state, but conversely I have seen some very incompetent people in command of boats who are clearly a danger to themselves and others. I was chatting the the Cox of the Fishguard lifeboat a couple of years ago, one May. Asking if they were busy, he said "No, but we soon will be... When the Birmingham Navy put to sea!" Bottom line is... it may have a steering wheel and throttle, but there is a LOT more to operating a boat safely than just steering it like a car! It is sadly inevitable that regulation will be put in place to deal with the lowest common denominator.
jon
You need no qualifications to drive a fast boat, and they have no brakes. There is a lot of scope for people to run out of talent and crash into some one or something. Most harbours have a speed limit of some sort. Chichester harbour has (I think) an 8 knot limit and the harbour master has enforced this with a radar gun for some years. Ammusingly this is applied to power boats but a sailing dinghy can race quite happily there and some of these can hit 20 knots or more in a blow!
I am by no means in favour of the nanny state, but conversely I have seen some very incompetent people in command of boats who are clearly a danger to themselves and others. I was chatting the the Cox of the Fishguard lifeboat a couple of years ago, one May. Asking if they were busy, he said "No, but we soon will be... When the Birmingham Navy put to sea!" Bottom line is... it may have a steering wheel and throttle, but there is a LOT more to operating a boat safely than just steering it like a car! It is sadly inevitable that regulation will be put in place to deal with the lowest common denominator.
jon
I think it's called policing

Dave
The reduction also conrols the additional wash being caused by the increase levels of traffic at peak times.
Unfortunately, PH seems to have used the 'Daily Mail' method of journalism on this matter and people have bitten.
Best summed up by the Learner drivers on Motorways analogy.
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