Trying to find birth father, family law, data protection e….
Discussion
Evening all. Been a very long time since I posted on PH, but it did once help me, (especially here) on a very tough battle I was fighting. A battle I eventually won after a four year fight.
So hoping to pick the minds once more of those in the know.
I don’t think there is a short way of doing this, so here goes.
I was recently contacted by the Salvation Army/their family trace service asking me some questions. The end result of this was I have a half sister I never knew about, for the last 55 years.
Bit of a shocker. I then informed my actual sister of these findings and we agreed we would be up for contact with our ‘new’ half sister.
The ball was set in motion.
Then my sister mentions a couple of things that time and date wise didn’t work out…….
We looked into these and she was right!!!!!!!
So now cutting out that massive part of the story, what we have worked out is the following
My new half sister is indeed MY HALF SISTER.
She is not my sisters half sister, which also means, my actual sister for both our entire lives, is not my sister, she is also actually, my half sister😮😮😮😮😮
Obviously all of this without going into EVERYTHING, has been an absolute shocker!
Ultimately though, over the last couple of weeks of taking in some absolutely huge things that WE never knew about, we are learning to take it in, assess and deal with it and move forward.
It’s a hell of a lot to take in for the 3 of us, as I’m sure you can imagine, so many of ifs, buts and maybe’s….
The 3 of us have since met, which was great.
So, the dilemma
My sister, (now half, but to us, just my sister) has a dad out there somewhere she was never aware of.
Time may possibly not be on our sides here…..
We estimate her birth father would be approximately 78-80 years of age.
Sadly all we have is his first name, and a rough idea of where he lived at the time of my sisters birth, some 60 years ago.
However my sister has established that for a period of time her birth father was paying some form of maintenance and this is indeed on record.
The problem being, so far every avenue my sister has looked at, seems to hit a brick wall.
This all seems to be due to data protection.
We obviously understand this and the reasons behind it.
The problem being, trying to get anyone to listen to the exceptionally complex issues of the story here…!
I hope that all makes sense.
I’m still trying to get my own head around it all, due to the complexity of it all.
Ultimately I would just like to help my sister with her search.
Any thoughts or ideas of avenues to go down, would be greatly appreciated.
My sister went to both Sally Army and C.A.B, as well as the birth and deaths register. All just hit a brick wall due to data protection.
Again
T.I.A,
So hoping to pick the minds once more of those in the know.
I don’t think there is a short way of doing this, so here goes.
I was recently contacted by the Salvation Army/their family trace service asking me some questions. The end result of this was I have a half sister I never knew about, for the last 55 years.
Bit of a shocker. I then informed my actual sister of these findings and we agreed we would be up for contact with our ‘new’ half sister.
The ball was set in motion.
Then my sister mentions a couple of things that time and date wise didn’t work out…….
We looked into these and she was right!!!!!!!
So now cutting out that massive part of the story, what we have worked out is the following
My new half sister is indeed MY HALF SISTER.
She is not my sisters half sister, which also means, my actual sister for both our entire lives, is not my sister, she is also actually, my half sister😮😮😮😮😮
Obviously all of this without going into EVERYTHING, has been an absolute shocker!
Ultimately though, over the last couple of weeks of taking in some absolutely huge things that WE never knew about, we are learning to take it in, assess and deal with it and move forward.
It’s a hell of a lot to take in for the 3 of us, as I’m sure you can imagine, so many of ifs, buts and maybe’s….
The 3 of us have since met, which was great.
So, the dilemma
My sister, (now half, but to us, just my sister) has a dad out there somewhere she was never aware of.
Time may possibly not be on our sides here…..
We estimate her birth father would be approximately 78-80 years of age.
Sadly all we have is his first name, and a rough idea of where he lived at the time of my sisters birth, some 60 years ago.
However my sister has established that for a period of time her birth father was paying some form of maintenance and this is indeed on record.
The problem being, so far every avenue my sister has looked at, seems to hit a brick wall.
This all seems to be due to data protection.
We obviously understand this and the reasons behind it.
The problem being, trying to get anyone to listen to the exceptionally complex issues of the story here…!
I hope that all makes sense.
I’m still trying to get my own head around it all, due to the complexity of it all.
Ultimately I would just like to help my sister with her search.
Any thoughts or ideas of avenues to go down, would be greatly appreciated.
My sister went to both Sally Army and C.A.B, as well as the birth and deaths register. All just hit a brick wall due to data protection.
Again
T.I.A,
chilistrucker said:
as well as the birth and deaths register. All just hit a brick wall due to data protection.
You can just buy them, if you have enough info to order one:https://www.gov.uk/order-copy-birth-death-marriage...
It's worth joining Ancestry or Find My Past; modern info is harder to find but some old phone directories are online. Also try 192.com and https://www.freebmd.org.uk/
the-norseman said:
The DNA match thing on Ancestry does work, me and my sister did it and it matched us straight away, it also matched with my dads cousin and my cousins who live in Australia.
My Grandfather moved away and lost contact with his family. DNA matched me with some second cousins on Ancestry and I sent them a message. However, I was ghosted by them. I can only assume that there was some inheritance as my Grandfather's war file included a solicitor's letter asking the war office for his whereabouts about the time my Great Grandfather died.
Thankyou all very much.
My sister has done the DNA Ancestry thing and there is some progress there.
Sorry I should of said, the birth fathers name is not on the birth certificate unfortunately.
His name is on the maintenance payments but due to data protection, the office she spoke to cannot give her his details.
My sister has done the DNA Ancestry thing and there is some progress there.
Sorry I should of said, the birth fathers name is not on the birth certificate unfortunately.
His name is on the maintenance payments but due to data protection, the office she spoke to cannot give her his details.
I'm off my knowledge base now but is there anything useful here? https://www.findingfamilies.co.uk/finding-my-birth...
You can get free access to 'findmypast' at some public libraries.
60 years ago is too recent for census and the like to be published.
I think electoral registers are available at the British Library, so if your parents were living together you might get a name.
The thread title 'birth father' is perhaps inaccurate, a friend went through similar, and found the 'father' was out of the picture by the time of the birth.
From their experience I would question whether any of this research helps people very much, especially this late in life.
Your friends and the relatives you grew up with matter more than your biological forebears.
You might find out things you're happier not knowing. Seriously!
I don't really get the craze for family trees that some people have, lots of names going back centuries but bugger all understanding of any people in most cases. Without any stories attached, I don't really get much from knowing my great grandad's name and dates.
60 years ago is too recent for census and the like to be published.
I think electoral registers are available at the British Library, so if your parents were living together you might get a name.
The thread title 'birth father' is perhaps inaccurate, a friend went through similar, and found the 'father' was out of the picture by the time of the birth.
From their experience I would question whether any of this research helps people very much, especially this late in life.
Your friends and the relatives you grew up with matter more than your biological forebears.
You might find out things you're happier not knowing. Seriously!
I don't really get the craze for family trees that some people have, lots of names going back centuries but bugger all understanding of any people in most cases. Without any stories attached, I don't really get much from knowing my great grandad's name and dates.
It might be worth employing the services of a private investigator.
My wife and I did so when she was trying to locate a relative with scant information. It cost us £150 and I cannot see how we would have found out otherwise. It was quite clear that the investigator had access to areas, records, departments or whatever that he shouldn't have had.
My wife and I did so when she was trying to locate a relative with scant information. It cost us £150 and I cannot see how we would have found out otherwise. It was quite clear that the investigator had access to areas, records, departments or whatever that he shouldn't have had.
Cautionary opposing opinion incoming.
What's the end game here? It seems the man you're looking for has had plenty of time to come forward and yet they haven't.
It's great that you have found an extended family but these stories don't always have a happy ending.
This man is a complete stranger to your half sister and your half sister may be a period of time in his life he wishes to forget. The data protection element of the obstacles you are facing are there for a reason, yet they are something he could have worked around at any time during the past 50+ years. What's in it for this man if she does make contact with him? Can she accept the potential for a second rejection some 50+ years after the first one?
Sometimes it goes well, sometimes it really is better to leave the sleeping dogs alone.
What's the end game here? It seems the man you're looking for has had plenty of time to come forward and yet they haven't.
It's great that you have found an extended family but these stories don't always have a happy ending.
This man is a complete stranger to your half sister and your half sister may be a period of time in his life he wishes to forget. The data protection element of the obstacles you are facing are there for a reason, yet they are something he could have worked around at any time during the past 50+ years. What's in it for this man if she does make contact with him? Can she accept the potential for a second rejection some 50+ years after the first one?
Sometimes it goes well, sometimes it really is better to leave the sleeping dogs alone.
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