Warning

[ketvrin]

I'm not usually one for warnings, but I had another close miss the other
day. I walked into B&Q at lunchtime and some old guy dressed in orange
asked me if I wanted decking. Fortunately, I got the first punch in and
that was the end of that. Those less suspecting might not be so lucky.

[GreenV8S]

[clarenceboddiger]

This was taken from a newspaper in Australia. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a “gripe sheet” which tells mechanics of any problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.


Here are some of the complaints submitted by Qantas pilots (marked with a “P” and the solutions recorded by engineers (marked with a “E”. Perhaps not what you want to read if you about to board the plane.

P, left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
E, Almost replaced left inside main tyre

P, Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough
E, Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P, Something loose in cockpit
E, Something tightened in cockpit

P, Dead bugs on windshield
E, Live bugs on back order

P, Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
E, Can not reproduce problem on ground

P, Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
E, Evidence removed

P, DME volume unbelievably loud
E, DME volume set to a more believable level

P, Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
E, That’s what there they’re for

P, Suspected crack in windshield
E, suspect you’re right

P, Number 3 engine missing
E, Engine found on right wing after brief search

P, Aircraft handles funny
E, Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious

P, Target radar hums
E, Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics

P, Mouse in cockpit
E, Cat installed

P, Noise coming from under instrument panel, sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer
E, Took hammer away from midget

[veg]

Now this really had me spitting tea over my screen. V funny

www.mez.co.uk/haynes.html

[S2 Giles]

oh i love it & the Haynes link is superb as well.... well done

[clarenceboddiger]

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which
almost went unnoticed last week, Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Cokey" died peacefully at the age of 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

*****Sorry I know its not a jokes site but its my all time favourite so I couldn't resist****

Edited by clarenceboddiger on Sunday 28th January 22:09

[ketvrin]