A Day in the Life of a BMW Driver ....
Discussion
The other day I was cruising along as usual in my BMW coming onto one
of my motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars.
First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow
down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a
barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my
motorway! (The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake
though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn.)
Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW
lane. (Why do underlings use this lane? Surely everyone knows it is for
BMW drivers only?)
Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 110mph enjoying
the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed
an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my
motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph!
Naturally, I got to within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed
my headlights to remind him he shouldn't be in the BMW lane of my
motorway and to get out of my way.
Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that,
but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind
me! He also tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would
out-run him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me
to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my
excellent car.
Needless to say, I was eager oblige and when we had stopped, the man
gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car
goes fast!
Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I
had to take my driver's licence to a Police Station to be sent away to
have some points put on! (They're not free points either - they're £20
each and I was only allowed 3.) But the man at the Police Station said
that because I drive a BMW, it won't be much longer before I earn the
full 12 points, and then I won't even NEED a driving licence, so they
will take it off me!
See, now THAT's the sort of respect you get when you buy and drive a BMW!
of my motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars.
First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow
down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a
barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my
motorway! (The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake
though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn.)
Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW
lane. (Why do underlings use this lane? Surely everyone knows it is for
BMW drivers only?)
Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 110mph enjoying
the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed
an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my
motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph!
Naturally, I got to within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed
my headlights to remind him he shouldn't be in the BMW lane of my
motorway and to get out of my way.
Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that,
but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind
me! He also tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would
out-run him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me
to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my
excellent car.
Needless to say, I was eager oblige and when we had stopped, the man
gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car
goes fast!
Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I
had to take my driver's licence to a Police Station to be sent away to
have some points put on! (They're not free points either - they're £20
each and I was only allowed 3.) But the man at the Police Station said
that because I drive a BMW, it won't be much longer before I earn the
full 12 points, and then I won't even NEED a driving licence, so they
will take it off me!
See, now THAT's the sort of respect you get when you buy and drive a BMW!
yep thats just a normal day for me though i do think it should be exclusive to fast bmws only 
bob1179 said:
I drive a BMW, this doesn't happen to me!
Can you tell me where I am going wrong and what I should do to ensure I get the use of my own lane and recieve the adulation of the 'underlings'?
Perhaps you should take it in to a dealer to have this feature turned on ---
"With the launch of the acclaimed new 3-series, BMW has also revealed details of a sophisticated new electronics package that is aimed straight at the new car's core market. Dubbed Bellendtronic, the new system is fully integrated into the car's control systems and allows a range of functions including full disablement of the indicators, perilously late activation of the brakes and an adapted radar cruise control that allows the driver to sit 4mm from your back bumper in the outside lane of the M6.
Amongst other neat touches, Bellendtronic can also apply light brake pressure at all times, covering the wheels in dust, something that will be a particular benefit if your fleet manager wouldn't let you specify alloy wheels and you want to disguise ugly plastic rim covers or the fact that if you weren't such an aspirational little t
t you'd have gone for a rather better equipped Honda Accord. Initially Bellendtronic will be available on the forthcoming 316i and 318i models only, but the system is expected to become standard fitment for all models in the smaller 1-series range within a year.
Other German makers are expected to follow BMW's lead, including Audi who is poised to make certain versions of the A4 available with a rival system dubbed 'Pushytt Plus'
"With the launch of the acclaimed new 3-series, BMW has also revealed details of a sophisticated new electronics package that is aimed straight at the new car's core market. Dubbed Bellendtronic, the new system is fully integrated into the car's control systems and allows a range of functions including full disablement of the indicators, perilously late activation of the brakes and an adapted radar cruise control that allows the driver to sit 4mm from your back bumper in the outside lane of the M6.
Amongst other neat touches, Bellendtronic can also apply light brake pressure at all times, covering the wheels in dust, something that will be a particular benefit if your fleet manager wouldn't let you specify alloy wheels and you want to disguise ugly plastic rim covers or the fact that if you weren't such an aspirational little t
t you'd have gone for a rather better equipped Honda Accord. Initially Bellendtronic will be available on the forthcoming 316i and 318i models only, but the system is expected to become standard fitment for all models in the smaller 1-series range within a year. Other German makers are expected to follow BMW's lead, including Audi who is poised to make certain versions of the A4 available with a rival system dubbed 'Pushyt
t Plus'
ive noticed not all BMW drivers are idiots, there is a small percantage who are actually into cars and know a bit about cars, unfortunalty the other 99% seem to be grade A twunts.
ive noticed most bee em drivers round ere spend most of their time looking to see whos looking at them, as if they drive somthing special, there is nothing worse than a ill informed fool who isnt looking where they are going, not to mention indicators . . . . . the ones who dont look where they are going dont need these as they cant tell everyone where they are going by using their indicators as they are too busy looking to see whos looking at them and thus have little idea where they are actually going.
BMW sold more 3 series cars last year in the UK than Ford did mondeos.
wheres the exclusivity in that?
was in wales on weds on a long wet country lane that i have never been on before.
I may or may not have been testing the suspension set up on my car to see if it was working propperly (along with the new tyres id recently had put on the front) and came across a elderly driver doing 40mph in a 60mph zone.
I had noticed a red BMW 3 series (looked like an M3) that I passed earlier whilst testing and this caught us up as the road was very twisty and there was no safe overtaking place for me to pass the elderly driver, BMW driver decides to sit 50cm from my bumper flashing full beam with the occasional honk from their horn.
i initially thought i may or may not have upset them when testing my car out of the 30 zone and passing him up to the speed limit.
a few mins later the road turns into a nice clear long straight, bmw still behind but seemed to get more aggresive swerving side to side still flashing etc (it wasnt BIB, had a private plate on it) and accelerating towards me closer then braking, obviously the exclusive bmw was just sooo fast he was having difficulties keeping the beast tame.
anyways, I chucked it into third, braked (
) then took off, I think the BM driver decided to stop playing "ive got a fast car" at this point so I just kept to the speed limit and he caught me up, as I was testing the new handling of my charriot (and on unknown roads i might add) I notice BMW was again on my bumper trying to push me along with the occasional loving flash of their full beam, that was until we came to a 90 degree LH bend that I didnt brake for, i dont think the BMW pilot had thought that one through as he followed 50cm from my bumper, lost the rear end then 180'd the car to a standstill. . . . . . luckily no one was coming the other way and he didnt hit anything in his exclusive motor.
later I thought he may have been trying to race or somthing, not really sure as I wasnt trying to play any games I was just getting to where i needed to be (but also finding out if the new suspension and tyre set up improved anything, all within the legal limits I may add)
but then I realised the BMW must not have been as he would have destroyed me in my inferior, more common, lesser car, right?
(was a 330d btw, I went back to make sure the car was ok, all fine so I headded on my way)
i think this BMW driver will hopefully calm down after this, well either that or there will be one less idiot BMW driver on the road to help the 1% of decent BMW drivers claim back their good names.
ive noticed most bee em drivers round ere spend most of their time looking to see whos looking at them, as if they drive somthing special, there is nothing worse than a ill informed fool who isnt looking where they are going, not to mention indicators . . . . . the ones who dont look where they are going dont need these as they cant tell everyone where they are going by using their indicators as they are too busy looking to see whos looking at them and thus have little idea where they are actually going.
BMW sold more 3 series cars last year in the UK than Ford did mondeos.
wheres the exclusivity in that?
was in wales on weds on a long wet country lane that i have never been on before.
I may or may not have been testing the suspension set up on my car to see if it was working propperly (along with the new tyres id recently had put on the front) and came across a elderly driver doing 40mph in a 60mph zone.
I had noticed a red BMW 3 series (looked like an M3) that I passed earlier whilst testing and this caught us up as the road was very twisty and there was no safe overtaking place for me to pass the elderly driver, BMW driver decides to sit 50cm from my bumper flashing full beam with the occasional honk from their horn.
i initially thought i may or may not have upset them when testing my car out of the 30 zone and passing him up to the speed limit.
a few mins later the road turns into a nice clear long straight, bmw still behind but seemed to get more aggresive swerving side to side still flashing etc (it wasnt BIB, had a private plate on it) and accelerating towards me closer then braking, obviously the exclusive bmw was just sooo fast he was having difficulties keeping the beast tame.
anyways, I chucked it into third, braked (
) then took off, I think the BM driver decided to stop playing "ive got a fast car" at this point so I just kept to the speed limit and he caught me up, as I was testing the new handling of my charriot (and on unknown roads i might add) I notice BMW was again on my bumper trying to push me along with the occasional loving flash of their full beam, that was until we came to a 90 degree LH bend that I didnt brake for, i dont think the BMW pilot had thought that one through as he followed 50cm from my bumper, lost the rear end then 180'd the car to a standstill. . . . . . luckily no one was coming the other way and he didnt hit anything in his exclusive motor.later I thought he may have been trying to race or somthing, not really sure as I wasnt trying to play any games I was just getting to where i needed to be (but also finding out if the new suspension and tyre set up improved anything, all within the legal limits I may add)
but then I realised the BMW must not have been as he would have destroyed me in my inferior, more common, lesser car, right?
(was a 330d btw, I went back to make sure the car was ok, all fine so I headded on my way)
i think this BMW driver will hopefully calm down after this, well either that or there will be one less idiot BMW driver on the road to help the 1% of decent BMW drivers claim back their good names.
So I need to keep my front fogs on all day long (only one of them works at the moment, does it matter if I just have one?)
I mustn't indicate and I need to drive as close to the car in front as possible.
I knew I must have been doing somthing wrong when I let people out of side roads and kept to the two second rule on the mototrway.
Right got it. Cheers guys
By the way, what do I do when a fellow 'God of the road' decides he wants to drive half an inch from my rear bumper as he deems my 'ultimate driving machine' far too old and unworthy of its obviously 'better than everybody elses hatchback' status?
I mustn't indicate and I need to drive as close to the car in front as possible.
I knew I must have been doing somthing wrong when I let people out of side roads and kept to the two second rule on the mototrway.
Right got it. Cheers guys
By the way, what do I do when a fellow 'God of the road' decides he wants to drive half an inch from my rear bumper as he deems my 'ultimate driving machine' far too old and unworthy of its obviously 'better than everybody elses hatchback' status?
bob1179 said:
So I need to keep my front fogs on all day long (only one of them works at the moment, does it matter if I just have one?)
I mustn't indicate and I need to drive as close to the car in front as possible.
I knew I must have been doing somthing wrong when I let people out of side roads and kept to the two second rule on the mototrway.
Right got it. Cheers guys
By the way, what do I do when a fellow 'God of the road' decides he wants to drive half an inch from my rear bumper as he deems my 'ultimate driving machine' far too old and unworthy of its obviously 'better than everybody elses hatchback' status?
You could start a new one fog light trend!!I mustn't indicate and I need to drive as close to the car in front as possible.
I knew I must have been doing somthing wrong when I let people out of side roads and kept to the two second rule on the mototrway.
Right got it. Cheers guys
By the way, what do I do when a fellow 'God of the road' decides he wants to drive half an inch from my rear bumper as he deems my 'ultimate driving machine' far too old and unworthy of its obviously 'better than everybody elses hatchback' status?
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