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THE NUN AND THE HIPPIE
A hippie gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun. He sits down next to her, and asks her: "Can we have sex?"
"No," she replies, "I'm married to God." She stands up, and
gets off at the next stop.
The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says:
"I can tell you how to get to have sex with her!"
"Yeah?", says the hippie..
"Yeah!", say the bus driver. "She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray, so all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God."
The hippie decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night.
"I am God," he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his
face. "Have sex with me."
The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity.
'God' agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her. As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.
"Ha-ha," he cries. "I'm the hippie!"
"Ha-ha," cries the nun. "I'm the bus driver!
A hippie gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun. He sits down next to her, and asks her: "Can we have sex?"
"No," she replies, "I'm married to God." She stands up, and
gets off at the next stop.
The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says:
"I can tell you how to get to have sex with her!"
"Yeah?", says the hippie..
"Yeah!", say the bus driver. "She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray, so all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God."
The hippie decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night.
"I am God," he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his
face. "Have sex with me."
The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity.
'God' agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her. As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.
"Ha-ha," he cries. "I'm the hippie!"
"Ha-ha," cries the nun. "I'm the bus driver!
You want this thread
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
Its the Sean Connery Joke thread and its in its 4th volume.
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
Its the Sean Connery Joke thread and its in its 4th volume.
sherman said:
You want this thread
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
Its the Sean Connery Joke thread and its in its 4th volume.
With about 1 volume worth of jokes if you remove the repeats, http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
Its the Sean Connery Joke thread and its in its 4th volume.
kit, you lot started it.
2 mexicans Pepé and José are lost in the desert. They've been walking for days and haven't seen anything but sand.
Then suddenly, José spots something on the horizon.
"Look Pepé, eez a tree! Eeez a tree with bacon hanging from it. It's a bacon tree!"
José runs towards the horizon.
"Be careful José, eet might joost be an opteecal eellusion!"
As José gets to the tree, he is gunned down in a hail of bullets.
"Aaaaaaarrrrgh" Cries José as he falls to the ground, "Pepé, Pepé, zees eez no god damn bacon tree......eez a hambush!"
Then suddenly, José spots something on the horizon.
"Look Pepé, eez a tree! Eeez a tree with bacon hanging from it. It's a bacon tree!"
José runs towards the horizon.
"Be careful José, eet might joost be an opteecal eellusion!"
As José gets to the tree, he is gunned down in a hail of bullets.
"Aaaaaaarrrrgh" Cries José as he falls to the ground, "Pepé, Pepé, zees eez no god damn bacon tree......eez a hambush!"
One fine evening Harry Hedgehog was out for a stroll when he bumped into his pals, the Rabbit brothers.
"Hi Harry, we're off to play `Whoosh!`, want to join us?" said Ronnie.
"It's great fun!" said Robbie.
"What's `Whoosh!`?" asked Harry
"Come on, we'll show you" chorused the Rabbits, hopping toward the bypass. Harry had to jog to keep up but he didn't want to miss out on the Rabbits' exciting new game.
...
Once they got to the verge Ronnie started to explain the game.
"See the headlights in the distance? What you do is go out into the road, make sure you're exactly half way between the two lights then you duck down and `Whoosh!` the car passes over you and the wind really ruffles your fur. It's great!" and with that Ronnie hopped out into the road.
He lined himself up carefully and as the car thundered towards the chums Ronnie hunkered down and `Whoosh!` the car passed over him.
"Wow! that was great!" exclaimed Ronnie, smoothing his ruffled fur.
"My turn! My turn!" bounced Robbie as he spotted the approaching lights.
Robbie did just as his brother had done before.
`Whoosh!`
"That was brilliant!" enthused Robbie returning to the verge.
"I've got to try this, it looks such fun!" confided Harry to his friends.
"Just make sure you're exactly between the lights" advised Ronnie.
"Don't forget to duck!" added Robbie as Harry scurried into the roadway.
Harry adjusted his position carefully, ensuring that he was precisely centred between the approaching beams. As the lights grew bigger he pressed himself flat to the roadway, suppressing the powerful primordial urge to roll into a ball.
SPLATTT!
"Eugh, poor Harry" exclaimed Robbie.
"Unlucky" concurred Ronnie "It's years since I've seen a Reliant down this way."
ferobert said:
I was in a club the other night, completeley wasted and I drunkenly said to a girl "duck ma sick" she rolled her eyes and replied " dont you mean "suck my dick" I threw up all over her and said "nope" 
That's disgusting, childish and purile.. and I'll be telling it to all my mates tonight 
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