Useful French phrases for TVR owners

[Dr Mike Oxgreen]

I'm taking my Chimaera deep into Franceland in a few days' time, so naturally I've got myself sorted with breakdown cover.

But it's occurred to me that I'll need to understand what a French breakdown bloke is trying to tell me, so I've done a bit of research and come up with a few phrases that I might hear:

"Le moteur est complètement foutu, monsieur."
I believe this means "The engine's in great nick, and I'll have it running in no time."

"Je ne comprends pas le câblage de cette voiture."
Roughly translates as "I am very familiar with the electrics of a TVR, and I'll have it running in no time."

"Bof! Cette voiture est un tas de merde et je ne peux pas la réparer."
I think this means "No problem! This is a lovely car and I'll have it running in no time."

I think this probably covers every eventuality. Any other phrases I might need to know?

[Neilsfirst]

You have amused us with this. No more to add apart from beware of the priority from the right on minor roads where it will not be posted. A bigger scam the further south you go. Enjoy your trip.

[GAjon]

If its an older TVR.

non, ce n'est pas un triomphe

[Dr Mike Oxgreen]

Another friend and PistonHead, who is highly experienced at taking rickety old heaps into France, has recommended that I buy a few packets of Gitanes so that I can offer them to the mechanic to keep him going as he fixes a fuel leak, etc. Good advice, methinks.

[haircutmike]

I'm leaving tomorrow morning, going through France and into Germany.

I have memorised your French suggestions but I am prepared to speak The Queens English louder in Germany, apparently it verks ja!

[Mattt]

If you're having issues, "Putain" is what you should mutter under your breath.

[Pupp]

avez-vous quelque velcro et auto-taraudeuses s'il vous plaît?

[Quietlybonkers]

How about:
"Je voudrais donner votre auto le coup de grace"
You car sounds a bit like my lawn mower

[zygalski]

il a éclaté dans ma main!

[dudleybloke]

le canot est brisé à nouveau.

[Biggles101]

Have just come back from Swiss trip. I heard "MERDE!" was a common word uttered when the mechanic found out it was an Englishman in a TVR

[DonkeyApple]

Avez-vous apprécié le Tour de France?

Je tiens à monter votre fille.

[Chris71]

Neilsfirst said:

No more to add apart from beware of the priority from the right on minor roads where it will not be posted. A bigger scam the further south you go.

I love how typically French the situation is with prioritaire a droite on roundabouts. Admittedly, I've only driven in Northern France and the Alps, but there I've never come across a roundabout that doesn't have a cedez la passage sign.

So basically, pretty much every roundabout in France actually follows the same system as the rest of Europe. But they're so desperate to cling to 'the French way' that instead of conforming with everyone else they put up a whole army of signs.

Virtually every junction and roundabout in the entire country has a sign which effectively says 'this is an exception to the general rule'. No it's not! If it wasn't you wouldn't see those bloody signs everywhere.

Don't get me wrong, I quite like the fact that the French defend their national identity, but it's just a bit bizarre. Much like the organisation devoted to removing foreign words from the language and inventing new French terms for things like email. It's quite quaint really.

[Bluebottle]

this could be very helpful;
"avez-vous une bande de canards et colliers de serrage"
no that did not fall off my car and everything is secure

eta

"ils font tous ce que monsieur"
I'll have that fixed in a moment sir

Edited by Bluebottle on Thursday 26th July 14:36