It's not just car mechanics

[simpo one]

Humour time. It seems we've all had concerns at some time or another about the quality of maintenance carried out on our cars, and whether what appears on the bill bears any relation to the work done. It's not a new phenomenon: this example dates from WW2:


~~Aircraft Maintenance Problems and Solutions~~

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems submitted by American WW2 pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.

P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto land very rough.
S: Auto land not installed on this aircraft.

P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal.
Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-ft.per.min. descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME (distance measuring equipment) volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF (Identification Friend/Foe) inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft acting funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed

[JonRB]

Funny (although I've seen it before).

However, one clear pointer to this being an Urban Myth is that it purports to be from WW2, yet mentions IFF which is an electronic system that came into effect in something like the 1970's.

[Roadrunner]

Lol. Read that before too. Supposed to be from passenger aircraft of a slightly more modern time than WW2 though.

[simpo one]

It originally came from the magazine of the Blenheim Society (June 1998). The original actually says 'US Air Force Pilots', not specifically WW2 ones. I've also seen a version of this with 'Qantas' inserted.

However, some WW2 planes did have a primitive IFF - Hurricanes sent out an automatic radio signal every minute, I think, to help Ground Control locate them by DF. It was soon modified though because while it was transmitting, the pilot couldn't use the radio!

[Wedg1e]

Hmmmm, hasn't technology moved on. My mate is working on the anti-radar/ missile detection etc. systems for the Eurofighter. Allegedly, so the word on the underground grapevine has it, the plane is the first in the world to remove many of the decision-making processes from the pilot, such as how to outmanoeuvre an incoming missile: if it spots something, the plane takes evasive action!
Scary; but even scarier is that if it decides a situation is unsurvivable, it automatically ejects the pilot!
Some ride that would make for Alton Towers....;-)

Ian

[simpo one]

'such as how to outmanoeuvre an incoming missile: if it spots something, the plane takes evasive action!'

Let's hope it does a better job than the 'collision avoidance' device did over Switzerland... since the MOD can't order a rifle that works, I can just see the automatic ejection system going off while the plane's still in the hangar!

[david010167]

I think the plane would not bother taking off, if it was that intelligent, it would decde that staying on the ground would be safer.

...Intelligent planes, A.I. is this starting to sound like Skynet from Terminator to anyone....

David

[cirks]

quote:
'collision avoidance' device did over Switzerland...

That worked - one aircraft was told to climb the other to descend - unfortunately the controllers told the one that should have climbed to also descend....For once technology would have been better than humans!

[simpo one]

'...Intelligent planes, A.I. is this starting to sound like Skynet from Terminator to anyone....'

Well we already have Robocop automatic detection, prosecution, conviction and fining devices. They're called Gatsos. Stick em in the ground and watch the money roll in.

[yum]

quote:
yet mentions IFF which is an electronic system that came into effect in something like the 1970's.

Unfortunately not the case - IFF was invesnted in the second world war, just like many other 'electronic' aids such as Gee and H2S, which were radio beacons which guided bombers onto track.

www.dean-boys.com/extras/iff/iffqa.html

Many of these were developed from primitive systems into systems such as transponders, DMEs and VORs still used today on most aircraft.

So there you go, never say that Pistonheads isn't educational!

[simpo one]

'Gee and H2S, which were radio beacons which guided bombers onto track.'

Nearly right! Gee used radio beams transmitted from 3 locations in the UK; it helped the bombers locate their targets, but H2S was airborne radar which allowed the planes to navigate at night. It used the then-top-secret cavity magnetron, which now lies at the heart of every microwave oven!

Recommended reading: 'The Secret War' by Brian Johnson

Irony: Now that there's no true enemy, our leaders turn the technology on their own people.

[Paceracing]

quote:
I think the plane would not bother taking off, if it was that intelligent, it would decde that staying on the ground would be safer.

David

Jas