Dilema - sell cerbie?
Discussion
I bought my first TVR recently, beautiful 1998 4.5.
My wife and I came into some money, so decided to treat ourselves on the car. I will probably never be able to afford another again, but can just about keep up with running costs etc. as we are with two incomes.
My wife has recently broke down in tears with stress and pressure from her job and has announced that she wants to give up work. I get the feeling that she's wanting me to tell her to give up work and i'll sell the cerbie.
I love my cerbie and I love my wife, but so far I've told her to give up work and we'll manage somehow without mentioning selling my car. I'm desperately trying to hang on to my car, but I paid over the odds for it and won't get my money back.
So, do I tell her.....
to keep working woman! Stop crying and get out there and earn some wonga.
i'm selling the cerb so you can pack in work, but i'll have a lip on
Trade cerb in for griff, hopefully get some cash back and lower running costs
My wife and I came into some money, so decided to treat ourselves on the car. I will probably never be able to afford another again, but can just about keep up with running costs etc. as we are with two incomes.
My wife has recently broke down in tears with stress and pressure from her job and has announced that she wants to give up work. I get the feeling that she's wanting me to tell her to give up work and i'll sell the cerbie.
I love my cerbie and I love my wife, but so far I've told her to give up work and we'll manage somehow without mentioning selling my car. I'm desperately trying to hang on to my car, but I paid over the odds for it and won't get my money back.
So, do I tell her.....
to keep working woman! Stop crying and get out there and earn some wonga.
i'm selling the cerb so you can pack in work, but i'll have a lip on
Trade cerb in for griff, hopefully get some cash back and lower running costs
How about you pile it on really thickly, telling her you're devoted to her wellbeing and will do anything to make sure she enjoys a stress-free idyllic life with you, her ever-devoted husband. In order to achieve this state of nirvana you're prepared to sell your most precious material posession, your Cerb. yes! She means that much to you that you'll sell the one thing you strived for all these years. It's loss will be hard to bear, but that's nothing compared to the happiness of your beautiful lady.
She'll feel so guilty that she'll demand you keep the Cerb!
She'll feel so guilty that she'll demand you keep the Cerb!
This sort of thing does drive me to distraction.
Would *you* consider giving up work because it was stressing you out! No. You've got no choice. You're going to work because you have to.
Damnit.
Don't tell her to give up work. Disgraceful. How come she's got the choice and you don't, eh?
Instead support her to the very best of your ability in finding alternative employment that she will find more enjoyable, less stressful and will allow you both to continue enjoying your current quality of life.
I know what it is to hate the work you do - so I have huge sympathy for your Missus - but giving up work is not an option.
Would *you* consider giving up work because it was stressing you out! No. You've got no choice. You're going to work because you have to.
Damnit.
Don't tell her to give up work. Disgraceful. How come she's got the choice and you don't, eh?
Instead support her to the very best of your ability in finding alternative employment that she will find more enjoyable, less stressful and will allow you both to continue enjoying your current quality of life.
I know what it is to hate the work you do - so I have huge sympathy for your Missus - but giving up work is not an option.
Help her find another job. What is it she does? If she's a high-powered exec, maybe a downshift into something a bit less stressful would help.
But at the end of the day, her (and your!) health and wellbeing are the top priorities. You can always get another car. If her job is really getting to her to this extent, that's a problem that has to be addressed.
Edited to add: Don, you can't really just tell her to keep going. Sure, I agree that in this day and age both partners should contribute to the running costs of the household - where possible. But if they've got kids? Then it's perfectly acceptable for her to say enough is enough.
>> Edited by SGirl on Friday 24th January 10:06
But at the end of the day, her (and your!) health and wellbeing are the top priorities. You can always get another car. If her job is really getting to her to this extent, that's a problem that has to be addressed.
Edited to add: Don, you can't really just tell her to keep going. Sure, I agree that in this day and age both partners should contribute to the running costs of the household - where possible. But if they've got kids? Then it's perfectly acceptable for her to say enough is enough.
>> Edited by SGirl on Friday 24th January 10:06
I wasn't going to reply to this thread until I saw Don's terse response.
I can sympathise with your wife (Cloudcukoo) and I agree with SGirl, the problem needs to be addressed.
There are more things to life than earning loads of money and possessions like houses, cars and pets (esp. cats) often seem all too important to people (especially those who don't have children). You can't possibly love a car or cat more than a spouse or child.
My wife and I had all the material possessions you could have wanted, house in Chobham, Surrey, Griff500, Impreza Turbo, 3 other TVRs, big incomes. We decided to have a family, after the birth of our first child we sold the Griff and my wife gave up work (now she was an international airline pilot - read serious money). Over the next two years my work became increasingly stressful (a second child at home as well), by this time I was a director (managing) of a £4m turnover business which I had co-founded.
One day I did execatly as Cloudcukoo's wife did, I came home and told my wife that I had resigned, you can't she said you own the company, but I had.
We then decided that a stressfree life was more important, moved to a farmhouse in Mid-Wales from where I now run a small consultancy business, we now earn ONE THIRD of what we would be earning if we were still working in Surrey and have NO TVRs, but we are much happier, have two fantastic children and are really enjoying life.
davidy
I can sympathise with your wife (Cloudcukoo) and I agree with SGirl, the problem needs to be addressed.
There are more things to life than earning loads of money and possessions like houses, cars and pets (esp. cats) often seem all too important to people (especially those who don't have children). You can't possibly love a car or cat more than a spouse or child.
My wife and I had all the material possessions you could have wanted, house in Chobham, Surrey, Griff500, Impreza Turbo, 3 other TVRs, big incomes. We decided to have a family, after the birth of our first child we sold the Griff and my wife gave up work (now she was an international airline pilot - read serious money). Over the next two years my work became increasingly stressful (a second child at home as well), by this time I was a director (managing) of a £4m turnover business which I had co-founded.
One day I did execatly as Cloudcukoo's wife did, I came home and told my wife that I had resigned, you can't she said you own the company, but I had.
We then decided that a stressfree life was more important, moved to a farmhouse in Mid-Wales from where I now run a small consultancy business, we now earn ONE THIRD of what we would be earning if we were still working in Surrey and have NO TVRs, but we are much happier, have two fantastic children and are really enjoying life.
davidy
Well said. And living proof that you can make this kind of scenario work - to your advantage too.
SGirl said: Help her find another job. What is it she does? If she's a high-powered exec, maybe a downshift into something a bit less stressful would help.
But at the end of the day, her (and your!) health and wellbeing are the top priorities. You can always get another car. If her job is really getting to her to this extent, that's a problem that has to be addressed.
Edited to add: Don, you can't really just tell her to keep going. Sure, I agree that in this day and age both partners should contribute to the running costs of the household - where possible. But if they've got kids? Then it's perfectly acceptable for her to say enough is enough.
>> Edited by SGirl on Friday 24th January 10:06
Yep... I agree with SGirl on this one...
As someone who also does a job they hate, I console myself with the fact that it pays well enough to allow me to do the things I want outside of work... like run my little S.
I do apologise if I've caused any offence.
And of course you cannot just say - "keep going". I well understand that quality of life is more important than money...its why I run my own business - so I choose the level of compromise between stress and effort and income.
And I know as an individual you can simply have enough....and need to do something. Clearly as a couple you need to be able to rely on one another...when one falters the other helps them up. That's how its supposed to work.
My response came from the experiences friends of mine have had with their partners where decisions were thrust upon them without regard for what it would mean to their collective lifestyle...Some were OK with that. Some were not.
And of course you cannot just say - "keep going". I well understand that quality of life is more important than money...its why I run my own business - so I choose the level of compromise between stress and effort and income.
And I know as an individual you can simply have enough....and need to do something. Clearly as a couple you need to be able to rely on one another...when one falters the other helps them up. That's how its supposed to work.
My response came from the experiences friends of mine have had with their partners where decisions were thrust upon them without regard for what it would mean to their collective lifestyle...Some were OK with that. Some were not.
Don said: I well understand that quality of life is more important than money...its why I run my own business - so I choose the level of compromise between stress and effort and income.
Absolutely right - I agree 100%. That's pretty much why I run my own business too.
But you're also right when you say that as a couple you need to be able to rely on one another. It's meant to be a partnership, after all, and the whole idea is for you to help and support one another through the tough times. This is one of those tough times for Mrs Cloudcukoo. If selling the Cerbie will help, so be it. But it's not the only option and it's important for the two of you to sit down together and sort out exactly what can be done about the problem.
Don, no offence taken, I was really just trying to say that you can opt out and that having loads of tangible possessions (including cats SGirl 
) are really not important compared to relationships, health and general wellbeing.
edited to say, since moving to Mid-Wales a year ago, we have acquired a pregnant pony, 6 sheep, 11 ducks and two guinea pigs (some real pigs on their way later in the year)
davidy
>> Edited by davidy on Friday 24th January 10:51
) are really not important compared to relationships, health and general wellbeing. edited to say, since moving to Mid-Wales a year ago, we have acquired a pregnant pony, 6 sheep, 11 ducks and two guinea pigs (some real pigs on their way later in the year)
davidy
>> Edited by davidy on Friday 24th January 10:51
Thanks for your replies,
My job has to be the most stress free job going, work very few hours and get well paid but not a fortune.
Wife sold her business then became manager of the shop for new owners. Very stressfull as new owners insisted on total change to what she saw as a perfectly run shop. So she left and found a new job on a lot less money but as it turns out, just as stressfull, which wasn't supposed to be!
I know she has to leave that job too, despite her complaining that she's just started and it'll get better, she couldn't leave them in the muck etc. so much so that I've even considered getting right away from it all and buggering off to Aussie canada or america and starting all over.
Its just that my selfish side is saying I've only just gotten what I've always wanted and now it's going to snatched away from me - but all in all, I know what I have to do, I just don't want to admit it, oh fcuk! I'm so sad.
My job has to be the most stress free job going, work very few hours and get well paid but not a fortune.
Wife sold her business then became manager of the shop for new owners. Very stressfull as new owners insisted on total change to what she saw as a perfectly run shop. So she left and found a new job on a lot less money but as it turns out, just as stressfull, which wasn't supposed to be!
I know she has to leave that job too, despite her complaining that she's just started and it'll get better, she couldn't leave them in the muck etc. so much so that I've even considered getting right away from it all and buggering off to Aussie canada or america and starting all over.
Its just that my selfish side is saying I've only just gotten what I've always wanted and now it's going to snatched away from me - but all in all, I know what I have to do, I just don't want to admit it, oh fcuk! I'm so sad.
hmm .. I can't decide which camp I'm in here .. I would normally have said that your wife should find another job, or carry on with what she's got. Isn't it a bit selfish to leave a job and expect the other half to bring in the income? .. It's a priviledged position she's in because there's two of you - for single people that wouldn't be an option .. cos one income is all they have.
however since raeding lots of middle-ground postings on this forum for a few years now I've started to mellow. If she's unhappy then she must do what she thinks is best, if that means leaving work, taking time out, moving to a new job or buying a farmhouse (nice one) then that's all good too.
But please don't sell the car!!!! .. waaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
however since raeding lots of middle-ground postings on this forum for a few years now I've started to mellow. If she's unhappy then she must do what she thinks is best, if that means leaving work, taking time out, moving to a new job or buying a farmhouse (nice one) then that's all good too.
But please don't sell the car!!!! .. waaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
Maybe she wants a family (children) and doesn't know how to broach the subject with you... discuss..
Also far too many people believe that they are irreplacable at work and must continue, oh the company will go to the wall if I leave syndrome, thats just b*ll*cks. If she is really unhappy she must leave.
and Joolz the car really doesn't matter (except potentially you may have lost a customer!!!). I also reckon that if you want a cahnge of lifestyle then doing it while you're single must be the easiest as you have no dependants (apart from cars and cats)
davidy
>> Edited by davidy on Friday 24th January 11:56
Also far too many people believe that they are irreplacable at work and must continue, oh the company will go to the wall if I leave syndrome, thats just b*ll*cks. If she is really unhappy she must leave.
and Joolz the car really doesn't matter (except potentially you may have lost a customer!!!). I also reckon that if you want a cahnge of lifestyle then doing it while you're single must be the easiest as you have no dependants (apart from cars and cats
) davidy
>> Edited by davidy on Friday 24th January 11:56
It may be a nice car but at the end of the day its only a car. You've had the experience may be its time to move on. If its a call between familly or car it would be very clear to me.
Trying to keep a car you can't really afford has got to cause a lot of stress and its likely that eventually you will have to get rid of it having thrown even more cash at it.
I don't know what expenses you've had on the cerb but nothing is cheap on the cerb and later designs from blackpool.
Trying to keep a car you can't really afford has got to cause a lot of stress and its likely that eventually you will have to get rid of it having thrown even more cash at it.
I don't know what expenses you've had on the cerb but nothing is cheap on the cerb and later designs from blackpool.
CloudCuKoo - I believe lateral thinking is required to solve both problems. Solution : wife becomes a TVR sales person and blags a Cerbera!
Her stress disappears overnight because the bl**dy things sell themselves! You just sit at a desk and wait for the weekly punter to roll in - overwhelming desire immediately builds up and they can't resist slamming the suitcase with their hard earned wonga on the table!
She then announces to her boss at the end of each day that a neighbour/relative/friend/asylum seeker has shown extreme interest in a Cerbera and you're willing to cut into your own social time and take it to them!!
Works with Blythy everytime!
apprentice
Her stress disappears overnight because the bl**dy things sell themselves! You just sit at a desk and wait for the weekly punter to roll in - overwhelming desire immediately builds up and they can't resist slamming the suitcase with their hard earned wonga on the table!
She then announces to her boss at the end of each day that a neighbour/relative/friend/asylum seeker has shown extreme interest in a Cerbera and you're willing to cut into your own social time and take it to them!!
Works with Blythy everytime!
apprentice
yeah but this has produced some very good and caring replies ,and at the end of the day if she is stressed then she should leave her job and find another if possible or if you can manage just give it up, life is very short and high stress levels can reduce it even further ,and at the end of the day the cerb is only a car ,give it up and let her give up the high stress job ,you never know she may find somthing that she wants to do at a later date .....
If Cyril the cerbie means that much to you, trade in the wifey for a younger more controllable model, then when you retire she'll be that much younger that you'll have her to work out longer, thus keeping you and Cryril suitably suited and booted for long lazy summer days of driving...
Hmmm……………….bit difficult this one, I do sympathise as my wife gave her job up a couple of years ago (we had a baby) and it’s tough for a while – hell I wanted her to go back! I also thought of selling my Cerbera a while ago to move house, but with some creative accountancy I’m going to keep her for the foreseeable future. What it boils down to is priorities, what is more important at this particular moment? With a little help for their GP most people get through stress, depression (I know) and often end up stronger people. If you’ve got a friendly GP get them to sign her off work for a couple of months and look at the situation again, don’t do anything rash that you will regent and possibly hold against each other.
My 2p’s worth with a little bit of experience thrown in
My 2p’s worth with a little bit of experience thrown in
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