Discussion
Today my Daughter sat the first part of her Eleven Plus, it was something she very much wanted to do.
However, it was very clear on the playground this morning that some children were very distressed at the prospect and were being forced to sit the exam by a parent.
This culminated in one of the children spending the half an hour before the exam on the phone to her Mother pleading not to have to sit it and another throwing up all over the paper in the middle of the exam.
Now I would except that some children may need a gentle push, when when as a parent do you sit back and accept that your child may just not be able to live up to your expectations.
However, it was very clear on the playground this morning that some children were very distressed at the prospect and were being forced to sit the exam by a parent.
This culminated in one of the children spending the half an hour before the exam on the phone to her Mother pleading not to have to sit it and another throwing up all over the paper in the middle of the exam.
Now I would except that some children may need a gentle push, when when as a parent do you sit back and accept that your child may just not be able to live up to your expectations.
I think that with places in good schools being harder to find, the presure on children to pass the eleven plus is high.
Previously my Daughter has sat loads of SATs and never seemed to worry, but the passing of the eleven plus is very important to her, as with out it she can't go to the school of her choice, which in turn means she will be offered a place at a different school which has limited subject options.
Previously my Daughter has sat loads of SATs and never seemed to worry, but the passing of the eleven plus is very important to her, as with out it she can't go to the school of her choice, which in turn means she will be offered a place at a different school which has limited subject options.
Having been given ultra-encouragement by my parents, I can say that I will not be enforcing the same shit on my kids.
It's the way you administer it, there is nothing wrong with the 11+, it's unfair to load your child up with demands as this girl shows. Creating that sort of anxiety in anyone is a terrible thing.
It's like boarding schools, it is a maker or breaker of kids. Very character/background dependent, anything which could precipitate neurosis of one sort or another is a bad idea. Puking in an exam is pretty serious, I think. Sounds like too much stick and not enough carrot to me.
It's the way you administer it, there is nothing wrong with the 11+, it's unfair to load your child up with demands as this girl shows. Creating that sort of anxiety in anyone is a terrible thing.
It's like boarding schools, it is a maker or breaker of kids. Very character/background dependent, anything which could precipitate neurosis of one sort or another is a bad idea. Puking in an exam is pretty serious, I think. Sounds like too much stick and not enough carrot to me.
The thing is - if you do tests often in the lead up to such an exam you don't get so nervous.
I feel very sorry for kids doing the test that haven't had lots of previous tests and preparation. I also feel sorry for kids whose parents have impressed upon them the importance of the test to the point where they are utterly stressed out about it.
I feel very sorry for kids doing the test that haven't had lots of previous tests and preparation. I also feel sorry for kids whose parents have impressed upon them the importance of the test to the point where they are utterly stressed out about it.
I've got four kids, ranging from 6 to 14, and until recently I was a parent Governor at one of my kids' primary schools (for 8 years).
You're absolutely right Wedge, some parents certainly 'push' their kids beyond what is reasonable. A lot of it comes down to the fact that some parents want their kids to succeed where they failed. Paradoxically, their constant pushing has exactly the opposite effect to what the parents want. The poor kids often go to pieces and don’t perform at all well in the exam (SATS or 11+).
The head-teacher used a cunning technique to get the best out of the kids. She’d get the kids to do a test in strict exam conditions. When that was over the kids would have sigh of relief and then she’d then carry out the “real” exam in a much more relaxed environment. The kids didn’t even know it, but they were now taking exam, in a totally ‘non-pressured’ way and they’d perform far better. Very clever psychology I thought.
You're absolutely right Wedge, some parents certainly 'push' their kids beyond what is reasonable. A lot of it comes down to the fact that some parents want their kids to succeed where they failed. Paradoxically, their constant pushing has exactly the opposite effect to what the parents want. The poor kids often go to pieces and don’t perform at all well in the exam (SATS or 11+).
The head-teacher used a cunning technique to get the best out of the kids. She’d get the kids to do a test in strict exam conditions. When that was over the kids would have sigh of relief and then she’d then carry out the “real” exam in a much more relaxed environment. The kids didn’t even know it, but they were now taking exam, in a totally ‘non-pressured’ way and they’d perform far better. Very clever psychology I thought.
I had constant pressure to do well. Parents made their expectations very clear. I was as nervous as hell in every exam. If an exam went badly, my thoughts on the way home were 'my parents will kill me'.
I finally exploded when they continued the pressure for A levels and dumped education. Their dreams of me going to Uni shattered. Failure according to them.
20 years on and the picture is different. I've taken my own education route without their input, in subjects that are aligned to my profession and have points towards a degree. Once my son is older, I will do my degree. But for me, not my parents.
I have very strong opinions on this and will never pressure my son. Even though he is disappointed that he can't write properly yet and still scribbles (he's only 4!), I tell him he can only do his best and that is good enough. I will guide, but I won't pressure, even if he does still want to be a train driver when he grows up!
I finally exploded when they continued the pressure for A levels and dumped education. Their dreams of me going to Uni shattered. Failure according to them.
20 years on and the picture is different. I've taken my own education route without their input, in subjects that are aligned to my profession and have points towards a degree. Once my son is older, I will do my degree. But for me, not my parents.
I have very strong opinions on this and will never pressure my son. Even though he is disappointed that he can't write properly yet and still scribbles (he's only 4!), I tell him he can only do his best and that is good enough. I will guide, but I won't pressure, even if he does still want to be a train driver when he grows up!
wedge girl said:
...another throwing up all over the paper in the middle of the exam...
I threw up on the morning of almost all my exams for 4 years at uni (can't remember school) -funily enough, it was only 2 of my finals that I didn't (don't know what that says about my preperation!)
I did the same thing with project deadlines to, fortunatly some of my mates dragged me to the pub now and again and kept me (relatively) saine -you can't really do that with an 11 year old though...
I had the least pushy parents ever -it was always totally self inflicted.
Pete
love machine said:
Having been given ultra-encouragement by my parents, I can say that I will not be enforcing the same shit on my kids.
No kidding, though it has always been well meaning, I think it has done me more harm than good. Gentle encouragement is good, but absolutes are not. None f this you have to do this, that, etc.
I was 'pushed' by my parents to put effort in, the results were imaterial, and in reality hard work is always rewarded by results. We are tested all through our lives, this is reality, all any off us can be expected to do is our best, no more, if you have genuinely put in the effort and have been encouraged to do so, then surely an adequet result will follow.
tests are a good way of assesing our strengths and our weaknesses, the results can then be used constructively to help in areas of weakness. I see some parents getting stressed about thier children being tested, this anxiety is picked up by the children who then start to fear exams. We are judged(rightly or wrongly) by results throughout our lives, the sooner we are adjusted to this the better, and less traumatic the event would be.IMHO of course
tests are a good way of assesing our strengths and our weaknesses, the results can then be used constructively to help in areas of weakness. I see some parents getting stressed about thier children being tested, this anxiety is picked up by the children who then start to fear exams. We are judged(rightly or wrongly) by results throughout our lives, the sooner we are adjusted to this the better, and less traumatic the event would be.IMHO of course
love machine said:
Having been given ultra-encouragement by my parents, I can say that I will not be enforcing the same shit on my kids.
It's the way you administer it, there is nothing wrong with the 11+, it's unfair to load your child up with demands as this girl shows. Creating that sort of anxiety in anyone is a terrible thing.
It's like boarding schools, it is a maker or breaker of kids. Very character/background dependent, anything which could precipitate neurosis of one sort or another is a bad idea. Puking in an exam is pretty serious, I think. Sounds like too much sick and not enough diced carrot to me.
I was pushed a bit when I was at school but I was one of the odd ones who knew honestly what I wanted to be for a living when was 11.
Knowing this I always made sure I knew what the next goal I had to achieve was as far as exam results were concerned. My parents always made sure I wasn't slacking and left me in no doubt that all that was expected was that I tried my hardest. Any less though and I knew that the tonne of bricks was around the corner...
When I got the grades I needed to go to university I had learned to self motivate and the added bonus was the 'you pass, I'll pay the course fees and a small amount on top of what you earn from your part time job' incentive my dad was able to provide.
In particular I have to thank my House Master from my school days to confidently told me he didn't think I was 'university material.' Best thing he ever did. nothing like telling someone what they can't do to make them do it!
John H. - Solicitor
BA(Hons) Local Government and Politics,
PG Dip Law, PG Dip Legal Practice.
Edited to add that yes I am dyslexic, something I found out when I was 17, so sorry for the SPs
>> Edited by rude-boy on Wednesday 12th January 14:43
Knowing this I always made sure I knew what the next goal I had to achieve was as far as exam results were concerned. My parents always made sure I wasn't slacking and left me in no doubt that all that was expected was that I tried my hardest. Any less though and I knew that the tonne of bricks was around the corner...
When I got the grades I needed to go to university I had learned to self motivate and the added bonus was the 'you pass, I'll pay the course fees and a small amount on top of what you earn from your part time job' incentive my dad was able to provide.
In particular I have to thank my House Master from my school days to confidently told me he didn't think I was 'university material.' Best thing he ever did. nothing like telling someone what they can't do to make them do it!
John H. - Solicitor
BA(Hons) Local Government and Politics,
PG Dip Law, PG Dip Legal Practice.
Edited to add that yes I am dyslexic, something I found out when I was 17, so sorry for the SPs
>> Edited by rude-boy on Wednesday 12th January 14:43
vixpy1 said:
I was never pushed hard enough, consequently my exam results were really bad.
Exams were fine for me. Turn up. Do exam. Get grade. I never bothered with coursework though which brings everything down.
Trouble is these exams are mostly pointless but you dont realise it at the time.
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