How to Burgle?
Discussion
Been frequenting the gym for the last so many mornings. Now I don't watch TV during the day, nor do I take headphones along to the gym. But there are moving pictures up on the monitors and I've started getting bored, while I'm doing my hampster impressions on the wheel, and watching them move.
Is there a channel, on between 9 and 10 am which shows a programme which looks like it should be called "How to Burgle"? Perhaps it's an OU course?
See I am watching it, it seems to be set in the UK and, despite I can't hear it, I would guess that the presenter is some sort of bastard love child of Phil Daniels and Bob Hoskins. They seem to film burglaries and constantly replay them.
I can only imagine that the commentary is something like:
"..and look there goes Biffer, he aims one kick at the door here and this is how you break down a door with a mortice lock. If it's just a Yale, Raffles here will show you its weak point..."
I am intrigued? I may even have to watch it?
Is there a channel, on between 9 and 10 am which shows a programme which looks like it should be called "How to Burgle"? Perhaps it's an OU course?
See I am watching it, it seems to be set in the UK and, despite I can't hear it, I would guess that the presenter is some sort of bastard love child of Phil Daniels and Bob Hoskins. They seem to film burglaries and constantly replay them.
I can only imagine that the commentary is something like:
"..and look there goes Biffer, he aims one kick at the door here and this is how you break down a door with a mortice lock. If it's just a Yale, Raffles here will show you its weak point..."
I am intrigued? I may even have to watch it?
BBC said:He being the former car dealer who didn't enjoy his time being driven round Millbrook's alpine course by Damon Hill in an SL55...
Beat the Burglar
Thu Jan, 9:15 am - 10:00 am 45mins
Home security series where one family watches every second of their house being burgled so it will never happen to them for real. Presented by Dominic Littlewood.
My God - it's on the BBC ??????This is a most informative program which has many purposes.
It educates Chavs in how to breakinto your house and steal your Elizabeth Duke Jewellery.
It frightens pensioners and housewives who thought they were safe at home.
It drums up trade for traders of locks, padlocks and gates.
It makes good cheap telly for the masses. (or at least those who aren't watching Trisha)
It gives people on pistonheads something to moan about for 30 seconds.
I say the BBC should be providing more crap telly like this! NOT!!
It educates Chavs in how to breakinto your house and steal your Elizabeth Duke Jewellery.
It frightens pensioners and housewives who thought they were safe at home.
It drums up trade for traders of locks, padlocks and gates.
It makes good cheap telly for the masses. (or at least those who aren't watching Trisha)
It gives people on pistonheads something to moan about for 30 seconds.
I say the BBC should be providing more crap telly like this! NOT!!
Frik said:
He being the former car dealer who didn't enjoy his time being driven round Millbrook's alpine course by Damon Hill in an SL55...
Class moment of motoring telly.
Have tried suggesting to my mate that we emulate this on his SL350. Suprisingly he doesn't seem keen. Especially as he would be the passenger.
If I had to put together a list of great moments of unscripted televisual comedy then that incident would be near the top, for the following reasons:
1. The puking itself. Obviously.
2. The look on Damon Hill's face (surprise, disgust, hint of evil satisfaction)
3. The fact that the car deployed its roll bar because it thought it was having a crash.
1. The puking itself. Obviously.
2. The look on Damon Hill's face (surprise, disgust, hint of evil satisfaction)
3. The fact that the car deployed its roll bar because it thought it was having a crash.
Splendid telly.
Seen it a few times, and while they stop short of actually shitting on the living room carpet, they do make the point that a scrote with an opportunity can wreck your life (albeit materially) within a few minutes. Then they spend a couple of grand bricking up windows, fixing alarm systems and so on, and invite the 'burglars' back for another go. Favourite moment was when they showed the naughty man trying to break into a motor - camera panned away with a "Obviously we can't show you how to do this" message - closely followed by said naughty man booting the kitchen door in and taking the car keys off the huge, wooden, key-shaped thing on the wall.
Seen it a few times, and while they stop short of actually shitting on the living room carpet, they do make the point that a scrote with an opportunity can wreck your life (albeit materially) within a few minutes. Then they spend a couple of grand bricking up windows, fixing alarm systems and so on, and invite the 'burglars' back for another go. Favourite moment was when they showed the naughty man trying to break into a motor - camera panned away with a "Obviously we can't show you how to do this" message - closely followed by said naughty man booting the kitchen door in and taking the car keys off the huge, wooden, key-shaped thing on the wall.
JonRB said:
If I had to put together a list of great moments of unscripted televisual comedy then that incident would be near the top, for the following reasons:
1. The puking itself. Obviously.
2. The look on Damon Hill's face (surprise, disgust, hint of evil satisfaction)
3. The fact that the car deployed its roll bar because it thought it was having a crash.
Which programme? When? Any links?
It was 5th Gear a few years ago, I seem to remember.
Damon Hill took Dominc Littlewood out in the (then new) SL55 round Millbrook's Alpine course, really went for it in a big way, yomped the car so bad that the rollbar deployed when they landed (explosively deploys in a crash and costs a lot of money to reset) and then Littlewood gets a touch of motion sickness, winds down the window and vomits out the car.
Edit: The only link to it I can find is an earlier PH thread here
>> Edited by JonRB on Thursday 27th January 12:07
Damon Hill took Dominc Littlewood out in the (then new) SL55 round Millbrook's Alpine course, really went for it in a big way, yomped the car so bad that the rollbar deployed when they landed (explosively deploys in a crash and costs a lot of money to reset) and then Littlewood gets a touch of motion sickness, winds down the window and vomits out the car.
Edit: The only link to it I can find is an earlier PH thread here
>> Edited by JonRB on Thursday 27th January 12:07
I know of a site where you can download episodes of TopGear (02/11/03 to 26/12/04) and Fifth Gear (27/10/03 to 13/12/04). Unfortunately, no search results that match the topic.
http://gear.viper007bond.com/downloads.php
http://gear.viper007bond.com/downloads.php
Remember my 
about this prog!?
My in-box just received a message containing this:
BEAT THE BURGLAR Do you worry about being burgled? Would you like to beat the burglar with a full professional security makeover? Presented by Dominic Littlewood, we take a serious look at one of society’ s biggest concerns - home security. An ex-burglar will break into your property, just to show how vulnerable you could be. Then we will give you a free security makeover. Contact us on 0208 846 2155 leaving your name and telephone number or e-mail us beattheburglar@liontv.co.uk or beatthebailiff@liontv.co.uk
about this prog!? My in-box just received a message containing this:
BEAT THE BURGLAR Do you worry about being burgled? Would you like to beat the burglar with a full professional security makeover? Presented by Dominic Littlewood, we take a serious look at one of society’ s biggest concerns - home security. An ex-burglar will break into your property, just to show how vulnerable you could be. Then we will give you a free security makeover. Contact us on 0208 846 2155 leaving your name and telephone number or e-mail us beattheburglar@liontv.co.uk or beatthebailiff@liontv.co.uk
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