Unexpected pregnancy
Discussion
Blairouts comments on the other thread raised a question.
Right PH'ers, dicuss whether you would keep an unplanned pregnancy? Who should have more bearing on the choice made? M or F?
Obviously this is quite a personal issue, which is why i have'nt asked the direct question.
I would'nt hesitate in keeping the baby if my OH agreed.
And i don't want this thread turning into a mass debate about Abortion please!
Right PH'ers, dicuss whether you would keep an unplanned pregnancy? Who should have more bearing on the choice made? M or F?
Obviously this is quite a personal issue, which is why i have'nt asked the direct question.
I would'nt hesitate in keeping the baby if my OH agreed.
And i don't want this thread turning into a mass debate about Abortion please!
Not sure I agree with that.. It takes two to tango, so both parties should make the decision... IMHO minimax said:
Ideally it should be a joint decision (with perhaps one afterwards to calm you down ) but when the fit hits the shan it always always always is the ladies choice, it's her body after all
>> Edited by minimax on Thursday 27th January 15:21
I agree
As an aside though, if the bloke doesn't want it full stop, but the woman does, does that mean the bloke then has to contribute to it for the rest of its childhood. I would have thought not, in that case it is the woman's decision to keep it against the wishes of the partner, so why should the partner be penalised for its upbringing?
>> Edited by Mrs Fish on Thursday 27th January 15:24
Mrs Fish said:Put the point is, the two of them made the baby therefore the male is partially responsible.
As an aside though, if the bloke doesn't want it full stop, but the woman does, does that mean the bloke then has to contribute to it for the rest of its childhood. I would have thought not, in that case it is the woman's decision to keep it against the wishes of the partner, so why should the partner be penalised for its upbringing?
In this day and age he'd be stung for everything the goverment think the woman deserves
docevi1 said:
Put the point is, the two of them made the baby therefore the male is partially responsible.
Not if it was unplanned.... these mistakes can happen, doesn't mean the bloke wants any part of it if the partner does get pregnant.
Just trying to see both sides of it.
Edit: that doesn't read quite the way I mean it, not sure how else to re-phrase it though...
>> Edited by Mrs Fish on Thursday 27th January 15:31
Mrs Fish said:
Ideally it should be a joint decision (with perhaps one afterwards to calm you down
>> Edited by minimax on Thursday 27th January 15:21
I agree
As an aside though, if the bloke doesn't want it full stop, but the woman does, does that mean the bloke then has to contribute to it for the rest of its childhood. I would have thought not, in that case it is the woman's decision to keep it against the wishes of the partner, so why should the partner be penalised for its upbringing?
>> Edited by Mrs Fish on Thursday 27th January 15:24
Yep - CSA rules.
Even though it doesn't apply to me as I basically didn't even mention abortion as I knew it would have caused uproar. But, in hindsight, I am glad because I suppose I would have stalled and stalled until it was 'too late to procreate'. I think I managed to do quite well getting to 35 years of age before being a Dad (my own Dad was father to four kids by that age). It's like a second childhood, playing with toys, going to the amusements, etc. And when he's older (nearly 4 now) I plan to get him started in karting.
Mrs Fish said:
As an aside though, if the bloke doesn't want it full stop, but the woman does, does that mean the bloke then has to contribute to it for the rest of its childhood. I would have thought not, in that case it is the woman's decision to keep it against the wishes of the partner, so why should the partner be penalised for its upbringing?
If the CSA arent involved then no money has to change hands both parties being in agreement, if they are, even in the most preposterous situations, your wages are attached and you're paying like it or not...
don't get me wrong, that is my opinion as well but the cynic in me says that the goverments attitude would be "you took it out of your pants and therefore responsible". There are plenty of horror stories which say that men get stung left-right-and-center regardless of involvement, all of which suggest to me that if a woman becomes preganant and decides not to have an abortion the man is pretty much stuck, regardless of the womans opinion.
Look at the current legislation regarding the laws stating the right to find biological parents when 18 or over...
edit:: CSA posts above this one say what I'm trying to say better
>> Edited by docevi1 on Thursday 27th January 15:35
Look at the current legislation regarding the laws stating the right to find biological parents when 18 or over...
edit:: CSA posts above this one say what I'm trying to say better
>> Edited by docevi1 on Thursday 27th January 15:35
FWFW, I don't think there's a definitive answer. Firstly, it's definitely a joint decision, but I think it's only fair to say that the womans input carries more weight.
It all depends on the circumstances at the time. Are you in love, do you think the relationship has a future, are you desperate for kids or would it be the worst thing that could possibly happen. Would you be willing to make the sacrifices necessary to become a parent. There are lots of things that go into the decision making process.
I was only about 21 when I was in this situation and at the time I thought it was a disaster. Looking back, it would have been. I didn't want kids and she was a bit of a high flyer. In the end I decided to let her have the final say and just said that whatever she chose I would back her 100%.
Looking back, I think it's fair to say it was the right choice. I now have two wonderful daughters who I wouldn't be without for the world and I hear through the grapevine that she does too.
At a different point in time and under different circumstances the right decision might have been a different one.
The only thing I would say is that if you are ever in this situation, take some time and think long and hard about why you decide whatever you decide. Once you make your decision, that's it. Stick to it, understand why you make the decision and don't bother going over it.
I've just broken that rule and given it a bit of thought and I can say with my hand on my heart that I've no regrets.
It all depends on the circumstances at the time. Are you in love, do you think the relationship has a future, are you desperate for kids or would it be the worst thing that could possibly happen. Would you be willing to make the sacrifices necessary to become a parent. There are lots of things that go into the decision making process.
I was only about 21 when I was in this situation and at the time I thought it was a disaster. Looking back, it would have been. I didn't want kids and she was a bit of a high flyer. In the end I decided to let her have the final say and just said that whatever she chose I would back her 100%.
Looking back, I think it's fair to say it was the right choice. I now have two wonderful daughters who I wouldn't be without for the world and I hear through the grapevine that she does too.
At a different point in time and under different circumstances the right decision might have been a different one.
The only thing I would say is that if you are ever in this situation, take some time and think long and hard about why you decide whatever you decide. Once you make your decision, that's it. Stick to it, understand why you make the decision and don't bother going over it.
I've just broken that rule and given it a bit of thought and I can say with my hand on my heart that I've no regrets.
You have to bring into the equation, the male who decides he isn't up for it after the cutoff point, from the CSA's point of view. My worst case scenario is that I get someone pregnant without knowing.
"I'm REALLY on the pill!!!!!" and then her getting preggers, the relationship turning out bad. The CSA awarding 1/2+ of my wealth to the 2 of them, any changes in my wealth being taken into consideration. The latter part would be the biggest sting.
It's why I don't do one night stands (unless she is worth the risk
hardly ever) It is actually a real phobia of mine. My mate works in the CSA and he says it is the worst organisation from hell, ever.
If I was in a loving, stable relationship and I heard "the news", I would deal with it and be happy probably. Had a scare a while ago, after a while, thought it would have been a good thing, but it was revealed that she wasn't, so I went out and got pissed to celebrate
Edit:-allsorts
>> Edited by love machine on Thursday 27th January 15:38
"I'm REALLY on the pill!!!!!" and then her getting preggers, the relationship turning out bad. The CSA awarding 1/2+ of my wealth to the 2 of them, any changes in my wealth being taken into consideration. The latter part would be the biggest sting.
It's why I don't do one night stands (unless she is worth the risk
hardly ever) It is actually a real phobia of mine. My mate works in the CSA and he says it is the worst organisation from hell, ever. If I was in a loving, stable relationship and I heard "the news", I would deal with it and be happy probably. Had a scare a while ago, after a while, thought it would have been a good thing, but it was revealed that she wasn't, so I went out and got pissed to celebrate
Edit:-allsorts
>> Edited by love machine on Thursday 27th January 15:38
Vixpy1 said:
Blairouts comments on the other thread raised a question.
Right PH'ers, dicuss whether you would keep an unplanned pregnancy? Who should have more bearing on the choice made? M or F?
Obviously this is quite a personal issue, which is why i have'nt asked the direct question.
I would'nt hesitate in keeping the baby if my OH agreed.
And i don't want this thread turning into a mass debate about Abortion please!
It's a very big question. Personally, from a 'conscience' perspective, I feel the unborn child should have certain rights. But I note your comments about getting into an abortion debate. Should the father have a say? I think so. However, if a father wanted the partner to have a termination and the partner didn't want to - I'd say it's up to the woman. As such, my judgement is coloured by my conscience, so it's hard to separate the two questions.
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