Relationship conundrum, male perspective wanted...
Discussion
All, first may I say that, no, I have not had a sex change. But I've been asked my a female (platonic) friend for advice on the following:
She is mid twenties and a few weeks before Christmas has someone she knew in his mid fifties come on to her. Initially she was shocked and told him where to go etc. However something must have appealed about the whole thing as they ended up getting together and seeing each other in the weeks running up to Christmas. (I should at this point, mention that he is married.)
By all accounts he initiated all the contact, calling her / texting her etc and she revelled in playing hard to get. Fast forward to Christmas day, he is at home (with his family) she sends him a happy xmas type text.
Six week on and she hasn't head anything from him. She is refusing to text / phone him and is getting increasingly p1ssed off that he is ignoring her and cannot work out why as an attractive twenty something this fifty something is now, all of a sudden, not chasing after her.
I guess the crux of her question to me was - what should she do? She wants to see him, but doesn't want to lose face or appear clingy.
I promised to get back to her tomorrow with some "words of wisdom" with a male insight on this. Suggestions gratefully appreciated!!
She is mid twenties and a few weeks before Christmas has someone she knew in his mid fifties come on to her. Initially she was shocked and told him where to go etc. However something must have appealed about the whole thing as they ended up getting together and seeing each other in the weeks running up to Christmas. (I should at this point, mention that he is married.)
By all accounts he initiated all the contact, calling her / texting her etc and she revelled in playing hard to get. Fast forward to Christmas day, he is at home (with his family) she sends him a happy xmas type text.
Six week on and she hasn't head anything from him. She is refusing to text / phone him and is getting increasingly p1ssed off that he is ignoring her and cannot work out why as an attractive twenty something this fifty something is now, all of a sudden, not chasing after her.
I guess the crux of her question to me was - what should she do? She wants to see him, but doesn't want to lose face or appear clingy.
I promised to get back to her tomorrow with some "words of wisdom" with a male insight on this. Suggestions gratefully appreciated!!
Dunno about a male perspective, but as far as I'm concerned, this is the only advice she needs:
"He's married - if you desperately need more shit in your life, then pursue him. If not, then get on with your life and stop wondering what he's up to, it's none of your business."
She didn't want him in the first place - this isn't a friendship that's grown over time or an overwhelming attraction either. Half of her problem is that she perceives him to be less attractive than she is, and is affronted that he can have dropped her. Not a basis for a relationship, so stop playing with fire. There's a family at stake, not just his or her ego.
"He's married - if you desperately need more shit in your life, then pursue him. If not, then get on with your life and stop wondering what he's up to, it's none of your business."
She didn't want him in the first place - this isn't a friendship that's grown over time or an overwhelming attraction either. Half of her problem is that she perceives him to be less attractive than she is, and is affronted that he can have dropped her. Not a basis for a relationship, so stop playing with fire. There's a family at stake, not just his or her ego.
I think perhaps he might regret getting closer to your friend, but can't properly explain the situation to her within his marriage. I'd reccommend that she doesn't pursue it further - whatever either of them were after wasn't going to last and was going to end up hurting people on both sides.
She obviously knew he was married. The clanger she dropped was sending him a text on Christmas day, when she must have known he was with his nearest and dearest. Thus, she crossed a boundary she shouldn't have done and now she's paying the price. It's over. Sorry.
All men are bastards.
All men are bastards.
He was probably in it for the frisson of attraction but when it was looking likely, bottled out.
Bit like some blokes on a saturday night, many are ready to mouth off and make out htat they are hard, few of them want the hassle of an actual fight. (not including myself in this type of behaviour, just an observation)
Bit like some blokes on a saturday night, many are ready to mouth off and make out htat they are hard, few of them want the hassle of an actual fight. (not including myself in this type of behaviour, just an observation)
MBH said:
Six week on and she hasn't head anything from him. She is refusing to text / phone him and is getting increasingly p1ssed off that he is ignoring her and cannot work out why as an attractive twenty something this fifty something is now, all of a sudden, not chasing after her.
A mid-fifties bloke? Good grief. Do her a favour, drag her out for the evening to meet some fit guys in their 20's! He's had his bit of fun. She has to move on and forget him.
bga said:
He was probably in it for the frisson of attraction but when it was looking likely, bottled out.
Bit like some blokes on a saturday night, many are ready to mouth off and make out htat they are hard, few of them want the hassle of an actual fight. (not including myself in this type of behaviour, just an observation)
Why anyone wants a fight is completely beyond me...
He chased her for some fun and gained the proverbial notch. Now he doesn't want to play anymore (either that or he needs some rest before the next marathon session!) why do some women (and blokes just to be PC) always think a fling or casual sex will lead to some sort of long term relationship. Blokes don't do the closure thing! They shag and then find something else to do. If she's waiting for the proverbial spanish archer call then she may have a bit of a wait on her hands. Tell her to move on with her life.
cosmoschick said:
A mid-fifties bloke? Good grief. Do her a favour, drag her out for the evening to meet some fit guys in their 20's! He's had his bit of fun. She has to move on and forget him.
Hang on! For some of us, this man represents a ray of hope, that those beyond age 40 are not damned to forever looked at 25 year old with lust unrequited...
don't know what happened there with the liturgic english but you get my drift
yertis said:
Why anyone wants a fight is completely beyond me...
Exactly. Too much testosterone, maybe it's the same kick for 50 year old married blokes who fancy a jump from a younger female but are not that willing to sign over 1/2 of their assets by completing the deal so to speak????
My dad did it the right way, divorced my mum, then got hot tub and sports car and more young ladies than he deserves (although my wife refuses to get in the hot tub with him)
rude girl said:
Dunno about a male perspective, but as far as I'm concerned, this is the only advice she needs:
"He's married - if you desperately need more shit in your life, then pursue him. If not, then get on with your life and stop wondering what he's up to, it's none of your business."
She didn't want him in the first place - this isn't a friendship that's grown over time or an overwhelming attraction either. Half of her problem is that she perceives him to be less attractive than she is, and is affronted that he can have dropped her. Not a basis for a relationship, so stop playing with fire. There's a family at stake, not just his or her ego.
As perceptive as ever. Agree totally.
Gassing Station | The Pie & Piston Archive | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff