Drawing a line in the sand

[sparkythecat]

My boss has recently started using this expression. I also heard some TV reporter use it on the news last night.
I'm already sick of hearing the cliche 'let's draw a line under this'

WTF has sand got do with it?

I can only conclude that it's some proposed new Middle East peace solution.

Can anyone explain it before I put a stores requisition in for some sand and a stick with which to draw in it?

[Piccy mate]

Well, this might answer your question.....

www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/19/messages/646.html

Piccy mate

[wolves_wanderer]

I don't like this kind of management-speak either.

In fact I think we should have a brainstorming session for some more appropriate words. What I'm after is some blue-sky thinking, run a few ideas up the flagpole then we can touch base and decide which way to progress vis a vis cliches.

>> Edited by wolves_wanderer on Friday 18th February 15:11

[off_again]

I think we need to "think outside of the box" and "pushback" the "issues" to make sure we address the "return on investment" and "leverage" the "game plan" so that we can "draw a line in the sand"....

Ahh, thats better..... bull bingo....

[obiwonkeyblokey]

I think the situation needs to be ring fenced so we cann ensure we're singing off the same hymnsheet

[AC79xxx]

Sounds like a good excuse to start playing Bullshit Bingo in meetings.

Personally I can't stand it so I've installed a Management Speak Box in the office. 50p fine for every phrase uttered of which every month's proceeds will go to a different charity. £29.50 in the kitty so far this month...

[Hilts]

There was an email doing the rounds a few years back of stuff you wish you could really say at work, the only one I remember was 'How about never, is never good for you ?'

There was also a good one using 'Nam style jargon in business meetings

[pesty]

Arrrrrrg stop it. stop it now I can't take any more.

The next time someone says "we have to target teh low hanging fruit" I'm going to blob slap them

[wolves_wanderer]

obiwonkeyblokey said:

I think the situation needs to be ring fenced so we cann ensure we're singing off the same hymnsheet

True, but when you are in a result driven environment it is often necessary to drill down to make sure we are all in the same ball park, otherwise a lack of core-competancy will ensure problems going forward. Mind you, as long as you are a driven team-player we should have no problem

[groomi]

I think you all need to 'look at the bigger picture'.

Management can't keep using the same phrase else it gets predictable, so they have to 'think outside of the box' and 'chalk up' a new one.

[GingerNinja]

Hilts said:

There was an email doing the rounds a few years back of stuff you wish you could really say at work, the only one I remember was 'How about never, is never good for you ?' There was also a good one using 'Nam style jargon in business meetings

You mean these:



Bored during meetings? Why not try some of these little exercises.
Not only will it make meetings more interesting but your fellow work mates will become suddenly more alert and maintain a respectful distance:

During a meeting:

Discreetly clasp hold of someone's hand and whisper: 'can you feel it?' from the corner of your mouth.

Draw enormous genitalia on your notepad and discreetly show it to the person next to you for their approval.

When refreshments are presented, immediately distribute half a biscuit to each of the attendees.

Wear a hands free phone headset throughout. Once in a while drift off into an unrelated conversation, such as: 'I don't care if there are no dwarves, just get the show done!'.

Write the words 'he fancies you' on your pad and show it to the person next to you while indicating with your pen.

Respond to a serious question with: 'I don't know what to say, obviously I'm flattered, but it's all happened so fast'.

Use Nam style jargon such as 'what's the ETA?', 'who's on recon?' & 'Charlie don't surf'.

Reconstruct the meeting in front of you using action figures and when anyone moves re-arrange the figures accordingly.

Draw a chalk circle around one of the chairs, then avoid sitting on it when the meeting starts. When someone does eventually sit in it, cover your mouth and gasp.

Turn your back on the meeting and sit facing the window with your legs stretched out. Announce that you 'love this dirty town'.

Mount the desk and walk along its length before taking your seat.

Reflect sunlight into everyone's eyes off your watch face.

Repeat every idea they express in a baby voice while moving your hand like a chattering mouth.

Hum 'We'll meet again' throughout.

Bend momentarily under the table then emerge wearing contact lenses that white out your eyes.

Drop meaningless & confusing management speak into conversations
such as:
'What's the margin, Marvin?'
'When's this turkey going to get basted?'
'If we don't get this brook babbling we're all going to end up
looking like doe-eyed labradors'

Use a large hunting knife to point at your visual aids.

Announce that you've run off some copies of the meeting agenda.
Then hand out pieces of paper that read:
My secret agenda
1. Trample the weak
2. Triumph alone
3. Invade Poland.

Attempt to hypnotise the entire room using a pocket watch.

When referring to someone in the room always call them your 'homey'.

Leave long pauses in your speech at random moments. When someone is prompted to interject, shout 'I AM NOT FINISHED'.

---------------------------------------------------

Office work dull?...None of your colleagues appreciate your humour?...
Amuse yourself. Points are awarded on a degree of difficulty basis. You
can award yourself extra points for creative execution.

ONE-POINT GAGS

Run one lap around the office at top speed

Groan out loud in the bathroom cubicle (at least one other 'no Player'
must be in the bathroom at the time)

Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you

Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just
called to say I can't talk right now. Bye"

To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and
grimace.

When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily,
"Hmmm, that feels soooooo good!"

Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry,
I really prefer it this way"

Walk sideways to the photocopier.

While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

THREE-POINT GAGS

Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled
fingers

Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I
don't want to have to repeat it"

Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice)

Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle
(there must be a 'non-player' within sight).

Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINT GAGS

At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to
conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you
actually launch into it yourself).

Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with
growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as 'Bob'.

Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do number
two".

After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in,
"the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.

While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.

In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and
mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"

At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce "As God is my witness,
I'll never go hungry again".

In a colleagues diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".

Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"

Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you
hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now"

Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about
it"

Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for
four at a local restaurant. Let him go.

Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very
important conference call.

Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.

Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and
act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.

Rollerblade around the floor throwing sweets

[Piccy mate]

Seems to me, you lot need to get out of your 'comfort zone'

[Hilts]

GingerNinja said:

Use Nam style jargon such as 'what's the ETA?', 'who's on recon?' & 'Charlie don't surf'. Reflect sunlight into everyone's eyes off your watch face.

Yes that's a lot of it. I usually completely switch off in meetings upon hearing certain trigger words such as 'dichotomy' or 'metrics', because I then know it's going to be complete bollox.

[maxf]

My girlfriend was told she couldnt have a brainstorming session because it migh offend people of a retarded disposition. She was told to call them 'thought showers' instead!

[madbadger]

Hilts said:

GingerNinja said: Use Nam style jargon such as 'what's the ETA?', 'who's on recon?' & 'Charlie don't surf'. Reflect sunlight into everyone's eyes off your watch face. Yes that's a lot of it. I usually completely switch off in meetings upon hearing certain trigger words such as 'dichotomy' or 'metrics', because I then know it's going to be complete bollox.

Also known in mangement speak as 'Testiculating'

Waving your arms around and talking b*ll*cks.

[maxf]

At your next meeting where this language is going to be spoken - write down as many phrases as you can - split them up between your work buddies and play bingo. Very funny - and even funnier if you have a phrase or action which denote getting 'house'.

[markmullen]

The one I use the most in boring meetings:

Dilbert said:

The Robot -- During a meeting, you are a big robot. The bridge is in your head and you are the captain of the robot; just imagine being capt. Kirk living in your head. You can give the robot orders like 'head 5 degrees starboard' and just move your head a bit to the right. It's fun to play around with controlling yourself while playing your own captain.

[GavinPearson]

The one that got me a few years back was a group of Managers at work saying "well, as a starter for ten I'd do x, y, z". The phrase was borrowed from University Challenge, but with a massively muddled context. It REALLY irritated me, primarily because it was people with insufficient grey matter to even have gone to a University that was eligable to compete, and secondarily because if they had grey matter they'd realise that the starter for ten is a question AND NOT A ANSWER.

[rico]

Ah management speak...

[sparkythecat]

sparkythecat said:

Can anyone explain it before I put a stores requisition in for some sand and a stick with which to draw in it?

Been thinking about this again.

Maybe if I order enough sand I could come up with something like this.

Do you think the boss will understand the symbolism?



>> Edited by sparkythecat on Saturday 19th February 09:51